Support thread for new home educators

[ToffeeWhirl]

There seem to be a lot of us around at the moment, so I thought it might help us all to have a place where we can swap ideas, chivvy each other along on the bad days and cheer for each other on the good days.

I have two boys, the oldest is 12 and is just starting out in home education. My youngest is 6 and is still at school. Fortunately for me, he has just told me he's missing school and looking forward to going back .

We have had a good summer, with lots of dog walking, excursions, get-togethers with friends and family and minimal rules on television watching and computers. I have had a lovely time ordering books for our home ed library (failed to reign myself in on this ) and planning what we are going to study .

The plan at the moment is for DS1 to do a bit of Science, Maths and English every morning. He has a tutor for English once a week and we are going to get him a Maths tutor too. We will spend the rest of the time doing projects, reading together, practising handwriting, art, etc etc. Fridays are going to be 'free' days for informal learning, such as excursions.

I have been in touch with the local HE groups and we are planning to meet up with other HE families.

I'm spending some time today organising everything - plans, timetables, files, folders, lapbooks, etc. We have a visit from the LEA next Thursday, which gives me a good deadline to work towards.

I would love to hear how the rest of you newbies are getting on. And words of wisdom from the more experienced home educators are very welcome too!

It's a six-year gap between my two, TBex. DS2 would be a delight to home educate as he is still full of curiosity about the world, but DS1 would hate it if his little brother was here too. Also, DS1 needs constant one-to-one attention and is easily distracted, so he simply wouldn't be able to work in the same room as DS2.

In spite of DS2's recent complaints about school, I would be loath to move him without a lot of thought first. And I know my family, including DH, would not support me if I wanted to. It's hard for DS2 to see his big brother being allowed to stay at home when he has to go to school, so if he has a difficult day he can't help but want home ed to be an option for him too. But he couldn't wait to go back to school at the end of the holidays and it's only in the last week that the novelty has worn off again.

It sounds as if your second DD would fit into your home ed situation very easily. How would your eldest DD feel about having her at home, do you think? It must be very daunting to consider possibly ending up with three at home if your youngest doesn't take up her school place.

Hopefully your DS2 will be keen to go back to school after half term, toffee! (Assuming they're having half term sometime soon in the UK.)

I think dd2 would be a joy to teach, but she and dd1 do clash. Also, dd3 would definitely lose her place at the school if dd2 leaves. But I don't know if it's fair to make dd2 stay at school for the sake of the others if she genuinely wants to HE. It just doesn't feel like a natural 'fit' for her the way it does for my eldest, iykwim. Although being free of the school run/homework/PTA commitments/ early morning chaos would be utter bliss!

Aaargh. Back to agonising. It's like last summer all over again!

I hope so, TBex (you're right, half term is in a couple of weeks). I'll just have to make sure he has a really dull holiday .

It is such a dilemma and I wish I could magically come up for an answer for you. I suppose you need to just keep talking it over with her and perhaps discuss it with your older DD too and see what her reaction is. I can see the attraction of not being tied to school routines for you.

Have you mentioned it to your DH yet?

Off to bed now as I'm exhausted...

DS1 is poorly. I managed to read to him in bed and have now left him dozing and listening to music. Suddenly realised I now have two whole hours all to myself before the school run .

Hi all :-)

Well, dd1 isn't going back to school after half term :-D

She is 5, and will be leaving year one. Just as a trial, but we are all still very excited :-)

Hi guys

Have some catching up to do glad you all doing ok.

Thanks for asking toffee- been trying to work on situation with no much success.

so far this term.

had 2meetings with head flexi schooling proposal which was turned down;(.

I then booked appointment with class teacher dident go well very defenesive talking about how they inc harge and have 10years experience. she did acknowledge dd started from very low point.
discussed homework and what we can do to help.

Then day after got told off as dd got her maths homework wrong so had to redo 2lots homework that weekend.
Also we read too many pages of reading book and got told you read what I tell you to read.

Visited another school village primary.

liked it a lot hubby undecided big move uprooting her, further to travel. but does more trips, afterschools clubs, music and enrichment much more informal than year 2bootcamp.

me and hubby had heated debate over it but he said he support me.

I applied to lea as when looked was 3places then there was just 1.
result we ere formally offered a place-valid for 4weeks.
Lea kindly told me oh by way we copied in current school head-how thourghtful not even had chance to discuss with head yet-felt bad as not really way wanted him to find out.

ring new head-book appointment for dd to veiw start next week-so hoping she like it.

other week new sports teacher let kids out class without parent there so class got lecture on strangers and only leaving class when their mummies/daddies there.

The child who broke her ankle 4weeks ago and sat in class all fatrenoon with it-well her mums fuming 4eeks since meeting with head and heard nothing back.

I booked appointment with current head-only time they had 8.30am.

get there-head cant see me hes seeing another set tearful parent.

deputy head appears I dont know here, she doesnt know dd or even what the matters regarding.

she agreed lack extra curricular rubbish.
That they focussed on bad ofsted.
That maybe dd is not that bright and be fine if she gets a 2c at end of year 2-no its not as once again she be below expected average.

School wont giver her any additional help with numercay or or literacy.The reading going slow as they restricting it to 2pages a night its only 20page book. Someone said its because they short on books.

Dd has been tearful and crying this term.
shes finding year 2 too hard-get lecture year 2be hard anywhere.,
she keeps banging on about her targets like shes an employee.
shes been told pff for 2things this term that were not her fault when 2other children were being mean to her.

she won 3races at sports day.

but gnerally shes been tired and grumpy most days.
she gets quite bit homework plus her clubs on weeknights so not had chance to do much.

cant wait until half term-we all stressed and tired compared to summer. been a long term.

Need to let both schools know by wed -break up which school dd be going back to. cant face another 5years with dd at current school plus have 2siblings to start somewhere!

Welcome, Britta. I'm sure you and DD will have lots of fun together. Do you know the MudddlePuddle Home Education site? Lots of fun ideas for little kids there.

DS1 managed half of his one-hour Maths lesson (just started with a tutor) this morning, but felt too ill to continue. Never mind, it was better than nothing. He's now tucked up on the sofa, watching YouTube clips of kittens and puppies. Am not sure how educational that is, but it's certainly entertaining. And if he was school educated, he would be off sick today anyway.

Hope everyone has had a good week.

Welcome all the newbies! Still digesting mam29 post but interim hugs in the meantime!

Am I the only one that finds each day of HE an emotional rollercoaster? It may just be my child as he is Spiritied! The mornings usually start off terribly but by the end of the day I absolutely love HE. There are the occasional days that are shockers but on the whole the mean effect is happiness. I'm just not sure if it's good on my stress levels, grey hairs or blood pressure! However I must be doing something right as my DS said he wants to live with me forever! Don't worry, I told him that he would change his mind and it wouldn't be healthy!

I also had a wobble yesterday because it's really hard to pick up one son from Eton and not want my other son to go there. Hubby wonders what the longterm effects of DS being "different" in societies views will do to his self esteem. Different in the sense of having an alternative lifestyle not being different, although there may be a smattering of that too!

Oh, mam, sorry I missed your post (x-posted). What a time you've been having. From what you've said, your DD's current school is rubbish and it doesn't sound as if it's going to get any better. I'm not surprised your DD is tired and grumpy most days, having to cope with that setting. I can't believe how you and other parents are being treated by the teacher and the head - it's so unprofessional. By the way, when I visited a potential school for DS2, I was told to trust what the school said about how many vacancies there were available, as the LEA often get it wrong. So there might be three places available at the school you visited, not one.

It really sounds as if your DD should move schools.

Colleger - life with DS1 is a bit of a rollercoaster anyway, so I'm not sure home ed has made any difference to me. I have swapped worries over school with worries over whether I am educating him adequately, but that is still less stressful than dragging him to school, I think.

That's so sweet that your DS wants to live with you forever . It sounds as if being together so much is doing your relationship a lot of good and I'm sure he will always remember this time you had together. I'm not sure what you do about the wobbles you have when you see your other DS at Eton. I watched a programme about Eton once and was just amazed at all their facilities. It looked wonderful. I suppose the main thing is what does your younger son think? Unless he is pestering you to send him to the same school as his big brother, it sounds as if he is perfectly happy.

Hello all, and welcome newbies.

I love this thread its so supporting.

Mam, so sorry this is all happening to your family, what an awful school. I hate it when kids are pushed to reaching targets, they shouldn't even know they exist at your dds age. Fwiw I would be taking my dd out of there asap, it is no way to encourage learning at all.

Colleger, I also think if your ds is happy with you like he clearly is then you are definitely doing the right thing. Maybe Eton wouldn't suit him anyway, and you shouldn't feel guilty or wonder about what might have been. From what I have gleaned from your posts is that H.ed ds has suffered alot of stress, bullying and maybe that full on competitive environment might undo all the good work you have done.
I do sympathise as ds 2 was finally diagnosed with Aspergers at age 17. I even had him at home for 6 weeks waiting for a school place when he was 6 and never considered H.ed. Instead he suffered a school education that imo completely failed him. Its hard not to reflect and say what if?

Toffee, definitely better than dragging him to school and although your life is a rollercoaster with him, you can't help but be the best person for him. School certainly couldn't offer what you can do.

morethan - sorry your son had such a difficult time at school. I do sympathise. My son had such an awful time at school and he has 'autistic traits' on his diagnosis and shows Asperger characteristics, except that he seems to be able to read body language ok. He certainly has the anxiety and needs routine. He also struggles with metaphors and tends to take things very literally, though he seems to be getting better. We have never discussed the subject with him, but he brought the subject up himself the other day ("I think I'm autistic, like the boy in 'The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night-time', but not as extreme as him" ), so I got him to do the Baron Cohen ASD test. He scored 36% (80% of those with autism or a related disorder score 32 and above).

I often think that if the professionals had listened to us all those years ago and DS1 had received the help he needed at school then, we would not be in this position now. I do enjoy home educating, but I regret DS1's loss of self confidence and that so many everyday things are now a battle for him. Home education should have been a positive choice, not something we were forced into.

Apologies for my rant. Your words - 'school education...completely failed him' - struck a raw nerve.

Your posts have been most helpful and insightful Morethanpotatoprints and Toffeewhirl, although I will need reminded of this as there will be recurring wobbles!

Toffee.

I can't agree more and wholeheartedly believe you are doing the right thing for your son. I haven't really mentioned it to you before as your dc seems to suffer far more than mine did but yes school did fail him. We talked to school, asked for help at every opportumity, they said he was naughty. He was always in trouble and every week they rang me and asked me to go in. It was only low level disruption, he didn't know when to shut up. His judgement isn't very good, and yes he takes everything literally. At the risk of trying to teach my grandma how to suck eggs (I love that expression), the best thing you can teach your ds is life skills, I know academics are important but I really worry for ds 2s future and coping with life, I still despair. It finally came to a head last year when he nearly killed several of his family in a house fire. It was an accident but when he said " you don't really associate candles or cigarettes with causing fires" that I thought enough. I marched him to the doctors and said you have to help us as he is a liability.

Colleger,

You are a little star and you never seem to take a decision regarding your dcs without completely thinking it through. They are so lucky to have parents like you and dh, whom I mention because you have comented how supportive and together you both are. Eton is fantastic and a whole different world from what I am familiar with and great respect to you for encouraging ds1, i bet you are so proud, I know I would be. You will see in time that ds2 will be settled and ready to greet the world as an adult in a field he has been totally supported in by you and dh, he too is lucky and I bet you are equally proud. With having 3 dc I always remember the term "trying to fit a square peg into a round hole", which I once saw myself doing when trying to compare ds1 and 2. Totally different characters, wouldn't even have them down as brothers most of the time.

God, that sounds depressingly familiar, morethan. And you are so right about the life skills stuff. I worry about that so much. Your story of the near house fire is terrifying. I hope that is what got you the help you need (a bit bloody late though)?

Am in the middle of bedtimes, so only a quick post, but oh, morethan, I do sympathise.

And, colleger, I second what morethan says about you. So many parents would be so overawed by Eton that they would assume that was best for their DC, regardless of individual character.

Toffee

I can't stress enough how your ds is in the right place now. I believed school because everyone was telling me he was just a naughty boy. I kept telling them we had brought him up to know the difference between right and wrong. During y9 he drew a swastika? spelling on his German book, for no particular reason, didn't even think it through. The school accused him of Racism and suspended him for 2 weeks. The phone call came right in the middle of my observation feedback during my PGCE, my tutor couldn't believe the school had done this. He realised afterwards he shouldn't have done it, but he's not racist. The weird thing is after all the harm school did he opted for 6th form at the same place and is upper 6th now. We couldn't understand why he chose to stay, but now realise its the familiarity and not liking change.

Toffe I advise Lots of cooking activities (preparing meals), health and safety. Opening a bank account, managing money, time management, interpreting body language, knowing when enough already, knowing own strength and how you can hurt younger siblings. C.v building, careers advice. Some of these things I did, but not nearly enough. Like an idiot I relied on school. HSBC have got a free course pack for kids explaining finance etc, not sure the age think it secondary.

Awe, you are both so kind.

But I'm no better than anyone else. I've made so many mistakes which has not helped my little square peg. I just want my son to look back and say that from age 11 he enjoyed his childhood. I wish it could have been earlier...

I wish I hadn't said that now, I don't think your ds is a square peg. But he could be if you tried to put him in a round hole. I am still arguing my point on the other thread, why do I bother?

He is a square peg!

I'm not going to bother now. It's the same old, same old. Just so pleased they've not invaded this thread!

Gosh I wasn't aware of the other thread until it was referred to on here. All a bit heated!

Having been an independent school parent I'm used to being an education pariah!

I've told school I'm taking DS out from this Friday. I think he would be best in school so it might only be until January.

DD is doing well. She scored 60% and 69% on 11+ English papers which is good for her. English is her hardest subject. She isn't doing 11+ but it helps me to see where she is at.

We went to a HE group this week. The behaviour of some of the children was shocking. Rudeness, aggressive play and excluding some children . Not sure I want to take DS as he is easily led. Good thing we're moving I think!

Mine's a square peg too, Colleger and morethan.

morethan - that's good advice on the life skills stuff. I will look into the HSBC pack - that sounds promising. Did your DS suffer anxiety issues about going out? We have a tough time with DS1 over that. He would live in his bedroom if I allowed it.

Helen - how encouraging for you and DD to see how well she's scoring on her English papers. Sorry the HE group was so discouraging. As you say, it's just as well you are moving.

Had a heated conversation with DS1 today, which has upset me. When we bought him the XBox for his 13th birthday, it was on the strict understanding that he was not allowed to play 18-rated games. And what has he talked about ever since? How he wants to play 18-rated games . He is obsessed (part of his ASD make up is getting obsessed with things). He is now trying to blackmail me by saying he won't go to farm therapy or the forthcoming HE group unless I let him buy one of these games. Of course, I won't give in - but I hate to think that he's just going to sit at home every day, refusing to go out. Apart from this being bad for him, I hate being stuck at home all day every day.

Anyone got any good ideas? DH did just suggest to me that we simply take the XBox away and only give it back if he goes to the farm and HE group.

Tell him it's against the law and if he wants an 18 he will have to go and buy it himself. I usually bribe my son - I mustn't let him read this thread as he's not worked out that he could blackmail me!

But if I told him that, he would go and buy it! I have bribed him to go to farm therapy by paying him, but he now says that he doesn't care about being paid because the only thing he wanted to buy himself was an 18.

Am beginning to wish we'd never bought him the bloody XBox in the first place. Only bought it so he could keep in touch with his one and only friend.

Toffee I know you won't back down on this and I don't blame you. It was hard in our house as ds1 had 18 games from around 16 as it seems silly not to at that age, they can join the army for gods sake. But 13 is too young. Surprisingly enough ds2 didn't get this and was always trying to sneak ds1s games. Things like Grand theft auto (I hate that one). Would the shops serve him if you did as suggested and told him to buy it himself? I don't think the against the law thing would bother him, the world is so unfair to them isn't it. Ds 2 didn't have the anxiety but he won't do certain things for fear of what he might look like. He is obsessive about order, doesn't like things out of place. I took ds2s handsets of him so he couldn't play if he was being difficult. He gets in a mood and slams things down in temper, so they never lasted long anyway. He is never violent to people though. He loves dd but they don't usually have a good relationship, yesterday I came in to see them doing German together. It was a beautiful moment as I usually have to separate them.

Helen.

Well done to your dd, I am so pleased for her. I think I said before that 11+ seems like a much better indicator of dcs ability and we will do it to in a few years.
What a shame about the H.ed group, probably as well you are moving. Did you say you had found a school for ds, I can't remember? I bet your dc are looking forward to the move now, although it could be a culture shock for them. I can remember when we moved form Norfolk our dc had no experience of flashing green men crossings, and street lights. They found it hard going to sleep and waking up they needed alarms as they were used to the cockeralls, and hadn't needed one before lol. But I think that was country to very busy town, not areas.