Aaaaarrrggghhh!!! Where am I going wrong???

[mummyloveslucy]

I just feel so fed up with my 6 year old daughter. She's turning into a right ittle madam! I took her out this morning to a group at the libruary. She pretended to be her 2 year old male cousen the entire time, only answering to his name and making silly baby noises. Then any time I spoke to an adult, she's squark loudly and drown out what I was saying. She did this to the Taxi driver when I was giving him our address. Saying she lived somewhere else.

I just don't know what to do with her. I've had enouugh. She is just so embarassing, I don't like taking her out but at home it's even harder trying to entertain her.

She's in bed now for her behaviour in town. It's easy to give her time outs etc at home, but when we're out, sometimes I just don't know how to handle it.

I do feel like giving up and sending her back to school sometimes. I know it'd be hard for her and she has issues which would make her a very easy target for bullies. She also has learning difficulties. Maybe if I flexi schooled her, she'd be more greatful for the days she wasn't in school and I'd get a very much needed break.

I think she was showing great imagination really!

Perhaps you need to reassess your whole approach to parenting if you find your child embarrassing? She's just being a young child.

What was the group at the library? A home ed group or a toddler group?

What about some kind of acting classes? It might give her an outlet for her imaginative behaviour, whilst giving you a break too.

Sounds to me less like this is about your daughter's behaviour and more about you being tired. My DS is almost 6 and his behaviour has been appalling today. I have been on the verge of tears several times and also had my non-stop tantrumming 2 year old to deal with. I threatened to send him back to school if he didn't behave better which I am really ashamed of. Sometimes kids just push your buttons. I think he is being badly behaved due mainly to tiredness (time change plus a couple of late nights recently). Home Edding is definitely better for my son but I really think it takes a lot out of me.

I don't think your DD was really being badly behaved. She was just being a typical child and it sounds like you just weren't in the mood for it. Is she loud generally? My DS will happily talk over everyone and it is annoying to have to keep stopping to remind him that it is rude. Sometimes parenting is just really tiring and not fun. My day has been like yours. Do something fun with her tomorrow to remind yourself that you do enjoy her company (soft play to let off a bit of steam?) You have my sympathy. Maybe get an early night yourself to give you the stamina to deal with her tomorrow!

I did make her have a nap when we got home, and I was able to chill out a bit.When she woke up, she was in a lovely mood. We played together and read stories etc.

Her behaviour wasn't just that of a normal child. She was literally shouting over me, when I was talking to the man. When I told her she was being very rude, she just said "yer,yer" (Which she knows drives me mad!" Then she refused to get out of the taxi.

It was a story session at the libruary and it was all younger children. She is younger mentally anyway, so I thought she'd like to listen. She loves little ones and was more interested in them than the story.

It can be so hard being out with her in public. Strangers ask me what's wrong with her, at least once a week. I never know what to say. Other people just stare at her. What makes it worse is that I know she's not like it at home.

Her whole life seems to be revolved around pretending to be someone else. She wants a camera for her birthday and I thought it'd be an excellent idea. It turns out, she wants to take pictures of children so she can pretend to be them. She wants to put her pictures in an album and choose which one she's going to be. I don't think it sounds too healthy. Let alone what the mothers will think of a strange cild taking pictures of their little ones.

I just feel so sad for her, that she isn't going to fit in well in society. I feel that I must teach her to be socially acceptable while still keeping her own quirky personality. It's not going to be easy.

She did go to Stagecoach theatre arts school. She really enjoyed it until there was an insident when a boy with behavural problems grabed her around the neck and wressled with her. It scared her so much she refused to go back. It was such a shame.

I might look into a different school, as she did enjoy it.

I will have a better day tomorrow.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I echo what Katharine said - sounds like she has a great imagination! DS is the same age and loves to pretend to be animals, is a different one every day. Was a bit embarrassing when he tried to bite the HV's toes in one of his incarnations a couple of years ago!

Sounds like more opportunities for acting would be a great idea. Maybe you could encourage DD to pretend to be characters in books, rather than real children, as more socially acceptable? Often we read a story and then act it out after, dressing up or using cuddly toys/playmobil. Does she have many dressing up clothes?

Hope you do have a better day tomorrow :)

Hi, I'd love to say it was a better day. We had a therapy appointment for her in Glastonbury, so decided to look around clarks village. When we got home, I noticed a lump in her pocket. She'd stollen a dummy from a shop, as it was in packaging. She has done this before and I took her back to the shop and made her tell the shop keeper what she'd done. I thought that had cured her of it. She was going to have a sleep over at her Grandmas tonight, but I cancelled it.
Appart from that, and the constant running off, whinning and moaning we had quite a good day. At least I got some bargains from the Joules outlet.

Sorry today felt like a bad day, do you have any home ed groups locally you can go to?

maybe she feels uncomfortable being put in a reading group with children preschool age, even if you say she is younger than her age in needs, or maybe she just doesnt need that type of activity at this time, if she is happy playing by herself and you at home, then i wouldnt force the issue of groups.

Im guessing her behaviour is also due to that, and she is only 6. There no need to panic that she isnt going to fit into society when she is so young. Children change so quickly.

You mentioned glastonbury, are you local to glastonbury as i go to a lovely group there twice a week, they take children from 3 years old and it could give you 2 hours break twice a week or you could stay with her. I love it there.

I know the group wasn't that great for her. We won't go again. She does go to HE groups as well. She's usually quite good at these as she's friends with all the children.

We don't live neer glastumbury. It's a 3 hour drive from where we live.

6 hours in a car, shopping and an appointment focusing on her. It was never going to be a good day for your dd was it?

Did you tell your dd that she wouldn't be going to her grannies if she did such and such, with warnings? Is your praise/punishment consistent?

Yes, it's always consistent. She also gets plenty of warnings. She does actually enjoy the appointments, but it's not really an ideal day for her. We make it as fun as we can, but it's not ideal.

Ok. Just read a few of your other posts and can see that home education is hard for you (it is for me too). But I thought cancelling an overnight with granny is harsher than I would get with my dc.

She does stay at her grannies over night quite a lot, so it's not really a huge thing to cancel it. I just really wanted her to realise that she's done wrong. She didn't even cry about it.

I do think you need to address your daughter's behavioural issues, whether it has to do with her HE or not, but not letting her go to grandma's overnight stay is perhaps not the way to go about it, even if she didn't cry about it.
You say, she gets ''plenty of warnings'' - perhaps that's the problem. Do you always follow through with warnings and carry out any sanctions you have laid down?

Has any kind of positive reinforcement system ever worked with your dd? Stars on a chart sort of thing for good behaviour?

Ah, I see from your shoplifting thread that you do have a 'good behaviour chart'. Do you take stickers out with you and 'reward' your dd when she is behaving the way you like?

Obviously things have to change. From your op words such as 'little madam' and 'embarrassing' and the need you have for your dd to be 'grateful' it looks to me that you need to change the whole relationship you have with your dd. I've never particularly found punishments work - time out for fighting was necessary - but in and of itself it didn't work. Positive reinforcement is the only way to modify behaviour.

Probably going to get shot down for this but I think acceptance is needed to begin with, accepting your daughter for the person she is, being proud of her, holding your head up high and loving her for all her quirky behaviours. You say she whines when out and is an embarrassment.That makes me feel quite sad. So ignore the people that ask whats wrong with her or give them a quick explanation if you feel you need to.
My son had a breakdown and it effected how he looked, acted, made him walk with his leg turned in, his hands held up like he was playing a piano,he acted like a 3 year old at 11. The people that stared and pointed at him were the ones with the problem NOT my son who i love dearly.
Support her, engage with her, get lots of dressing up clothes if she wants to be someone else, take photos of her, put thrm on the wall.
Find ways to make outings easier for her, how about a visual timetable, so she knows exactly what you are doing, going. if reward charts work, then stick with them. Like another person said, respond good behaviour.

Agree with you mumof4darlings.

I agree with mumor4 too.

Yes, I do follow through with the warnings. Taking her sticker chart out with us is a good idea. That way, I could keep it up outside the home.

You say not letting her stay at her Grandmas is too harsh a thing, so what would you've done insted? She's shop lifted before and we've gone through the whole thing of making her take it back, explaining to her etc. If she then does it again, should she be alowed to still have her treat of staying at Grandmas? This kind of behaviour needs to be stopped.

If any of you had to look after her day in, day out, I'm sure you'd feel the same as me. It is so draining it's untrue. I'm quite a shy person who doesn't like to draw attention to myself, and she's constantly doing just that, and puting me in really awkward situations. It's not only that, but trying to understand what she's saying. Her speech can be very hard to understand. You have to be very tuned in. Even if I understand what she's said, it might not make sence, so I have to try to work out what she means before she gets louder and louder and more upset. It's very hard for both of us. It's not just now and again either, it's continuous. She's always talking, or making noises of some kind.

I just wanted to say also that I don't really think she's a madam. She can be embarassing but that's MY problem, not hers. I was very frazzled when I was writing these posts.
I suppose I just don't want people to look at her as if she's barking mad or badly behaved. She is such a sweet, caring and lovable child.
I want her to be able to fit in, for her own sake.

Oh and what I meant about her feeling a bit more greatful, probubly came accross a bit wrong. What I mean is, when I was at school, I longed for my days off with my family. I'd sit in class imagining I was with my mum.
Then when I had a day off, I really enjoyed it and made the most of it.
I think, because my little one's always at home, she just takes it for granted and doesn't look forward to it in the same way. In the same way as being un employed (without children, as that is a FT job) and not looking forward to days off.
I hope I've explained myself a bit better.

I thought staying at Grandmas wasn't a treat because she does it all the time?

No, I' don't think I've ever been embarrassed by my child. It sounds harsh, but get over yourself. You are this child's advocate in the world. Do you want her to be embarrassed about herself? You've got to step up here. Put in discipline/positive praise systems that make sense to her, and you have to get some childcare and a break for yourself. What part of childcare does your husband take? Does he ever take your dd out, look after her at home so you get a break?

Is there nowhere she could go to school that would suit her? Nowhere outside the mainstream system?

My DD talks constantly too.