Help me prepare to suggest HE to reluctant DW

[confidence]

My DD (5) is currently in a local infants school that we are pretty happy with. When she leaves there at the end of year 2 (in just under 2 years) I would really like to consider home educating her. Primarily because:

• the junior school alternatives here are pretty dire

• she is academically MILES ahead of any of her peers, and going by my experience with her older brother, I just don't trust state primaries like those around here to actually educate her.

• she is extremely able and motivated at music, and I'd like her to have some time during the crucial early years to put her very best into that without going to school, wasting the best hours of every day and getting knackered in the process.

Both DW and myself are self-employed and make our own hours around parenting duties, so in a sense we're in an ideal position to do it. The problem is that DW is much more conservative than me and tends to be reluctant to challenge the status quo. We did discuss this before when DD was a toddler and her main objections were the old saw about socialisation, and the fact that teaching requires so much preparation, and she wouldn't have the time to do it properly and doesn't really want to be her daughter's teacher anyway. TBH though I think the root of her objection is more of a generalised desire to follow the crowd and she'll always find arguments to justify that.

However we just had a conversation with a friend, also a parent, the subject of poor school choice came up and DW seemed very unhappy with any of the possibilities. I made an off-hand comment that "perhaps we should start a free school" (although I don't honestly see this as an option) and both she and friend made very positive noises about the idea. So I'm sensing a chance. One factor is that we are in a grammar area, and DD looks already like she'll walk the 11+. So I could sell the fact that she'll end up with a "normal" secondary education, as making it easier to swallow a bit of risk and experiment at this stage.

TBH I've been thinking about this for ages without mentioning it to DW, because I know there's just be a kneejerk reaction against it and I want to be prepared, and do it at the right time armed with the right counter-arguments. Did anyone here have to convince a reluctant partner who just wanted to do things the "normal" way? What sort of objections did they bring up? How did you bring them round?

Thanks in advance.

Hi, please excuse the length of this!
no, not everyone?s an elective home edder. There?s an awkward sub group of us pushed/ back footed into it because school./LEA find it easier than meeting SEN?s themselves.

I?m a back footed home edder, who?s now a major convert of H/E?s potential, (but don?t see why the LEA should be allowed to say oh it?s all lovely and we just wandered off and chose this, when our reality was so little choice and I?ve had to give up all my hopes and dreams and future to do it) as often better than the alternatives, and am actually glad we got pushed into it, and my grandchildren now are EHE. (be warned :o)

I don?t blame your wife for not wishing to be out of the crowd. It?s scary if you don?t know what it will mean, and women face greater criticism over parental choices than men generally, and like many backfooted into h/e the idea we wouldn?t find out if it?s a good thing without doing it, was terrifying, along with would I be failing my child?
(Easy for us, school failed to the point it couldn?t be worse, and h/e turned out to be brilliant)

You dismiss socialisation issues, which now I know what I do, I can understand, but I hope this is because you?ve checked out your local area and are happy this is easily dealt with? If not ?. well do it, you can?t meet objections without knowledge. Making friends with and nviting h/e parents and kids round to yours could be a great way for you all to explore pro's and cons.

But from her POV (and possibly some others here) you?re probably coming over as cavalier about youngest one?s education, (not having a go, but lots of assumptions going on in your posts) so possibly looking at that might be a way forward?

When you mentioned getting her to be involved to avoid intensity, some of us are lone parent?s, so you don?t actually need a partner (though they are nice) to successfully H/E.
It just means learning to ensure relationships don?t become too intense by spreading the load wherever possible. L/P's do it automatically.

I?m also a carer (unpaid) so am p/t working while H/E and have to fit all sorts around each other. Biggest problem here is the housework suffers, but a show home isn?t everything in life and I can have one when all have flown.

Nothing to prevent you doing structured learning on some days/parts of days, and autonomous or back up research etc on others. We do, and it works for us. (Is G + T and SEN and we?re at A/S level at this point)

How to approach her? Learn a lot more, go meet people doing it. (especially dads G/dads, they face their own problems)
Find out what she doesn?t want, what she?s afraid of, and put together a plan that allows for everyone?s happiness, then preferably post her meeting live familes, talk.

H/E detractors can teach as much about the pressure your wife may face as anyone, (and be sure there'll always be at least one in your life) I've yet to meet anyone I couldn't learn something from, even if it was just patience.

PS, your wife can?t be that conservative, she married a jobbing musician! :o

legally, the educational choice is that of the parents (how a family makes it is down to the family). Home education by parental choice is often called elective home education to distinguish from home tutoring provided by an LA (e.g. for a child who is sick or otherwise unable to attend school).

Although JustGettingOnWithIt felt pushed into home education, legally it was still elective (because the parent chose, however reluctantly, to remove the child from school). Some of us embrace EHE wholeheartedly; some feel pushed into it.

SDeuchars that's the point, I didn't remove him, they did, and at that time I actually very much wanted him to go to school, and the court didn't find our situation to be elective. I'm not the only one in this position.

Sorry, JustGettingOnWithIt, I misunderstood.

That is outrageous! The government guarantee every child a place in school and they should not be able to remove a child from the register without some authority taking responsibility.

They do take partial responsibility,which puts the parent in a very odd position.
I'm keen not to derail Confidence's thread but had to make the point that we do exist because we have problems that general h/e advice and law doesn't cover, resulting in confusion, and it can be isolating.