What are the pros and cons of Home Ed?

[nelehluap]

I have a 12yr old DD who absolutely hates senior school (yr 7) and has asked to be Home Ed. I also have a 7yr old DD (yr 2) who enjoys school but, to be honest, I don't feel the school are pushing her enough - she's one of a class of over 30 kids which I also feel is too big, but normal.

I'm quite happy to Home Ed and I would use every resource available for me to do so...but I'd like to ask those that have Home Ed in the past or do it now....how successful has it been?

My DD1 dislikes school because their classes are huge, they are of mixed ability, the teachers can't cope and get very easily stressed out, her friends swear a lot, misbehave and are generally quite unruly...even I am not overly keen on some of the fellow Year 7's at the school. She said to me the other day 'I just want to learn' but because the other kids muck around so much its very difficult to hear what is being said and the teachers are quite often not in the class. She is quite often off school with illnesses (she suffers with IBS and is getting over a UTI/kidney inf and glandular fever) so has missed a fair bit of school lately anyway...

I am more than happy to Home Ed but how do I find out about local groups? Where can I get the current curriculum from? Is it the right thing to do for my kids? The only area I am concerned they will miss out on is the social side....character building etc. TIA.

Hi! I have daughters aged 11 and 4. The older one tried school for a term last year, but other than that they have always been home educated. I'm always finding new reasons to enjoy home education.

There are 146 reasons (so far) listed here: otherwiseinclined.prophpbb.com/topic148.html

As for negatives, personally I've only really had two:

1. I've turned my back on the free childcare represented by school. That means I'll either not be working (the situation now) or will pay for childcare, as I did when working part-time when my older daughter was 4/5/6.

1. My older daughter was intense and tiring when she was younger, and I could have done with a break from her. Still, I did have a break sometimes by sending her to friends, and every year she has got easier and more enjoyable.

It sounds like your older dd doesn't share your worries about missing out on the social side of school, and that is one of the things she most wants to leave behind! There are many places to make friends besides school. In fact, my dd said one of the things she disliked about school was that it interfered with her social life so much, LOL!

Most people either choose from a selection of curricula for the various subjects, according to what suits their child and makes sense, or follow no curriculum at all. You and your daughter have great freedom in deciding what and how she learns. Apparently one of the commonest mistakes made by people new to home education is rushing into buying too much too soon. It might be better to take some time to look around at what is on offer and let your daughter experiment with various ways of learning. If you decide something isn't working, it's easy to change.

Hope that helps! I'll just go bump a thread on finding home ed groups near you. If you have any trouble, feel free to post saying roughly where you live and I'm sure someone will be able to help you make contact.

Hi saracen...thanks for your post. Very helpful.

Yes I think you're right. I do worry about the social side with both my DD's prob more than they do, esp DD1. She said again lastnight that she'd like to be Home Ed - she's always been one to get on with her lessons at school leaving behind those girls in her year who muck around/misbehave (it goes on a lot, more than I thought) and she even said that she gets fed up with teachers who simply don't seem able to control their classes and tend to walk out leaving behind a class of disruptive noisy kids.

When I ask her, when she comes home from school, how her day was it's usually met with a very half-hearted 'ok' and then followed by 'boring'. When I look at the homework she brings home to do it is the sort of level that I would expect a child younger to bring home...yet she is in the top groups for all her subjects.

She got the highest results in her SATs this year and in her last parents evening (Nov) she got straight A's in all her subjects. She's a bright child but I don't think school are doing enough for her now and certainly not pushing her along. I worry that she will slip, get left behind or simply get so fed up with school that she'll naturally slip...yet I don't know if I'm bright enough/clever enough to Home Ed!!!

I live in Andover, Hants...and would definitely want to talk to other Home Ed families if anyone knows of any groups around here?

If your dds are motivated to learn, then you don't need to be very clever/knowledgable in order to help them to learn through HE. Assuming you have a library you can get to, and internet access, there is no difficulty in sourcing information. With the 7yo you might still teach some parts, but for the 12yo your role is more likely to be helping her to find information, and letting her talk through bits of it with you to bounce ideas around, or working together to get a better explanation of bits she's finding hard to grasp.

The pros and cons of HE depend a lot on how you do it, but when school has lots of cons (as your DD1s clearly does) the pros are obvious - she can focus on learning, can go at her own pace, and won't miss anything if she's ill.

The social aspect is often listed as a worry by outsiders, but rarely by HErs. If your DD1 wants company of her own age, there are clubs and activities where she can get that - sports, music, drama, Guides etc - all of these things give her company, and practice at working together as a team, which is one thing HE might lack if you didn't have much contact with other children.

I think year 7 would be a good time to try out HE - if it doesn't suit, she could still go back to school in plenty of time before they start GCSEs.

Thanks muminscotland...how would they do their GCSE's? Also...do we lost our child allowance if they are not in full-time education, ie school?

Cons - lots of people will think you are weird.

You won't lose child allowance as they are still in education, they are just not doing it in a school.

They don't have to do GCSEs at all if you/they don't want to - some just leave it till they can do A levels or other courses at college. But if you/they do want to do GCSEs there are ways to do them - you can study from textbooks and revision guides and do practice questions, then sit the exam through a school or college. Often they do IGCSEs (International GCSEs) because these can be done all on the exams and no marked coursework. Or you can do them through "correspondence courses" if you want a tutor. Or, what we did but it costs, use an internet school for those years.

Thanks amuminscotland...very helpful...that'll answer what DH has been asking me during the last few weeks whilst I've been considering HE.

TBH I don't care if others think I am weird...(they do anyway, probably!) ...I'm doing this for my kids, not for anyone else.

I just do not wish my kids to end up like some of the examples of teenage girls around here...they're foul mouthed, rude, insolent, inconsiderate, bigheaded, self opinionated and even at 12yrs old my eldest DD is already the odd one out because she isn't like that (her and a very few others) and I want her to continue like that and not feel she has to be like everyone else in order to fit in.

I would suggest taking your older daughter out of school first, since that is clearly what she wants.

Though most parents think nothing of sending children to school against their will, it is somewhat more unusual to home educate an unwilling child. It is much easier and more pleasant to do with their cooperation. So I would recommend leaving your younger daughter where she is for the time being, while making it clear she is welcome to come out of school and try HE for a while whenever she wants. She could return to school if she doesn't like home education.

It is extremely common for parents to remove one child from school and then find that the siblings (who had appeared quite happy at school) decide to come out over the following months! Just because a child appears reasonably happy at school, that doesn't mean they wouldn't like HE even better! (Here's a story about that: schooltourist.blogspot.com/2009/12/goodbyes.html .) Once their eyes are opened to the possibilities available outside of school, HE begins to look more appealing.

I was your older daughter. I had never heard of Home Ed or I would have begged for it! Was never bullied and had friends but just hated the compromises I had to make to fit in with the girls at my (quite nice, really) school. I will be home educating my daughters for Key Stage 1 and we'll reassess based on their personalities / my capability at that stage.

The big con is everyone having an opinion (no matter how woefully inexperienced). Part and parcel of parenting though really.

I agree...I do think everyone has an opinion on parenting..even those that aren't parents. My brother is often commenting on my parenting skills and has no children of his own but claims he knows a lot from having lots of nieces and nephews, on his wife's side of the family. Have to admit, I tend to ignore his comments.

I am just questioning my capability of doing HE.....am I clever enough to do it? I look at some of DD1's maths and it puzzles me immediately! She is doing KS3 and its fairly hard work! Although I'm sure, given time, I could learn it too.

My youngest DD, who is 7yo, is also asking to be HE but I think that's simply because she's sees it as fun being at home rather than at school...not so much the learning part! I know she would miss her friends - she's a far more outgoing/confident child than DD1.

We deregistered our three unhappy children when they were aged 13, 11 and 18.
We have had a ball, with absolutley no regrets. None
One is at Uni, and the other two are at FE college, all doing very well indeed.

For us there has only been pro's, no cons. None.
Sending three unhappy children to school everyday was a miserable existance for all concerned.

We were short of money, as I gave up a career to home educate, and now work very part time as a carer. That though we see as the price we have paid for a happy life!
We have managed with very old cars and bought all we needed from charity shops/ebay/carboot sales or aquired it off Freecycle.
We mosty camp at home ed camps and gatherings for our holidays and make the most of special offers with Travelodge and Megabus etc.

Our children have had a social life that was the envy of their schooled peers and cousins. We have loads of home ed friends locally and nationally.

Our children were totally autonomously educated, following their own interests, with no formal lessons, none at all, until they started at FE college.
Our lives looked very much what other peoples school holidays do. Doing whatever the children wanted, following their interets, visiting theatres, museums, safari parks, beaches. We joined with our local home ed groups and did all sorts of workshops.

Our youngest is at FE college and some of her peers are incredulous that she spent the last 10 years having the time of her life, whilst they spent hundreds of hours cooped up in the classroom, doing as other people demanded.........and now she is the one scoring the best marks in class (especially not bad for a very severe dyslexic who was practically written off at school.)

We now know literally home ed teens and young people. All are doing well at FE college, Uni or in work.
What was forced upon us, by the misery that was school, quickly became a lifestyle choice that our children fully intend to repeat.

There are several threads here for people new to home ed, detailing books and websites about home ed and how to find home ed groups.
I'll go bump them for you.

thank you julienoshoes...i've been on the threads you bumped and will have a good read thru them..

I think, if I'm honest, I'm actually quite 'scared' about making this move to HE....its such a huge commitment and I'm worried the EO will come down heavy on me plus the schools when I take the girls out...I'm scared I won't be good enough or scared that they'll suffer or fall behind with my lack of parenting skills...

JulieNS: We deregistered our three unhappy children when they were aged 13, 11 and 18.

To save confusion, I believe that Julie NS meant they were aged 13, 11 and 8.

nelehluap: am I clever enough to do it? I look at some of DD1's maths and it puzzles me immediately! She is doing KS3 and its fairly hard work! Although I'm sure, given time, I could learn it too.

If you want to learn it too, that's great. If not, don't worry - you merely need to be able to help her access the help she needs. That might be from friends and relatives, on the Internet, in a library, etc.

I usually say that I facilitate education (to remove any thought that I try to cram facts into my children).

sdeuchars...yes, i did also think the 18 was meant to be an 8 !!

What is FE?

And, believe it or not, I relish the thought that I feel I may not be clever enough because it may also prove extremely helpful for me to actually learn myself.

FE = further Education?

Oh yea! See!...shows how 'thick' I am!! I couldn't for the life of me work out what that meant!....Doh!

One of the 'cons' for me has been difficulty in finding an exam centre when my dc wanted to sit GCSEs. It can also be expensive if your child decides they want to sit exams.

Of course, taking exams isn't always necessary but if your child does want to do the exams before college then it can get a bit pricey.

From what you have said, nelehluap, it does sound as though your 12yo would benefit from some time out of the school system.

The way that I found an exam centre was to email colleges and private schools within a days travel. Dc was doing an iGCSE and we couldn't find a state school/college which was taking iGCSE candidates. We did find one private school but there were admin charges and a fee per exam.
It's not the end of the world and it can be got around but I think people should be aware that they may need to factor in this possible cost if they think their child would want to take exams.

I'll look at collegeboard.com, thanks for the pointer.

Thanks everyone...what some very helpful posts.

How do I find others in my local area that are HE? Ideally I'd like to find a local group or atleast some other children that are HE so my two DD's will have some fellow HE'd friends.

I live in North Hampshire.

You could start by joining the North Hampshire EO group here: uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/NHEO/ . It looks like a busy group.

I think there's a group in your area specifically for HE young people aged 12+. I'm sure they could give you more information on the list above.