Is this weird?

[Blossom1818]

Im a single parent to 2 dcs age 18 and 16 living in a 3 bed house. All 3 bedrooms are quite small, 2 are just big enough for double beds and the 3rd is a box room.

16 yo son (now 6ft 2) is currently in the smallest room in a loft bed with gaming desk below. He is now too big for it and im trying to come up with solutions . One idea I had was to put a single day bed in there and make it into a sort of chill out room/bedroom for me. I dont need the space in the bedroom as I only go up there to sleep while dcs spend a lot of time in their rooms.

Ive mentioned this to a friend and my mum and they think its odd that I would sleep in a single bed and let my 16 year old have my double. Im happy to give up the space for him given how big he is. Is this a completely weird setup?

I live in a similar sized house and have the box room. It was a no brainer for me.

Do what works for your family but please get a proper bed, or you will suffer in time.

you can always move back when he moves out, so it won’t be for long possibly.

people are weird about this shit, when we moved two houses ago, two rooms had an en suite, the two biggest, when I commented to my 14 year old daughter in front of the agent, this could be her room, the agent looked aghast and said in front of her, but but wouldn’t you prefer to keep this for guests.

I still can’t wrap my head round why I’d have a room empty most of the time for guests to stay in once a month or so for a night, and make my daughter not have her own bathroom.

you do what works for your family. And ignore weird shit.

I would probably do the same. Not weird at all

Why? What do you think will happen?

Do what works for you. When I got divorced and moved with my two teens I turned the dining room into my bedroom and the DC had the two bigger rooms upstairs. Have to say it never once bothered me one iota.

Sounds extremely practical if you recognise that you don't need a larger space.
If they are spending a lot of time in their rooms, you still have access to the living room.

It’s being a good mother ❤️

I think I'd just change his bed.

My mum did the same with my brother and sister actually. They both got the double bedrooms and she got the box room.

Is your 18 yo a boy or girl?

If they're both boys I would put them in twin beds in the biggest room. You in the next biggest. The box room holds their desks and gaming stuff.

I think this makes sense. The rent of the house is kind of more yours isnt it. I imaginr you chose the living room decor and have your stuff in there, likewise the kitchen, other cupboard space.
Kids only really have their room, and as your son can't even fit in his and you don't need the space or a bigger bed then why not move him to the bigger space.

Not weird at all, I’ve more or less done the same. Gave up my bedroom 2 years ago so my youngest daughter could have a bigger bedroom and I’m now in the small room, just enough room for my double bed, nothing else. I literally just sleep in there, the rest of the time I’m downstairs, whereas she spends all her time in her room, as does my other daughter who has the biggest bedroom.

I know few single parents who have taken smallest bedroom. Its not weird

My children are similar age and we share a two bed house. I sleep in the living room, on a single bed behind a screen. I've also had comments that this is inappropriate, but I think it's just practical. Teenagers need their bedrooms. I have the rest of the house as my territory.

I’ve done it, given my teen dd the big bedroom and the box room for me. Happy as Larry, as long as I have a bed, fairy lights and clothes storage im happy. Love my cosy space and often retreat there.

Who really needs a big bedroom? Only people who need to store a load of stuff. I don't want my teenagers to have any excuse to leave their stuff anywhere but their rooms. Whereas I have my stuff in good storage solutions elsewhere.

I'm about to do the same.

In your situation, I'd get a nice, comfortable bed though, with some good under-bed storage. If you want a day-bed vibe, you can put some large cushions on the bed against the wall to create sofa visuals. Picture yourself being laid up with flu in your room, and make sure your set-up would be cosy and manageable for a few days of bed-boundness: nice mattress; if no space for a bedside table then put up a small wall-mounted shelf next to the bed big enough for a light, alarm, glasses, and a cup of tea; a socket near the bed; a small wall-mounted, fold-down gable-leg desk with wall-mounted shelves over in case you ever want to get on with some work in the privacy of your own space; a wall mounted full-size mirror with a shelf for basics like hairbrush, earrings, basic touch-up makeup etc. Basically, I know I need to be able to sleep, be ill, work and get dressed / make myself presentable in my room so it's kitted out to enable me to do the basics.

What you're doing is kind and your son will thank you.

I had a similar problem with my youngest son. I bought him one of those Stompa beds (like a bunk bed but with a desk underneath. My OH now DH, had to lower the bed part so he could sit up in bed. The bottom desk was the length of the bed, not one you sit underneath. It was the same length as a standard bed. I bought mine second hand from ebay.

I went from a double bed to a King Single (a local size 15cm longer and wider) when I moved house. I wanted a higher, electric bed (extremely bad knees), so it was more cost effective. To be honest, I didn't really notice much difference.

The only problem was that my dog was very aware of the difference in size and the greater height and didn't want to sleep on it for any length of time. I think she thought she was going to fall off. Falling off wasn't a problem on the old bed, and even if she had, she didn't have far to fall.

He’s outgrown his bed. He’s 6 ft 2. What’s she supposed to do? Chop off his legs? It’s a sensible decision that works for her family.

I would. I have half planned in my head that if my kid is still here post 18 we would move into a smaller bedroom so that she could have her own shower room and loo and a bit more space*. I would, however, make it clear that I expected to have dibs on the sitting room when I needed it if I am giving up the biggest room.

*Have not consulted DH who might have a very different view

If you're happy to do it then that's all that matters. Sometimes a small cosy room is better to sleep in. Xxx

He must be uncomfortable in a loft bed that’s too short for him, so yes, I think your plan is needed. It’s kind and you’re putting your child’s needs first. I’d do the same. My son is 17 and 6ft 4. We’ve recently had to buy him a small double - ottoman - 6ft 6 bed for his small room. His wardrobe is in our room to fit his pc / desk in his.

Why?

I think it's that thing of not putting yourself "below" your DC. Kind of not martyring yourself?
BUT personally I'd swap, but buy yourself a lovely bed /mattress and make it a lovely sanctuary. Also make sure their "stuff" is stored in their rooms as part of the deal!

My DD had the biggest room in our old house (which also had an ensuite) from the start - but that's because the only other room had lots of wardrobe space and we'd just redecorated it for us (she was an unplanned & medically unlikely surprise!). Loads of people thought it was v odd, but so what? 🤷