Is this weird?

[Blossom1818]

Im a single parent to 2 dcs age 18 and 16 living in a 3 bed house. All 3 bedrooms are quite small, 2 are just big enough for double beds and the 3rd is a box room.

16 yo son (now 6ft 2) is currently in the smallest room in a loft bed with gaming desk below. He is now too big for it and im trying to come up with solutions . One idea I had was to put a single day bed in there and make it into a sort of chill out room/bedroom for me. I dont need the space in the bedroom as I only go up there to sleep while dcs spend a lot of time in their rooms.

Ive mentioned this to a friend and my mum and they think its odd that I would sleep in a single bed and let my 16 year old have my double. Im happy to give up the space for him given how big he is. Is this a completely weird setup?

Makes sense. If you’ll be in a boxroom, an ottoman bed is great for extra storage.

Should, why? Aren't parents allowed to make a choice about which room they sleep in? What if they dont want the largest room?

I would get a proper bed though, if the bed isn’t comfortable you might regret your decision

I think it sounds like a good plan, OP!

Don't mind what your friend thinks in this case, your friend does not live with you.
Many people can't possible sleep a wink if they are not in a super king size bed, but many people can sleep very well in smaller beds.

What if you want to get into a relationship? Your children are only late teens so I'd assume you are maybe late 40's, how exactly would you have someone sleepover in a single day bed? It's one thing moving into the small room where you can still fit a double and storing clothes in another room but giving up your double for the toddlers box room, nope. It will just encourage whoever has the box to move out sooner, not a bad thing. Look into a store away bed with built in storage for the teen. I doubt you are intending to stay single forever when you are barely 50.

A lot of people do choose to stay single. And a lot of people choose not to have another relationship until their kids have flown the nest.

Hello from my single bed in the smallest bedroom! I have 14 y.o. B/G twins, I always said I would switch when DS hit 6 foot, and we did.
I keep all my clothes that need hanging up in his room in the built in wardrobe, then I have a tall chest of drawers in here. It’s taken me a year to decorate, put in new light fittings, get it to exactly how I want it, I love it now. I’ve been single since separating with their Dad over a decade ago, and that won’t change: Do it, OP!

Its not weird at all op

It’s not weird at all. You have your whole house they just get a bedroom that’s theirs. Lots of people I know sacrifice bigger bedrooms for kids.

Not weird at all , I would do the same. I have actually thought about what I would do if me and DH separated and thought I would likely swap my youngest and give him my room and have his box room.

I know someone who couldn’t afford a 4 bed and has 3 children and she bought a sofa that was also a pull out double bed for her living room, she slept there and had a lovely ottoman that she stored the bedding in during the day. This worked for her , the living room was so cosy when set up for the night and in the day time you would never had known her living room doubled as a bedroom

A lot of people don’t want to get into another relationship and are happy being single. A lot of parents also don’t want to encourage their children to move out.

I know 100% if me and DH seperated I would never want to get into another serious relationship .

I would and im considering it for my 15yr old as she so much taller than me. Currently we have enough double rooms but having to downsize this year and im thinking if it's only a 3 bed with standard single room type I can afford, then I'll be happy to take single room

I'd do the same.

No I think it’s a great idea, I would definitely do this

Nope.
It's being a good mum, thinking of her childrens comfort. If you're happy with a single bed and smaller room then go for it. Fuck everyone else

I probably would, the oldest teen will most likely be moving out within 5 years anyways so only a temporary situation. He may not be finished growing.

If that's what works for you, do it.

I moved in with my parents when my marriage broke down - then 11yo DD had my old (double) bedroom and I had the box room. It meant she had space to have a friend round occasionally and they could do their own thing.

As an adult I had the option of going out so it made sense.

It's not weird. It's kind. I would do the same.

I switched out of a large double room to a small double room with a 4ft bed so that my son could have the big room when he became a teenager, redecorated to suit him etc. I think you're doing the right thing.

Doesn’t sound weird to me, just logical

Not weird, I know a few people who have done this when their kids get older. Teens live in their bedrooms. Adults live in the living room and sleeping the bedroom. Makes perfect sense.

I have the box room in my house… it works for us

Why?

Do whatever works for you and your family. I know of two families where the parents don't even have a bedroom, they just sleep on a pull out bed in the living room, to make sure the growing children have their own private space.

Is there enough storage for all your stuff? And have you completely given up on the idea of a romantic partner? A larger room isn't just about how you use it when you're in there right now. Your children are at a point in life when they should be beginning (only just beginning in your 16 yr olds case, to be fair) to think about the future and forging an expanded life ahead of them. They have that to look forward to. It's not unreasonable for their childhood home to not give them everything a home in adulthood will. You are at a different stage of life, you've been putting up with reduced circumstances in order to provide for your children (which is as it should be, but is still sacrifice). You are entitled to a bit of consideration and even privilege providing it doesn't cut into your DC's needs.

I do see why your DS's physical need for a bed that fit him would make the move seem reasonable. And if there weren't another way of providing for that I think it's right thing to do. But I would look for alternatives that don't cut down on your own provision first. Is your 18 yr old small enough to fit in the bed in the box room? Could you have a bigger loft bed built that your 16yr old could fit in?