She's done her house in everything I loath...

[whycantIbestylishtoo]

...and yet my heart sank when I saw it all, because it looks AMAZING.

I shouldn't be surprised really. A close friend of mine has moved house and has redecorated from scratch. It's only a small place, but this is the third house I've known her in, and all of them she decorates beautifully in a way I can only envy.

I like to be modern. I like to be up to date. I like fashionable colours and modern furniture. Matt finishes only. I am loving the trend for brushed brass and dark green. My friend, she doesn't. She likes old things, second-hand furniture, pretty much anything that's out of fashion, her only rule is that the colours of the things within a room have to match on a room-by-room basis.

She's had the ceilings in every room papered in woodchip. Prior to this, they were painted and very cracked in places. The walls in several rooms have been covered in tongue & groove, and in the rooms which haven't been done like that it's raised-pattern paint-able paper. She's had an old-fashioned style coving around the top of every room. All the skirting boards and doors have been changed, again for something very old fashioned which I thought would look horrific in a 40ish year old house. The doors, frames, and skirtings have all been painted in white gloss. The walls, ceilings, and coving painted in brilliant white silk emulsion. And then to this she has brought in all her own style with dark carpets, curtains, soft furnishings and throws, plus the dark wood of most of her furniture.

It sounds hideous written down, and it's everything I would never dream of doing. Yet when I leave her house I feel so depressed that I don't have the courage to like what is not fashionable, the skill to search charity shops and facebook market place for inexpensive 'tat' which I wouldn't look twice at, and the vision to bring it all together. There are no words to describe how beautiful her home now looks. How do some people do it?

I don't understand why your "heart sank" because your friends house looks amazing. Good for her. She has her style and you thought it looks good. More than one style can look good. You do you, let her do her.

It sank because I am in awe of her. I would love to think I am stylish, but I just follow trends as I'm clueless otherwise. I yearn to be that person who can throw things together from their own choices and have it look so good.

If you really like her style then learn from her, get her to help you with redecorating one of your rooms in the house and take it from there.

What is it that you envy most, op, her style or her confidence? Because if it’s her confidence, you can build that up in yourself and finds ways to add your own vision to your modern style.

Take some inspiration from her and do things you like rather than "keeping up with trends" Not everyone can be utterly stylish in a Pinterest sort of way but I'm not one for keeping up with trends as a way to make a house feel lovely. Maybe have a bit more self confidence and do something inexpensive which you think you will like , even if it is not on trend. Emulsion paint is cheap so maybe one room , indulge yourself and see how you feel. You can always paint over it. Some cushions / throws. A side table from a second hand shop a lamp or lampshade. You'll soon realise what is outside your comfort zone and what you actually like. But experiment with cheaper things first I would say. It sounds like she has done the papering over the cracks ( literally 😁) because it is cheaper.
I knew an interior designer and her flat , all the doors , door architraves and skirting boards were mismatched. She painted them all a soft back and it disguised the mismatch & so much cheaper than having them all replaced.

Otherwise (& I did not mean my post to sound patronising) If you like your house that is what counts so - admire hers , go home to yours. )

ETA cross post and agree with previous 2 posters about learning and confidence

Well this is the thing, she says such simple things that I would never have thought of, that blows my mind. For example, she is able to priortise and comprise in ways I have never considered. She said that with a limited budget to do a lot of work, she had to focus on spending on the things which she couldn't ever do, such as the carpentry and papering the ceilings. She and her husband did all the painting to save money, which as she said was made easier by the fact that everything was new, but was hugely time consuming.

When I asked her why she had no colours on the wall (she has in the past made the odd bold statement, but tends to favour very soft tones, though never white), she said it all came down to her and her husband no longer having the dexterity to cut-in edges in a way which looks even half decent. She said that much as she would have loved some colour, the thought of it having a rough finish was far worse than living in a room where everything was white, so she was willing to compromise on the colour because she refused to compromise on the finish.

And she's right, because the finish is amazing, there's nothing rough or sloppy about it, all the edges have been sealed, everything painted in neatly, it all just looks so amazingly 'tight' and perfectly neat. Her light fittings in the lounge look at least fifty years old...she paid £5 from someone on facebook who was throwing them out. Admittedly she bought some new glass shades for them, but she's turned some old light fittings into something new, yet could never be found in the shops.

Well I think she has given you a fantastic insight there. In two ways . 1. Spend on what you can't do yourself and 2. Be prepared for a compromise.

You have come away from her house thinking it is fabulous but she knows there are things she would have preferred which budget didn't allow. So in her mind it probably isn't perfect.

So again I would say have a look at what you really like about her house and think about it , and without copying , think about how you could introduce some of those things to your own. & It does take time to cast around for lovely things second hand - maybe you aren't one to do that. But maybe worth a go or two on auction sites / local selling sites etc even if you don't buy anything have a look. If you like her rich colours etc , again look for throws blankets etc. One thing I took from an interior designer was , have some colour . I used to be a cream white / linen colours sort of person. I bought 2 dark pink lampshades to go on two glass lamp stands I bought in a sale and they make me smile. We now have a purple chair for DH for watching sport. I have lovely pale blue cushions and throws and curtains edged in purple . & A brown and purple chair by my desk . It probably sounds awful to many but it looks cosy when you walk in ( my house is v small) I have embraced colour , and it took me a while , but I am a believer that everyone should have their own taste in their own home. Not slavishly copy anyone else. So again I would say @whycantIbestylishtoo Look at what you like about your friend's house , decide why & see how you can adapt it into your own style. I bet your house would be the envy of many anyway.

All best . I admire your candour. 😁

I don't understand why your heart would sink. Why not just enjoy the combinations and style she produces, You can learn from her and take individual ideas to adapt for your own home.

And I doubt she 'throws it together'. Stylish rooms take time, planning and consideration.

Her designs sound like my preference. Most of our furniture is Edwardian or Victorian… old wood, super cheap on Marketplace too. It’s easy to be cohesive because everything is of its era.

I understand the heart sinking.. I know a couple of people with eclecticly thrown together houses (and personal style). And I love it, they are great places to be and I am happy/proud for them. But conscious of the massive gulf between the seeming effortlessness of their decorating and my lack of a confident aesthetic sense. It's not a matter of buying the odd piece - it's the having a style, a vision.

No different I suppose to being a great runner or pianist or tech whizz mix of talent and practice, but there is something about home decorating that we seem to think anyone can do it.

For the record, I quite like our house mostly filled with stuff that is meaningful to us and/or DH has upcycled. But don't think anyone comes round and says 'wow'.

OP, im intrigued about her style. Is there a photo from the internet that you show that is similar to her home. I'm finding it hard to understand / like it from your description! Haha.

Sounds like me and my closest friend. Except for the bit where she loves my style 😄. She has loads of money and changes things constantly so her decor and stuff is generally what can be found in John Lewis and Next.

Her house looks good but I always think it will date so fast. Everything is sage green now and she spent a fortune getting rid of everything grey. I’ve still got the same old solid oak stuff and neutral (cream ish) decor.

So basically only follow trends if you are happy to always follow trends. Or you end up in one of those houses where elderly people just gave up in the 1980s.

When my son and I had to move out of our home very quickly ,due to him being attacked by his dad , we left with virtually nothing . We were given lots of things by friends and I managed to get a few thing for free off neighbourhood sites or from charity shops . My daughter has a great talent for making rooms look great on a shoestring budget. She somehow managed to pull everything together to make the house look welcoming and homely in a way I couldn’t have . I think it’s a great skill.

I'm in awe of people who have time to think about this stuff at all really. We've been here 18 yrars and have still not decorated every room.

The only way to have a house you love is to be absolutely true to yourself. I think many of us have bought into the whole beige/grey aesthetic - almost as if we decorate a house to sell rather than one that actively brings us joy. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of your house, so fill it with things you love - things that make you happy.

I think what you envy is her individuality and her confidence in her own tastes. It made me wonder if there’s a bit of a class divide here that is contributing to the low self-esteem? Did she grow up in a family that had good quality bits of brown furniture that had been passed down for instance? It sounds like her aesthetic is basically that Hampstead Victorian shabby chic socialist boho aesthetic that is so common among the artistic/intelligentsia (what a word but you know what I mean)? I think sometimes when you’ve grown up without much money or in a family that doesn’t have taste as a social signifier in the same way, you can feel a bit at sea when you become an adult and don’t have an innate aesthetic.

I think what you’ve actually put your finger on is that it isn’t really something you can learn.

Woodchip makes my heart sink too. Imagine being the poor sod who has to try to scrape it off!

I prefer minimalist and neutral. Think white walls and wood. But I can look at a room that is ‘cluttered chic’ and absolutely love it. But I know day to day it wouldn’t work for me. I have a friend who is as you describe your friend. She has an amazing eye. I love how she decorates her house, but I couldn’t live with it day to day.

Yes. It was horrible when fashionable, can’t imagine anyone using it on purpose anymore.

Same. We will soon leave the house we've lived in for twenty years and I feel a bit sad that not a single room has ever been a reflection of my taste. Our house is homely but it's mismatched eclectic - not in a stylish way at all. A few pieces I love and chose, bunged in with inherited or cheap 'make do' furniture.

I'd love to have style but I don't. You have to really care. And actually, even if individual pieces are cheap, you need to spend a lot of money and even more time on getting it right.

OP what did she do with all the stuff from her old house?

I love having lots of different patterns in a room, the colours aren’t bold, I love the maximalist look but it’s the different textures and shapes that appeal to me.

The impression I get from the OP's posts is that it's not that she likes her friend's style, because she doesn't, but that she admires the way her friend can pull it off.

It's having the confidence to know what you like, not what Instagram and Pinterest tell you you ought to like, and to complete a project that is completely "you" from start to finish, with everything just how you want it. Not many people have that skill, and I don't think it's something that can be taught.

When the OP says her heart sank, I imagine it's because the feeling she got was, "I could never do this."

I’m missing the point of the thread entirely but am I the only one thinking that it’s very normal to paint door frames, doors and skirting in white gloss and to paint the walls white?! Apart from the wood chip ceiling which sounds batshit, none of this sounds particularly mad or bold

Yes, I thought the same, but I imagine it's more about the way the whole look has come together.

Also, cutting in is easy with frog tape, so that's my tip for anyone who wants to use colour but likes a crisp line. We've just done our main room in a dark sage colour and the neat lines against the white look fab. I'd be rubbish without it!

Don't beat yourself up. Some people are stylish (in either fashion, decor or both) and find putting together an outfit or room easy. Others are not. It's just the way we are.

Have you got a skill you could 'swap' with her? If she helps you redecorate a room in your home you could help her with something that you are good at and enjoy. Cooking? Baking? Teaching her a skill you have.

If she's a good friend be honest with her, everyone loves a compliment and she might relish the chance to help and support a friend.

(Edit: typo)