She's done her house in everything I loath...

[whycantIbestylishtoo]

...and yet my heart sank when I saw it all, because it looks AMAZING.

I shouldn't be surprised really. A close friend of mine has moved house and has redecorated from scratch. It's only a small place, but this is the third house I've known her in, and all of them she decorates beautifully in a way I can only envy.

I like to be modern. I like to be up to date. I like fashionable colours and modern furniture. Matt finishes only. I am loving the trend for brushed brass and dark green. My friend, she doesn't. She likes old things, second-hand furniture, pretty much anything that's out of fashion, her only rule is that the colours of the things within a room have to match on a room-by-room basis.

She's had the ceilings in every room papered in woodchip. Prior to this, they were painted and very cracked in places. The walls in several rooms have been covered in tongue & groove, and in the rooms which haven't been done like that it's raised-pattern paint-able paper. She's had an old-fashioned style coving around the top of every room. All the skirting boards and doors have been changed, again for something very old fashioned which I thought would look horrific in a 40ish year old house. The doors, frames, and skirtings have all been painted in white gloss. The walls, ceilings, and coving painted in brilliant white silk emulsion. And then to this she has brought in all her own style with dark carpets, curtains, soft furnishings and throws, plus the dark wood of most of her furniture.

It sounds hideous written down, and it's everything I would never dream of doing. Yet when I leave her house I feel so depressed that I don't have the courage to like what is not fashionable, the skill to search charity shops and facebook market place for inexpensive 'tat' which I wouldn't look twice at, and the vision to bring it all together. There are no words to describe how beautiful her home now looks. How do some people do it?

Yet when I leave her house I feel so depressed that I don't have the courage to like what is not fashionable,

That sounds like rather a back-handed compliment!

I have to say that most of the stuff she's done (apart from wood chip on the ceiling which is crazy) sounds pretty normal.

First of all, I thought you meant she liked antique stuff but you’ve talked about a 40 year old house and light fittings being 50 years old. Are they in a 80s house with 70s light fittings? Like what sort of things?

Yes, all of that. I can't emphasise enough how both the wall and ceiling coverings just mist into the background - I actually didn't notice what papers were on them at first until she talked about them (the tongue & groove was instantly detectable, but again it was quite muted). They just look like plain, but above all neat, ordinary surfaces, on which you could do whatever you liked.

It's made me think about what I don't "like" and why I don't "like" it - I'm ashamed to admit most of what I don't appear to like is probably hearing en-mass that it's not to be liked. I mean, to pick a wildly ridiculous analogy, if someone said they'd taken to using a chamber pot under the bed as opposed to a flushing toilet, I wouldn't like that and my reasons for not liking it are steeped in convenience and hygiene, despite having come 54 years without ever having used one. But my distaste for things like woodchip I think is something I must have learnt, as it's never done a thing to offend me, and I never had it in the house where I lived as a child, so it's not like it brings back memories.

Yes, an 80s house. One light is from the 1970s, some much newer but not really "new looking" but more a plain timeless style, if that makes sense. Her furniture is of all different ages, but what brings it together is that it's all the same colour in each room, so it matches and flows. There are new things mingled in with the old, but only for practical reasons, such as curtains and picture frames that had to be bought to measure. But you'd have to look hard to single out what was new as the new things aren't what you'd call "in fashion" and she had to look to find them. As in, I don't think she's ever set foot in B&M!

I've never set foot in B&M either.

@allyjay
It’s great. We all learn from each other (and not what to do!).

Over the years I’ve observed different friend’s houses (who have got great taste), and not copied as such, because I have faith in my taste (after many years) and have often been complimented on our house (don’t want to sound big headed), but it’s a great way of picking up some brilliant ideas.

For example, how lighting can really bring atmosphere into a home and outside of course.

This really reads like someone writing about themselves with the sort of breathless enthusiasm they wish they inspired in others. I might be wrong, of course. But, it’s the tone and the level of detail.

So, are you the ‘friend’, OP? If so, feel free to share photos of this amazingly decorated house and we’ll give you our honest opinions.

Believe me, it really isn't.

I’d absolutely hate “……..the ceilings in every room papered in woodchip …..” @whycantIbestylishtoo

I think you need more than courage to be able to decorate your home like this. Some people are very artistic and creative and can make alternative design look stunning. I think it's the same with clothes fashion, some people seem to throw together a few pieces that shouldn't work but it looks great on them.
I do think it's a tad dramatic for you to feel so strongly about this, we all have our own skills and talents. Maybe ask your friend for some advice if you want to have a go at decorating your home in a more adventurous style.

As in, I don't think she's ever set foot in B&M!

I'm confused about what this comment is meant to mean. B&M sells tat.

Maybe these are not things you really loathe. Maybe you’ve only so far seen them
in a setting where they didnt look good. Decor is all about putting things together that make each other look beautiful.

Please can we have a picture?! Or at least of something similar?

OP what you’ve described does not sound out of the ordinary to me. Your friends worked with the budget and skills they had and compromised on some things. Me and OH do our own decorating (and tiling) to save money. We often go round junk shops to pick up bits and pieces, it is often better quality and cheaper than new.

You say you don't have the 'courage' to go round junk shops. Give it a try. Just browse, you don't have to buy unless something jumps out at you.

The one thing I agree sounds batshit is the wood chip/textured paper. I lived with woodchip in a flat in the 90s, it was awful. Even with tape it would be hard to get a crisp line cutting in on that so I can see why they didn’t attempt colour.

I love the eclectic style,I find if I have a vague theme in my mind it helps...I have my dining room done 'a la' Frida Kahlo'...mexican colours..I love it but understand that it's not everyone's taste..I agree with pp that Marie Kondo should be banned

Following trends doesn’t make you stylish, op? Quite the opposite, I’d say.

I don't get why your heart sank because you're in awe of someone OP.

I have lots of friends who are hugely talented at things I'd like to be better at. I have a friend who plays the piano absolutely beautifully, whereas I can play, but not to any particular standard. And yeah, sometimes I wish I could play like her. But I'm not jealous, because I know that I can knock together something really tasty out of anything in the kitchen, whereas she regularly manages to fuck up making toast.

We've all got different skills, learn to admire other people's while appreciating the ones you do have.

Well, if it’s the slightest consolation, OP, it sounds horrible to me, plus I think putting woodchip paper over a cracked ceiling because you can’t afford to rectify it, but then blowing your limited budget on changing the skirting boards throughout, is quite odd prioritisation.

OP, you just need to have confidence in yourself. Your friend's house looks amazing to YOU because you admire her generally. Someone else might go in and think 'oh, this is a bit bland/old fashioned/boring' or whatever. You don't need to be in awe of her because she's done something you admire. You congratulate her on the wonderful job and then forget it.

It sounds as though you need to work on your confidence generally, then you will be able to be 'out and proud' about forming your own interior style. Maybe talk to someone who can help you get your confidence up in all areas? Find something you are really good at and find yourself some pride in yourself, then you won't worry so much about your friend and her interior style. (You'd hate my house. Eclectic doesn't even come close...)

This. I think what your friend has cracked is both the practicalities of decorating and the confidence to follow her design heart. I mean do you really like dark green with brushed brass handles or do you like it "now"?

I agree about the woodchip, but you can get some really nice anaglypta nowadays, like these dado panels. DH saw me musing away wistfully over them and had to snap me out of it! Our house would, as he points out, "look like a circus" by now if it weren't for his grounding influence 😜

Share your dismay OP when reflecting on my own design choices. I'm driven by a vision, and imagine gazing upon it all with satisfaction when it's all done, but it's often more of an "oh dear" 😕.

That said, I think it's all finally coming together in our current home, after many decades of trial and error while envying other people's apparently effortless taste!

For me, the trick is to start with something you really love, like a painting or a cushion or something you've been given, and then work outwards from that choosing textures and styles that are coherent. Throw in something that seems to clash, but in a fabulous way.

Above all, ignore trends! Ugh, they are so boring and meaningless.

www.anaglypta.co.uk/our-papers/brand/dado-panels

Same as mine. I have got a friend who has got the real decorators touch and I love her house but I don't want mine to be like it.

I like to be up to date. I like fashionable colours and modern furniture.

This is your problem.

You are trying to follow trends and make yourself be something that you’re not.

Your friend doesn’t care about what’s up to date and so she is able to visualise things in a completely different way.

If you’d never seen anyone else’s room, you would eventually be much more creative.
Its actually harder to be creative or fashionable if you’re copying other peoples style.

When I see someone looking fashionable, they are never wearing what’s ’in fashion’.

Some people are naturally more creative than others. Dyslexic people tend to be very creative.

Maybe the next time you want to decorate, ask your friend for her opinion if you like her style.

I am in awe that she could find trades people who actually turned up, and, from the sound of it, did a good job.

I don’t think it was ever desired - it was used as a cheap way to cover up dodgy plaster work. It hides a multitude of sins. I agree it’s horrible.

Well it's funny you say that, because she said that some of her choices were to allow for what she called "forgiveness" of any errors, having had the same problems as the rest of us in the past when it comes to tradespeople. The person who replaced the skirting boards and fitted the coving was not the same person who hung her doors. She said she'd use the former before for hanging doors at her previous home and it was a disaster. He is, it seems, very good at doing the other jobs.