Feel so embarrassed about how my home looks

[pinkfishbluefish]

After hours of trawling Rightmove I feel nothing but disheartened!

We live on a nice street in a safe area. We’re renting at the moment, hoping to both buy a home and possibly TTC next year. Whilst cleaning up today I came to the conclusion that literally nothing matches in our house. We have a black leather sofa that was bought second hand, grey patterned carpet here when we moved in, modern sideboard that is navy with oak effect (the only thing we purchased new) and TV on the wall. The carpet is the worst thing. There is no underlay underneath and it is clearly a very cheap one, so is rough underfoot.

My friends were over for dinner last week. Two of them had not been before and I felt very embarrassed as they came in and looked around. I am aware this is shallow of me and that lots of people live in worse situations. We are extremely fortunate to have a roof over our heads that we can afford, with no damp, courteous neighbours and modern features like a brand new bath and walk in shower. The whole bathroom was refit before we moved in. All our kitchen appliances work.

It is generally comfortable and this is a huge privilege. Despite knowing this, every time I walk into a room and notice things not matching I feel colossal levels of stress. I don’t even know where to start to make it look better, either.

Do your homes match or have tasteful decor? I feel like ours does not feel homely in the slightest. I appreciate I might be too subjective in this and this is not a forever home.

I currently have newly plastered walls, Wallpaper off in progress in some rooms, mismatching skirting boards, basically everything is awful.

it’s a work in progress, my home will never be perfect and I’m taking my time to get it how I want it. If people are my friends they’ll take me as they find me and won’t judge me on my house and appearances

John Lewis do a great service where you show them your room on zoom, give them your budget and they come up with some ideas. I ended up just buying some curtains and some cushions but it made a big difference to my living room.

I really relate to the OP. I got very, very good at working out how to make a rented house look as homely as possible without spending, but it is depressing if you have friends who are much better off and expect everything to look much more polished. But ... decent friends won't care!

FWIW, we own our home and it's still embarrassing! We bought it last year after renting it, and it needs a huge amount of work. I do notice that some well-to-do neighbours look askance at the fact we're always in the middle of DIY. I am gradually getting better at just shrugging and accepting that I'll ignore what I can't change/can't afford, and I will focus on the things that make me happy. IMO lamps, houseplants and pretty-coloured throws hide a multitude of sins. Especially if you don't like a sofa! I was in TK Maxx last week and they had hundreds of throws starting from 29.99.

Just wanted to say having a roof over your head and working kitchen appliances isn’t very fortunate and lucky, it’s the bare minimum everyone should have.

But matching furniture and carpets etc really don’t matter and your friends won’t care.

I would hate to have a perfect house. Most of my furniture is second hand and nothing really matches. My aim is for it to be homely, my version of homely, and I don't care what anyone else thinks.

Buy some no nails hooks and stick up some artwork in strategic areas.

Get a rug and tall antique lamp for the living room/lounge.

House plants - hanging, on floor, top of unit. Of all types and in seagrass baskets, terracotta pots, etc.

Read up on Hygge.

Fairy lights in every room, big rug, cheap throws and cushions in abundance, essential oils candles, group things in 3's and put a gallery on wall of plates, prints, poster etc. Makes a huge difference. Cheap but welcoming mat inside your front door. Stop being so hard on yourself, you're doing great!

I didn't start pulling my house 'together ' until I married my third dh on my 30ties
And 2 more house I'm still learning.
But I love my house and love what we have created together.
Bathroom next :
White ?
Grey?
Cream?
We'll see

Matchy matchy isn't my style at all, I'm not keen on rooms where the rug, cushions and curtains all match, or all the furniture is part of a set. It looks so much better and more interesting when random things are pulled together.
Put some nice art on the walls, get lots of plants, some nice (non matchy) cushions. Choose things you LOVE to have around you, not things other people might like. People understand that when you are renting you usually can't choose wall colours and carpets, so who cares, we are renting at the moment and I quite like the fact that I don't have the pressure of creating the perfect looking home.

How about chalk painting the sofa? We did that with some very tatty and mismatching leather furniture (sofa and footstool). Used Annie Sloan paint and wax (clear and black wax - clear for most of it black to bring out some stitching as a nice detail). Looks fab and we were able to have the exact colour we wanted.

Plants are your friend.. fake ones as well, the green, the shapes and the structure just distract from anything not matching.

I have friends with show-home style decor fancy houses and friends with the bare minimum, but it is how you are welcomed, not the decor that makes you feel comfortable.

To be honest, I feel better visiting the friends with the non-refined decor. You can put your feet up on the coffee table, or your drink down without a coaster, and a cat will jump on your lap. Cosier and well loved furniture, and any of the knick knacks have treasured meanings.

Have a good look around your place and do little things that will make you feel more cosy and make it your home, not just a house.

I've been in my house for 28 years. All of my furniture is begged, stolen or borrowed , nothing matches, it is my history. When I have needed a table or a sofa, something has come along and it has been incorporated. There are stories behind each piece.

It seems odd to me to expect a “polished” house. I don’t know anyone who has that. And I’m in my 50s. Don’t most people have bits of furniture, non-matching, hand-me-downs, the odd bit bought new, something from IKEA? And when you replace something, then something else will need doing. It’s never all perfect at the same time. I think you should concentrate on the fact that you have a house and you’re quite young -that’s unachievable for many. My own 20-something DC are unlikely ever to have that. They would look at you with envy.

I used to feel like this and then someone said homes are for living, not for show or worshipping and the penny dropped. Other poster' suggestions about accessories to tie the room together are good if you want to make some changes for your enjoyment of the space

What matters is that the house is clean and a hospitable place to visit. Or put another way, would you want to be friends with the sort of people who thought less of you for not having matching furniture?

Matching furniture & "tasteful decor" sounds like my worst nightmare. To me that sounds soulless & not cosy or personal.

My home is eclectic & my bits and bobs have been accumulated over my lifetime. Nothing particularly fancy, but many items with meaning, from travels, or things that appeal to me.

I think the only things that match in my house are the antique dining chairs handed on from my late MIL. Nothing else does and I like it that way. I do not like symmetry, and nearly all my furniture is charity shop/nature strip/handed down.

OP, if you're thinking of things for your rental, make sure they are either el cheapo and look good for the moment or are truly what you like so confident of taking them with you. The latter is better.

Lamps can transform a room as can plants. If you're feeling confident, and have the money, buy art; limited edition prints or originals, sculpture. Buy what you like and take it with you to your new house.

I have friends whose home looks like it's out of a high end interior magazine and I have friends whose home is upside down due to a halfway done renovation they can no longer afford .

I barely notice or care . Your true friends will not judge you .

However , having come from a more crazy not pulled together home I do understand how you find it stressful visually etc . I think I'd find small affordable ways to pull it together like rugs as mentioned

Some people just have a knack. I have a friend with a very similar property to mine, just not as big. I also have a much bigger budget. Hers always looks better even though she does it on the cheap, paints her own furniture etc. I can buy within reason what I want but it never looks as good as hers. Even flowers in a vase, hers look stunning. She just has a knack.