I feel so down about my house, anyone else feel like this?

[30ishflirtyandthriving]

We moved into our house last year, it was the top of our budget (mainly due to the area being expensive I think, rather than the house itself) and the longer we have been in, the more I find needs doing.
Currently the heating is playing up and we have to either have no heating at all or have the heating on but the radiators so hot you can’t touch them otherwise they won’t come on at all. We have a leaking shower with water that ends up coming through the living room light fitting. We don’t have an RCD switch as the electric kept tripping and due to the box being so old we can’t just replace the switch, meaning it will cost £400 so we currently don’t have electric that will trip out should anything go wrong.
DH isn’t very handy at all, meaning we have to pay people to come in which is fine but I have to nag him to get in touch with people which he never seems to be in any rush to do.
Cosmetically I hate our garden as it’s got a small wall separating the grass and the patio, making it dangerous for DS. We have an old wooden style kitchen and an oven that sounds like it’s about to take off it’s so loud! We just don’t have money to fix these things. My friend just spend £10,000 on a lovely grey modern kitchen and it just makes me feel so depressed.
Anyone else ever feel like this?

Yes we are in exactly the same position, the area is so expensive we could only afford a doer up but we have no money to do it up!!!

That said we have done a few very cheap fixes.

We had an ugly cheap wood kitchen so we bought some paint and painted the cupboard doors white and the work surfaces a bright red and it looks fantastic now a bit 1960s retro and everyone comments on it!!

We used what little bit of money we could spare to buy a few nice lamps / bookshelves etc.. (mostly second hand) but we have done up the living room so we have 1 nice room when people visit.

We have had loads of problems with broken toilets / heating / washing machines etc.. and although neither of us are particularly handy we have learnt a lot from YouTube tutorials and been able to fix things ourselves

We are currently watching YouTube videos on putting down a patio in the garden and we have bought a couple of second hand books about garden care so we are learning what we can do on a very tight budget.

Like you I am still envious about other peoples beautiful houses but at least we are making some progress. I do have periods where I just want to sell up and leave (broken toilet / no heating in feb) but we have got through it. It's easy to get depressed but it does help if you can make some small changes that you like. I am sure you wont need special skills to knock down the wall in your garden next spring and you have plenty of time to plan it and I find it helps to have a plan

I think living in a house like this and having little ones makes you feel so overwhelmed.
All you can do is prioritise. List everything that needs doing in the order it needs doing and keep working towards each thing.
We asked for cash towards the renovations for Xmas and birthday for a good few years ( I stressed not any extra, just what they might have spent anyway) .

I found lighting to be the main way to change aesthetics without spending loads.
You have my sympathy though, it’s a tough call.

I feel very down about our house, too. Moved in 18 months ago and every single room, plus front and back garden, need desperate attention. So far we have only managed to do the kitchen (which don't get me wrong is beautiful now). That cost us about £4,000 in total (partner's brother fitted it for us so we were lucky in that we got cheap materials and no labour costs), which didn't come easily to us - so now we're saving up for each room at a time. It just feels like something comes along to take our savings every 5 seconds though!

We also have issues with the boiler and it needs to be replaced. The garden is just an overgrown mess, I wouldn't know where to start with it. Think Jumanji and you're not far off.

I know we will get there, but the thing is there's every chance it might take a full two years from now before every room is done. And plus, there's no motivation for us to keep the place tidy (apart from the kitchen, which is beautiful) because we don't like any of the rooms. Part of me thinks why did we even move in, but then I think no, it was a good deal, and the way we're doing it is okay, as we both have money left over from wages each month, so save those and then do another room when we have enough.

We will get there, but it's really hard.

Its really tough. I'm lucky now to be able to afford to do most things that need doing to this house but a house needs to be treated as a living thing and so there is always something that needs fixing or replacing or updating.

You say your DH isn't handy at all but could you do it? Ive always relied on DH do do house things (I design, plan and buy what we need and he installs it) but a lot of things are actually really easy. Ive just spent an hour putting up some coving because DH refuses to do it.

I feel like this a bit at the moment, mainly because every time we try and do something we want to do, something we need to do comes up (such as a new boiler or a new shower). Lack of time is largely our issue (3 DC including a baby and DH works away a lot). Our master bedroom has been half painted for months. Tried to get a local painter and decorator in to finish it off and they’re all so busy they don’t even bother coming to quote!
I think I mainly just feel overwhelmed due to a non sleeping, very mobile baby on top of a 5 and 4 year old and that feeling is transferring itself on to the house...

Hang on, you have water coming down a light fitting and no trip switch?

YOU NEED TO GET THE ELECTRICS FIXED.

Seriously. Now.

Dripping water through a light fitting.... that sounds incredibly dangerous - that needs sorting as an absolute priority. I wouldn’t use the shower until it’s done.

I hate to be this person but you are more than capable of ringing people yourself and get it sorted.

Also YouTube is your friend. Use it to see how people have done things on the cheap. You can just change cupboard doors or paint tiles. You could sort the garden yourself too.

You can do some quick fixes cheaply and without DIY skills.

Don't underestimate the brightening effect of plain white paint. We repainted our ancient oak kitchen units white, Wilko white Venetian blinds, B&Q self adhesive laminate wood plank flooring which we were able to lay ourselves, new white IKEA extending breakfast table and old chairs painted dove grey. With very little effort and cost the kitchen has been transformed and looks new and fresh.

But speaking with many years' experience, this house sounds like a potential money pit and it will become a slog. If your DH isn't putting his back into it now, it will only get harder to find the motivation.

My suggestion, tough as it may sound, is to spruce it up, particularly the bathroom and kitchen, fix the broken things and then move on.

I am in exactly the same situation as you. I fucking hate it. It feels like such a first world problem - “waah I my house was too expensive and now I can’t afford to paint the walls gold”. But we have no wallpaper (had to strip it because of condensation damage), no carpet anywhere (had to rip it all out because previous owner was a smoker and dog owner), and our bathroom is mouldy and dated. It’s actually really affecting my mental health. I’m snappy and irritated all the time because I hate the fucking house. I feel depressed when I walk up my pathway because I hate opening my front door and seeing bare walls and floorboards and bare wooden stairs. No choice but to live like this for at least another year. I will never ever buy a fixer upper again. I don’t care how amazing the area is.

Yep same. Ours has massive cracks in all the walls, needs a total replanted replumb and rewire. Can't afford any of it. Didn't know it it would need it as sellers webbed over the cracks and had a quick reskim done to sell it. I refuse to do the same so we are stuck.

If all your husband is doing is calling tradespeople to do the work, why can't you help out with that?

I rent and hubby does no DIY what so ever I cut everything back as far as I can and cut grass in garden lucky as my neighbours put a new fence in !!as I rent unknown its landlords responsibly to keep stuff sorted but that doesn't include decor he agreed to pay for main living room diner to be painted and re carpeted so main rooms done but rest of house is wood chip walls and a shit tip clean enough but I refuse to spend money on a house I dont own plus I dont have the funds!!!yes its depressing and gets you down but least u own it !!!I dont and would never get a deposit together even both work full time min wage jobs and just rent and council tax is 720 pcm when your earning 950 per month 30 hours min wage it's a killer!!!

Thanks all, at least it’s a comfort to know it isn’t just me that feels this way. The reasons I don’t find people myself are that DH works in commercial insurance so he insures builders, electricians, plumbers etc so always says he knows people and will contact them himself with them knowing who he is but then takes weeks to get round to it. The couple of times I’ve got sick and contacted people myself they have turned out to be cowboys, one of who took a part of our system out (no idea what) and left us in the middle of December when I was heavily pregnant with no heating or hot water and never got back to us! So I leave it to him to avoid I told you so’s!
Yes the shower leaks through the light in the living room. The shower isn’t even above the living room so it’s clearly travelling water. We’ve had 3 plumbers out who have said it’s the grouting/sealant/door leaking etc so of course every time we fix these we have to use it to see if it works but I think it’s a new shower unit we’re going to need which we don’t have money for. Luckily we have a bath.
I organised someone to look at our fusebox who took the LCD switch, said he wouldn’t find a new one and then we didn’t see him for dust! But it turns out we need a new box altogether which will be £400+. DH said he’s currently waiting for someone to get back to him. The heating is just stressing me out too, we never seem to not have something now working at any given time and it’s causing us to bicker.
I would happily paint the kitchen cupboards but I was worried in case I made a hash of it! (I’ll post photo of it currently)
I’m fully aware the cosmetic aspect is a first world problem but I feel every other house I visit is gorgeous and modern and I don’t think ours has been updated since it was built in 2002. DH is out of the house working 7-7 most days so I struggle to get anything done with DS around and then he just wants to sit and watch sports on a weekend which also gets me down. He just has no drive to want to make the house nicer. I ask my dad to help me with most things but he’s in his late 60s and it’s almost embarrassing when I have a 28 year old DH who won’t help. Simple things like I’ve asked him to put a security light up as now it’s dark nights I can’t see to unlock the door, he won’t do.
What paint do you suggest for the cupboards? I think I would need new tiles and worktops also. We bought this house thinking it would need little doing to it as I know what DH is like but I wish we hadn’t bothered sometimes. I know it’s ours and we are lucky in that sense but sometimes that almost makes it more stressful as we’re responsible for everything. Sorry to moan to you all!

I don’t seem to have the option to post a photo for some reason!

Cupboard paint is really hard to mess up, just give it a go! I've done it in three houses now.

You can buy decent solar powered security lights with sensors which you will easily be able to put up yourself.

We have these
www.amazon.co.uk/Mpow-Generation-Outdoor-Waterpoof-Security/dp/B07WPBV1N5/ref=sr_1_5?smid=A289EJU33GGXE2&keywords=30+led+solar+light+sensor&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1572527574&sr=8-5

paint is 3 for 2 at B&Q until Sunday

Following as in the same boat. Got to a stage where literally have no sore money and loads of stuff needs doing. I'm on my own with the DC and I've got a really bad back problem so even the simplest of DIY tasks is a struggle

@MyKingdomForBrie I’m very tempted. We have green tiles though so I’m not sure what colour to pain them! I like grey but I don’t think it would go.
@kjhjk they look really good thank you, think I’m going to order one. How many do you have for a decent amount of light? Are they easy to put up?

*spare

I remember this very well OP. So clearly that the last time we moved we included a reasonable amount in our moving/mortgage costs to cover new boilers, electric breakdowns, paint etc. Because we had learned the hard way everything breaks as soon as you move into a new house.

I don't feel that down about my house, but it does get us down we just can't afford to do the essential things to make our disabled daughters lives easier. We tried to get the DFG to help, but they wouldn't.
I guess having a friend spend as much as that on theirs hasn't helped, but have they lived in their house longer? Maybe it didn't have all the other issues yours has, so they were able to save more? Maybe they have just added to their mortgage or got a loan, or even got an ex display kitchen?

Anyway, just saw your last post. Paint the doors. Cupboard paint is really good. Just make sure the doors are free from grease. You can get tile stickers if you want to update them too. Dc fix apparently do some really good ones.
If you have a Dunelm, they do some outdoor battery operated fairy lights for £9.99. I have mine on my parasol, but we bought them for camping.

This time of year everything looks worse. I'd bet if it was sunny you would be feeling much more positive about things. My house always looks gloomy and sad on low light days, but even with nothing changed, sunny days it just looks so much nicer.

Forgot to say, can you get a list of names and numbers from your dh so you can contact the trades he trusts?