I feel so down about my house, anyone else feel like this?

[30ishflirtyandthriving]

We moved into our house last year, it was the top of our budget (mainly due to the area being expensive I think, rather than the house itself) and the longer we have been in, the more I find needs doing.
Currently the heating is playing up and we have to either have no heating at all or have the heating on but the radiators so hot you can’t touch them otherwise they won’t come on at all. We have a leaking shower with water that ends up coming through the living room light fitting. We don’t have an RCD switch as the electric kept tripping and due to the box being so old we can’t just replace the switch, meaning it will cost £400 so we currently don’t have electric that will trip out should anything go wrong.
DH isn’t very handy at all, meaning we have to pay people to come in which is fine but I have to nag him to get in touch with people which he never seems to be in any rush to do.
Cosmetically I hate our garden as it’s got a small wall separating the grass and the patio, making it dangerous for DS. We have an old wooden style kitchen and an oven that sounds like it’s about to take off it’s so loud! We just don’t have money to fix these things. My friend just spend £10,000 on a lovely grey modern kitchen and it just makes me feel so depressed.
Anyone else ever feel like this?

I used Ronseal one coat cupboard paint. It took four coats, mind you, but looks great if I say so myself.

I'd be wary of tile paint, could look messy. Instead look on Pinterest for colour ideas with green tiles. White and very dark grey seem to come up a lot.

I hesitate to say this, but isn't your DH at the root of the problem here?

Painting cupboards, laying laminate, fixing shower sealant, fitting outdoor lights - none of these things really needs a tradesman.

I'm tempted to suggest you need to take DH off the critical path. Those aren't necessarily man's jobs OP; it is the year 2019 and you could roll up your own sleeves! :-) Any 'I told you so' can be rebuffed with 'well, at least I did something'. Be brave. Youtube is your friend, you can learn much there!

Also, the more you do to the house the more you learn about how everything works, and the more you know about that, the less left-out and helpless you feel. You may even find that DH comes on-side and starts making himself useful if he starts to see some positivity around the place.

As an example, I fixed a leaking toilet earlier this year; go me! Previously our attitude had been 'It's disgusting and it's the plumber's fault, so he can fix it'. But the plumber who originally fitted it had been out to it three times (each time only after a fortnight of begging voicemails and texts from us) without fixing it properly, and it had ruined the bathroom floor underneath it. Once I looked into it myself, the problem was he'd used a shitty cheap soil-pipe connector that was the wrong shape (probably because he just had it lying around in his van), allowing it to spill sewage onto our bathroom floor. 1/2 hour on youtube and I knew exactly what to do. I tested the replacement connector extensively before laying the new floor, so I knew it wasn't going to leak and ruin that. It's been dry as a bone ever since.

Even if it takes you years to get through the list of jobs (it is taking us years tbh), at the very least you'll feel like you've taken a bit of control of the situation, and you'll see a slow improvement. Set realistic goals. Expect things to go wrong along the way; chalk them up to experience and find creative work-arounds as you go. Keep learning.

OP, footchewer has excellent advice here and so do previous posters .
Our house sounds a lot like yours. Fortunately we had a bit of cash to rewire and put a new boiler in before we moved in, but are doing everything else ourselves and living in a bare undecorated house with lots of fixes needed really does get to your mental health, I feel it too.
There is so much satisfaction to be had in making small changes and building your confidence.
I've been feeling overwhelmed with our renovation lately but find it helpful to write out a list of things that are irritating me about the house and then trying to prioritise eg. 3 things that I can do something about right now.
We have learnt so much DIY this year. I can plaster now!
Urgent priorities should always be those that concern safety (your electrics and the leak, for instance), prevent water ingress or further damage, security, or keeping yourself warm.
Once we have addressed those in ours (nearly there! Found a leak in the toilet cistern pipe this week!) we will move on to the things that are cosmetic eg. Painting kitchen cupboards.
Without making clear prioritised lists it gets overwhelming. I'm sorely tempted to start painting furniture but then I remember there are huge gaps in floorboards in the living room letting in draughts and realise that has to come first. Especially with small kids.
Good luck! It's an adventure. You can do it

We're in the same boat.
You 100% need to get that water issue sorted though. If Dh wont ring those guys back get the numbers off his phone and ring them yourself

These are some things we did with our house that were easy, relatively cheap and made a big difference.
Mega buckets of warm white paint. Bedrooms kitchen hall everywhere. Big rollers fuck it on any old way no cutting in to ceilings do the whole lot the same, same shade (diff finish though) on any wardrobes or doors, so joins not obvious.
Lifted horrible old carpets and laid laminate flooring which is actually not that hard. Watch out for 3 for 2 offers in b and Q and similar. Also end of line clearances are perfect for bedrooms.
Changed old orange skirting everywhere for thick white ones. Again, easy with YouTube. And now you have nice clean fresh bedrooms, all it need is some pretty linen and lampshades.

Same again in the kitchen and batheoom.I've heard people using contact vinyl to cover laminate counters to tart them up for a bit. Worth a try. Also big outdoor rugs to cover grotty flooring. Paint over horrible wall tiles. Get caulk to neaten the edges. That is just like using a giant icing gun when you make cakes and gives a lovely clean finish.

Lighting is a big thing, modern and or pretty shades and fixtures. A couple of plants and pictures, clean white walls and inoffensive easy clean flooring will make a big difference. It wont get you into top 100 Gorgeous Mansions, but it will give you breathing space while you get money and workmen lined up for more intricate jobs.

That's one thing, but your most pressing problem is your DH's lack of enthusiasm. Hes tired from work, I get that, but if he works 7to 7 so do you! You need to get him on board - could you get him to row in behind you every Saturday morning say? You get the kids out of the house for 2 hours while he cracks on with something. Then he takes them out, to the park, round his mums, for another 2 hours while you carry on. Thats not a big ask really, achievable and wont burn anyone out. He'll still have plenty of weekend time to chill. And when you see the results it is a great motivator.

Make a list of those kinds of jobs, keep the dimensions of everything in your bag so that if you see cheap offers anywhere you know immediately if they will fit, ask for IKEA vouchers for xmas or birthdays or whatever and most importantly commit to 4 hours on a Saturday morning to get stuck in.

Good luck with your DH.

@7Days IKEA vouchers for christmas is a great idea!

Maybe I'm projecting, but it's what I'd love to find under the tree for myself footchewer

kjhjk they look really good thank you, think I’m going to order one. How many do you have for a decent amount of light? Are they easy to put up?

We have one under a 20square metre covered deck and it lights up the whole area. Very easy and very bright.

Yes me, ours feels like the forth bridge...we seem to have been moving from room to room trying to get sorted for 15 years. If it wasn't for the fact that new houses have a bad rep I'd be seriously considering moving to one.

Yep. We have a house like that except it's tiny and we haven't just moved and can't see that we'll ever be able to. Car has just packed up and it seems that, even though I now have an almost full time job again after being at home with kids, we're worse off than ever. Very pissed off at the moment.

Hope your situation improves

Op - years ago someone bought me a DIY book called 100 things you don't need a man for Things You Don't Need a Man for www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1854108123/ref=cmswrcpapiiWBXUDbWE4EHJB

It gives a really good summary of how to do simple tasks. I agree with PPs about needing proper trades people for some jobs, but others you can have a go at yourself

Also if you get the home channel on your TV (its on sky and might be on freeview?) then they are currently showing Our House at about 3am. It isn't a decorating programme, its a 90s programme about how to actually do DIY. I couldn't sleep last night and Handy Andy taught me all about different saws and which to use for each job and how to get a good clean angle on skirting board.

I've been there, it can be miserable. I agree with PPs that your husband is a red herring here. I'd suggest getting yourself online and get some quotes in. Regardless of who "should" do it, it needs doing and he's not doing it. Get thyself online. If DH gets in a huff a) point out he's being ridiculous because it's a joint effort and b) that more quotes never harm. If the "workload split" you have together means that it is his "job" to deal with it, you cracking on might give him reason to keep up! I pass no judgement on the gender of the person - if person A is more familiar with a thing it's often "theirs" but if they're not getting on with it then it falls to person B.

Please get the leaking light fitting seen to.

What helped me was writing a huge list of "things I want to do, should do, and have to do" and then picking one from each list every week. The important thing is to really break it down. So instead of "decorate the dining room" I had it in "get some inspiration on Pinterest" and "get some wallpaper samples" and "pick up paint chips". It seems more reasonable that way.

Then you're all prepared for when you've got a little bit saved up, and you know what you're looking out for. Getting started seemed to be the hard bit for me.

Ps. I went from being not totally sure how to cut in when painting, to replacing a ceiling and installing coving. It's terrifying at times, but so long as you do a little bit at a time and do your research, then go for it!

As well as all the other brilliant advice you’ve received above, I’d suggest making a list of niggly jobs and then finding a handyman on a day rate and book him for the day to blitz through them. This is guaranteed to make you feel better about your house!

Also: last year I was at home for a month recovering from something, and one thing I tried to do each day was 1 small thing to improve my living environment. Eg put up a picture, tidy something, etc.

Thanks all for your brilliant and helpful ideas. I think you are right and part of it is DH as I feel like screaming at him “why don’t you care?” It feels like it’s only me who wants to live in and safe and fully functioning house and he just isn’t bothered. But then he isn’t bothered about keeping it tidy by any means so I’m not sure why it surprises me!

I guess if it doesn't bother him as much as you, it's going to be you who has to get it sorted (sorry)

Yes that’s exactly it, he would literally leave it until either something went seriously wrong or someone was injured if it wasn’t for me!
I can post photos now. This is my kitchen. I know it’s not awful but I just wish I could make it more modern.

Us too. We bought our first home in December, then found out it needed £8k worth of damp work (which wasn't pickup on the survey, so we're fighting to get our money back... But not optimistic).

Consequently there's bare plaster and bare concrete floors downstairs (although we've managed to do the living room walls and floor, finally) as well as the crappy old hideous bathroom that we'd planned to spend that 8k on... Now we're stuck with it until we can save again!

You can do a lot with that kitchen. Definitely paint the cupboards and depending on how much storage you need, you could take off a few doors at the top and have open shelves to display nice things. At our previous house we inherited an old, wooden kitchen and it had several incarnations with different coloured paint!!! You can do so much just with colour. Likewise you could just get a more modern style of vinyl to replace the small squared one you have at present. Like others have said, don't wait for your husband, start doing stuff yourself - it will make you feel so much better to see progress.

Pain the cupboards and change the handles and it will look really different. I also recommend losing a few wall cupboards if you can, it really opens the space up. Shelving if you need it and some colourful art and it will have a totally different feel and you can free up some worktop space too.

I can recommend fusion mineral paint. You can more or less paint straight on and it doesn't have that "rustic" look that you get with chalk paint.

I'd update that kitchen in a flash with paint and new handles. Either safe white to brighten it or a very pale grey for the wall units and a darker grey for the base units. Or go very on trend and paint it all navy with gold handles.

I agree with PP take down the top cupboards and install shelving, paint the bottom half, white or cream. If you go through the kitchen cupboards, can guarantee you can throw half of it away😀 kitchen hoard useless appliances and excessive items. It will take you less than an hour to remove the cupboards and will make the kitchen look a lot bigger.

I think you need to roll up your sleeves and have a go. I’m divorced and now responsible for all the DIY that he previously did. I have amazed myself with what I can do. YouTube is fabulous for tutorials. I’ve fixed all sorts of small problems and learnt basic DIY.

I don’t mess around with water leaking, and nor should you, it’s destructive. Call someone out to fix the problem.
YOur DH will not do it, so you need to.

Thank you ladies. I’ve had a look online and some of the makeovers just from a lick of paint and new handles is amazing! They look like new kitchens. I’m very tempted to buy some paint and go for it.
We have someone coming on the 18th of this month now to sort the electrics but the shower is still out of bounds until we can find the source of this mystery leak

Sorry by the way - it OP! Changed my name

Go for it!
once the mystery leak is solved you will know how much money you have to play with. Then its YouTube vids, and sleeves rolled up - though I think my previous suggestion of getting DH to do childcare then swap for DIY for a couple of hours at the weekend is a good'un.