flight without DH with 3dc? is it possible or totally mad?

[weasle]

we are thinking of going to visit my parents who live in the usa in the summer. We will have 4.5yo, 2.9yo and 3month old. part of the reason is that DH is already at a conference elsewhere during part of the time i want to go, so i would have help and people around for that week, and then he would join us for the last 2 weeks and fly back with us.

am i totally mad to consider flying on my own with the children to get there? i realise it will be very hard, not sure how i will manage customs, getting luggage etc. with tired grumpy children. will the rest there be worth the challenge getting there? the other option is to manage at home alone for a week whilst DH away then fly with him for a holiday with my parents. neither really appeal!

any advice/experience welcome!

TIA

Depends on where in the USA. East coast or west coast. How many changes? How are the kids generally at travelling?

I took DD (3.6) and DS (23 months) to California on my own. Changed planes in New York. Next time would have gone direct as major hassle going through security with children and in New York, they didn't appreciate DS running through the x ray machine.

But if you could do a night flight, then hopefully they would sleep (except for the baby)

oh, sorry, new york, no changes, my dad will pick us up at airport.

I would certainly talk to the airline you intend to use before you travel.

It will be hard work indeed with three children and you as the sole adult. You're going to need help (and understanding) from ground staff at both ends (that could be more difficult at NYC)and aircrew. Meals for you and the children (I'd take their own favourite foodstuffs and do not rely on the airline to provide), entertaining them during the flight itself and using the toilet are also considerations.

The majority of flights to NYC leave during daylight hours (many of them leave late morning/early afternoon getting into NYC at around 4-5pm UK time). Flights back to the UK tend to leave in the evening and arrive into the UK in the early hours of the morning (from 7am) onwards due to the time difference.

you're not mad - just go!

But be very prepared! If you've travelled a lot with your dh you'll know what tricks work. If you haven't, trawl through the long-haul section for loads of tips.

If you're being met off the flight, it'll be far easier than transferring but you will need help - sling and buggy with luggage is definitely not easy, but it can be done. Can your dh take all your luggage ahead so you just have hand luggage?

US customs and immigration will be vile with or without your dh anyway, but that's such a small part of your holiday you'll just have to grin and bear it.

But don't stay at home - it'll be such an exciting experience for the older ones (and the baby will sleep through it!)

I would say its totally doable...the baby should sleep loads, and the 2 older ones should be able to watch the inflight tv, or have a portable DVD player, and if not, sleep.

Its only a 7 hour flight (we are 14 hours away from the UK !!) and if you tell the airline that you are travelling with 3 kids on your own they will flag that in your booking and make sure you get help at both ends...

I once travelled 5 months pregnant with my 18 month old and got massive help both ends with luggage carrying and hurrying through immigration etc...but I had told them and they arranged all the help.

good luck anyway and remember its just 1 day out of your life and you will have a fab holiday at the end of it..

My experience is that the airline won't help, even if booked in advcance.

But it's totally do able. The baby goes in a sling, the 4 year old walks, and the 2 year old goes in a very small buggy which you can take up to the plane and pick up when you get off.

The main difficulty is going through security as it means folding up buggy, taking baby out of sling, shoes off for everyone, going through bags etc. Just take it as slowly.

Once you are on the plane, it's really just a matter of occupying the kids. The 4 year old can choose cartoons. Find something for the 2 year old.

As far as the baggage, you won't have very far to go as baggage claim is close to the exits.

It's only a 7 hour flight, and you don't have to make it to the other end of the airport by a specific time to catch another plane, and have help on the other side.

I took a 2 and 4 year old to Chicago. We fleew Virgin, who were fab about Children i have to say. Each got a back pack full of goodies to play with. And the children food was actually good (and my standards are HIGH).

The only problem was that I though my 2 (almost 3) year old DS was too old to crap all over himself like a little baby. But he did just that about 20 minutes into the flight and so spent the next 7 1/2 hours in a pair of very stylish bright red flight socks and a nappy. Oh, that was a treat.

But, really it was fine. We had a nice time. Glad we went.

I have a 4.1 yo and a 2.1 yo and I'd be happy to take them on my own. Add a 3mo baby into the mix and I'd be a bit scared TBH!

Depends on your kids' personalities I think. My 4yo is quite a handful, but my 2yo is extremely well behaved so that's why I'd do it no problem with just my 4yo and the 2yo.

I think overall, you could probably do it and people will probably help with short term difficulties if you ask them.

Go, just ask for help whether it be from staff or other passengers, keep your buggy with you until the gate, take snacks drinks and games, the baby will sleep on flight and people are usually understanding I have flown loads of times with my 3 from when ds was teeny and the worst bit by far is hanging around at the airport before hand,when you land i would have baby in sling and get a trolley, put buggy in trolley and then you can at least get you luggage.

Do you have a US passport? Do your kids? If so that will make it easier. If not, I have found a crying baby usually helps with immigration.
I have flown back from NYC with 5 and 3 year old, and it was fine. Well except there was also a school party of teenagers who made so much noise you couldn't hear 3 year old scream herself to sleep.
Make sure they have something to suck on landing. Put as much as possible in the hold. Get the bigger 2 little back packs with their stuff. Take presents of crayons, paper, books, noelties. Let them watch endless kids channel. Pre -order food. Do make sure you have your buggy both ends.

Good luck!

if you can get someone else to take you to the airport to help with luggage and check in I would go for it

on arrival pay for a porter for the luggage

Don't take snacks and drinks. Really. It's so strict that they will almost certainly get thrown away, even if they are allowed. It just isn't worth arguing about. All my food and drinks were totally allowed on board, but ended up in an argument with some security person at the airport, and their supervisor said I was right, but it just wasn't worth all the waiting around.

What you will need to figure out is what happens when someone needs to go to the toilet. Do you take everyone? Would you wake up the baby? Nappy change? My advice would be to ask the flight attendants if they wouldn't mind keeping an eye on the kids if the baby is asleep and they need to go, or if you need to change the baby.

The security staff in my experience of them at UK airports don't mind foodstuffs (as long as its not yogurt), its the liquids that cause a problem and this 100ml liquids rule is going to be around for a couple more years. Buy drinks airside. Such liquid items can be taken on the aircraft without any difficulty.

I've never had any trouble with snacks or the kids drinks

I did Vancouver to UK with a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 6 month old once.

Got taken by friends to airport and they went with me to security - and talked with the oldest about being a big boy to help mummy - and was met by dh at the other end.

I had a seat for ds3 so I could take his car seat on board - so I could put him in it when I went to the loo etc. I carried a pack pack of stuff plus him in the car seat - no buggy or sling - and ds1 and 2 both had back packs with stuff in.

The airline staff didn't help at all - but other passengers were helpful - but actually the children were very good - although the older two watched a film I wouldn't really have liked them too and didn't sleep at all - so neither did I. Baby slept or fed to whole way. With your own DVD player and ipod of story books it should be no problem.

Ca

also depends upon the type of children you have.

we flew to Chicago when dd1 was 3 and dd2 was 7mos. we brought little surprises (bribes), treats (bribes), games, etc. but dd1 is clingy and whingy by nature, dd2 was teething, the flight there is by day - baby cried most of the time and toddler tantrummed.

DH and I almost didn't return to the UK for fear the return flight would be equally chaotic. but flying back on the overnight flight was easier as the 2 slept and seemed more relaxed.

we now have dd3 who is 1 and dd2 is 2.5, dd1 is 4.5. I'm dreading the time we fly back to visit my family (and that's WITH my DH).

Hats off to you. you'll be fine, I'm sure. you sound confident and maybe that's the main thing you'll need to survive such a trip. Let us know how it goes!

We live in the US at the moment and fly back around once a year. Our dcs are a bit older (6, 4 and 1) but we have done the journey (with DH) when they were the same age as yours. TBH given the option of a week at home on my own OR the flight without DH I would stay home and fly out when DH gets back.

It is exhausting! The hardest thing is when they need something (drink / snack / toilet) when the seat belt light is on. Also would you (and baby) need to accompany the older ones to the toilet?

Its likely to be a daytime flight so they may not sleep (mine certainly never do!). I found it hard to settle the baby so basically continously breastfed her for most of the trip. When you arrive you have to deal with immigration. We queued for 2 hours once in Chicago and all 3 kids were so tired, hungry and fed up that they were screaming once we got to the front of the line.

After that you have to think about carrying baby, pushing buggy and somehow pushing trolley, lifting suitcases and getting out to meet your dad.

I really don't want to sound negative and I consider myself a fairly adventurous person but I would not be brave enough!

Good luck whatever you decide!

wow, thanks so much for all the replies, lots of great tips.

have a dvd player and ds1 and ds2 are total zoombies in front of it as rarely allowed to watch tv. i would assume i would be almost constantly bf the baby. difficulties going to the loo i did think about how i would manage them all.

no us passport. back packs and porter good idea. my dad a platinum elite type flier with the airline i will probably go with and thinks he can organise help, but i am doubtful that when you actually turn up it happens, especially during the flight.

have flown lots with 2dc with dh, did 1 flight on my own with them when about 1 yr and nearly 3yo, but only 1 hr. flight attendants very helpful that time, but at check in it was a nightmare as they insisted i had to take my tiny folding buggy to the oversized luggage area to check in and couldn't take it to the gate. in the end i stood still and asked about 5 members of staff until 1 helped me. it's partly luck who is working that day and how nice they are i think!

lots to think about, thanks so much all. dc3 not yet here yet, at due date so planning things whilst waiting!

I have never had to check in a buggy. The problem is that they do often take them at the gate and put them in the hold, you really want it at the other end. But if your Dad has a platinum card, why not ask him to ask about it, and get assurances it will be stored in the cabin.

Lots of good solid advice here.

My top tip for getting my umbrella-style buggy on to a flight is to ask a female staff member if they can squeeze it onboard. I've had male ground crew tell me no way, no how then asked a female one who said yes we have room for two small buggies onboard (another reason to board when they call for families).

I can see a potential problem with this platinum airline card in that your Dad's platinum card may only be used by him and are not transferrable.

Whatever airline you decide to use I would get any assistance offered to you put in writing.

More often than not buggies go in the hold (although on one occasion a crew member took the buggy for me and put it in their locker, think that only happened because the flight was not full).

I would use a British based carrier to fly to the US rather than an American one; this is purely because you tend to get better service on UK based airlines.

Not all UK airports these days make all pax take their shoes off at the security checkpoint and some staff will screen children whilst in their buggies. However at US airports children do get removed from buggies and all pax remove shoes.

If none of you have US passports then the ESTA (online electronic travel authorisation) will have to be completed for ALL of you prior to travel along with the green visa waiver forms (all of you will need such forms) and the customs form (one per family). Those particular forms are given out at check in.

I have never seen porters at either baggage reclaim (the ones immediately after immigration) or customs at any US airport; if they are around they will be at ground transportation.

I'm with Bunkups.

We went with a 6-year-oldand 4-year-old -girls and a 17-month old boy.

We had to travel Glasgow to Amsterdam and then change planes and fly Amsterdam to Houston.

I'd have done it with just the girls, but the baby was a nightmare.

He needed his own dedicated parent.

And yes, it was up and down to the toilet with the girls.

They did not sleep the whole way back at all. Some don't. The way back is a night flight always so that meant sleep-deprived, ratty kids.

Depends on the type of child but there is NO way I'd do that on my own.

We won't be going again until DS is about 3 and toilet-trained and then the eldest will be able to go to the toilet on her own.

Oh, and btw, DH doesn't have a US passport.

He was treated very well by US immigration, in stark contrast to how I've been treated in the UK before I was a British national.

it'd certainly be an adventure!!

many people would be very happy to hold a tiny baby for a few minutes to help you out i'm sure.

if you are staying with family in the states, could you cut down on a load of luggage by asking your folks to get you all you need nappy wise and even clothes wise for the kids...

could you use a double buggy to strap in the two youngest dcs? what about those trunki suitcases for the kids to play on?

a wrap for the baby so it packs up really small when you're not wearing the baby?

i would do it i think, but do everything in my power to make life easy for myself...

let us know what you decide!

Bullshit you get better service on British airlines. BA was the most inflexible, health and safety 'you cannot do blah'. They would only put the cot on the bulkhead which DD (4 months) hated as she couldn't see me. They insisted on me folding the buggy outside the aircraft because they weren't covered for it, and refused to even hold DD. Ever try folding a buggy while holding a baby? eventually, a kind passenger helped.

American airlines, in contrast, had older women as flight attendants, and all were either mothers or grandmothers. They didn't care if I put the cot on the floor, got a nice blanket from first class, took turns walking DD up and down the aisles so I could eat have a glass -of wine. Virgin have been hit and miss, KLM, mainly OK, but tended not to go out of their way, but British carriers doesn't mean great service, believe me!

It's only a 7 hour flight. It isn't that bad. Just be prepared. The toilet thing/baby changing can be tricky, but not impossible.

Lastly, you may want to check with the airline about the ages, as there may be a policy on ages and number of adults.

That's true, ilove. If she's going London straight to NYC and being met at airport, it's much better than having to change planes somewhere. And the time difference isn't quite so bad.

I'd have happily done our trip with the two older ones, it's when you have a toddler DS's age who a) doesn't find flying fun and an adventure teh way a 4-year-old does b) can't 'do' stuff, like colouring in or DS Lite or watch a film straight through, that with one adult and three children and one that age would be very difficult.

KLM were okay. Plenty of wine.

But we had to fold buggy down and leave it at a midway point in the gate before boarding and collect it afterwards.

And in Glasgow, we had to go all the way to baggage claim to get the buggy.

Next time, I'm going Glasgow to NYC or Toronto, then spending the night, or not at all (next time I'm going for the entire summer break, which means on my own on the way over or back, as a fortnight wasn't long enough).