Etiquette when taking DC's friend on holiday with us

[KeepOnCleaning]

We are at that difficult age where older DD is going away all summer with friends, so what do we do with younger DD (16)? She will be bored with just us but is too young to go away on her own with friends. We can ask her if she wants to bring a friend with, but what is the etiquette here? The friends' parents are likely to jump at the chance, as due to health issues they are unable to go on holiday this year. However, we can't afford to pay for everything for her. Can we ask them to pay for her flights and accommodation? We would cover everything while we're there - food, activities, etc.

Dd2 has been invited abroad with her bestie family. I immediately offered to pay for her flights which they accepted. They are staying in a family owned apartment so I don’t think accommodation will cost much. I will give them cash toward food nearer the time and give dd2 spending money.
im not sure I would accept the invitation if I couldn’t make a contribution.

I don't think there's a set etiquette. I'd just say what you've said here - offer to take her on the condition that they are able to cover some of the costs as you won't be able to afford it otherwise.

Flights is fair enough but will you have to stay in bigger accommodation because of her? If not, I wouldn't ask for money for accommodation, but I'd expect her to have some money for activities.

I think if you are taking friends and you can afford flights and meals just say to the parents she will just need spending money for days out or whatever.

I think a contribution for the cost of flights, something towards food and some spending money would be about right. The accommodation would just be absorbed by you wouldnt it, especially if the teenage sharing a room?

Presuming the girls will share a twin room, which you can choose in the accommodation anyway, I think just flights & spending money would be a reasonable ask for her parents.

I was once the Mum of the friend in this situation, & the parents told me how much it would cost before they even mentioned it to either of the boys. That was very thoughtful, & accepted gladly.

I think it can work fine, you just need to be really clear with your expectations. Chat to the parents and agree who's paying for what. Eg if the accommodation won't cost you extra and you're happy to pay for the friend's food as you're cooking anyway. But they would pay for flights and give some pocket money.

My dd went on holiday with a friend. We paid for flights. They said they were happy to pay for everything else (self catering in air bnb so it didn't cost much more to have dd there). She took spending money and bought her own icecreams etc.

I think the problems only happen if people have mismatched expectations. Make it really clear and all should be well.

You are essentially asking for the friend to come as entertainment for your DC and to make it less stressful for you in amusing them. This is perfectly fine but as it is all on your terms I’d say you can’t ask for any money and just should accept an offer of what is given. This may be her spending money only.

I agree definitely flights, not accommodation and some spend money towards expenses.

Depends what kind of holiday you’re going on.
Villa or other accommodation which is fixed cost - just ask for flights. But if it’s a per person package holiday it’s fine to ask them to pay for their child which will include a share of accommodation as well as flights, with you paying for all extras once you’re there.

Definitely speak to the parents before speaking to your DD or her friend. Allows them to say no without the pressure.

I don’t think you can ask for accommodation costs when presumably they can share a room.

No, it would benefit them as well as they are unable to go on holiday as a family for health reasons

Yes, this is what it is likely to be. Without the extra, we could get a room for 3. With a friend, we would need to get 2 rooms so it would be more expense pp.

Obviously if we were paying for the accommodation anyway (apartment, or similar), then we wouldn't ask for a contribution to the accommodation costs. If it is a pp package holiday, then we would need another room and it would be a pp cost.

I still probably would not ask for accommodation costs. Your 16 year old doesn't really want to share a room with her parents, and they are also doing you a favour by letting her go with you, by making your holiday better.
I would only ask for flights and spending money.

Personally if I was inviting a child I would expect to keep costs at a minimum, flights & a bit of spending money & for a week rather than longer. What sort of money are you talking about asking your dd’s friends family to pay@KeepOnCleaning?

We are parents of the friend and she has just been invited on her third trip with them. We have always paid flights and sent her with spending money. They are aware that we wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise. First trip was to self catering accommodation and we spoke with DD and said she had to help clear the table after the meal and help wash up etc clearly she did a good job as they have asked her again since. It is doing you a favour to have your DD entertained and also she is a little old to be sharing a room with her parents so I don’t think you should be asking for accommodation costs. We didn’t get asked for hotel costs when our dd went with them on a hotel holiday

I’d present it to parents with the cost. We’re going on holiday and wondered if she’d like to join.

Talk to the parents first because if they can’t afford it or don’t want her to go, you haven’t got the kids hopes up.

I think that you would be inviting them as a guest so it would be rude to ask for money towards flights, hotels, or activities you will all be doing (though it would be normal for them to insist on contributing anyway).

It's fine to ask them to bring some spending money for extra treats though.

Honestly I wouldn't be asking their child to come and expecting them to pay for accommodation and flights.

You're inviting her because it's beneficial to you and your daughter, not because her family can't take her away this year. A contribution towards costs and spending money would be more than sufficient.

Look at it this way - if your older DD was coming you'd have to pay for her flights and get a 2nd room anyway? I can't see a 16 year old would want to share a room with her parents. Could you get an apartment instead as that is usually cheaper than 2 hotel rooms? I'd say to the friend's parents, we'd like to invite her but are you able to contribute in some way? It's still cheaper for them than their own family holiday. And your 16 year old will have a much more enjoyable time.

I know you think you are doing the friend a favour but you want some company for your Dd which is fine but don't try and frame it as a huge favour for the friends family that isn't fair.

My friend's parents invited me at 17 to join their holiday abroad. I'd never been before and understood from the outset I could only go if I paid for my travel and accommodation. They were very kind and paid for all the drinks on the table at dinner and tipped the hotel staff.

I think your daughter should tell her friend that you'd love her to come but she would have to pay her own way.

Speak to the parents first? Can gauge if it is something they can afford/are happy to pay

I have taken dd friend on holiday a few times. I always book an apartment as it is very hard to find a 2 bed apartment in a package holiday. So as the apartment is booked anyway I just pay for the flights too. To me we’re inviting the friend so expect to cover these costs. In my situation though the friend does go on holiday with her own family so this is extra. The family transfer me money for food and she comes with pocket money.