Etiquette when taking DC's friend on holiday with us

[KeepOnCleaning]

We are at that difficult age where older DD is going away all summer with friends, so what do we do with younger DD (16)? She will be bored with just us but is too young to go away on her own with friends. We can ask her if she wants to bring a friend with, but what is the etiquette here? The friends' parents are likely to jump at the chance, as due to health issues they are unable to go on holiday this year. However, we can't afford to pay for everything for her. Can we ask them to pay for her flights and accommodation? We would cover everything while we're there - food, activities, etc.

Ok thanks all. Based on these replies I think I would ask for the cost of the flights and we would cover accommodation and all expenses while away. I would suggest it to DD before speaking to the parents, in case she would rather not invite someone to come with.

I think flights is ok, them paying for accommodation not ok, for the reasons others already given above.
You shouldn't be trying to reduce your holiday costs via the friend.

Whatever you do speak to the parents first - not the child.

Do not put the parents in the position of having to say no because they can’t afford it when their child and yours have already excitedly made plans.

Good shout op.
If my daughter was the friend I'd probably also give money for a meal out for the family.

I would expect to pay for flights and fun money and I’d offer to make a contribution to food. But I’d assume the girls would be sharing so that accommodation would be covered.
If I invited my kids friends I’d say up front that flights cost X and I’d say €x would be about right for fun money but I’d cover the food and accommodation.

I'd expect the other family to cover flights anf some contribution to food and activities, but i think it would be very cheeky to ask her to pay for a hotel room you're booking anyway. I dont think your justification that youd otherwise share a room hold water. You might for an overnight stay but not for a whole holiday neither you nor the teen have any privacy for 1-2weeks? And they are doing you a favour by essentially sending a babysitter.

Whatever you decide the main thing is to be very clear at the point of invitation and speak to parents first so they can decline without DC knowing.

Hmm. She needs to know it can't be mentioned to friend until you've spoken to parents.

This. You would have paid for 2 rooms when your other daughter was going. You're asking the friend to come along as company for your younger daughter now your older daughter isn't going. I think you suck up the accommodation costs.

We have a holiday house and have taken kids’ friends skiing. If they come in the car with us obvs it’s free to them and we don’t ask for a travel contribution. The only cost for them is ski hire and lift passes. This year that ended up costing one boy about £350. Not bad for a fully catered ski holiday (7 days skiing).

I agree with this. Flights are a per person cost, and it’s reasonable to ask her parents to cover this.

Accommodation is different, it would be bad form to ask for a contributor to this, as essentially you’ll be reducing your own accommodation costs by doing so.

You also need to keep in mind that you want to take the friend for your own, and DDs benefit too, and not just to provide her with a holiday.

Why is your 16 year old too young to go away with friends? I went on my first solo holiday abroad with a friend at 16 to paphos in Cyprus.

It's much more complicated now than it was in our day for under 18s. They are very restricted on where they can go without an adult.

I would say the etiquette is to ask them to pay for their flights but not accommodation. I would send my child with spending money but if I was taking someone's child I would pay for all of their activities/food when I pay for the rest of us, and honestly I would expect a host family to do the same. I've just done this yesterday with my 16 year old and told her to offer to pay for herself for every meal/activity and if they don't let her (which I expect they won't) then to offer to pay for a meal for everyone. I expect they won't let her do that either in which case I'll send over a lovely gift after the trip.
In short, they pay flights and not much else (unless there are two 16 year olds heading off to a water park on their own in which case yes I would expect them each to pay for themselves)

Thank you everyone. I have decided we would just ask for the flight cost upfront when asking, and we would cover all other expenses.

As you are asking the friend to come on holiday with you, you should pay the flights and accommodation. She should bring some money for spends.

I think I am going to buck the trend here to say that I would not invite a friend or partner of my child's without expecting to pay the lion's share of everything, apart from personal spending. I would, however, be pretty informative of what that involves and what is our norm, so we travel with hand baggage only, or at best, a cabin bag between two, we eat in some nights, we eat out some nights etc. You have to be certain that they are not going to "flake" on you to do this. Yes I have been caught out, DD2 broke up with BF a week before we were due to go away, what a waste of money on his flights and accom, but otherwise all has worked well, and we have had nice times. I suppose it depends on budget really x

Personally if we were to invite someone I would only do so if we were to pay for everything except souvenirs more personal spending, then there is no grey area and keeps it simple

Took ds's pal away when they were both 15, the only things the pal paid for were snacks when the pair were out alone together and anything they wanted for themselves such as presents, I paid for everything else and couldn't imagine inviting someone and not paying, if I couldn't afford to take a friend, I wouldn't invite.

I did this for my DC and one of mine went away with a friend. In each case the host parents paid for the whole trip and the child just needed spending money.

One caveat. Make sure they have travel insurance. DSs friend was taken ill on holiday and unbeknown to me had a medical condition.

Do you have a teenager yourself @MissCooCooMcgoo? As very few parents of 16 year olds that I’ve met would have been happy with their 16 year old DC heading off to Cyprus with their mates. Unless you are currently in your early 20s I would say that what you did as a teen yourself is completely irrelevant.

I think that’s the right thing to do.

If my kids are invited on holiday I would expect to cover all costs.

I would expect the same in return if we invited someone along

I would just be clear from the off. We are thinking if going to X for a week or two weeks. DD 16 would like some company if you could cover the cost of your DD’s flights and her admittance into X aqua park total such and such then we would love to take her with us if she has a valid passport and that is ok with you. You will be paying for your DD’s accommodation anyway which this girl will be staying in. Any decent parent unless money was a real issue would also send them with some money for sundries and treats for you all on top of the flights and admission to wherever unless money was a real issue.

We covered all costs - the other family was doing us a favour of giving up summer holiday time with their teen at home! And it meant our teen could enjoy the holiday. It worked out really well.

DC has been away with another family three times. One involved a flight, which we covered, and the other two didn't. We gave DC money to treat the family to a takeaway while there as a thank you, plus spending money.