Holidays really hard with 1 and 3 year old

[GSmith86]

Looking for advice really on how to make holidays with two young kids more enjoyable.

Although the idea is lovely, we have just been away and I must admit to feeling relieved when it was over. That sounds awful I am aware and it makes me so sad as I know these times will pass so quickly.

My toddler is going through a very rebellious stage where literally everything feels like a battle. A challenge to get him out of bed, into bed, into a shower, out of a shower, dressed, undressed, into the pool, out of the pool, to eat etc etc and also seems to have just random tantrums. We give him so much love and undersrandinf and he is a wonderful boy but we are definitely in a difficult phase. The baby is just normal baby difficult.

I feel like I spend my whole holiday trying to convince my toddler to do things, not sleeping, trying to keep everyone calm in public spaces and getting everyone dressed and undressed constantly.

Not a second of it do I really relax.

Is this normal?

Yes, I’m afraid it’s normal. Holidays with toddlers are usually grim.

Could you find a holiday with a kids club and / or some babysitting so you can go out one evening? That’s what we did. I also vastly lowered expectations and it did get better quite quickly.

Essentially, if your toddler is difficult at home they will likely be equally or more difficult on holiday.

It is normal sadly! I’m very envious of people with easy going kids who can do their normal type of holiday and just bring the kids with. I find the way to maximise enjoyment for everyone is to plan trips specifically around what makes life easy and enjoyable for the kids as we’re all then more relaxed, rather than cajoling kids into doing stuff we’d usually like to do which just results in no one enjoying themselves! For us, that means plenty of outdoor activities/places to dig, and a pool or beach - and ideally somewhere which has much of the gear like cots and bed guards already, so I don’t need to pack it. There’s definitely still stressful moments (our last holiday I was researching if we could come home early on day 2!) but on balance it’s what works best for us, and means I’d still like to do holidays rather than sack it all off until they’re civilised.

It’s always shame different place with those ages. Sometimes it’s even worse because you don’t have all their toys, it’s not babyproofed, if yours is a fussy eater. I rate going away with friends or family with kids of similar ages so at least the older ones will entertain each other and the adults can all muck in and help each other. A pack mentality basically! Appreciate what is better about holiday- the weather, beach, pool, no cooking or cleaning but leave your expectations on the floor when it comes to the kids. Take turns with DH to each have a proper break whilst the other has the kids. Find the enjoyable moments but don’t expect the whole thing to be enjoyable!

Personally, I think it’s lunacy to go away with kids that age. We ‘had to’ when older ones were of an age that they would have been missing out on holiday experiences otherwise, but if they are under school age and you can, I’d just give it a big swerve. It’s no ‘holiday’ for parents, just more stressful than being at home in baby/toddler/young child’s normal surroundings.

Exactly! I feel terrible to think this but home is easier

Thanks to those who have responded. To know it is normal helps

Scott Dunn. Best kids clubs.

Don't expect toddlers to behave like mini adults on holiday.or to appreciate.

Expect them to behave worse due to change
Do go with the flow relax follow their lead. They want to stay in park ? Do it.
Bedtimes not the usual? Go with it
Want ice cream and chips? Do it
Wants to wear a sock on their arm? .OK.

We didn’t take ours abroad until they were six and eight. It’s a nightmare with toddlers!

I remember my friend driving 7 hours to Tobermory because her kids were obsessed with Balamory, and they got there and the kids just wanted to watch Balamory on the DVD player and not go out.

Holidays with tinies are just somewhere else to watch Bluie or whatever. Centerparcs is your best bet. Wear them out in the pool and then crack open the wine in the evening.

We just had a fab week abroad with our 2.5yr old. He's a pretty flexible little thing anyway, but we just made sure that we had no expectations.

We assumed that days would be breakfast, beach, lunch, nap, beach then dinner. Each parent had a bit of time alone. No plans to explore greek villages or expectations of lying and reading in the sun for hours.

We accepted the fact that whilst he was napping, we might have to take it in turns eating lunch in the hotel restaurant (I quite liked that to be honest!).

Took snacks from home and took a few bits from the breakfast buffet for mid morning or in case he missed lunch.

Took new toys from home (new toy cars, mini magnetic tiles, books and his Yoto Player) for chill out time in the room. A few new bits for the beach.

Made sure to research the hotel - own beach so nowhere to have to travel to and from. Short transfer time. Buffet meals so he could eat whatever. As above, ice cream/crepes whenever. Our hotel didn't have a playground but that would have been good.....he was happy digging and paddling though. We didn't put a toe in the pool....preferred the quieter beach.

So it is possible but it won't be the same as previous holidays!

The best advice I can give you is to lower your expectations and forget any notions of the word 'holiday' that you had pre-DC. You won't be having a 'holiday' for quite some time, you'll just be doing all the same shit you do at home in another place, but without half the kit you need. But it does end at some point, it gets easier, or at least it changes. I have teens now and they're annoying in different ways (they also don't go to bed or get up in the morning), but at least they dress themselves and if they're being annoying DH and I can go off for a bit without them!

Honestly, same shit different place. Often more inconvenient than home as you may not have all the equipment and safety stuff with you.

Being honest, we didn’t bother with holidays other than visiting family until the youngest was 4, after a completely disastrous effort when the eldest was 18 months and saw us end up in hospital due to injury. I just couldn’t find any enjoyment in it and dreaded every moment, so we saved the money and didn’t go.

Once they were both in school it was much easier. Now they are teens and don’t want to go anywhere. Other children may vary!

Try and make sure you can have a nice evening somehow. We used to keep a reasonable bed time, have an early dinner and then have time to have some wine and chill just us two. That meant self catering though which comes with its own slog but was ultimately easier than hotels with little ones.

Now they are 10, 13, 15 and I love AI!

Yes it’s normal. I only started to relax a little more on holidays was when my youngest turned 4.
Before that we would always holiday with family that were happy to share childcare duties

Sounds pretty normal. We went away 2 years ago with a 3yo and 1yo twins. It was a nightmare. Honestly would NOT recommend!
We try to go abroad every year but decided to skip last year as it would just be too stressful, and try again this year. Just been a few weeks ago 10 days all inclusive and although still hard work it was alot better than last time.
If you dont want to do it then dont, have a break from holidays for a little while and just take them out for days out. Or try shorter breaks for a few days at a time. But if youre going abroad then id recommend all inclusive, pick places that have alot to do, kids clubs, water parks, lots of entertainment and stuff to do around the local area. Go in the cooler months so you're not dealing with extra tired hot toddlers.
You have to also accept that holidays are different now and they're just not relaxing at all. As people say, you're just looking after your kids in a different country. Rules go out of the window for us, just go with the flow and things will get easier one day.

I’ve just done this and whilst it was hard it was easier than being at home and the holiday was good. What I think made is so good was picking the most family friendly all inclusive package and having zero expectations.

do I want to be listening to Spanish songs whilst my kids dance at an awful disco at 10pm, absolutely not! Did they love it? Hell yes!

You need to do now and next and stick to it. Now it's pool time and I will tell you when you have 5 minutes left then we eat. Follow it through every single time. It will take time for the child to get the hang of it but it should work.

Honestly just don't do it until they are older. We didn't do a proper holiday until they were both over 5 and they have never felt they missed out. We did a couple of seaside day trips, lido, picnics etc and it was great. Grandma came to stay so we could have a weekend away, I did a trip with my girlfriends, DH went on a lads fishing weekend. No stress, highly recommend it.

We've taken our DD abroad since she was a baby (she's now 11). In the early days we kept it simple and followed her lead. She napped when she wanted, stayed up late for the kids disco and accepted that the usual routine was going to go out the window. We always gave her a countdown from 10 mins of anything that needed to happen (getting out of the pool for example). Yes it can be hard work but the memories far out way that and it is well worth it. A good kids club is also a must!

My mum tells tales of when I was 5 and obsessed with the sea and my brother was 2.5 and became phobic of sand, crying if it touched any part of him. It's normal, it's rubbish. I'd go somewhere all inclusive, lots of kid friendly things, playground, splash zone, kids club, kid food on the buffet. Mourn for your previous holidays, buy those all in 1 sun suits to avoid wrestling suncream onto them, accept you'll get no sleep, no time to read, download all the peppa pig onto an iPad and just let them do what they want and try to find the positives. If he wants to stay in the room watching the iPad, go with it, chill with a book, take turns with your OH and its all a phase, one day he'll declare you too embarrassing to holiday with and that'll be sad too

Oh my goodness, YES this is so completely normal! Please don't feel awful about feeling relieved when it was over - honestly, I think most of us have been there but just don't admit it out loud.

You've perfectly described what I call "holiday survival mode" rather than actual relaxation. The constant negotiating, the public meltdowns, the sheer exhaustion of managing two little ones in an unfamiliar environment - it's genuinely hard work, not the relaxing break we dream of!

That rebellious toddler phase is brutal at the best of times, but throw in disrupted routines, overstimulation, and being somewhere new? No wonder everything feels like a battle. You're not doing anything wrong - some ages are just tougher for travelling.

I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to create these "magical family memories" that we forget it's okay if holidays with tiny humans are more about survival than serenity. I actually came across this blog (https://www.twinkl.co.uk/blog/surviving-parenthood-a-tale-of-travelling-abroad-with-a-toddler) about travelling with toddlers that made me feel so much better about my own holiday disasters - it's reassuring to know we're all in the trenches together!

xx

We did 3 night uk breaks at that age and made sure there was a buffet restaurant we could go to. All activities in the morning, no high expectations for aftenoons. At 3 and 5 years now I think 5 nights is their perfect amount of holiday.

Holiday with kids = parenting in a different location.

You have to relax expectations, not to point of awful behaviour, but more you won’t get out to the pool at the exact minute you personally are ready. They may not go to bed at the same time and sleep well. It’s a different environment and their usual routine is gone. Personally we bought a touring caravan and just go to Norfolk or Devon or Cornwall at the moment whilst the kids are younger. Having the caravan gives us our own space, my
older one has ASD so him having a familiar space give him some familiarity.

We take mornings as they come and leave for the beach or wherever when we are ready. Then they tend to have a good time and enjoy the day. They may not eat lunch but graze a bit through the day. I alway give warnings of time so we are leaving in 10 minutes, you have 5 minutes left in the pool etc. A 3 year old may have no real concept of time but at least they know that means ‘we are leaving soon’. We have board games/card games to play.

Bedtime they can lie in bed with an audiobook on and we can sit and have a drink and read a book.

Caravan park type holidays with onsite entertainment are good too.

Does your child usually follow a routine? Mine never did and thus I found holidays really lovely as we just did what we wanted when we felt like it but for children who are used to doing things at set times it could be overwhelming.
if it is not that then I would choose my battles. Anything to make your life easier. Whizz them down to the pool in their jamas and change them there if they want to go in. Put a towel robe on them when they get out of the water so no battle about getting dressed. Have a bag of snacks pic nic food and fill them up before going out if they behave better when not hungry,
Mine could, on occasion, ( despite me saying holidays were lovely), if that happened I would put them on the floor, take my clothes off and put my dressing gown on so it looked like I was going nowhere. I would get on the sofa and read my book, usually they caved in before I did!
One thing for sure they will get more of a pleasure as they get a little older. Hold on in x

Toddlers are a high labour requirement regardless of where you are. I spend my days trying to prevent mine hurting herself with climbing, bumping into stuff etc. We went away a couple of weeks ago with our 4 nearly 5 to and a 1yo and there is light at the end of the tunnel I promise, the 4yo was so easy by comparison, getting a bit independent etc. their only little once, just try to embrace it while you can, you'll soon miss it when they no longer want to spend time with their parents x