Am I being unrealistic about a holiday with two 4 year olds?

[LilMagpie]

Husband and I are looking at holidays. I would like to go for at least a week but he thinks it will be stressful and suggested 5 nights.

Kids are 4 yo twin boys. Relatively easy going kids if I’m honest! I enjoy their company.
I work part time, husband is full time so majority of parenting, housework, meal planning etc falls on me. (Although he is super hands on on his days off and when he gets home)

We’re looking at half board/full board/all inclusive… basically all I care about is not having to plan and cook a dinner every night. Somewhere with a pool, close to a beach and with a few things to do for days out.
I think this will be a nice holiday from my daily routine. Husband thinks it will be stressful- the boys will still need active supervision by the pool so no relaxing with a book and drink, they won’t have many of their toys so won’t be able to entertain themselves as easily in the hotel room during downtime compared to at home. I can see his point of view but I still think it won’t be “stressful” (but maybe I feel differently as my daily mental load will be massively decreased whereas his will increase a bit?) I think we’d get to the end of the 5 nights and wish we’d had longer and that by the time you’ve factored in the journey etc it won’t leave us a lot of time.

We’ve only been away once with them before, but my parents came with us so it was very different. This will be our first time away with just us.

I’d appreciate thoughts from people who have been away with young kids before! 😃

All inclusive with kid’s entertainment in the evening and a beach on your doorstep of the hotel was the only way to survive a holiday at that age IME. No one has to worry about cooking and cleaning, in the evening parents can relax whilst the kids are entertained at the mini disco.It will never be a totally relaxing holiday with little ones but I’ll be fun. Make sure you have a good balcony to chill out on with a book after the kids are in bed.

I'd definitely go for longer. For us, the first day or two are normally a bit hellish as the kids adjust to a new routine but after that we've had lots of fun. We went away with a 5 year old and 2 year old last year and for the first time it felt like a real break so I think you'll be fine with two 4 year olds. We normally do 10 days for our big holiday each year. And I'm totally the same- the not planning what to cook and not cooking it is the best bit. Even if they do live off ice cream for a week

Around that age I always took mine to a holiday park in the UK lots to do for the kids they loved it.

You’ve hit the nail on the head. Your workload will decrease while your husband’s will increase a bit. I think it’s really miserable of him to only want a very short holiday - one that is barely worth the stress and travel time just to get there - simply because he will have to spend time entertaining his children.

Perhaps look for a holiday destination with more to do for young children than just a pool, or a holiday club so you can spend a bit of time together as a couple. But don’t cut it short. Your children are going to need active supervision by a pool for a long time yet. And you deserve a break.

Definitely have the week. You need a proper break, he doesn’t want to have to do more

7 days should be ok but if your dh isn’t going to help it might be hard work. Dh does a lot of playing with our kids in the pool when we’re away. I would go all inclusive and somewhere where there’s an animation team to entertain them a bit. I don’t leave my kids in kids clubs but some people use them

My kids hate being away for long, and like routine. So we go to Centreparks (I'm sure other holiday parks would be the same too, but we started with centerparks and so now I continue for a quiet life)

I find 3 days too short, the kids find 7 days too long to be away from home, so we go for 5 days, we book the one meal a day option, and stop at a supermarket or pack snacks/breakfast - so we'll generally do breakfast at home, then have lunch or dinner on the meal plan. I've done breakfast and dinner on the mealplan before, and didn't feel like we ate enough to make it worth it (and the pressure to get to breakfast)

I think it very much depends on your kids though - mine are very much homebodies who just want to swim every day.

Thanks! I realise this post and his comments don’t paint him in the best light. But he’s actually a lovely dad and husband who at home drops everything the moment he gets home to help with whatever needs doing, so I’m not worried about him not helping whilst we’re away 🙂

Also what happened to having a family holiday to spend time together?

No reason not to do it. All inclusive is your friend as it makes eating easier.

Change the scenery, spend time together and create memories.

I agree with the PP who said the first couple of days are unpacking and adjustment and you definitely need a week to get the benefit

Also most packages are a week so you may find much less choice for 5 days (and pay just as much)

Personally I’m a fan of kids clubs especially for kids of 4-8, mine have always really enjoyed them and asked to go back, and as you have two they will have each other. If they are outgoing kids then look for a kids club and your DH may actually love the holiday…!

There's not much difference between 5 and 7 nights I'd go for longer their behaviour wont drastically be affected by doing 7 days rather than 5.
Personally all beach holidays like this with preschool children can be hard work - constant supervision, the heat, checking and reapplying suncream, fussy eating, being out of routine etc. I remember taking ds abroad when he was 3 he was cranky as it was 30+ degrees daily and going to restaurants every night just felt like hard work. We did all inclusive after that which was better as no waiting at meal times

We tag teamed on holiday - 3 kids including twins.

Always had a blast and wouldn’t change it for the world.

Compromise on 6 days?

You'll be fine. Yes it can be hard work especially if they can't swim - work on the swimming lessons and get them a good life swim jacket so you can at least sit on the edge at times.
Find a hotel with a good kids club so you get a couple of hours to yourself at least?
Holidays with kids are hard at that age but also amazing.

Definitely 7 days! IME the travel days are the most intense so having more of a break in between them helps 😉

Ask the hotel if you can hire a baby sitter during the day to help you watch them. Often their cleaning staff do this job for extra pay - they want to keep their normal hotel job too so have an incentive to be good at baby sitters.

Go for a least a week, all inclusive and with a kids club so everyone can have a fun/relaxing/good time.

When they were this age we found all inclusives the best. It's just easy.

Up early, breakfast and down to the beach for a couple of hours.
Back to hotel for a quick lunch and then back to the room for a siesta.

Down to the pool for a couple of hours.
Then showered and go dinner.

Mini disco, watch the entertainment for a bit

Back to room. Put kids to bed and you and dh can chill out on balcony.

There will also be kids clubs if your kids like them.

We had some brilliant holidays like this when the kids were under ten.

Granted not mine or dhs idea of the perfect holiday and we wouldn't do it now the kids are all teens but we have some lovely memories of these holidays.

When mine was three, I took him to Lanzarote for a week.

He couldn't cope with the heat so woke at 5am, played until 10.30, then because of the heat, he slept until 4pm when he was awake and bouncing until midnight. It meant I couldn't go anywhere during the days, and had to stay at the villa. Thankfully there was an evening fairground so we went there every evening after supper.

It was only down to the kindness of the maid, who kept an eye on him while she cleaned that I could go for a half hour swim each day.

After that holiday I stayed in the UK until he was old enough to regulate himself and could swim well.

Toys wise, ours took a small backpack each that they could put toys in. So usually a stuffed animal, some play figures so happyland/barbies/Batman type things. A couple of books, some activity type books and pens. This used to be enough for playing in the room in the mornings. Plus we would always take a ball and some pool toys. We had dive sticks etc ... and a bucket/spade plus we had a load of sand shapes.

All inclusive, definitely go for 7 days, it is not worth the stress of airports with kids for less.

My DSis took her 14 month old and 6 year old, all inclusive to Lanzarote last year and enjoyed her holiday so much she is going back this year. There is much less stress, kids clubs, kids can eat when they want, all you and DH need to do is play with the kids.

Choose somewhere with a splash pool as well as larger pools so you can watch from the side, if you tag team there will be times one of you can properly switch off for an hour or so. Yes, they'll need full, hands on supervision in a pool but it's great fun. Bonus if you can tire them out in the morning and let them watch TV in the room for a while when it's really hot in the afternoon and you can sit on the balcony with a drink.

The most important thing will be picking the correct place. A lot of people don't rate AI hotels on Mumsnet but for a week of sun and not worrying about meals/drinks/snacks or cleaning they are amazing.

We usually go for 10 days as it takes our very hyper excitable toddler about 4 days to settle - she becomes completely hyper at night and then crabby the next day so the first few days are always a bit of a battle. We find the toy thing isn’t an issue really - we pick up beach toys, bring her to play grounds and so on. We tend to go on day trips and do lots of walks with her too.

We went on a UK short break for 5 days a few months ago and the last night was the first night we got her to bed on time and then it was off back home the next day so we didn’t feel like we got a proper break!

@immoreexcitedthanthekids does exactly what we did and we had great holidays. Just go with the flow, if they only eat crisps for a week then that is fine, dh and I used to love our evenings sat on a balcony with a bottle of wine and a pack of cards, certainly not rock and roll but relaxing. We never used kids clubs as both dc hated them.

It paints him in the light that he realises he will have to do more parenting on a holiday, and that doesnt appeal to him. What he needs to realise is that holidays are no longer lounging around a pool and reading a book all day. Holidays are now active. So the make-or-break will be the type of holiday you choose and what your husband’s expectations around his workload are.

One extra holiday I did with my children when they were toddler until teens (still. Every year) is Bultins. It is catered to children and I always used to take them on my own and it was relatively easy. It isnt the holidays of foreign travel pre-kids but it is a break that is easy and children love. I always take cleaning products though… They are teens now and I suggested after last year (long, long drive) that we do our week in France or Ireland instead this year. They looked at me like I had lost my mind.

Our two main family holidays that were the easiest when they were infant school age were Disneyland Paris and centerparcs in Europe (Nerherlands). Again because they are both an active holiday with near constant activities.

When they were two and four we did a hotel in Europe, pool, beach, trips and it was fine but we needed the pram at night while they napped.

On board: We like to go half board so we can have lunch out and about. We do not do hanging around the pool or beach all day on holiday. and 7 days so they have time to get used to the difference in routine.

Your DH has it spot on at those ages. It's just stress in a different location. I can't pretend it's anything different.