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Holidays

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Original poster

I think I made a mistake

32 replies

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 13:28

I recently went on a holiday to a far away place and invited a friend to come along if i went back, but now I think I made a mistake

We've been talking through mutual friends for about a year and met up a couple of times. She had said she would like to go to the same destination before I left for the holiday and went on about it a lot. When I got back, I said I wanted to go again and in the excitement invited her to come along.

wants from the holiday, she is more interested in theights. She also said she likes to lie in and isn't too interested in sightseeing. I know we are grown-ups and could do our own thing. However, I think i would worry if she was off on her own.

It's a big holiday and would be over 10 days. I'm stuck now as I'm not sure if it would work, but I don't want to lose a friendship even if we aren't that close. I don't know whether to just go and suck it up and go with her or tell her that I feel it's a bad idea and that I don't really feel it's best to go with her.

She's do excited about it keeps going on about it i don't want to break her heart

I'm torn any advice? 🙏

OP posts:

MiddleagedBeachbum · 03/01/2025 13:30

What do you mean by this?

wants from the holiday, she is more interested in theights. She also said she likes to lie in and isn't too interested in sightseeing.

Regarding this: However, I think i would worry if she was off on her own.
Firstly it’s not your place to worry about another adult, are you saying she’s not capable of seeing sights on her own, yet you are?

Original poster

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 13:39

Sorry i was a bit vague as I rushed.

Basically what she has said is she wants to find men to date and go out with. I'm married so this doesn't work for me but it doesn't seem to affect her. Also I just want to sight see and eat food. She's said she's really fussy and probably won't eat much.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 13:41

I know she's a responsible adult it was more concerning her going off with men that she doesn't know

OP posts:

Original poster

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 13:42

I think half of the message deleted itself she basically is going for men and maybe to see some sights but doesn't really have an interest in anything else sorry

OP posts:

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/01/2025 13:44

It sounds like what she really wants is a ‘girls’ holiday and it doesn’t really matter where. Maybe placate her with a long weekend in Magalluf and save your nice holiday for one on your own or with someone else who would appreciate it.

She’s an adult and if she chooses to go off with random men she meets on holiday there’s nothing you can do to stop her, but I would say that she needs to eg share her location so that you can relax and not worry about her if you’re up and about in the morning before she gets back!

MiddleagedBeachbum · 03/01/2025 13:45

It does seem like you’re very different people, have you actually hung out together? Been for a night out or day trip somewhere? I’d suggest doing that first before you book a holiday!

incognitomummy · 03/01/2025 13:46

Pull out now. This is not the holiday you need.

It sounds like an expensive and long trip with someone who wants something different
Do you have money to splash about? You might need another holiday to recover from this one!!

Original poster

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 13:49

Yes i completely get you. It's the destination she wants so a smaller trip probably wouldn't cut it i don't think

We've hung out 2 or 3 times shes a nice person but unsure if our travel styles would clash completely and cause issues.

I have said about staying over a couple of nights so organising this as we speak

OP posts:

Alalalala · 03/01/2025 13:52

Don’t be silly, you don’t know this person and don’t owe her a holiday! Just say your plans have changed.

InkHeart2024 · 03/01/2025 13:55

2 or 3 times? You aren't friends and going on holiday for ten days with a virtual stranger is mad. Don't be such a pushover. Going on holiday with her would be really weird.

Mary46 · 03/01/2025 14:47

You want different things so no. Just be careful committing as we found bring my mam away people dont want same things!

LIZS · 03/01/2025 15:04

You barely know her, and already know the holiday expectations are incompatible. Just decline.

Trallers · 03/01/2025 15:10

It would cause huge issues - look up any threads on here where someone has seen their friend in a new light while on holiday with them.

I think saying something like "the more we talk about i think the destination of x is irrelevant - we have very differnt holidays jn mind and would probably both end up disappointed with the trip if we went togther. I'm going to stick to going by myself but if you make it for your trip I can't wait to hear all about it!"

DazedAndConfused321 · 03/01/2025 15:27

Why on earth would you plan a big holiday with someone you've met 2 or 3 times? Mental

2025Y · 03/01/2025 15:30

Dear god going on holiday with someone who just wants to chase men would be an absolute nightmare for anyone. Especially a "friend" you don't know very well.

The fussy eating I could just about handle as long as they didn't want to go to McDonald's every night. But would have to be clear with them that I'd be eating on my own and not being dragged around to places that don't serve "foreign muck"

Is this a ldestination where younger men hang around older "richer" woman?

Will you be sharing a room?

Sounds an absolute nightmare of a holiday, you're just going to have to say no.

Brefugee · 03/01/2025 15:33

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 13:39

Sorry i was a bit vague as I rushed.

No. Don't go with her. There are countless threads on here of incompatible friends on holiday. Do you want to be the next one?

BettyBardMacDonald · 03/01/2025 15:54

Alalalala · 03/01/2025 13:52

Don’t be silly, you don’t know this person and don’t owe her a holiday! Just say your plans have changed.

This. My god, what a potential shitshow.

Original poster

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 16:38

Thank you so much for your replies.

I will look up other threads too and see what people say.

I wouldn't be sharing a room no. She's a really nice person I just feel bad as it seems to be her dream holiday.

She has told me about a time she went away with two friends and said it was a nightmare because of them I just feel torn going to speak with her and find out exactly what she wants and decide what to do

I appreciate the input totally felt stuck.

OP posts:

MyNavyPombear · 03/01/2025 16:40

She’s more excited about it because it’ll be a man hunting holiday for her, and she has found someone to go with! My mum funnily enough did this and she didn’t enjoy the holiday. They were in their fifties.

LIZS · 03/01/2025 16:42

A nightmare because of them , or her, I wonder? Don't jeopardise the friendship by feeling forced into it.

EauNeu · 03/01/2025 16:45

Just tell her now. You've thought about it more and it seems like you want different types of trip and you won't go ahead with this plan. Don't plan, pay for and be miserable through a holiday to please someone you barely know

Original poster

Anonymouscaller1994 · 03/01/2025 16:47

I know... i worry that going away will force the friendship apart if we want different things someone will always have to compromise on what they want

I'm going to sit down and ask honestly for what she intends a list of things she wants to do and see and see what she says if we can work it out and make it work then I will suggest more days out and more time getting know one another I won't be booking anything until October so there's time but I won't be booking if we are completely utterly out for different things. It's going to be £2k holiday at least so there will be a lot of sacrificing to pay for it

Thank you again it's so appreciated to see from others perspective

OP posts:

LIZS · 03/01/2025 16:52

I really would not discuss it further. Just say on refection it may not be possible so she should plan her trip without you.

SwedishEdith · 03/01/2025 16:59

Is it you that wants someone to go on holiday with? Honestly, this sounds like madness. You won't jeopardise the friendship if you pull out as you're not really friends yet anyway. But you will if you actually go on holiday with someone who has a completely different idea of a good holiday.

Checkedpajamas · 03/01/2025 17:05

Bonkers, dont do it

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