DD suddenly scared of flying

[Anxiousmumof]

Hi my 9 year old DD has flown about 6 times short haul & never had any problems. A few weeks ago we flew to Spain for a family holiday & she was petrified!!! She’s quite an anxious child anyway but this was completely out of the blue in regards to flying. She kept asking me about the plane if it was going to crash etc I explained it’s safer than a car & offered lots of reassurance. However I didn’t realise how scared she was and once in the airport queing to bored she puked everywhere!!! All because she was really scared. On the plane she was baulking during take off & visablly shaking it was scary to see I thought she was going to have a panic attack! Here’s the problem in September we’re flying to Florida a 9 hour flight and she’s saying she doesn’t think she can go. This holiday has been booked for a year and she’s been so excited! I don’t no how to help her. I can offer reassurance & talk her through it but I don’t think itl be enough the fear is already there. What can I do? Should I make a gp appointment? Will they do anything? Therapy? Genuinely don’t no what do but don’t want to do nothing. I’m worried that if she vomits she could be refused to fly incase they mistake it for illness. Any advice?

Do you monitor her internet usage and what she watches on TV OP? Sounds like she’s seen something that she shouldn’t have

There’s been a lot in the news lately with the planes that have had some severe turbulence which could be playing on her mind. I don’t think you can ignore or minimize it and hope things work out on the day. Some things you could try are:

• Fear of flying courses or hypnotherapy.
• Kalms or Rescue Remedy in the run up and drying the flight - even if it’s placebo effect.
• Sounds weird but looking at flight radar - you see how many thousands of flights there are a day without incident.

Good luck!

She said she saw an aeroplane crash on you tube! I have full parental controls on her iPad but obviously things still get through. The damage is already done now I just don’t no what to do going forward.

I’ve looked at the fear of flying courses and they say they’re not suitable for under 12’s! Will take a look at flight radar thanks. What do you mean by placebo effect?

gp and request for a sedative. or two, one for the way back. Tell her firmly the sedative will take all fear away.

I am afraid of flying, but even then on long haul, get bored, and am not frightened the whole time.

Tbh a different perspective is that I think it is perfectly normal. Hysterical no, but to think this stuff and be anxious is not far fetched for children or adults.

Why are you going on holiday in September with a 9 year old? She will have school!

Because I want to?

I’m sure that the school will happily accept that as excuse.. not. Her education (especially so early on in the school year when they are only just settling in again) needs to take priority.

Quality time on a family holiday visiting new places is very valuable and canny be replaced. Anyway, maybe op home educates, home edders school through holidays and go away when it’s cheaper! Regardless she’s only 9 and they grow up too fast to worry about a term time holiday

This also happened with my son, he'd flown loads from being a baby with no issues. Suddenly around age 6 or 7 he was so scared he threw up blackcurrant fruit shoot whilst going through security 🙈. He was like this on and off only when flying up until around aged 10 when he just seemed to get over it. All I could put it down to was him being an anxious child plus they do become aware of what's in the current news etc.

I flew to South Africa a lot with my son when he was younger. After he watched the movie Madagascar 🙄he was suddenly afraid of flying, and kept asking about what would happen if we crashed into the sea. Given that the 12 hour flight goes down the centre of the African continent, I could categorically promise him that there was no risk whatsoever of us crashing in the sea 😂(I never mentioned the huge landmass that was slightly more likely) and that seemed to make him calmer. He grew out of it pretty soon.

Thank you all for the helpful suggestions. I showed her the live flight radar tonight & she found it fascinating.

As for the comments regarding school, really not helpful nor welcome. I didn’t ask for your opinion on the best time to take MY child on holiday.

Sounds very similar!! Did you do anything to help prepare him before flying? It could of course be a one off & she might be fine next time I’m just unsure weather to assume that or do something now.

Block you tube too. No reason for a 9yo to be on it (and if she saw this, she could find worse).

I think one of the flight companies offers fear of flying courses. Don’t know if they are just for adults though.

I did similar to the other poster in that I showed him the live flights radar and we read up on statistics (not too heavily as didn't then want to open up a can or worms or transfer the fear onto something else) and lots of reassurance. I told him how much I loved him and that he needed to trust me in never putting him into a dangerous situation. Hope your little one soon feels more confident x

I’m terrified of flying but things that help me are: sitting in the middle of the plane over the wings as it minimises the feeling of turbulence.
I like a window seat as watching the plane take off (bizarrely) comforts me.
Listening to an audio book.
I do some yoga breathing exercises if I get panicky: a really simple one is to take a deep breath and exhale for as long as possible. I would suggest practicing prior to the flight. It honestly does help and helped me out of a panic attack somewhere between Edinburgh and Barcelona.
You could also try something like Bach flower remedies or something similar and herbal for anxiety / nerves.
I’ve flown long haul and actually find it easier. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your holiday.

Only on MN would you get a reply like this when the op is asking for advice 🤦‍♀️

My little boy was like that for the last couple of years. He was hysterical coming home on the plane last year and I felt awful for him. Also since he was 9. We went on a plane in half term a few weeks ago and he was actually ok. In the run up he was saying he didn’t want to go and he was terrified the plane would crash however he was fine in the end. Lots of reassurance and encouragement, being calm myself, sweets he can suck and holding his hand and talking to him. Seemed to work this time. Good luck xx

I'm terrified of flying, I've been watching BigJetTv regularly and find it very reassuring. Perhaps there is something out there similar for kids? It's basically aeroplanes landing and taking off, but there are so many and it's all so calm it just helps.

Assuming long haul is with virgin for Florida they are very likely to be Rolls-Royce aero engines. There's loads of cool videos on the internet about how they work. (And even if it's not RR engines then gas turbine engines work pretty much the same anyway).

But some facts are things like planes are designed to fly on one engine if needed. Safety is huge for RR. There is definitely age appropriate stuff you can find that may switch her to more fascinated than scared.

I would also ring and enquire about the fear of flying courses. They may accept her if she's a mature 9YO or have some suggestions to help.

Ive worked on engines and still occasionally have a nervous wobble, so for a 9YO that can feel huge.

take plenty of sick bags, those travel bands, and loads of distractions.

Jesus, this reply sums up Mumsnet in one post.
Who are you to question the op regarding her DD's schooling. The post is absolutely nothing to do with school.
The op has came on for advice but you feel it's your place to question her about a totally unrelated topic, why?

Good on you for taking her to Florida in September OP. It’ll probably be more educational than school in the early years anyway.

I’m 30, we used to have holiday forms and take weeks out of school all the time for holidays when I was little! Can anyone who missed a week of Year 4/5 say it ever directly affected their education?

Similar story with my now 9year old though this issue came out of nowhere when he was 8. Very difficult!

In the last year we have got him on three planes and it has been very tough going, serious tears at the airport etc and I had to drag him on the plane. Was awful. BUT, in each case once taken off, he was fine. I think he’s suddenly scared of heights as have struggled to get him up a couple of tall buildings too. But again once up he has been fine. I think the more flights/tall buildings I’ve taken him on he is getting slightly more ok with it.

i’m scared of flying too but manage to pull myself together. I think it’s quite normal for a young kid to not be able to do it in the way an adult can. So am just hoping he’ll slowly grow out of it

There are courses for people like that. The Dr. May give her something.