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Original poster

Friend charging

44 replies

Ladylearningtogowiththeflow · 02/06/2024 08:12

My Friend and I who used to be close, our children to, moved back home to serious a few years ago. We kept in touch lightly over the years and have decided it would be good for me and my daughter to visit them for a week. My friend owns an air b n b and is charging me to stay there at a discounted rate. It kind of put me off going, granted that I’d be going to see her and her family and this doesn’t feel right as we are her guests. It’s set me right with where we are as friends as I wouldn’t charge her but what are other people’s thoughts? I’m probably not going to go ahead with the trip due to this….

OP posts:
Myblindsaredown · 02/06/2024 08:13

I think it’s fine if she’s out of pocket, I’d want to pay my way not out my hand out.

Amx · 02/06/2024 08:16

What does lightly mean?

WindowViper · 02/06/2024 08:18

Who ‘decided’ to visit - were you actually invited?

DarkForces · 02/06/2024 08:19

She's probably sick of people who keep in light/minimal contact expecting a free week's break away

Overthebow · 02/06/2024 08:21

You decided? Were you invited or did you invite yourselves? Is it in the school holidays when she’d likely be getting customers?

weescotlass · 02/06/2024 08:22

Not sure where your friend has moved to ('serious'?) but if it is a touristy destination she is probably inundated with friends wanting to stay in her Airbnb. In doing so she will still incur costs and not being able to rent it at full cost, so offering to you at a discount seems very reasonable.

Who decided you should visit - did she invite you or did you invite yourself?

Her holiday house is a source of income she might be relying on.

thanKyouaIMee · 02/06/2024 08:23

The accommodation probably has cleaning costs etc per set of guests, if she doesn't have the room in her own house then I'm not sure where else you'd stay - is it cheaper than a hotel? Not sure she should be out of pocket if you're staying there for a week.

BigDahliaFan · 02/06/2024 08:25

You are getting a discounted rate, great. Otherwise sort your own accommodation.

GeckoFeet · 02/06/2024 08:28

I wouldn't stay with any close friend for a full week so I think having my own space and paying mates rates is totally reasonable.

You say that you've kept in touch lightly so it doesn't sound like your close friends anyway.

Also who decided it would be good for you to go there?

Lindy2 · 02/06/2024 08:30

Did you really decide just to visit her with your daughter for a week? If so that's a little odd if you haven't been in regular contact and your friendship has just been light contact in recent years.

Or did you perhaps think that as your friend lives in a holiday destination that you and your daughter will visit for a week, during the holiday season to try and get free accommodation?

Who suggested the holiday is quite key here. If you invited yourself, you're trying to cadge a free holiday. She invited you was it to visit her specifically or was she promoting her Airbnb but offering you a discount as a friend. It is a business not just her home.

Asparename · 02/06/2024 08:32

You have a typo , she’s moved back home to “serious”. Where has she moved to? If it’s a desirable destination I expect she gets a lot of ex friends wanting to visit. How much do you want to see her as opposed to having a holiday / break. I don’t think she’s being unreasonable as presumably she’s going to have to prepare the apartment and lose money by not renting it out to paying guests?

Grimchmas · 02/06/2024 08:36

You're staying in her Air B&B, whether that's a spare room or an annexe or own house. Of course it's right that you pay and it's generous of her to give you a discount.

It's fine for you to decide that the charge means you won't go after all. If you were genuinely wanting a good catch up with your friend you could invite her to stay with you instead.

Portfun24 · 02/06/2024 08:39

Well my dad has a friend who lives abroad. People either need to give a contribution to stay or they buy a huge foodshop/alcohol shop for the week. They have people there basically every single week from spring to winter. Whilst she enjoys the company they can't afford to fund everyone's holiday. Therefore she is not being unreasonable.

Badbadbunny · 02/06/2024 08:40

It’s a business, of course she’s right to charge. You’re being offered a discount. You’re getting more/better accommodation than if you were staying in a friends spare room!

pizzaHeart · 02/06/2024 08:41

How big is discount? And all other questions PPs asked

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 02/06/2024 08:43

Does she have room actually in her house? If not, you would have needed to have paid for some accommodation somewhere anyway.

And surely you wouldn’t have expected her to pay?

Her losing a weeks rental on her business is in effect the same as her paying for you in a b&b. It costs her.

It’s the summer, a week is a long time to stay with someone as their guest.

LetticeSlay · 02/06/2024 08:46

I've seen loads of posts over the years where people who move to lovely places have friends who have kept in touch lightly over the years suddenly decide that they would love to come and see them for a week.

Why don't you tell her that instead, she can come and stay with you. It's only seeing her that you are invited in so that will work just as well.

QuillBill · 02/06/2024 08:47

*Does she have room actually in her house? If not, you would have needed to have paid for some accommodation somewhere anyway.

And surely you wouldn’t have expected her to pay?*

Did question.

Roselilly36 · 02/06/2024 08:48

Sounds generous to be given a discounted rate tbh. Why did you think she would let you stay for free, when you consider loss of income, changeover and utility cost.

EnglishBluebell · 02/06/2024 08:49

What do you mean by she's "moved back home to serious" typo?

rainbowstardrops · 02/06/2024 08:51

DarkForces · 02/06/2024 08:19

She's probably sick of people who keep in light/minimal contact expecting a free week's break away

Absolutely this!

You're getting a discounted week away and catching up with a friend too. Why wouldn't you expect to pay?!

LittleBrenda · 02/06/2024 08:58

So you would go and see them for a whole week if it was free? But not if you have to pay for your accommodation for a whole week.

And you need to go for a week to see her. But despite this really long time needed to catch up with her, it's not so important that you need to pay.

granted that I’d be going to see her and her family and this doesn’t feel right as we are her guests
Just ask her to yours, obviously for a week as that is how long it will take to catch up.

Querty123456 · 02/06/2024 08:59

Seems reasonable to me.

TimeZonePlantPot · 02/06/2024 09:01

You’re staying in her holiday rental which provides income she is losing by you staying there. Of course you pay! Discounted is good. Only free if staying in her house in the living room floor.

i vote reverse?

Nonononomaybe · 02/06/2024 09:06

I have an Airbnb/ Annexe - if I invite people to stay in it as my guests, I don’t charge. If people invite themselves for a few
nights I charge them enough to cover my costs (and I’ve never had a friend not offer). If people try & invite themselves for longer I just say no, not available. I’m not in a massively touristy area though so not inundated with people trying to get a free week long holiday!

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