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Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Original poster

Husband never wants to go on holiday!

53 replies

LaraS2511 · 29/04/2024 02:22

I love travelling, I want to see as many places before I leave this earth but my husband has zero enthusiasm for any kind of holiday or break, if it was up to him he would be at work 52 weeks a year. We have been on holidays since we have been together & this has continued since we had children but it’s always me pushing it, finding the places, booking, working out travel details, reading the reviews etc. He enjoys it when he is there though! I asked him about going away in June for one week when my daughter finishes her a level exams & he said I should go with my daughter & he would be happy to stay at home with our son. I’m just so pissed off, he just has no interest, I understand I get annual leave from my job & it’s generous where as he doesn’t, he runs a business but he has people happy to run it whilst he is away. I probably will go with my daughter & I have done this before twice but I’m getting more & more fed up with him!

OP posts:
Yoe · 29/04/2024 03:29

Mmh thats a right pain tbh .. can I ask is he afraid of flying ? Is the issue that he is very routine orientated and the idea of travelling fills him with anxiety . If the above is not the case then he needs to get his ass in gear or he will miss loads of really great adventures .
my dad did this on my mum and tbh she pushed ahead and he had to go there was no point in him refusing he had to go and that was it .. so book your holidays and also bring him along don’t even bother asking it’s your annual break and make this a habit … best of luck

Delawear · 29/04/2024 03:36

If he’s usually happy once there, and you otherwise have a good relationship, maybe his lack of enthusiasm for planning is something you need to accept. Go with other people whose company you enjoy too.

Original poster
LaraS2511 · 29/04/2024 06:59

Yoe · 29/04/2024 03:29

Mmh thats a right pain tbh .. can I ask is he afraid of flying ? Is the issue that he is very routine orientated and the idea of travelling fills him with anxiety . If the above is not the case then he needs to get his ass in gear or he will miss loads of really great adventures .
my dad did this on my mum and tbh she pushed ahead and he had to go there was no point in him refusing he had to go and that was it .. so book your holidays and also bring him along don’t even bother asking it’s your annual break and make this a habit … best of luck

Thank you! No fear of flying (I’m the nervous flyer), change of routine doesn’t bother him, he is the most laid back person I know!

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 29/04/2024 08:35

@LaraS2511 This would annoy me too.

One thought: does he have any hobbies? What makes him tick? Anything at all? If not - I won’t be rude about him - but what a bore!

My DD was self employed and more recently a director. Doing something different for a few weeks was important. DH discovered photography and wildlife. So we spent holidays doing this - partially. DC also got included with their views but where could you go that incorporates his interests? What might awaken something in him?

Underparmummy · 29/04/2024 09:20

I always book and organise holidays, day trips and date nights. Like yours DH is relaxed, likes it once we are there etc. I would like him to organise something just as proof that he really wants to be with us/me doing something different rather than slopping around at home. He just says he likes slopping around at home a lot (I don't!).

So no advice but you are not the only one.

Clearinguptheclutter · 29/04/2024 09:26

My dh is similar though grudgingly does come along and enjoy as long as I organise. He really doesn’t like the environmental impacts of flying which is part of a complicated picture.

I’d just take your dd- sounds lovely. In future find some group adventure holidays to go on eg Explore worldwide, I’ve done those on my own and they were great. Plan on doing more of those once the kids are older.

Clearinguptheclutter · 29/04/2024 09:28

Ps in future working around his hobbies if he has any is good idea. I “sold” the idea of a Kenya safari honeymoon to dh in the basis of him being able to spend lots of time with his cameras which he rarely actually does despite enjoying it.

Cotswoldbee · 29/04/2024 09:36

Has he always been like this and it is only now it is coming to a head?

Personally I hate holidays and you could not pay me to go away for weeks at a time, luckily my OH is exactly the same.
We go away for short breaks (1-2 nights) every couple of weeks but a long holiday, not a chance.
There is no fear of flying or any other underlying reason, just no desire to go on holiday.

wpalfhal · 29/04/2024 09:48

Doesn't your son want to go?

If everything else in the relationship is otherwise well, and he does enjoy it when he goes, I think the compromise is agreeing to one holiday a year with you doing the planning etc (assuming that isn't a massive chore for you, I personally love holiday planning ha). So you're not having to convince him every year, it's pre agreed.

Do you ever think about what it will be like when the kids fly the nest though? Holidays/travel are a big part of our post kids life plan into retirement. Feels like that might be worth a conversation now.

TizerorFizz · 29/04/2024 13:11

Holidays are part of our lives now DC are doing their own thing. It broadens our minds and we both look to get something out of them. Photography is something DH loves, as long as it’s animals. I like culture and cities and some wildlife so we mix it up. Keeps us both happy and planning ahead. DH ran his own business and he needed downtime to recharge but I still do most of the planning now he’s doing less work at 69. So what does make him tick?

SpringLobelia · 29/04/2024 13:14

Honestly? Id go without him. He doesn't like it or appreciate it and would be a downer. My DH is very similar. I just started taking the Dcs without him for a good 10 years and then it dawned on him he was missing out and he comes now to our annual holiday, but not others. I actually prefer it when it is just me and the Dcs as we are enthusiastic and he just moans.

You can't change your DH. You can't make him what what you want. So grab your own happiness and chances with both hands and let him do his own thing. At least he is not trying to prevent you going!

BarrelOfOtters · 29/04/2024 13:16

Yep, go without him, go with friends or on your own or on a group trip.

2Rebecca · 29/04/2024 13:19

You can't make him want holidays just because you enjoy them. Do you want him to lie about it and pretend to want to go on holiday when he'd rather stay at home? Sometimes in a busy job just being at home with no places to go and things to see is more restful than being on holiday.
If you want him with you then you either organise it and tell him when he's going or find someone else who wants to go and go with them. You can't change his genuine lack of enthusiasm for holidays.

Yourethebeerthief · 29/04/2024 14:10

He'll never change. I'd say if you're otherwise happy in your marriage and he enjoys himself when he's there then just be the one who arranges the holidays.

If he actively resists and moans the whole time you're there and purposefully ruins the holiday, that's a different issue.

My dad is the same, shows no interest in holidays but enjoys himself when he's there. If my mum never booked anything he'd never leave the country. Now they do one foreign holiday every 2-3 years, and a holiday in the uk every summer if they're not abroad. The rest of the time she books holidays away by herself or with her best friend and they have a great time. Everyone's happy.

SheilaFentiman · 29/04/2024 14:31

Won’t your DS still be at school when DD fijaihea?

SpaSpa · 29/04/2024 14:37

My DH and I do live to travel, however if there’s a place he’s not keen on I book a trip
there without him. Same as my DH goes skiing each year without me as I don’t like it.

Do your own thing OP, why should you miss out on something you enjoy. Your DH likes working 52 weeks each year so he’s getting to do what he likes.

Life’s too short to try and change people or talk them into something they don’t want to do. Book a few trips, you may find he suddenly wants to get in on one.

CanadianJohn · 29/04/2024 15:03

I don't like holidays. We've spent all this money and work to make our home a nice place to be, and now... you want to leave it?

Besides, we usually go away to a beautiful place... nicer than our own, and I get to thnking... "why don't I live in a beautiful place", and it gets me down.

When we get home I go out of my way to drive thru the bad parts of town, so I can think to myself "at least we live in a better neighbourhood than this..."

Comparison is the theft of joy, etc. Better to stay home.

Spudthespanner · 29/04/2024 15:08

CanadianJohn · 29/04/2024 15:03

I don't like holidays. We've spent all this money and work to make our home a nice place to be, and now... you want to leave it?

Besides, we usually go away to a beautiful place... nicer than our own, and I get to thnking... "why don't I live in a beautiful place", and it gets me down.

When we get home I go out of my way to drive thru the bad parts of town, so I can think to myself "at least we live in a better neighbourhood than this..."

Comparison is the theft of joy, etc. Better to stay home.

😂

For real? that's so bizarre

wpalfhal · 29/04/2024 15:29

Comparison is the theft of joy, etc. Better to stay home.

WTF 😂

2Rebecca · 29/04/2024 15:29

One problem with holidays is that the 2 days spent travelling there and back are usually miserable, also the bed may not be comfy, the room poorly sound proofed. We increasingly go to places we've been to before as we're fussy about those sorts of things.

FlameTulip · 29/04/2024 15:31

I'd find this a bit of a pain but not a deal breaker. Go with friends, your DC or on your own OP!

rookiemere · 29/04/2024 15:32

Go with your DD and have a good time. Arrange future holidays without him, either he won't mind or he will be piqued you are having all the fun. With online communication there is very little reason why he can't go.

VenetiaHallisWellPosh · 29/04/2024 16:02

One of my DMs friends goes on holidays without her DP all the time! He's a homebody and she's got itchy feet...my DM has been away with her and they've made lovely memories!

Travel for me is to experience something and to learn a little. I'm planning a rail trip for my main holiday next year, through Holland, Germany and onto Poland. I'm not fussed by beach holidays. I'm looking forward to seeing so many beautiful and interesting things. I would hate to be at home all year round!

SometimesIDowonder · 29/04/2024 16:32

I get it. Maybe he just doesn't see the point. Me and OH are like this. What works is when someone suggests something the other really wants, I mean not just let's go to the beach for a few days but like what have you always wanted to see. Maybe have some hypothetical conversations like what's your bucket list and go from there.

KnittedCardi · 29/04/2024 16:44

Not everyone likes going in holiday. I don't. If he is happy for you to go alone, crack on. I wish my DH would go without me, but he won't. So every so often we go away, spend loads of money, and I just count down the days to coming home.