Hey mamas x
Well my boyfriend is booked on to an holiday abroad for 10 days, 5 weeks post birth our baby (depending if baby arrives on due date) As we know there's up to 2 weeks over due dates.
His 1st & my 2nd. I have a 3yr old, full time no bio father/family input, due to serious DV in the past.
Now this holiday was booked before hand I am taking this into account which is causing me to feel bad.
We dated 3 months and then we have been officially a couple in a relationship 5 months. It's all happened very quickly!
So I am partially feeling super torn up because of the conflicting factors around this in various ways.
I am feeling super disheartened that he still very much wants to go, because he won't get this opportunity again.
If it was the other way around I wouldn't be leaving him with a newborn & toddler, he's acting like he wouldn't have a problem with this because being tired/exhausted is part of the parental package... Yes it is, yet he's not the one doing all the physical work and healing post birth either.
I don't usually mind about him going holiday and I accept this a part of who he is and what makes him happy and I wouldn't want to change this about him at all.
Its with this time frame, I don't feel okay about it...
I found newborn stage super hard last time being on my own, I had issues breastfeeding, there was health checks ongoing which meant hospital visits, I had PND, my 1st was admitted into hospital near the 5 week mark for 4 nights, and I have a spinal disability which impacts my mobility and was really affected post birth (lifting car seat, pushing a pram, holding baby etc) I lost so much weight fast due to the cluster feeding from 1st i wasnt eating well, drinkng well or sleeping, I was in a bad place.
I don't have a supportive network, my family are very limited and preoccupied with their own lives, it's extremely rare i am able to have some input. I barely have friends and those I have also have kids/families to look after
I don't drive, which my partner does, so I feel as though him being available during the first couple of months is important - like I feel sick at the thought of possibly no coping so well mentally/physically and he's videoing calling me in some hot country relaxing, or seeing photos or if baby is unwell and needs any kind of medical input, he won't be here to help with travel or with my 3yr old...
I feel very vulnerable around birth/post, because it can be so unpredictable! If I was to need an emergency c-section? Then recovery on top of a disability?
I am waiting to start adult ASD assessment for me and my son likely has the same, it can be challenging with him most days. My own mental health is delicate, (I do regular therapy)
Apart of me is upset because I feel there's still time to transfer another name on to the holiday (it's an all inclusive hotel) and this way he is choosing his partner/family 1st over a relaxing holiday (like he complains about spending long periods of time with his family anyway that's going, 3 members, he said he will be off doing his own thing most of the time because 10 days it to much with them, its just theyve paid for him)
I am struggling to accept that what is important to his wants in his life (travel) are more significant than his partner/newborn/family during a vulnerable time frame OF need
Its creating a massive gap between us at the moment.
I am spiralling into thinking I am selfish and unreasonable, yet I am not naive about how life changing a new baby is And the numerous nights I feel would have helped having a supportive partner
I have suggested that even we could save up for the same place, it might take a bit longer to go, but our children would get to go, plus he'd have a few days to still explore and then I could have a day while he looked after littles
And while I totally understand other people's circumstances in the sense that some people have partners that work immediately away post birth, etc and that must be hard, I wouldn't sign up for that Kind of relationship.
Yet to me career and luxury holiday are two entire different matters.
My 2nd baby dad is a full time uni student & runs a business himself, I support him and I am so happy too and take care of our children, he's got another 3yrs left of uni, so I know it'll be me doing most of baby raising anyway.
It's more that I feel like he's upping & going on a holiday break at a time I feel I will need him... and it hurts and no matter how disheartened I feel, there's nothing I can do. it just worries me about what standard I am setting for the long term of our relationship or getting myself iinto if I just submit and give in to his wants etc
And I've said even if he stayed behind and nothing major happens, then we have a week (that's already booked off work for him) to do things a family of 4, which could be as joyful & great!
I want to know how others would feel about this, I feel alone in my relationship atm, like I'm not part of a team and I am fearing that my objectives is pushing him away but at the same time I feel unsure about staying close to a man who may not have his priorities in check
Do i just let the fact that it was booked prior override how things have changed now? How ive also had to sacrifice opportunities as a mother/parent. I wouldnt be able to leave a 5 week due to breastfeeding, its not like he could feed baby etc and then theres not being able to pump until 5/6 weeks due to everything needing to regulate
Anyway, I will stop, I think you get the point I am upset and my head is all over. Sorry about the long length xxx