Husband hates talking about holidays

[zybz]

...and I love talking about them. I want to discuss every possible option, detail, price, pros, cons, the lot. He gets bored after 10 minutes. If I mention a trip he just groans.

He loves going on the trip, but never does the work for it. We travel very well for the amount of money we spend. If he's booking it's done in 10 minutes but we've overpaid by £500.

I know I could just book something. But then it's my fault if he doesn't like it.

no input, no complaints, he can't have it both ways.

If he doesn't take part in planning then he doesn't get to complain, I'd be shushing him every time he starts to moan.

He's not moaning or complaing about the holiday, just the planning. I speak as the DW of an Extreme Planner. I just want to have a bit of a look and pick something. Not spend 3 hours a night for 4 weeks arranging a 2 week trip. We all have different approaches to these things...

I also hate talking about holidays. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.
Love going on them though, but I'm like your husband.

Then let him book it. Its done in ten minutes.

I do 99.5% of our holiday planning because 1) I'm bloody good at it, if I say so myself and 2) if I'm honest, I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone else with it. DH's responsibilities start and end with booking the airport parking.

BUT DH is an excellent 'passenger' and throws himself enthusiastically into whatever I arrange and is appreciative of the effort I put in make it happen. So it works well for us. It would be very different if he made no effort himself yet complained about what I'd organised.

Fine if you don't mind wasting £500, or staying a hotel that's in the wrong place, isn't very nice or serves bad food.

He's not moaning or complaing about the holiday, just the planning.

Hm not sure, as op says that But then it's my fault if he doesn't like it.
I plan and book our holidays, but DH never complains. Not fair it you don't want to discuss, but then also moan you don't like your partner's choice.

There is a middle ground.

My DH is like OP and it drives me wild.

I've never knowingly, over paid, stayed in shit location or got it "wrong"

Because, ya know, middle ground.

My DP is the same…..got no interest in talking about holidays at all….I’m 58 and have had 38 years of this….I just book what I want ….where we go…what we are going to do….he always says he’s had a good time…I don’t see it as a big deal

he always says he’s had a good time…I don’t see it as a big deal

That's the difference. Has no interest in planning but appreciates your effort - totally fine. Doesn't want to hear about planning, but then moans about the choices made - really annoying.

Tight planning is a chore. Chores take the fun out of things.
And that's plus all the other rules, regulations, tight timings and the other "joys" of travel.
I prefer not to think about it lest it puts me off going altogether.

My special interest (that's what we're really talking about here, isn't it? ) is DIY building works. My husband had nor skills nor interest to keep up with me on that front. And once I got over the disappointment of having to do it all myself, I started to enjoy the freedom of my projects without someone screwing everything up (when it should be nailed) 😁

How many hours do you spend saving the £500?
He may just value the time not spent tediously over-planning the details over modest amount of cash saved.

Plan it, present it, stop trying to convert him into liking an activity he finds tedious and that you clearly enjoy. He enjoys the holidays. Have some confidence in your planning skills without needing his validation at every step of the way.

Ah, fair enough @G5000
I try to make sure I don't complain much if I've not done much of the organisation!

DH whinges beforehand but always enjoys it when he’s there, so now I just booked whatever I want and tell him where to turn up. If he whinged about my choices, I’d be holidaying alone, or with DS! Whoever said “no input, no complaints” is right.

Tbh I do a lot of trips with just me and DS anyway, if I don’t think it’s something he is going to enjoy. He can sit at home, we can go skiing or whatever it might be.

I’m like your dh and so is my dh.
loathe planning, so as minimum prep and research as possible and will usually book a holiday in about half an hour. Hate it.
Way too much choice. We’ve never been disappointed in a holiday as a result, we have few expectations.
How much chat do you need before booking something? You decide what you’re looking for in a holiday, how far you’re willing to fly and discuss the max budget. That’s a 5 minute discussion. Then you type those requirements into google and just book what comes up!
How often are you going on holiday for this to become an issue?
Going forwards just say, I’m happy to do the planning and booking with no input from you, but you lose the right to complain about any of it if you haven’t contributed anything to the discussion.

Are you married to my DH?

I just want to ring the travel company or go into a travel agent and book something. Not endlessly plan to the nth degree every single detail.

My DH also does this with cars. He's looking into getting a new car in January 2025. Jan 2025, I ask you! He's already doing hours of internet research, wanting to look round showrooms and asking my opinion about spec etc. I don't fucking care, JUST CHOOSE ONE.

Not spend 3 hours a night for 4 weeks arranging a 2 week trip.

Ha I just spent a couple of weeks doing exactly that. DH's input limited to nodding when I suggested that 'what if we fly to x airport and back from y' and 'high end rental is just 200 eur more expensive than compact, I'm thinking we'll go for that'.

He will not complain though.

@THisbackwithavengeance @Orangello
Are there spreadsheets? 😁

Surprisingly no. But we have typed itineraries and large files with dividers.

Plus we have military inspired mantras: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

And Check Test Check Test.

Hmm, I'm your husband in our relationship I'm afraid.

I like the holidays but I don't have the patience to plan every detail. My DH loves that bit so we have assumed the roles of chief planner and attendee.

I adore planning holidays and luckily my dh isn’t fussed. He gets very excited on the day of the holiday and always has a lovely time. But he’s not one for looking forward to it, and certainly wouldn’t spend hours on research, which is part of the joy for me.
Personally I think I get the better deal as I always get to choose the destination.

I have about a two hour window on planning a holiday after which all the ruminating over every single option makes me want to gouge my eyes out.

no spreadsheets, that's a bit much even for me. Travelled with a friend some time ago and she had such a detailled itinerary she had even put which shop we will be visiting at what time. I do save a ton of favourites and spend several evenings narrowing them down to the perfect one.

You should be married to my husband. He loves planning and discussing holidays. It bores me. I enjoy wherever he decides we go but don't want to hear about it beforehand