Please help me plan a holiday in Germany!

[SnuggleBuggleBoo]

Bearing in mind I CAN'T SPEAK GERMAN!!!! I understand a bit of simple written German and know a few VERY simple tourist phrases - ' Wo sind die toilette?' type thing. Part of the point of my trip is to try and absorb a bit of the lingo from just overhearing other people (can that be done in a week? Maybe not!) Anyway, for this reason I'd like it to be somewhere where they speak 'High German' rather than having accents which will confuse me more than I already am confused! I'd also like it to be somewhere where I can be fairly confident people will Sprechen enough Englisch to help me out of any fixes I find myself in.

I would rather not stay in a city as I find them stressful enough in England! I'm thinking maybe somewhere suburbenish with a laid back feel, where they won't be heavily judging me for trying to struggle through 'Guten Tag, eine Bretzel bitte' with a queue forming rapidly behind me.

Apart from just wandering around eavesdropping the locals I haven't thought much about what I'd actually DO to fill my days. I like waterparks, but I'm thinking Germany isn't famous for them! Castles are cool, I wouldn't say no to museums, I love animals but any zoos would need to be top-notch ethically, I enjoy rural cycling as long as it's not too steep. I love the big forests and wildlife and stuff, but I'm going to be dependant on public transport which might limit my access to those things a bit!

Anyway, any suggestions? I know I might have to find a compromise if I'm really being realistic.

When I was doing German A-Level, my teacher (a native speaker) told us that the German spoken in and around Hanover was the easiest for learners to follow / communicate in as it was the closest to ‘Standard’ German as we were being taught.

I don’t know how accurate that is in reality, but I have definitely found it easier to get by and understand using my old A-Level German in the North West / Central areas than in the South or the East.

Hi, are you going in summer? can I recommend flying to Berlin and then train to Tropical Islands and/ Spreewald? We spent about 4 days in the Spreewald and it’s beautiful and SO German, people don’t default to English. We stayed in a cute little B&B, I don’t think they saw many British tourists. You can do a Cycle or canoe tour - the area is absolutely famous for gherkins and you can canoe through the forest and villages, stopping on the route for pints of beer and gherkins.

We combined the trip with an overnight stay at Tropical Islands - a VERY famous water park, just little-known in the UK.

It was, admittedly, an unusual holiday but all the more memorable for that.

NY Times - Lubbenau Spreewald Kayak
this article gives you a feel. I haven’t done Lubbenau castle.

it feels so cheeky bypassing Berlin but don’t even linger there, get straight on that train!

I can also guarantee blank looks/confusion/ intrigue when you tell people you have holidayed in Spreewald, peppered by the occasional joyous “I’ve been there!” of the random traveller.

Germany is a fabulous country underrated for tourism.

I agree that your best bet is northern Germany for understanding the locals better, avoid southern Germany as it’s definitely harder to understand.

Spreewald and Tropical islands are a great idea and easily accessible from Berlin.

Saxon Switzerland National Park near Dresden is also a cool place with amazing rock formations. Also just a couple of hours on the train from Berlin.

Hannover is well-known for having the purest/cleanest German. To immediately clarify that, the German spoken in Hannover is as close as you’ll get to the “standard” German you’ll hear on the listening tracks from textbooks. There are a number of pretty towns you could easily get to on the train from Hannover like Celle or Goslar.

Ok, that sounds magical! I've heard of the tropical waterpark but not the Spreewald?! Thanks so much for the tip! I'm totally going to PM you!

Thanks so much for you input everyone else too! Keep suggestions coming! It's always good to have ideas lined up for future visits too!

SW Germany is gorgeous - and actually, you can get by there with relatively little German, if yiu have to. Lake Constance (in German, Bodensee) is perfect for holidays - borders on Austria & Switzerland. The small, pretty city of Konstanz is the perfect base.

Munich would be a lovely place for a holiday and you can get public transport down to Austria and the surrounding mountain areas.

I have spent a lot of time in and around Hannover and its surroundings including Celle, Goslar and the Harz mountains. While it is a very nice area it is not a patch on the South for a holiday. A week is not long enough to become remotely fluent in German so I would just go somewhere nice. That said, I know many people who have lived in Munich and become fluent so it's possible to absorb the language there! I also like the Cologne Rhein area.

Beautiful landscape and rocks, but utterly incomprehensible locals, sadly. Not a great place to hope to overhear the locals and pick up the lingo that way.

Sorry, the above response was meant to be the ‘Saxon Switzerland’ suggestion. The quote disappeared!

Go to Bavaria, loads of places to cycle, water parks and lakes. Wonderful place
DH speaks fluent German but mine is very basic and I manage fine. It’s very unusual to find a shop or restaurant where nobody speaks English and the few times I have and haven’t had DH to translate I have managed fine.
The Bavarian accent is supposed to be harder than the one in The North but once people know you are English they will either speak English to you or slow down abd speak more clearly

Freiburg is lovely and you will be fine with no or very basic German!

Don’t worry @SnuggleBuggleBoo people are very helpful in Germany, in fact once they realise you speak English they will usually speak to you in fluent Englis so it ican be hard to practice German! Is there a particular reason you want to practice?

Hi from a longtime Berliner. The problem you have here is marrying ‘beautiful and interesting place’ with ‘comprehensible and helpful locals who also have a modicum of English for emergencies’. Waterparks and flat enough for cycling are extra curveballs in the equation.
Plenty of smaller German towns will have more modest waterparks: both outdoor lidos in summer as well as year-round indoor places that often have a swim-through outdoor section and an integrated ‘sauna landscape’. They’re certainly not as famous as Tropical Islands, but I would expect most areas - especially touristy ones - to have something suitable, if not spectacular.

The Spreewald certainly ticks a lot of your boxes, and it’s a bit puzzling that it hasn’t really been discovered internationally yet. In fact, I’ve visited multiple times over the years and never seen a foreigner there TBH (PP clearly one is the few exceptions). And that’s the crux of the matter: do they (as a whole) really want foreigners, or are they happy enough with their traditional meat-eating German clientele? I would certainly not recommend the place if you are visibly ‘non-local’ and don‘t want people staring. Don’t assume people, especially older ones who grew up pre-Wende, speak any English at all. And if you really don’t understand even a word, it might not be your dodgy German but because they’re speaking the local Slav language Sorbian. Having said all that, it really is pretty beautiful and unique, and very very flat.

Another great option might be one of the North Sea or Baltic islands. Beautiful fine sandy beaches, easy to cycle around, you get to sit in one of those cute beach baskets and chill. Sylt on the North Sea is quite posh and easy to get to by train from Hamburg, but it does have some interesting history with Denmark. Ruegen and Usedom are in the far north east, close to Poland but fairly accessible from Berlin. They all mostly have German tourists but will speak enough English if needs be. The accent is largely comprehensible (and in fact much of what you hear will be other tourists from various parts of northern Germany) too. Most of the big resorts on the islands will have a small water park, and hiring a bike to ride along the coast is easy enough. Ruegen and Usedom have this incredible wood-pannelled Bäderarchitektur which I find hugely attractive.

I was born there but we came to England when I was still little - I don't remember the language and my parents never taught me. I'm trying to learn by myself but it's such uphill work!!

I went to Germany a few times in the 80s so pre internet and GPS. We drove down the Rhine valley stopping off overnight in various places. Then stayed in the black forest
My german consisted of one year at school aged 7. ( I can order two beers in many languages:)
It would be easier now as you can book online.
I also recommend Lindau. It's a beautiful island on Lake Constance.

@LadyGreySpillsTheTea You're absolutely right of course! I'm very much wanting to have my cake and eat it too!

As amazing as the Spreewald sounds it's the language and culture that's giving me pause for thought - I feel like it may be one for a future holiday when my German is stronger?

I live in Germany and echo the above, all except to add in that don’t bother with Hannover itself - it’s charmless after crazy post-war rebuilding plans. That’s said unless you want to see some interesting Nazi throwbacks or the Zoo (which is lovely or the botanical gardens).
Spreewald is great.
South Germany is beautiful.

Honestly, outside of big cities, English isn’t spoken. Like the UK you’ll be hard pressed to find people willing to communicate in languages other than their own. German is the most spoken language in Europe so they’ve not needed to.
But Germany is great and people will go out of their way to help.

Another fan of northern Germany here. We spent many happy summers Lueneburger Heide and I have many fond recollections.

Absolutely agree about Spreewald and the Baltic coast and islands.

Another lovely part would be the North Sea Coast. Mud flats may not sound interesting but it's a lovely place for a relaxing holiday https://www.germany.travel/en/nature-outdoor-activities/schleswig-holstein-wadden-sea-national-park.html

Wherever you go, make sure you have good rainy weather clothes, remembering there is no bad weather there is only ever inappropriate clothing. And sunscreen, too.

I hope you have a lovely time. Northern Germany is indeed underrated buy tourists and is beautiful and welcoming. As PP have pointed out, many people you meet as a tourist will be very keen to practise their English esp with a native speaker.

Are you in touch with The Goethe-Institute, whose purpose is to promote knowledge of German competently and effectively. They offer courses, also lectures, newsletters etc. and provide some ways to use German in a social setting, with native German speaks who wont try to use you for free English lessons.

We went to Baden Baden this summer which would suit some of your requirements . Travelled easily by train from London. Got by on DH school boy German . There is a modern, indoor and outdoor spa which I felt
Was quite like a water park and an old spa ( naked) which dates from Roman times. We walked a really well marked path around the town which went through forests and was in 4 east sections easily reached by bus each day.

Came back from Bonn/Cologne trip yesterday. Was great. Stayed on outskirts of Bonn towards Königswinter, loads of walks along the Rhine, loads of castles/beautiful buildings. Loads of bakeries OMG the food was amazing! Most people in service type jobs... hotels, shops, food places spoke English, but "allowed" us to try. Their German seemed fairly easy to understand to us. No strong accents or dialect.

@LadyGreySpillsTheTea fantastic post. I think you’re right, Spreewald might be a bit too German for a first trip. I only stumbled across it because I have (city-loving) family in Berlin and I got really fed up of never having been further than Potsdam so one year we went exploring. I am so glad we did. I agree it might be sad if it was overrun with foreign tourists, maybe the charm was increased by finding yourself in somewhere that felt authentic and local.

I second Freiburg, very pretty place to visit. You could pin a day at Rulantica (water park).

I agree, we stayed in Meersburg last year. Pretty little town. There is plenty to do and the lake offers watersports.
Constance can be easily reached by ferry and there are other lovely little towns to explore.

Unfortunately a waterpak / theme park is a bit further away try Europa Park Rust. It can be done as a day trip!