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Original poster

2022 cruise with frail parent and a toddler. Is this a horrible idea?

72 replies

allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/08/2021 19:13

I live in the US and haven't seen my parents since 2019. My Mum had a stroke last year and now struggles to walk very far and has decided that when we reunite, it should all be on a cruise.

It will be me, DH, DF, DM and DS who'll be 3-ish. DM is adamant she's going to book something, but realistically, I'll end up sorting it out so I'm trying to do some research now.

I think the Greek Islands might be good, but can anyone suggest a line that would be good for elderly parents and a feral toddler? Where do I even start when looking to book?

DM wants a cruise that leaves and returns to the UK as she doesn't want to fly, but is that even a thing? I feel like people usually fly at least one leg.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/08/2021 19:15

You can cruise from Southampton on a fair few cruise lines.

We use P and O and their family friendly ships would be able to cater for both ends of the parties needs and everything in between. Royal Carribean type have a lot more activities but may be too much for your Mum?

Hellocatshome · 03/08/2021 19:19

Yes cruises around Europe can leave and return to the UK, usually Southampton. In my mind renting a large house (possibly with pool) and buying in takeaways so no one has to cook would probably be better for the circumstances.

Cheesypea · 03/08/2021 19:28

You can go from Southampton. I did p&o with a disabled relative, check if you can get priory check in. How frail is your relative, do you have anyone else going?

mineofuselessinformation · 03/08/2021 19:30

It's possible, but having done cruises with my DM who wasn't in the best of health at the time, I'll give you this advice:

There may well be stops on any cruise that you do that won't be suitable for your DM to visit, so she would need to be prepared to stay on board (there would be plenty for her to do, or she may be happy with just finding a shady corner and being waited on by the staff, or DF and DM both need to be on board (sorry for the pun!) with your family doing your own thing here and there, and them maybe just getting off and pootling around places nearby - for instance, Pompeii is fabulous to visit (even more so now, but is not for the less mobile.

There will be a kids club on board, so you can make use of that, COVID allowing, so the toddler thing should be doable. But, have you considered what you will do with toddler in the evenings?

DH needs to be on side with you so that you can both juggle parents and toddler where needed.

You could have a fabulous time (I love cruises!), but it will need a lot of planning as you say.

Original poster
allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/08/2021 19:49

Thanks all! This is useful food for thought. Good to know that you can arrive and leave from Southampton too.

@Hellocatshome I wish! My parents don't believe in take aways, so it would be cooking in every night or going to restaurants.

@mineofuselessinformation I think she would be fine staying on board. She visited us twice pre-stoke and spent several days sulking in her hotel room for reasons I'm still not quite clear on. Sulking on a cruise ship would be an improvement. I was hoping that if we get DS to bed, my parents could do some babysitting, that may turn out to be a fool's errand, but I can hope. At the very least we'd like a cabin with a balcony so we can drink wine outside while DS sleeps.

We haven't travelled far or been abroad for the whole pandemic, so we have some cash to throw at this trip to make our lives easier.

OP posts:
BoomChicka · 03/08/2021 19:56

If she's frail and a sulker I wouldn't be going on holiday with her at all! A cruise is a very expensive holiday to spend with someone trying to drag you down.

Original poster
allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/08/2021 20:02

@BoomChicka To be fair, she'll be a nightmare no matter what we do, so we might as well be somewhere nice while she's being a pain in the arse, if you see what I mean? I'd rather have some sun and stuff to do, than be trapped in their cramped, cluttered house with a 3 year old and shit weather. I'm trying to preemptively make the best of a difficult situation Grin.

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greyinganddecaying · 03/08/2021 20:07

Be careful which cruise company you choose & make sure it's child-friendly. We went on one that really wasn't.

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2021 20:10

Can definitely sail from the UK. Fred Olsen goes from 8 different UK ports. Other lines sail from Southampton, Harwich and various other places.

I think you want a ship with kids club/that is expecting kids to be on board and so will cater for them.

You want stops where the ship docks directly in the port and not a tender to shore for your DM and I imagine also much easier with a small child/buggy.

Original poster
allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/08/2021 20:16

@greyinganddecaying I hear Cunard is very formal?

Didn't even think about tender to shore. Another thing to add to the list of things to think about...

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 03/08/2021 20:19

Not sure if they sail from the UK but Disney and Carnival are brilliant for young kids and all cruise lines are geared up to elderly passengers with mobility issues

Sirzy · 03/08/2021 20:19

On P and O they show which ports are tender when you look online, I assume others will. Most we have been on they have been able to dock in port and not needed to tender I have only done that at Gurnsey

greyinganddecaying · 03/08/2021 20:26

[quote allfurcoatnoknickers]@greyinganddecaying I hear Cunard is very formal?

Didn't even think about tender to shore. Another thing to add to the list of things to think about...[/quote]

We went with Norwegian Cruise Lines - awful experience. Very little entertainment onboard, I didn't notice anything for children. There was a couple with a 2 year old and they said that the food was completely unsuitable (very salty).

Just worth double checking before you book. A Disney cruise should be ok Smile

silverlace · 03/08/2021 20:32

P&O would cater for all the ages. They have a night nursery where you can leave children to be put to bed while you go to dinner and a show then pick them up later to take back to your cabin.

I thoroughly enjoyed a cruise with pre teens as I didn't have any cooking to do and there was always food available for them whenever they wanted it.

Book a select fare where you can choose your cabin - midship and near a lift for your mum but look carefully what is above and below. Preferably cabins above and below rather than the nightclub or swimming pool. If you book rooms next to each other the divider on the balcony can be opened so you can have a larger balcony and pop in and out without going into the corridor.

Original poster
allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/08/2021 20:44

Disney have the absolute perfect itinerary, but it leaves from Barcelona Sad. I may need to dig a bit more in to this "can't get on a plane" problem. She says it's because they don't have disables loos on plane...except she can walk, just not long distances (she can get around the house), so now I think about it, I'm not 100% sure of the issue...

@silverlace I think P&O is shaping up to be the best balance for everyone. I like the idea of a shared balcony It's just enough shared space Grin.

OP posts:
silverlace · 03/08/2021 20:53

Have a look at the Cruise Mummy website for lots of advice.

RainingZen · 03/08/2021 21:03

Is she going to need the loo on the plane? It isnt a long flight to Barcelona, if she doesn't drink much beforehand she might last. There are always loos at the gate and when you get off

Original poster
allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/08/2021 21:11

@RainingZen I think it might be an anxiety thing rather than a physical thing - if it was a turbulent flight then you wouldn't be able to go to the loo anyway. She's just got it in her had that she can't use the loo on a plane any more so therefore she can't go on a plane.

I pointed out that Dreamliners have accessible bathrooms, but that was ignored.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 04/08/2021 06:52

P & O are great for catering for extended families. We took my 87 year old father in law in 2017 and 2018. There is quite a lot of walking getting around ship from cabin to restaurant and entertainment. They have great kids clubs. We had adjoining balcony cabins and they open up the balcony dividing doors, so it makes it easy to go into each others cabins. A couple of days that my FIL didn’t want to come out with us, he just stayed in cabin, reading on the balcony. He always had dinner and saw a show with us.

Jerseygirl12 · 05/08/2021 12:42

I think it could work, Royal Caribbean are also good for three generation families but I don’t think they are sailing from uk to Greece next summer. Some evenings you, your DH and DC could go to the buffet for dinner and your DM and DF could go to the main dining room that way you’d get a bit of a break from each other. Your DM could stay onboard for some ports perhaps and there’s usually childcare options, I think you have to pay a bit if DC are under 3. Definitely book 2 separate cabins and I’d your DM needs an accessible cabin these get booked quite early on.
I’ve done the shared balcony thing with my DC a few times and it’s fab. You end up with a lovely big space and still have privacy of your own cabin.

TheWeeDonkey · 05/08/2021 13:04

P&O, Royal Caribbean and Princess are all very family friendly, and very good at supporting less able passengers. As others have said check port details for your stop offs but there's usually plenty to do if you decide to stay onboard on port days.

Original poster
allfurcoatnoknickers · 07/08/2021 02:11

Thanks all! I'm going to bring up some of these ideas when we speak on Sunday and see how I get on.

OP posts:
moonbedazzled · 07/08/2021 02:52

How many weeks do you have available to do a cruise in? If you're looking at going to the Eastern Med, you'll probably be looking at 3 weeks. When you sail out of Southampton, it takes days to sail round Spain to med and then days to sail from med back to S'hampton. We did the Baltic in 2 weeks. Much quicker to get to the Baltic Sea.

You can do the fjords in a week but they're quite boring.

I always think cruises aren't great for kids but, to be fair, they go off to the kids clubs and they seem to love it. I just think kids would rather be on a beach somewhere.

alexdgr8 · 07/08/2021 03:41

i think you need to really understand your mother's condition and its limitations.
i say this because i know of a person near here who has become progressively more disabled over the last few years.
her AC's attitude is largely to ignore, overlook, dismiss, minimise it, saying they'd rather be positive.
so they expect her to do things that she cannot. and to fit into gadgets that are totally unsuitable. they have never met with a specialist or therapist to discuss her actual needs.
none of this may apply to your situation.
and some AC may be genuinely over-optimistic with what their parent can achieve or cope with.
it's a case of matching expectations, limitations, reality of situation.
if you are stuck on a ship, you can't just up and leave or move to another hotel or resort or go home early.
so i think you need to be thoroughly informed of possible problems that would detract from a good holiday experience.
all the best.

LoveFall · 07/08/2021 03:43

Dh and I have cruised many times on Princess. We have seen hundreds of multi generational families having a great time. We did a Caribbean cruise with our son and family over Christmas a few years ago. A good time was had by all. Teen grandson disappeared into the teen club daily and we had a hard time spending time with him!

Princess does do cruises return from Southhampton. We did one that went to Portugal and Spain and had a great time.

They usually have excursions that are suitable for people with mobility challenges, even wheelchairs.

I have observed the crew being very kind and helpful to disabled or elderly. They also cater the entertainment to different age groups.

I think a cruise is perfect for you.