DD wants to book a holiday to Zante and I'm panicking

[cardy1969]

DD and five friends want to book a holiday to Laganas in Zante for when she finishes her A levels next summer. She'll still be 17 (going in July and 18 in August).

Laganas is well known as a party resort and I can cope with that....just about, but I've googled it and read all sort of horror stories about the bars being run by the Albanian Mafia and selling spiked drinks (people ending up in hospital with poisoning). Even a shooting! I've gone into a panic and told her she can't go. She understands to some extent and would rather go somewhere else, but the problem is her friends don't understand they say all places have risks. They are all intent on going there as opposed to any other party resort such as Ayia Napa, Kavos, Malia etc. because of cheap drinks and cheap accommodation.

She's explained that I won't let her go and they haven't been very understanding to say the least! They won't change their minds and have said I'm being unreasonable. She's now accusing me of getting between her and her friends and it's all being blown up.

I'd like to talk to the other girls' parents but she won't let me saying that her friends will get really mad if I interfere with their parents. I suspect they've not read what I have.

I feel I'm between a rock and a hard place - I let her go and she's in danger. I don't let her go and all her friends go and I'm ostracizing her from her friends. Help please !

It's probably more the fact 1 parent is trying to change the holiday rather than their friend.

At 18 I probably wouldn't be dictated to by a friends parent either, they will feel like they're also adults and just as entitled to make a decision about a resort as you, more so considering they're the ones paying and actually going.

I would let your daughter make this decision and if she chooses not to go it will be her saying it rather than "my mum won't let me" if she decides to go then she can make the decision to drink bottled drinks instead of cocktails.

What has your DD done so far holiday wise? Has she been away before with this group? Festivals or anything?

Just found this thread.
A neighbour's daughter went there last year. Became very ill after drinking cheap cocktails in a bar. Barman offered to take her back to her hotel! Fortunately a friend who had stuck to wine was able to look after her. Barman was not pleased. They were sure afterwards that she would have been raped. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.

They suggested she lies to me about where they are going, they've told her to stand up to me, they called me a weird bitch and generally upset her
This would be enough for me to have doubts about going on holiday with this group. Wherever she went you'd want to have confidence that they are a united bunch who will look out for each other. Has she done much clubbing / drinking? My DCs experience is that there is always one who drinks to oblivion every time and the others get fed up of rescuing them. Also another who will randomly go off alone.

I really don't think Laganas is that much cheaper than all of the alternatives.

I think that comment from the travel agents would sway me. However, this is not your battle. You have stated your position. Your daughter now needs to work out if she can sway her friends, bear to stay at home, or go anyway despite the advice. A simple message saying ‘the travel agents specifically said they would not advise teen groups going to this resort, they said that even though they would profit from our booking, because they think its a risk not worth taking, so I’m out’.

She's days off being an adult. If you were paying then I'd say you get some influence, but if you're not tell her how to stay safe i.e thumb in drinks bottle, don't put your drink down etc

That's useful to know Gladallover. Maybe I'm not just paranoid then.

We live in a big city and DD does go out clubbing/drinking and always seems to be sensible about it (never comes home paralytic!). She's been to Leeds Festival the last 2 years and loved it. She was very good about staying In touch and understands that I worry.

I don't 100% trust her friends. She told me before that they sometimes lie to their parents about what they're doing and haven't been honest about Laganas (they've just said Greece).

You mentioned she didn't want to go to the location why doesn't she just not go. There will always be many other holidays.

I thought her friends were loyal and caring but have seen another side to them the last couple of days. They suggested she lies to me about where they are going, they've told her to stand up to me, they called me a weird bitch and generally upset her.

Her 'friends' sound horrible OP and I wouldn't be enthusiastic about her going away with such a disloyal and unpleasant bunch, particularly if I was paying! I think you're right to have reservations about this kind of trip - to Laganas or anywhere else. There was a story in the press this summer about three British teens falling to their deaths in the same spot in Magaluf - another destination popular with young Brits. I know it's become something of a rite of passage for groups of 17 and 18 year olds to go off on a post-A level holiday to one of these wild European resorts, but it's clear that in some cases it's not as safe as any parent would hope. FWIW my mum put her foot down with me at that age and said no to a drunken holiday in Ibiza and I was secretly quite happy that she had! The girls who went actually didn't have that great a time. There was a lot of drunken puking and stumbling around, friends getting separated and teenage fallings out. Go with your gut - until she is 18 you're still in charge - plus you're holding the purse strings.

I went to Sunny Beach in Bulgaria when I was 18 which is much worse. It was rotten to be honest, we got mugged and had a bomb scare (there was a terrorist attack at the airport) but we still came back in one piece and look back on it fondly now.

It depends how much of a solid group they are, will they stick together and look out for each other? And are they fairly street smart I.e. won't be going to random people's houses or taking drinks from strangers?

To be honest given how they've now treated her (calling her names) if I was her I wouldn't be going. You don't need friends like that and they might gang up on her when they are out there- girls of that age can be witches.

If she’s paying for it herself she should be able to go. If the trip was a month later when she turns 18 you’d have no say in it.
Let her go.... she’ll be fine ... like thousands of others.

All of you saying that if the OP's DD were 18 she would have no say in the matter. If you have a good relationship with your older children which involves mutual respect then you do "have a say". That doesn't mean total obedience but it certainly means consideration for the parents view.
My adult children will always listen to me and often come to me for advice or an opinion. If I felt very strongly about something they would think carefully about it. Clearly the OPs DD is the same.

She did come to me asking what I thought as I think she was secretly a bit worried about it. She's not the type of girl who will just go ahead and do what she wants regardless of what I and DH think. However there is peer pressure and she doesn't want to be the one who spoils it. She does want to go on a girls holiday and with clubs/bars and I'm sure they'll be plenty of drinking but I think she wants something a bit less crazy and potentially dangerous.

Her friends all have older siblings and it seems their parents don't really ask too many questions and when they do the girls are a bit economical with the truth. DD has told me this.

We live in a big city and the girls go clubbing every now and again. Mainly for 18ths which are all coming up now. I like to think that in 9 months time they will be a bit more mature.

She only turned 17 7 weeks ago (late August birthday) so although she'll be 18 a month later I don't think my work as a parent has to stop.

Also worth pointing out that as a family we have done lots of travelling - Europe, USA, Asia so I hope some of what she has learnt along the way will equip her to look after herself abroad.

OP it doesn't sound like her sort of holiday, but ultimately it's her decision. When I went on my first holiday alone (detailed below) I was disgusted at the debauchery of the whole place, I.e. didn't find the concept of flashing your tits for a free shot amusing.

Went to Ibiza a couple of years later and loved it, more expensive but worth the money as there was much more to do than just drinking brightly coloured shots all day long.

O hate to admit this, but this is what I’d do.

Say she can go.

Then I’d book to go out myself. Different accom, on the outskirts of the resort.
Then I’m there for her if needed. Plus I get a little holiday myself :-)

I would tell her what I’m doing.

Also worth pointing out that as a family we have done lots of travelling - Europe, USA, Asia so I hope some of what she has learnt along the way will equip her to look after herself abroad.

I’m afraid that nothing will prepare her for post a level Greece holiday. Certainly not family holidays to the US!

Whatever you do please don't listen to excitedalready's advice and follow her out there!!!

It's like that awful programme .... Sun, sea and suspicious parents. I watched an old one recently, at the beginning the mum was filmed saying "oh she'll be fine, she's very reserved" .... next shot is her DD gyrating topless on a podium