DD wants to book a holiday to Zante and I'm panicking

[cardy1969]

DD and five friends want to book a holiday to Laganas in Zante for when she finishes her A levels next summer. She'll still be 17 (going in July and 18 in August).

Laganas is well known as a party resort and I can cope with that....just about, but I've googled it and read all sort of horror stories about the bars being run by the Albanian Mafia and selling spiked drinks (people ending up in hospital with poisoning). Even a shooting! I've gone into a panic and told her she can't go. She understands to some extent and would rather go somewhere else, but the problem is her friends don't understand they say all places have risks. They are all intent on going there as opposed to any other party resort such as Ayia Napa, Kavos, Malia etc. because of cheap drinks and cheap accommodation.

She's explained that I won't let her go and they haven't been very understanding to say the least! They won't change their minds and have said I'm being unreasonable. She's now accusing me of getting between her and her friends and it's all being blown up.

I'd like to talk to the other girls' parents but she won't let me saying that her friends will get really mad if I interfere with their parents. I suspect they've not read what I have.

I feel I'm between a rock and a hard place - I let her go and she's in danger. I don't let her go and all her friends go and I'm ostracizing her from her friends. Help please !

A bit of additional info:
I've been to Zante and visited Laganas, it was a bit seedy. I've also been to Magaluf, Falariki and although full of bars, clubs they didn't feel quite so lawless.
She's funding it herself from her Saturday job.
We have a really good relationship and she respects my opinion. She doesn't like the look of Zante herself.
Friend in the travel industry has said Laganas has a particularly bad reputation. Travel agents have been told to actively discourage groups of teens from going there.
Bars are selling very cheap booze because it's laced with all sorts of stuff. In aug and sept of this year loads of youngsters ended up in hospital.
I completely get letting her go on holiday with friends it's Laganas I have an issue with.
I've done my fair share of clubbing in Ibiza etc. so I'm get what it's all about.

If she has a decent set of friends I’d really reconsider.
Doesn't sound like they're too decent the fact they would go without OP's dd rather than change the resort, and told her to lie to her mum.
I'd not be happy either

I went when I was 19. Seemed okay, never felt in danger or anything, but it's a total shithole, not gonna lie.

I I sweats your point, but they don't want to go somewhere more expensive for o my one person. You can't blame them for that. You and your daughter (well mainly you) have made a decision. They don't want to spend extra money. Doesn't make them bad kids. Many people go and don't have an issue, but you don't agree with the risen. Which is your decision. I don't see a compromise sadly, unless you want to go with her to one of the more suitable places?

And agree on shithole status. I suppose when you're young you don't care. I still remember kavos fondly and it was filthy 😂😂

For goodness sakes let the girl go, you are being unreasonable and i don't blame her friends for not understanding. I'm not sure that legally you can stop your daughter going anyway.

I wouldn't be happy with it either OP. Sure, she'll probably be ok. If, however she was the one to get her drink spiked & got raped, or if it happened to any of her friends, that's their lives effectively ruined. I wouldn't be happy about her going there at 18 either if it's that bad.

Not sure what the answer is. Shame you aren't close to any of the other parents that could help sway the destination

I always wonder on threads concerning 16-18 year olds,whether the "let them do what they want they are adults" posters are the parents of toddlers or maybe have grown up kids and have forgotten.
You don't stop caring when they have their 16 birthday and lets face it, at this age they are so impulsive and irrational that they need to be reminded of possible risks.

My 16 year old haf big plans for a night out at an u18 club which she'd have to get to herself as it's a long way away and we are working. She was getting a hotel with her mates.
When I sat down with them and talked about the logistics of getting from the station to hotel and then hotel and back at 2am, they realised it was not going to work.
Had innit spoken to them they may likely have ended up wandering around a big city at 2am unable to get to the hotel. (Too expensive for a cab)

If she goes please make sure she had very good travel insurance.

One that specifically covers treatment in a private hospital, many only cover government run which is what the EHIC is for. Also ensure she is covered for medical repatriation, this can cost upwards of 30,000 EUR.

Drill it into her not to hire a quad bike, dune buggy or moped. Unscrupulous hire companies make young people surrender their passports as deposits and then claim that there is damage and hold the passport till it is paid for.

Or worse, travel insurance often doesn't cover for accidents on these type of vehicles.

There is a British Consulate in Zante if she needs it.

www.gov.uk/world/organisations/british-honorary-vice-consulate-zakynthos

And here is Gov.uk travel advice.
www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/greece

Thanks for your comments. Some quite polarised views.

She and I have found others places for similar prices so I don't think the cost is the reason why they are intent on going to Laganas.

"I don't think you can stop her". Well yes I can she's 17 not 18 however that's not the point. I've told her I don't want her to go there and respects my view. She wouldn't just defy me plus she doesn't want to go after what she's read. It scared her,

Parenting 16-18 year olds is tricky. Give me a baby/toddler any day! You try so hard to guide them whilst giving them the chance to have freedom and make their own informed decisions. DD does have respect for mine and DH's views however there is always peer pressure. It's been the same with going out to clubs (at 16), walking home at night etc. You don't just wipe your hands of them once they are 16. I'm a parent and will be even when my kids are grown up and I'll always want the best for them. I appreciate your comments though.

I'm interested to hear from others who have let their kids go on independent holidays at 17/18.

Thanks Effendi, that's useful advice.

It's tricky but I think you're getting too involved with the whole group at this age. I can see why her mates are pissed off.

Your DD sounds sensible and if you have a good chat about all the horror stories I'm sure she'll be fine.

My 17 year old DD had her first Spanish girly holiday this summer. I was very worried but she had a fabulous time ..... she's now talking about working out there next summer

It's not bad of her friends to not change the destination! They want to go there and have planned it as a group, why on earth would anyone change that just for one person? Don't want to go, don't go. Simple. Don't expect everyone to change their holiday just for you! That's unfair and princessy.

You will always find bad points if you search for them. You will always have people focussing on possible negatives and forgetting the thousands or millions of people who have had an amazing time. Relax and stop making your daughter fearful. If she wants a party holiday like that then there are risks wherever she goes.

Triptrap - because they should consider everyone's views. Others have said they don't want to go to Barcelona, Ibiza, Spain so there're not. Lots of other places were on the table when they started looking - Crete, Cyprus, Corfu, Spain. They just happened to find one in Laganas, there are others in other places at similar prices.

She feels like she's not being listened to. I know there are risks with all places and I've been on a fair number of these types of holidays. Some of the horror stories are very specific to Zante and the Albanian gangs that are running the bars and clubs.

Sorry, no they don't. They collectively, as a group, decided on a destination. Then you put your daughter off. Expecting them all to now change their plans due to that is totally unfair.

Well yes I can she's 17 not 18 however that's not the point

Not the point as you say, but no. For the record you cannot stop a 17 from going. Once they're 16 they don't need a letter from anyone with parental responsibility, and airlines will happily sell them a ticket.

To be honest I think you have to let her go. Her drink could be spiked in Magaluf, she could be raped in Kavos, but you're ok with those destinations. The vast majority of teens who go are fine. She will be too. She knows the risks and hopefully how to avoid them - not leaving a drink unattended, always keeping together, for example.

Triptrap - sorry your wrong, they all said they'd agree on one place- DD said no to Laganas because she asked me first. Another said no to Barcelona and another Ibiza. She don't want to go to Laganas because she's read the stuff too. They took notice of the others but not her maybe because she said 'my mum said...'

The issue about spiking drinks is specific to Zante. The bar sell them usually in cocktails already with stuff (nail varnish remover) in them. I'm well aware of the other dangers wherever she goes and so is she. Zante has added dangers. All stuff that happened this summer.

OP,you said 'she explained that I won't let her go'. No, they don't all have to change everything for one person. If the majority agree then they have a plan.

You keep banging on about the dangers of one place but you are being seriously OTT. If you are fine with your daughter going on that type of holiday you have to accept that there are the same risks at all destinations. You will always find the bad reviews and stories above the good ones.

I always wonder on threads concerning 16-18 year olds,whether the "let them do what they want they are adults" posters are the parents of toddlers
^^ this is true.
cardy1969 I have been through Laganas and it's nasty. I don't actually know whether it's any worse than Kavos.
DS1 went to Kavos after A levels. I read a lot of very similar horror stories about Kavos - drinks spiked, violent robberies, mafia etc. DS was a very young 18 who had never drunk much alcohol and I had a very sleepless week I can tell you.
They waited until all the party were 18. I seemed to be the only parent who was worried but I didn't stop him going. I banged on endlessly went through a lot of safety issues with him beforehand, things like not going home alone, not swimming after drinking and never letting your drink out of sight.

He will laugh about it now but admitted afterwards he didn't enjoy it. He found the atmosphere at night intimidating and he was disappointed that none of his friends wanted to do anything but drink all night and stay in bed all day. He thought they were really close friends before he went but they were pretty reckless.

In the end of course you can't really stop her. It doesn't sound as though she's too keen and maybe the solution is to go elsewhere with other friends.

You should not judge her friends. This is completely normal.

I don't see why the whole group should change their plans to please you! Perhaps the other five girls all have a good reason for wanting to go to Zante. If you/your daughter don't like it-fine she doesn't go. No one is making her go!

If she genuinely didn’t want to go she should have said so, I think you’re right that the other girls haven’t listened to her because she said ‘my mum says...’. But if there really isn’t anymore more to it than this mafia-fishbowl-nail varnish remover thing then surely she could still go and just stick to bottled alcoholic drinks?!

I've been to laganas in zante in my early 20s and it's not scary as you are making it sound: as long as your DD is a sensible girl to look after herself on holiday she should be fine

Thanks Goosedown, that's really useful.

I'm not judging the other girls however I would have thought that they could come to an agreement based on where everyone wants to go and is allowed to go. There were half a Souza's places suggested.

I realised I have to let her go somewhere, that not my issue. It's Laganas that's the issuer. I've been there and it's horribly seedy.

Kay, I've been too and I didn't like it, this was a few years ago. Based on my experience alone I'd have probably have let her go, However during summer 2018 it has
experienced some significant organised crime issues, gangs, shootings and the selling of alcohol mixed with other substances. That's my issue. Not the partying, Brits abroad stuff.