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Original poster

going off alone, will dh survive?more importantly will DD????

32 replies

hazlinh · 23/07/2004 05:55

not sure if this the right place, but here goes! am planning to take a weekend break on my own next weekend just to take a breather from dd and dh!but am fearful of leaving dd in the hands of hapless dh for over 24 hours! help!! what shd i do. have told him that he can SOS to my mum if he needs to and drop her off there for a couple of hours during the day, but she hasn't been feeling all that great lately either and she normally babysits Mon to Fri anyway and i feel she really deserves a break. In fact was toying with the idea of bringing her along so we'd have a girl's weekend break, as it were. altho not too sure if i really want that at this point but anyway! any tips for how i shd go about this?has anyone ever left their kids with dh/dp before and lived to tell the tale?

OP posts:
Blackduck · 23/07/2004 06:53

Yes - I often have to go away because of my job so dp get ds (and dog and cat) for three, four, fve days/nights at a time...
leave detailed instructions...
top up everything they might need and leave in prominant location....
expect to come home (if your dh is anything like my dp) to a pile of dirty laundry that makes you wonder if you actually have three children and not just one....
enjoy yourself - they will survive....

gothicmama · 23/07/2004 07:21

expect to come back to mess, washing and two starving people (expect the worst) and anything better will be a bonus. They will have a lovely time having fun together altho may forgot about house work etc.

Blackduck · 23/07/2004 09:34

oh yes...she will probably have lived on one thing whilst you are away...ds ends up surviving on readibrek and bananas....

Original poster
hazlinh · 23/07/2004 10:22

LOL! yes, suspect the house will be covered in dirty socks and nappies...siiigh...but forgot to mention that dd's only 5 mths..so am quite worried about her night feeds. she still bf's tho also mixed feeding but night feeds have always been purely b/f and pampered dh has never had to wake up ever! god knows if he'll hear her in the night and if he will actually get up and feed her!!!help!

OP posts:
gothicmama · 23/07/2004 10:26

he will hear her - it willbe ok it is for one night they will be fine ans enjoy some good bonding time - leave plenty of instructions clearly written get dh to read before before you go so you cna check he understands them leave as much prepared bottles / food / make sure good supply of wipes cream nappies clothes etc.

hercules · 23/07/2004 10:32

Sorry but does he not have equal responsibilty over her?
Dh looks after dd during the day whilst I'm at work and works nights.
The thought that he would be incapable of looking after his own child whilst I was away is crazy.
Are some men really this incapable? Is it really too much for them to have to look after their own child for a couple of days?

Sorry to rant but I couldnt imaging being married to someone like that. It would drive me barmy.

Go away and enjoy yourself and leave him to it.

Galaxy · 23/07/2004 10:33

message withdrawn

hercules · 23/07/2004 10:36

Not sure about leaving ds in charge Galaxy

Miriam2 · 23/07/2004 10:37

The 1st time I left ds and dh together, ds was about 7 months and our phone line had a problem (before mobiles!) so I couldn't ring him- and of course they were fine. Routine may be changed a bit, things not done exactly how you would, but doesn't really matter.

They will have fun!

littlemissbossy · 23/07/2004 10:46

they'll be fine!!! when I've been away my worries are that the only food they'll get is macdonalds and that with my dh's dress sense, the kids will wander around the village looking like the beverley hillbillies

Galaxy · 23/07/2004 10:49

message withdrawn

Original poster
hazlinh · 23/07/2004 10:57

hercules, he's had to babysit her on occasions when I'm at work and he's not, but I've had to bail him out a lot cos dd seems to not stop crying when he has her. i think he gets distracted watching tv while holding her and she doesnt necessarily want to just sit still in front of a tv! either that or she misses me!!she doesnt even finish her bottles if he's feeding her. that's what has me so worried. plus i am paranoid that he wont tuck her in properly and she'll get her blankets all tangled around her face or neck!!He's just so careless and hapless....arrgg
but i just have to put my foot down and let him get on with it cos I need this break!!

OP posts:
hercules · 23/07/2004 11:01

When he's looking after her he's not babysitting!!!!! It's his child as well!

Sorry but it sounds like you've got two small children. It would really drive me up the wall. YOu both had a child and it is time he grew up and acted like an adult.

It is not fair on you to have to be the only proper parent. No wonder you need a break. Iiwy I'd disable the tv before going, give him no back up plan and get him to take his role seriously and on his own.

What would happen if you had to go to hospital or something?

What breaks do you get on a day to day basis?

Mo2 · 23/07/2004 11:11

I was away last weekend for 3 nights, and dh (who IS very good really) had DS1 (4.5) & DS2 (1.9) all weekend.
They survived! (no, they were fine, really)

However, when I came home I found:

  • DS2 had the worst ever bump on his forehead ("fell over DS1's feet while out on a walk"
  • Both had stayed up until 10pm at a family BBQ/ party
  • DS1, at same party, managed to eat an entire plate of meringues before he was spotted
  • DH switched DS2 from his usual 'babygro' at bedtime into PJs for the first time... Incidently, I was LIVID at the last one 'cos I felt as if it was a sort of milestone which I'd missed (we're not likely to have any more kids, so for me it was synonymous with 'losing' our little baby into a little boy - AND I WASN'T THERE FOR IT - boo hoo....)

Agree with others though - DHs should be equally capable to look after their own kids!
Nicest bit is the (temporary) massive appreciation you get when you come back!

Mo2 · 23/07/2004 12:54

oh dear - have I killed this thread?

suedonim · 23/07/2004 13:27

I cleared off to India for a fortnight and left dh with 11yo dd1 and 2yo dd2. We all survived the experience unscathed. I've never done any preparations for my absence, dh copes just fine. I figure that as I'm not there, I can't see what they're eating nor what they're wearing. My final take on it is that dh would have to cope if I were dead, so a weekend isn't likely to be any great shakes.

Easy · 23/07/2004 13:35

I have to say Haz that you do make your dh sound like a drip !!!
Do I take it that normally, if you are not there he doesn't eat, can't find his clothes, wouldn't know how to mop up a spilt drink?

I think you've let yourself down here girl (and us to be honest), and become his mother. It's about time you started regularly taking time away so he learns to cope.

As for the T.V. watching, well he sounds like my 15 y.o. niece!!

And don't let your dd blackmail you either. Of course she cries when you go out, you seem to do everything for her, she's not used to daddy having to do it.

Get this situation resolved NOW, or you're going to really regret this in years to come.

hercules · 23/07/2004 14:08

Is it just me who finds it a bit worrying that there seem to be so many men who are incapable of looking after their own children? They are not children themselves and I really cant see why people make jokes about their children not being fed or dressed properly.
Surely we're meant to be in the 21 century now with equality etc. Is it the expectations you have, do you not expect anything different?
Imo men are just as capable and it sounds like some are just lazy and are allowed to be.

Easy · 23/07/2004 16:08

My dh cooks, is better at tidying up (but not cleaning) than me, can handle laundry generally (odd mistake with delicates) and will willingly take his turn at childcare. BUT he just doesn't know how to entertain ds himself. If I say "do painting with him" or "go to feed the ducks" he's happy to do it, and organise the activity, but just doesn't have the thoughts to do it himself. Bless,

But then I can't write software !

xoz · 23/07/2004 16:33

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh her ebut I often think that we think our dh/p's are incapable of doing things simply because they do things differently. They don't have the same prioities as us so don't do the same things as us. I think sometimes we need to lighten up a bit and let them get on with parenting in their own way!

Easy · 23/07/2004 16:38

Hey Xoz, I agree. We all think we're indispesible don't we?

emkana · 23/07/2004 20:17

I'm going to stick my neck out here - while I totally and utterly agree that men should be capable of looking after their own children, I do think we should look at the age of the child. Now we're talking about a 5 month old baby here - so that's a totally different thing to a 2 year old!!! A 5 month old has not got any awareness of the fact yet that the mother is a separate person - to a small baby mother and self are one. Of course the baby will cry and be upset if the mother left, and certainly NOT because she would want to "blackmail" or "manipulate" you. SHe's only 5 months old FFS!!! She loves you and needs you, and while the father is important and should be involved the mum, if she's the main carer, has a unique position IMHO! If I was you I'd take her with me - or I would insist on having a weekend in which you don't do anything other than mooching around with your baby, while your husband can cook/bring you breakfast in bed/run a bath for you, then cuddle baby while you're in the bath, that sort of thing.

Rhubarb · 23/07/2004 20:19

Do it! He's more than capable, you had to learn just as he had to, and your children survived with you didn't they? He'll just go off to his mums anyway, so go ahead!

hercules · 23/07/2004 20:32

What about working mums emkana? Our children are fine.

emkana · 23/07/2004 20:34

Totally different thing, hercules - that's why I wrote "if Mum is the main carer". If dh has already an established bond with the baby, then no problem. But if not, then I think it should be built up slowly.
So certainly no offence to anyone intended!

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