going off alone, will dh survive?more importantly will DD????

[hazlinh]

not sure if this the right place, but here goes! am planning to take a weekend break on my own next weekend just to take a breather from dd and dh!but am fearful of leaving dd in the hands of hapless dh for over 24 hours! help!! what shd i do. have told him that he can SOS to my mum if he needs to and drop her off there for a couple of hours during the day, but she hasn't been feeling all that great lately either and she normally babysits Mon to Fri anyway and i feel she really deserves a break. In fact was toying with the idea of bringing her along so we'd have a girl's weekend break, as it were. altho not too sure if i really want that at this point but anyway! any tips for how i shd go about this?has anyone ever left their kids with dh/dp before and lived to tell the tale?

See what you mean although I do think it's pretty poor if her dh doesnt have a bond!

I do agree with you, hercules, but I must say that when my daughters were 5 months I wouldn't have left them overnight with dh either - even though he's a fantastic father - but I spend all day with them while he's at work, and I b/feed at night, so to take that away from them... I just don't think a 5 month old can understand what's hit him/her there! It would have been different if he'd had more time with them on a day-to-day basis, and if he'd done nightfeeds and stuff on a regular basis so that they were both used to it.

Yes, I see your point. I went to work full time when dd was about 7 months and had started to leave her with dh before. She's also bf.
It was absolutely plain sailing because dh has always been hands on and so I've never had tears at all. In fact she barely noticed me gone.
I can see how it would be very different if the dad isnt around much but he'd have to be pretty distant not to have a good bond.

also, lets be honest, it is different being mum (whether you bf if or not...) I think you feel different and do wonder how they will cope without you. I know I did and dp is 'primary carer'........

May be reading it all wrong, but I think what's really worrying you is the leaving your dd at all. I left ds with dh when he was 5 months old and I fretted about it for weeks before. Not because I didn't think dh was up to it, but because I wasn't sure I was. I felt guilty about going, terrified of being separated from ds, and if I could have backed out on the day I would have. It's horrible to leave your baby behind for the first time, and if you've been the one doing most of the care, it's natural to feel nobody else can do it as well as you can. They will be fine, though. Go, have a lovely time, the first time is hard but you'll all benefit I'm sure.

whops! didn't check this thread for a couple of days and what do i get?!! didnt realise it would provoke such an outpouring of emotions!
hercules, I am right with you, I have extremely high expectations and I DID once use to think that me and dh would of course share equal responsibilities in terms of caring bringing up the children. but for reasons which escape me at the moment, it just hasn't happened.i think partly because mil is very old-fashioned and prolly doesnt encourage him to take more active role, and says that the burden lies on the mother. anyway, i wish she would just kick the bucket for that and many more of her annoying opinions but that's besides the point.

I did spend most of saturday and sunday out on a massive shopping spree cum picnic with my mum last weekend in preparation for next weekend when i will be away!!! dh didnt seem to have done terribly badly but he did call at 3pm on Sunday meekly asking me to bring back some food cos he hadn't had time to prepare any for himself!!! I didn't ask why of course.When I'd got back (in my own sweet time) it turns out he'd called in his aunt and grandma and asked them to bring him food cos i was taking too long and he felt like he could pass out at any time!(the mil is overseas visiting other hapless sons to take care of THEIR kids).
i was amused, but then i found out that dd had only had two feeds between 10am and 4pm!!!!I was absolutely livid.and he hadnt fed her any solids!!dunno what they were up to, but she also fell asleep REALLy early at about 7pm. she normally only starts to drift off at about 9 to 10pm. god knows what she had been doing to become that knackered!her bumbo was in front of the telly so i can only imagine that she'd been plonked there the whole day??????????
i guess deep down, its what you're saying m\flowerpot.and i've never left dd anywhere overnight so it's terrifying.all sorts of nasty scenarios cross my mind.altho thats just being silly, i mean whats so different about me not being there. i imagine stupid things like, oh no she'll suffocate cos she wont be properly tucked in. but i suppose she could still suffocate even if I WERE around. i'm just being so paranoid. that said. i have BOOKED by holiday this weekend so i can take a much-needed break.wish me luck everyone!

Maybe i shd start a new thread on this but how do i housetrain dh and ensure he shares responsibilities on dd with me better?i'm sure u can help me out on this hercules!!!he always says 'that's what the domestic help is for' (we've got a helper). he doesnt seem to understand that he needs to develop a bond with his daughter

oops shouldnt have put 'housetrain' as such. dh is very meticulous about cleanliness and does a lot of the cleaning up in the house actually, vacuuming and washing up etc. but he's just...oh i dunno...as xoz says, we have different priorities.