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Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

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Original poster

should i let dh take dd to madagascar?

75 replies

SenoraPostrophe · 29/05/2006 21:54

well?

dd will be 4. I will stay at home with ds, who will be just 3, and ds2 (probably) who will be 4 months. it is a high risk malaria zone (but apparently thye new drugs are 98% effective with few side effects - is that true?). i know dd would love it, but we're talking 4 weeks over xmas and she'd miss me.

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 29/05/2006 22:48

Agree with janh and edam and hula and others. I would definitely say no for my own sanity- would be utterly gutted if my boys were away from me for a that long- but I wouldn't feel too guilty because I think 4 is far too young to appreciate a month in the rainforest fully or remember it forever as magical.

LadyWitchofWaterford · 29/05/2006 23:00

Actually Senora, it was a bit different when ds went, not only were they going to see family in India but ex mil and millions of other relatives went too so it was a massive family affair. It also meant ds got to meet his great great grandfather on his father's side, who died the following year, at the age of 92. So I think it's a lot different! Plus I was divorced from ex dh by then and he had every right to take our ds on a 2.5 week holiday to see family. I guess had I still been married to him and had a baby too the answer would probably have been no. So I think your dh should postpone tbh until your baby's older and even then he should only go for a couple of weeks at the most, if he goes at all. Sorry, a complete volte face from me!

arfishymeau · 29/05/2006 23:02

Hmm. Not sure about this really - on the one hand I've dragged DD (now 3.5) all over the world, but never quite a rainforest.

The travel time seems a bit long tbh, how's he going to keep her occupied for all of that time (I still wake up at night screaming about our flight to Sydney )?

Then, when they get to the rainforest what are they going to do? I can see the fun in staying in luxurious lodges with all mod cons and a few gentle strolls through the rainforest looking at the birds etc.

She might enjoy all the one on one time with her dad though. Would you be able to webcam each other at all so she could see you while she was away?

Ask your doctor about the malaria tablets and see what he says. DP had malaria and it was very serious. He still gets relapses now.

I think my DD would love this, but I wouldn't let her go with my DP, he would be stressed to the point of heart-attack before they boarded the flight . I'd take her though.

LadyWitchofWaterford · 29/05/2006 23:05

If the malaria tablets are the only thing bothering you then I'd let him take her. Ds has a photo albumn of India, mostly photos he took with disposable cameras I bought him.

rickman · 29/05/2006 23:11

I wouldn't let her go, 4 weeks is a long time to be away. I panic when exp takes the kids to Clacton for the weekend.

Mercy · 29/05/2006 23:13

Senora, friends of ours took their children on RTW trip for several months. They said the worst thing was keeping them occupied, for instance they spent 3 weeks in Thailand and the kids were really bored after a few days (they were 3 and 5 btw). Missed their nursery, friends & family - all that was familiar to them. Tbh I don't think children that young know or care whether they are in Southend or South Africa.

Sorry but I think he's being a bit selfish and using dd as a 'reason' to go. my own dh tries this sort of thing on with me. Apart from anything else you'll have a young baby to deal with!

Original poster

SenoraPostrophe · 30/05/2006 08:58

OK that seems to be a consensus then.

WWW - it's not just the malaria tablets that put me off - it's the fact she'll be away for 4 weeks really.

He's not really being selfish, btw - he thinks she'll love it (which she will initially at least) and he thinks it will make my life easier while he's away (which it probably will too).

OP posts:

BudaBabe · 30/05/2006 09:08

Have to say that there is no way I would want to be away from my DS who is 4 for that long. And I think that your DD would really miss you. It might be fine for a few days but more than that and she would miss her Mummy I would imagine.

On a more pratical note - don't know much about rainforest trips but even safari trips in Africa are not keen on children that young. If they are going animal watching it is long and boring usually till you see something.

And I would be worried about the malaria drugs too. Not to mention the other jabs she would need. DH is off to Africa on Sunday and had jabs last week and was in agony after the typhoid one.

bluejelly · 30/05/2006 09:11

Why don't you all go to Thailand instead?
Much less malaria (only in border areas), lots of good hospitals etc if you need them, still quite a lot of rainforest left etc

Also temples, elephants, beaches to die for...

Took my dd when she was 4 and she absolutely loved it. Still talks about it now 2 years later

spacedonkey · 30/05/2006 09:12

I'd say yes. It'll be magical for her!

Pinotmum · 30/05/2006 09:12

I think I would say no due to length of trip. I also thought you meant the film

moondog · 30/05/2006 09:13

I wouldn't worry about Malaria angle.
Chances of contracting it are miniscule.
I speak as one who grew up in malaria hotspots and has taken her children to plenty of 'em.

If you think he can cope,let her go.

My dh has to spend about 6 weeks out of UK next Spring for tax reasons after finishing a job,and i will probably let him take our 5 year old dd to see various family members abroad.

LIZS · 30/05/2006 09:17

Health issues aside I couldn't imagine dd, or even ds who is 8, going away from me for that length of time at any time , let alone over Christmas and that distance. There are reports of significant increases in instances of malaria among tourists (last minute holdiays, poor advice etc) but even with the best drugs available if they get a tummy bug or are otherwise unwell they may not be wholly effective.

Congrats on no.3 btw !

bluejelly · 30/05/2006 09:19

I think it's a good idea to be concerned about malaria, children are much more at risk from it than adults.

I also know someone whose (adult) daughter died after contracting malaria in east Africa, she didn't take malaria tabs though.

I think it depends on where you go-- in some places (eg West Africa) it is extremely virulent, in others (like Southeast Asia) much less so.

sandradee · 30/05/2006 09:20

When I was small (aged 4 months to 4 years) I lived in Nigeria, West Africa which is one of the worst areas for Malaria. I did get Malaria but I was fine (it was over 30 years ago). We were lucky because we had a fabulous doctor and a really good hospital nearby which was run by the Britsh Red Cross who saved my mother's life when she was very sick with meningtitis.

I think the most important thing to consider is if your DD fell ill, would there be a good hospital nearby. You might find that the capital is OK but outside this area the standard of healthcare may not be brilliant so it would depend on where DH was intending to go.

What I would say though is that it will be great for your DH but would DS get the full benefit from going? 4 years is still quite young and perhaps it might be better to wait until she is older?

Do you have family over there because if so I guess that's a different matter.

sandradee · 30/05/2006 09:23

Forgot also to say that the main problem with malaria is not what happens in the country itself - Drs over there will be very aware of the sypmtoms. What's more dangerous is when you come home to the UK and go to the Dr with a fever or a chill, fail to tell the Dr you have been in a marlaria zone and they send you away telling you that's it's just a cold. Unless you tell the GP, they would not even consider for one minute that it might be malaria.

A friend of someone I knew died under these circumstances - very quickly.

bourneville · 30/05/2006 09:28

I'm a single mum but if i had a dp i think i would be really upset if he decided to go away over christmas without me for 4 weeks. a long weekend or a week, ok, but a month?? at christmas?? and agree with others that it's along time for 4 yo dd to be away from you.

BagelBird · 30/05/2006 09:28

I know he isn’t being selfish, but a little bit of me wonders whether, by incl. DD in his scheme, he turns an expensive luxury trip for one, (just when he knows he should be at home with his family at Christmas), into a delightful and totally reasonable opportunity for DD..Sounds a bit off to me - almost emotional blackmail - as in, if you stop her going, you are stopping her experiencing the world.
I would say no. It is Christmas, it is a long time to be away from her mum and siblings. It is a long time for you and the others to be away from dad esp. at Christmas. It is dangerous and much of it is likely to be boring and difficult for her.
You would not be squashing her dreams, just being practical and waiting until it is appropriate. How much is she really going to take away from a trip like this and remember for a lifetime at the grand old age of 4?!!
If she went, I bet she would be uspet and bored by the travel, find sleeping without mum there and in a strange bed hard to do etc etc If she did fall ill, even with a mild tummy bug, little ones can go downhill fast and who is she going to cry for? With a three day travel, he doesn’t even have the option of pulling out and getting her home in a couple of hours...
In your shoes, I would be saying a loud no.

bagpussmice · 30/05/2006 09:34

SenaP - we are going to Gambia in July which is also has malaria... we are taking 2 dd's age 2.5 and 4.5 as my sister is getting married there.

The new anti malaria tablets are good and apparently don't have all the horrid side effects and you only have to take them 2 days before you go and a week when you come back (they are expensive though). Also the dd's had to have 3 jabs each last week which was quite traumatic for them, and me!!

ps. dh and I went to Madagascar for our honeymoon 6 years ago and it was fantastic - an amazing place!

Coolmama · 30/05/2006 09:44

I was in Madagascar about 10 years ago and would not have thought it was suitable for a trip with children - I can't imagine it has changed radically in the intervening years as it is essentially a very poor country - our overnight flight landed in the capital in the morning and we then waited nearly 6 hours for our connection - the airport is very basic and there is no airconditioning anywhere - we stayed in three places in the south that were all spectacularly beautiful, but very, very basic - the hotel had one phone in reception that worked randomly throughout the day but there were no phones in the bedroom, tv's , spas, double beds or duvets. no mini bars ,no big Mac's, no corner cafe and no dvd machines - we had one single bed each and loo paper that was not very Andrex- like - have no idea what sort of medical facilities are available or where -

So - not to be a killjoy - I would be very thorough about the research for the trip - if your child is very adventurous, then 2 weeks would be fine, but I think 4 weeks is very long
and remember that Madagascar is not Mauritius.

moondog · 30/05/2006 14:30

CM,I live in a part of tURKEY THAT HAS NONE OF WHAT YOU SEEM TO THINK IS A PRE-REQUISITE FOR HOLIDAYING WITH CHILDREN.
One of the reasons we all enjoy it so much is precisely because there are no naff spas and Macdonalds.

Utterly mystified by your post.

bluejelly · 30/05/2006 14:57

I see what you're saying MD, I don't think children need mcds or spas. Having said that when I struggled to do the basic backpacker thing with my dd... used to love beach huts and hammocks when I was young and childfree. One night in a Thai beach hut with my dd had me running to the nearest air conditioned hotel with swimming pool!
We still ate in small basic restaurants and hung out in markets etc but was so nice to go back to a clean air-conditioned oasis at the end of the day.

KTeePee · 30/05/2006 14:57

For a trip of a lifetime sort of experience, you would want your dd to remember it - my dd (9) can hardly remember things that happened to her at that age (special holidays, children at her nursery she had known since babyhood, etc). I personally would wait a couple of years if the purpose of the trip is to show her the rainforest. I also would hate to be apart from any of my children for 4 weeks, but it probably depends on your own circumstances - my neighbour's dd went to Pakistan with her grandparents for a month when she was 3 and parents and child were ok about it but she knows her grandparents very well and spends lots of time with them

PollyLogos · 30/05/2006 15:08

Well I would let him go with his mate and keep dd at home. I think 4 weeks is quite a long time for her to be away from you and her brothers, will you have anyone with you for xmas? (eg mum and dad) 4 weeks is also quite a while for you to be on your own with 3 little ones but you can keep thinking about moving back to UK when times get tough! All those wonderful activities to do with the kids and a school system you understand.

If my dh agreed to move back to UK I'd let him go anywhere he wanted for a month!!

Coolmama · 30/05/2006 15:11

Moondog - you can lose the capitals - not necessary (one would hope they were unintentional)
Contrary to the misguided impression you have, I have no prerequisites for a holiday with children, however when I was in Madagascar, the areas we travellled to had absolutely nothing - no markets to wander around in, no cafes to stop for ice-cream, nowhere to get a new book or a pack of crayons etc.
I am sorry if you took umbrage at how I tried to convey that - I just want to stress to Senorapostophe that she should try to get as complete a picture of where her child is going for 4 weeks - that's a long time for a child to be in the middle of nowhere -

she is the only one who can make the call as to whether her DD will find it fun or not for that long and how interested she will be in the rainforest etc without some other distractions -

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