Flying to USA, 19mo won't have own seat, safety?

[RainOnMyLaundry]

We were invited to go to a family wedding in America but couldn't afford to go and were happy to miss it. My parents have now offered pay for the flights but will only pay for 3 seats, one for DH, DD1 (2yr11mo) and I each, so no seat for DD2 who is 19mo so she would have to sit on my lap.

I know its not very safe to have a little one on your knee because in a crash or bad turbulence you can crush them but I'm not sure what to do. We can't afford to buy her her own seat, we can just about cover the costs of food and hotels whilst away, if we go.

We are very safety conscious, in the car we have both girls in rearfacing car seats and intend to have them rearfacing until they grow out of their extended RF seats (~4yrs) so it seems crazy to go on a trip where we are ignoring our safety concerns but at the same time everybody else just thinks we're bonkers and worry too much.

What should we do? As far as I can see my options are:
a) Don't go, graciously thank parents but decline, explaining we don't feel its safe
b) Go with DD2 on my lap and try not to worry
c) Have the two girls both sit in the 3rd seat with the lap belt across both of them for take off, landing and any turbulence we experience.

Don't go

Depending on when you are flying and what airline it is there may be a spare seat next to you which will give more room and ease having the baby on your lap for the whole flight.

You ARE overworried, there's really no doubt about it. But if you're so overworried it will ruin your trip, then yes, perhaps best to avoid airplane travel until you LO is over 2. Which isn't long now, anyway.

Maybe you should stop worrying about the flight and go and see your GP for anxiety issues?
Surely not normal to be this obsessed about travel?
My first thought would be 'oh god ds2on my lap for x amount of hours' , not how safe hed be on my lap!

I think you're looking for excuses not to go, so don't. But I also think your experience of turbulance when you were 8 is causing anxiety above and beyond what the average, well travelled person feels. It might be a good idea to get an understanding of risk, but i suspect your fears are not completely rational so that may not be that helpful!

Perhaps it would be best for all concerned not to travel until your children are older. And if these issues begin to interfere with your enjoyment of travel you should seek some help.

Fwiw I've travelled on Virgin to Capetown with a seat purchased for my 9mo and was required to put her on my lap and belt her to mine at take-off and landing and during any times of turbulance, and have travelled with two children from babyhood around the world. The safety issues you describe have never occurred to me.

a)

I would not for a million dollars travel to the US with a 19-month-old who does not have her own seat.

I did it with when DS was 18-months-old and it was a nightmare enough with his having his own seat.

Maybe your wee girl is like my girls, a bit more settled than DS was (is) now, but my son is very active and really needed his own seat.

We had a booster seat for him.

Last year, on KLM, my 18-month-old son was permitted to sit in his own seat during take off and landing.

Greggs Our seats are RF or FF to 25Kg so can go either way, in our car we choose to have them RF. Obviously, I realise that it wouldn't go RF in a plane.

Moss Yes, I know I am over anxious about certain issues but its just how I am, have seen HCPs about it in the past.

Don't worry, it won't stop us going on planes in the future its just a particular issue I have about lap children on planes, but as someone says she will be over 2 soon and it won't be a problem I ever have to think about again.

FWIW I don't think I'm all that crazy, at least its not just me by any means. I know a couple who won't take their baby on a plane because they think the pressurisation of the cabin will hurt her. Some of us just have certain things that they have a 'thing' about, for me its this. For others its just something else.