DS’ girlfriend broke up with him the day before we take him to University…

[loopylocks]

That’s it really. Taking DS to Uni today (1st year). Two and a half hours away. He has seemed down and distracted and told me last night his girlfriend had finished with him the day before. They’d been together for a year and he really liked her.

Argh - what do I do? Today was always going to be a tough day and now it feels likes it’s x100. Cannot believe the timing!

(Also, get him to tell people he meets. Sympathy vote. People will feel bad for him and want to cheer him up).

That's really hard.

In your shoes I'd tell him you understand this might have hit him hard and he can talk to you any time.

Don't give him any 'plenty more fish' or 'probably for the best' bollocks - you risk him feeling unable to talk to you.

Do tell him to remember his uni plans and stick to those, tell him it's possible to enjoy the uni transition even though this has happened.

I'd also make plans to check in with him a bit sooner than origibally planned, just take him for lunch one day soon.

Hope your day is going as well as it can OP

Probably best not to say to him, but honestly it's probably for the best. I have seen almost all relationships that started before uni break up, and it's better he can lick his wounds with you, then put it behind him as he meets more people, than they break up a couple of weeks into term when homeseickness is beginning.

It's good timing, he'll have more freedom and likely to mix more

Just let him know you're on the end of the telephone if he needs you, and you will go see him if he needs you, assuming the uni isn't 350-400 miles away! 😬

Some posters are saying there is no 'bad time' or 'good time' and whenever she finished with him, he would have found it hard, but dumping him the day before he started uni was a dick move. It's horrible timing. She could have done it 5-6 weeks earlier, or after he had been there a couple of months and was settled in and had made a few friends.

Ignore the 'you stay out of it, he's an adult' comments, some posters think as soon as a child hits 18 they should leave home, and never ever come back, and never have any kind of support - financial or emotional or anything else - from their parents. He has literally just left bloody school. Going to uni is a HUGE wrench, and a massive culture shock for many teenagers - male and female. IME boys struggle more than girls, but girls still struggle. It's the first time they've ever had to fend for themselves!

You sounds like a lovely caring mum. Your son will be OK. It is so hard to leave them on that first day anyway, but with what his (ex) girlfriend has done, it's going to be even harder. As I said he will be OK though. 😘

A similar thing happened to me and trust me - by the end of Tuesday on freshers week I’d forgotten him. Four weeks later met my now husband.

It’s a fresh start, he’s gonna have a good time - give him a bit of cash and tell him to go out there and have a good time.

My boyfriend and I broke up a week before I went to uni. A month later I met my now husband 😂

Ahh bless him! Such a dick move- she could have done it a month ago! He'll be able to tally up the number of couples who split up.

I think minimising could be quite negative though, especially if he really liked her, so i wouldn't go down the plenty more fish route.

I'd probably check in more often, keep lines of communication open (send him a picture of food etc) and just tell him you're there if he needs anything at any time.

Hopefully the distraction of meeting flatmates will be a good distraction, and He'll start to see the exciting prospects now he doesn't have to spend time visiting her uni!

Does he have any good mates going to his uni? I met up with college friends in freshers (loose plans) and seeing a friendly face was always great.

Did he and girlfriend not talk about managing a long distance relationship? Or did they and he buried his head in the sand? He must have seen this coming surely?

He will get over this quickly. He'll be in an environment full of attractive young women, and the social whirl and workload will keep him busy and distracted.

I don't understand how he thought the relationship would keep on ticking over with a girlfriend back home and him away at university. The girl sounds pretty sensible, and has done him a favour, even if it doesn't feel.like that right now.

It's better to head to university single.

Quite sensible and pragmatic timing, surely?

My eldest was dumped the day before she returned after the first Christmas break. It was hard as he’d followed her to uni, just to live in the same city and wouldn’t let her be so hadn’t made friends first term. He then hounded her for another year and a half wanting to be with her then not . Eventually she realised she’d had enough just before her year abroad . Had the most wonderful time there then came back and had the most wonderful time in her last year and during pgce and is very happy inna new relationship thank god. I wish he’d had left her before uni then left her well alone !
OP if there’s a time to start afresh it’s now . It’s super hard , advise him to put himself out there , join stuff and meet new people .

I started uni when a broken heart - my first love (together about 2 1/2 years) finished with me about 1 month before i was due to start. Definitely starting at uni was a fabulous distraction and i got over the stronger pain sooner than I otherwise would have, i think. It wasn’t totally linear - the first Xmas was a bit hard and there was the other sharp moment here and there but i have no doubt that overall it was a great help.