DS’ girlfriend broke up with him the day before we take him to University…

[loopylocks]

That’s it really. Taking DS to Uni today (1st year). Two and a half hours away. He has seemed down and distracted and told me last night his girlfriend had finished with him the day before. They’d been together for a year and he really liked her.

Argh - what do I do? Today was always going to be a tough day and now it feels likes it’s x100. Cannot believe the timing!

He will be fine and survive. You communicate that to him by your demeanour and energy, whilst also acknowledging it's tough.

It’s great timing. Better than forcing long distance for a while then doing it just before his end of year exams. Now he’ll be able to enjoy himself! Your first year is all about meeting new people, making friends, having fun. Very few school relationships go the distance so she has done him a favour really.

We were on the phone a lot to my DD when it happened to her, and I did crash overnight on the floor of her room one night when she was really bad.
So, maybe hang around for longer on his first day than you originally thought? Explore the city, have a meal or whatever. Then see how he goes in the first few days, ring him regularly, let him talk (if he's the type - my DD was), and then if he seems to be struggling, arrange to go up next weekend as well, or even mid-week if you can get a day off work?

Tell him this is the best timing ever. He can be super sociable at freshers week and potentially have little flirts too and make new female friends without any guilt.
if they are soulmates they’ll find their way back to each other, but now is his time to focus on himself and have fun! And there are so many wonderful young women out there when he wants a new relationship.

Yes this happened to a friend of mine in first year, her boyfriend dumped her just after his exams (guilt free snogs I imagine) and just before hers started!

I think it would have been better if she'd done it a week ago to give him a couple of days to get over the shock before going away. Hopefully he'll get over the shock soon.

Text him daily, just a little contact so he knows you are there. Call him weekly or more if he indicates he would appreciate that. Post him little things, a chocolate bar, something you saw that he might like, an article he might enjoy reading (or email(.

Just stay lightly and constantly in touch so he feels loved and connected as he explores uni life. He can reach out to you if he needs more.

Also, pop a visit in the diary so he has that to look forward to as well.

this breakup is going to make it harder for you to leave him today. You already realise that you’re going to feel sad parting from your beloved son while he is in pain. You won’t be there to help him. This is going to be tough OP.

But as loads of posters have said, the best cure for a broken heart is change and indeed freshers week and new life at uni will definitely distract him no end. The timing was actually fair enough tbh

Keep it together until you’ve dropped him off today. This is a great learning opportunity for him as hard as it seems

It’s actually pretty good timing, she’s done them both a favour. In a short time he will see this too. He needs to immerse himself in uni life and crack on. Text him, be there if he texts you, just keep the comms channels open so he knows he can come to you if he feels he needs to. But don’t worry if he doesn’t - uni life will hopefully take over and he’ll be fine.

Do not do any of this, how smothering!

Does he have a close friend or sibling he can talk to? Because what he needs is a reminder of all the guilt free hook ups he can have at uni, and that might be best not coming from his mum!

He'll be grand. It's bloody horrible timing but as others have said, there probably isn't good timing. He'll have forgotten all about her in a couple of weeks.

When you get there and have him settled encourage him to go and ask about work? My BIL works at a uni and all the jobs go on day one. If he can get one it'll give him a focus and add to his new routine.

Make sure he signs up to all the meet and greets and encourage him to go.

He'll be fine. It's harder for you driving away

My boyfriend dumped me by phone after I’d started my Masters. I then went out on Uni event where pretty much the aim of it was to snog as many people as you could! Met my husband that night and been together for 32 years!
You tell them that it hurts a lot today but each day it gets better and then soon it’ll be part of their story. This is what I told my DD when her boyfriend dumped her and apparently it was exactly what she needed to hear. It might be a good idea for him to tell his flatmates that he’s not his usual self as his girlfriend just dumped him. They might try and cheer him up and distract him.
I know it’s awful for us when they’re hurting but I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Well, it was either that or she committed suicide. At least she stayed at uni, which is more than what I did when it happened to me. The pain is much worse for some people than others, and it depends on the relationship. The OP needs to play it by ear, basically, is what I'm saying, check in on him every couple of days, just to make sure he is getting out and meeting people etc. My DD was found curled up in her bed by security having not eaten for 3 days, she ended up in A&E, and that was the night I stayed overnight with her.

Yes. Their unis are 175 miles apart, a 4h train journey. And as DD is going to Oxford, she could do without the distraction. But I won’t say a word, unless she asks for my opinion, which she won’t.

The timing isn't really that unusual or insensitive. Lots of teens make the decision just as one goes away to university.

What are your plans for dropping off OP? Are you taking him to do a food shop and taking him out for lunch?

Whatever your plans are I’d call him around teatime and see how he’s getting on. If it’s his first breakup it’s going to hit hard, just make sure he knows you’re there if he wants to talk.

Dame thing happened to me 25 years ago. I was devastated at the time but forgot him very quickly in all honesty.

There's not a lot you can do.
Drop him off, be buoyant about meeting new people, acknowledge it is okay to be sad and tell him to have a great X amount of weeks until you see him again.

There's so much going onin the first few weeks, he'll be well distracted.

It’s such a hard thing to go through (and hard for a parent too) - all you can do is be a good role model and allow him to process it on his own terms. Listen if he wants to talk but don’t force conversation if he’d rather not.

At uni drop off I gave my DC a card with all emergency numbers in (ie my mobile, grandparents mobile etc) and some uber credit. I think they’d rather have practical support than some well meaning but irrelevant to them advice from someone as old as us… we can’t possibly understand 😉

Good luck for today and the next few days.

Pretty similar thing happened to my DSis only her BF proposed to her as she was leaving, she said she would think about it and just never heard from him again. They’d been together about 2 years. She was a bit miffed at the time but quickly acknowledged that they weren’t meant to be together long term and she was having a blast at Uni.

I would see the lie of the land when you get to halls. Settle him in, say hi to everyone you meet and if there is any sniff of his new flatmates hanging around, planning a night out etc, back off and leave them to it. Do not take him away from any hint of socialising. Keep his door open as you unpack (prop it with your doorstop that you have bought, right?) Also, take a big box of donuts and point people in the direction - 'donuts in Tom's room' . The aim is for him to be involved and included on his first night, will help a lot.

It's probably better that your son isn't tied to what will become a long-distance relationship at this stage in his life. He will get more out of university if he can throw himself into making new friends, including female friends, without any nagging worries that he might be crossing boundaries/cheating, or feeling an obligation to travel home/to her university to see her during term time.

He needs to embrace the freedom; this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to make new friends and connections.

God thats so bad of her! Your poor son.

Of course it’s not “bad of her”. If she doesn’t want to be in a long- distance relationship with OP’s son then telling him is the honest, decent thing to do. It’s hard for him but he has a fresh, exciting thing to throw himself into and it would be much worse if he was splitting his focus and traveling home at weekends to see a girlfriend who isn’t invested in their relationship.