child isn't keen on attending Bsc Graduation, thoughts please?

[Offtheygo]

Hello,
my son isn't keen on attending his graduation, in a couple of weeks.

Nothing particularly wrong more like a can't be asked/not interested. He has had a great time while there, but all his friends are/were on other courses so not graduating at the same time,
he is expecting a first or a 2:1 but hasn't been at uni that often due to low contact hours so I don't think he feels particularly attached/grateful or connected to it especially now that he has moved back home, he is looking towards his next steps.
He is intending to do a master's while living at home from septembre so I guess there is another opportunity for graduation.

He is not big into pictures and ceremony generally.

We are not British and havent' been educated here so I guess I wondering if everyone actually attends and/or has anyone not attended theirs and regretted it ?

It's an overnight trip with hotel booking due to early start of the ceremony and distance which adds to the reluctance, as he doesn't feel it's worth the cost/time etc

thank you for your thoughts.

He doesn’t need to go - just make sure he gets the certificate and stores it carefully. I’d take him out for a meal and give him a card and present, but if he’s not fussed about the ceremony no big deal.

My graduation was not that big a deal - I wasn't graduating at the same time as any friends, and only one parent could make it, and I don't think I'd have been that bothered if I'd missed it.

My brother not only didn't attend, but didn't fill in the form to get his degree awarded in absentia - he'd already landed a job. A couple of years later, his bank told him he couldn't have his student account any more, as you can only keep it for a couple of years after graduating. He promptly filled in the form, graduated in absentia, and let the bank know that he'd be keeping the account for another two years!

If you want to go as a family offer to pay for it all

Tell him it means a lot to you and you'll cover the costs. I'm in my 20s and I went to my bsc and MSc graduation because I know seeing me graduate would mean a LOT to my parents. Grandma flew over for my master's graduation and was so proud she had tears in her eyes.

I don't get this whole "oh I want to skip graduation, it doesn't mean anything"

I didn't go to my undergraduate graduation because my parents just didn't care enough about it to want to go. I made them come to my Masters graduation several years later.

It really wont be a big deal in time. I refused point blank to attend mine, I know my Dad was really disappointed at the time and I was a bit off because I didn’t tell him all the reasons why (trigger warning for SA. However I had/have social anxiety and the idea of going up there terrified me, but because I had been working and studying and been offered a management role I hid that well. I also felt a total lack of connection with the course and in fact the degree and just wanted to put the whole thing behind me and work in a totally unrelated field which I had been doing for 60 hours a week anyway in my final year, plus the aftermath of having my drink spiked and being SA’d just meant no bandwidth to think of others at that point. It was years before I felt able to tell him though so instead I was an arsehole and just went no I’m off to my friends Graduation instead. (I felt so bad about it but couldn’t articulate why so dug in) Luckily he understood when it all came out and even admits I never wanted to go to uni so graduation didn’t matter and neither of us ever really think about it. My Mum actually said she can’t imagine me doing all that either.

as a mum, I have sat though 3 and one was missed by graduate and us (Covid, then they couldn’t be arsed attending later as catch up)

they are fairly boring days, as most have said. If child isn’t interested leave it. Yep, nice to have an official photo all gowned up but I understand you can go to get that done separately through the gown hire companies later (my dc fiancé considered that as she was Covid affected, but hasn’t even now 5 years later got round to it)

the bit that was really nice for us was celebratory meal and nice photos with the family all suited and booted anyway! If you do that as a formal family occasion you can invite more people anyway (rather than just the closest that can get tickets or entry into hall to watch live remotely) . We have more memories of those very special meals frankly than of the long queues, standing around, more queues, then 5 seconds of watching your kid in distance get to shake hand of whoever is dishing out certs.

i went to mine btw, it was ok, but a bit of let down, my mum was ill and missed it and my housemate stepped in to accompany my dad…dad loved his day 😬🤷‍♀️😂

It's not my thing, I graduated 3 times and went to the second. Could have happily missed that one too. Depending on where you studied it's actually boring and quite impersonal. It meant nothing to me.

@butterliesandfibs Why is it all about you ? Do you not have relatives or parents who would have been pleased to see you get a degree? I don’t understand why people are so self centred.

Get your own degree if you want a graduation ceremony.

@WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz Charming! Glad I’m not your parent and I have my qualifications thank you and my family did attend because I valued the help they gave me and I’m a nice person.

That's interesting. I am the opposite. I didn't attend and really wish I had.

When DS2 said he wasn't going to bother I absolutely insisted. I said he'd worked very hard and it is really important to celebrate all major achievements in life and not undervalue them. I bribed him with dinner at a fancy restaurant he'd wanted to try. In the end, he had a good time and I was so glad we persuaded him.

Edited to add one reason DS2 wasn't bothered was, like OP's son, his friends had already graduated. But I pointed out he sees his friends anyway, and the point of the day - even though it is long and dull - is to mark his achievement. It's not a big end of an era event with friends. It's a ceremony for each individual.

You have very weird hangups and Main Character Syndrome. I'm VERY glad you're not my parent.

No big deal. It’s only for a photo imo!

Have a special meal to celebrate anyway!

I didn't go to either of mine. I don't have any regrets. I don't really like being the centre of attention or posing for photos

It's a nice day but not a biggie.
I have graduated twice and have a third in September.

First was nice for my parents but it was fairly mid for me. They supported me throughout uni and no way would I have denied them their grand day out because I couldn't be arsed.

Second one was meaningful - it was 'only' a HND but I studied while working full time, it was necessary for my progression and I felt I really earned it.

Third time my children will be there and I'm partly going so they can be bored silly see what they can achieve if they wish to: and to show my life is more than just being Mum.

Likelihood is they will say it was soooo boring and they never want to graduate 😂

I graduated last year with a BSc. It took me years with the OU, part time on top of working and parenting and I got a first. I also can’t be arsed with a graduation ceremony. I plan to hire the gown and go somewhere absolutely fabulous for a long weekend with my family and take some photos there.

Love this

Never went to.mine either, couldn't see the point.

My family were very pleased and proud of my achievements. They had no need or desire to see me on a random stage with random strangers receiving a certificate. Horses for courses is the saying I think?

Editing to add they saw me at the graduation of my first master's degree. I have the photos in my graduation gown and all, the hat did not suit me, it's all cringe to me still all these years later😂

I didn't got to either of mine but as an academic go to my students' ceremonies. They tend to be long, boring and hot but the joy of seeing a student who has had a hard struggle makes it all worthwhile.