child isn't keen on attending Bsc Graduation, thoughts please?

[Offtheygo]

Hello,
my son isn't keen on attending his graduation, in a couple of weeks.

Nothing particularly wrong more like a can't be asked/not interested. He has had a great time while there, but all his friends are/were on other courses so not graduating at the same time,
he is expecting a first or a 2:1 but hasn't been at uni that often due to low contact hours so I don't think he feels particularly attached/grateful or connected to it especially now that he has moved back home, he is looking towards his next steps.
He is intending to do a master's while living at home from septembre so I guess there is another opportunity for graduation.

He is not big into pictures and ceremony generally.

We are not British and havent' been educated here so I guess I wondering if everyone actually attends and/or has anyone not attended theirs and regretted it ?

It's an overnight trip with hotel booking due to early start of the ceremony and distance which adds to the reluctance, as he doesn't feel it's worth the cost/time etc

thank you for your thoughts.

Two out of my three were just not bothered ! They did go but were so meh about it !
It is actually pretty boring but I am glad they did go.I wouldn’t push it too much.
Other songs really keen which was great 😊

I graduated for my first degree in 1979, the first not only in my family but in my whole village. My mother would've disowned me if I'd refused to do it! I didn't bother for any of my subsequent degrees, however.

OP, if you are keen to see your child graduate, you should tell him and encourage him to do it for you (especially if you've funded the damn degree!). If he still says no, at least you'll have made your pitch!

I think grads should do it for their parents who have supported them for years. My DD2 had Grayson Perry talking and it wasn’t boring at all. You make it the day you want it to be. I don’t see why dc totally call the shots and don’t respect parental views. It’s not all about dc!

He’s an adult, I don’t think there is any point in pressuring him to attend. I went to the graduation for my BSc but not for any of my postgraduate degrees. The scroll of paper with ribbon is a blank sheet of A4, with the degree certificate arriving weeks or months later.

Eldest didn’t attend her masters graduation. It was her choice .

This is true.

I have had a few and now both my parents have passed away I wouldn't bother with another one.

OP

You can, if your DS will cooperate, just hire the gown and get a professional photo taken.

Its not an issue at all- and he will still graduate - just not in person.
Apart from some photos in a posh gown, there will be no difference between those who go yo the (very boring) ceremony and those who chose not to go, or cant make the date.

I went to my BSc but swerved the MSc 12 months later.

I didn't go to mine and have never really thought about it since let alone regret it.

DS won't go to his I'm sure, I went to mine because all my friends did. It wasn't an exciting day apart from seeing everyone, I wouldn't bother again.

I certainly don't think adult children should have to perform just for their parents.

DS didn't go to his, he wasn't keen and didn't see the point and then was outraged we'd all have to pay for tickets as well as for gown and photos.

It IS outrageous that they make parents pay for tickets for graduation ceremonies these days (they didn't when I graduated) - especially given how much it's cost for the degree!

It's up to him. And it's "can't be arsed" not "asked" btw.

I agree, although it didn't cost us anything to attend DD's graduation 4 years ago (Newcastle).

I wonder if it is because some graduations are not held on university premises so they have to pay to use another venue?

I did not go to mine either. Too much pomp for me!

I hate making a big fuss.

I didn't attend mine. It was sent via post. It had happened straight after my wedding. I promised my financial health. I said and I still believe I could do it when I finally pack up my courage and do a master degree. It will feel more valuable. I still haven't done a masters degree. It is something to look forward to.

Didn't go to any of mine, no regrets. I got the grades and it enabled me to proceed to the next stage but I didn't see the point of going to a ceremony. I had moved on to the next stage by then and was more interested in that than looking back.

I went simply to please my parents. They had supported me by helping me academically and financially to get to university (db and I were first in our family to attend) and I felt it was an immense privilege to get a university degree.

As much as it was my day, it was my parents’ too - it felt like the moment that I was officially ready for the adult world and their role in my upbringing was complete.

I took a huge amount of pleasure in being able to give them that day - and a few lovely photos of me in my daft graduation sub fusc outfit, with them grinning proudly beside me.

We had to pay for DS's, his uni don't have a venue big enough so a marquee is used, plus they were filming it onto screens so those at the back could see it, they served drinks and canapes in generous quantities afterwards so there were catering staff and costs to be covered, perfectly reasonable especially when you know they are all struggling financially. Might have felt differently if it had been in their own hall and no refreshments.

Everyone who says they didn’t go - it’s all about them. Their reasons. Did they ask their parents what they wanted? Perhaps they might have enjoyed a day with “pomp” (although that’s a bit of a joke) and would have paid for gown hire etc? It’s not outrageous to charge at all! I cannot imagine going through life being so tight and unable to celebrate anything with others and parents.

Or course it's all about them, it's their graduation!

You expect adults to attend an event they dont want to so their parents can get dressed up and have a day out?

What else do you think would be tight? Expect your kids to get married when they don't feel the need to so you can put a frock on and have some pictures taken?

Get over yourself.

Graduation day is a big deal for some students, others aren't bothered. It's fine to miss it.

My son didn't go either. He is a skinflint.

I went to my own graduation as I was with all my mates. Dh went to his to please his parents, he spent most of the day alone as all his mates were on different courses and they graduated on a different day to him. Neither sets of parents had been to uni so we were first in our families.

When it came to Ds1 he also made no mates on his course so chose not to attend his graduation although we do have a graduation photo. Ds2 will absolutely not want to attend his graduation ceremony either but I would like a photo of him.

It is easy to say do it for your parents but it usually involves a weekday graduation so time off work, some travelling, usually staying over, logistics of booking meals etc. Ds1's mate lived 7 hours away from uni, I was 4 hours from home for mine. It isn't like it is taking place in the evening at their secondary school.

You have serious Main Character Syndrome.

Graduation is very dull (and expensive)!