DS got a third after struggling at uni, how limiting is it?

[Misthios]

DS started uni in 2021 and for the first year his studies were entirely online. DS has significant challenges with neurodiversity - properly diagnosed dyspraxia and ADD, almost certainly autism too. His mental health was very poor and I was very pleased he was living here at home as he simply would not have coped otherwise. He finally crashed and burned after his third year (4 year degrees in Scotland) and was placed in academic suspension for a year. We had the most awful year with him trying to get him formally assessed and medicated for his ADD, he started on anti depressants, found a tutor to help in the subject he struggled with, and finally got through and into his final year.

This year has also been a struggle, the support from uni is just not there, funding in Scottish unis is a massive issue and he was not having check ins with tutors or disability support or anything. It was all very hard for him but long story short he has had his degree results today and got a third.

He is very upset. We have told him how proud we are of him for sticking at it and going back to finish his degree and the class of thart degree doesn't matter. He does not want a high flying job. He just wants to work in a lab. I am just worried that with the very competitive jobs market that he is going to struggle to get anything and will end up thinking that uni was a waste of time.

And I thought the pre-school years were the hard ones.

I agree, there's a lot of standing around at weddings. I would be happy to chat to someone about that sort of thing.

Surely most people would?

Chatting at a wedding to someone sounds entirely appropriate. I also like fact Op said her son would talk not him sitting there at 22 and mum doing the asking.
Also I’d encourage him to attend any careers or networking events. My husband has been at a couple of networking events recently and noticed a yp struggling (probably ND) and gone out of his way to make sure they were ok - we have a dd at uni and he says he hopes someone would help if it was her. I think generally people are more switched on to ND and lots of older people are at stage of careers where want to give back.

I'm always very happy to chat to my friend's DCs (or my DC's friends) about my career, the company I work for etc, this is totally normal and a great way for them to get some insight into what companies are looking for. I can sometimes arrange work experience too. While a wedding might not be the time for a long discussion it's certainly appropriate to ask if they might be able to have a chat sometime, can you connect with them on LinkedIn etc.

Someone has kindly shared this change 100 internship scheme on another thread. Your ds would be eligible as he has a disability.
https://ingeus.co.uk/services/change-100/change-100-applicants

Most normal people chat about all sorts of things at wedding, I've talked to some younger people before with career advice at more than one. It's hardly rude, he won't be barging over asking for a job

@UoalMy DH ran an engineering consultancy. If someone he didn’t really know asked him in detail about careers in his company he really would have thought that was rude. Especially when the web site gives details. It’s looking for favouritism and DH would point any dc to the web site and work experience is by application, because that’s what modern employers do. They don’t offer mates work experience when others have applied via the system.

I would say your DH is not the norm, most people when asked are happy to give advice to people starting their careers, and give information, not everything will be found on the website. I career changed not that long ago and reached out to total strangers on LinkedIn, to just chat about their careers and talk about it, all very happy to do so, pleased to talk about the careers beyond the website. I have also done the same for others, I know many of my colleagues have done the same. I think its quite an odd position to take that its rude.

This may not be relevant to the modern jobs market but DH got a third (combination of undiagnosed ADHD and meeting me in his third year and getting, erm distracted). He had to take a really, really entry level position on an IT helpdesk (his degree was relevant, but the job at the time didn't usually require a degree), but once he proved he knew what he was talking about he progressed quickly and now earns considerably more than me and has worked for one of the big five IT companies.

I’ll happily speak to anyone. I’m not promising a job but I’m up to date on what’s involved in qualifying and see hundreds of graduate CVs so I can point out common mistakes etc. Very much believe in paying it forward. I spend time offering advice online on here etc and would be happy to talk to a young man at a wedding.
I said in my earlier post Op to consider public sector. Even for interim or pt roles. Look on your council website for fixed term or maternity cover type roles as a foot in door. Generally speaking the culture is a lot more supportive and understanding of ND. Lots of my colleagues are ND (with or without diagnosis) Even if it’s not ultimately where he wants to end up lots of transferable skills and good for confidence.

@Uoal It is in theirs. It says what they look for. I just think dc have to be self starters and do legwork. He’s more than happy to go to careers events and has talked to more grads and 6th formers than most of us have had hot dinners and employed loads of them too - but at a wedding? No, I don’t think so. There’s a time and a place. But, DH was the founder and the boss!

As I said, I think your DH's approach is fairly unusual, as lots of other posters have said too, they'd be more than happy to talk at a wedding. You can look at websites but it can still be incredibly helpful to talk to people who are actually doing that career and I hope OP encourages him to ask at the wedding, very few people would find it rude, to have a conversation at a wedding about careers, most of wedding conversations are about literally anything but the wedding, what people have been up to, what job theyre doing etc.

I’d be impressed with someone who was confident enough to come and speak to me at a wedding, as they are clearly keen to improve themselves and appreciate the benefits of learning from people who are further along their career path.

@Uoal Not saying it’s not helpful and of course people will say anything on line to get brownie points! However it’s just not appropriate to come up to someone and talk about work at a wedding. Weddings are strictly not work. He doesn’t know the person! He’s being put up to it. There’s little gumption or fantastic skill involved - just cheek really. Of course web sites say what they look for. As an aside, Nect get 19 applications for every shop job now. It’s very tough for everyone. Plus what will a middle manager know? The op doesn’t even know their role? Most large companies don’t let dc of mates slide in because they know someone. It’s far more rigorous these days.

They’re not asking to be “slided in” or to be offered a job on the basis of a convo at a wedding, they’re wanting to ask some questions about the career. I’ve literally heard work talked about at pretty much every wedding I’ve been to, how’s work going/what you up to work wise, is a very standard convo. Your dh and you sound very precious that a 15 min convo if even that, at a wedding from someone likely very polite asking some career questions would be classed as “rude”.

Which university did that?

Get him applying for low grade NHS laboratory roles
Tons of ways into lab work if he can get interviews for these and they don't require a degree but almost everyone who applies will have one and be looking for a foot in the door in the same way as him.

He hasn’t failed. He’s got an ‘ology, he’s a scientist!

It’s really sad that he didn’t get the SEN support and most of his degree and the grades were earned while struggling with unmedicated ADHD. That will have clipped his wings so the 3rd class degree doesn’t reflect his potential at all. I would appeal and ask for an adjustment like the pp mentioned.

What about a job as a lab technician in a school

Funnily enough there is one of those roles being advertised for the school he went to - but it's open only to current employees of the council. Will be keeping my eyes open in case they widen though.

This link was posted on another chat for paid internships for students with disabilities
https://ingeus.co.uk/services/change-100/change-100-applicants

It’s a good reason look for short term council roles as a foot in door as some roles are internal only or you are more aware of upcoming vacancies and are already a step ahead in interviews as aware of council’s values etc.
One of my team in a professional role actually started off as a pt cleaner when at university.

Sounds like you and your DH are cut from the same cloth. Thank God you are in a minority.

I think looking for an employer that positively embraces neurodiversity is the answer here... I work for one such employer and it does walk the talk... If he is going to enjoy working at all he needs to be somewhere that his neurodiversity is embraced and he is treated fairly. The fact he finished his degree is incredible and is no small part because you've really helped him in all the ways that matter.

Is he able to volunteer in a school? Even if just a day or two a week. Schools are strapped for cash so I’m sure would welcome this, and it would give him some experience. In my school three of our TAs all started volunteering after they left school and weren’t what to do. Within a few months we were employing them on a casual basis for cover, and all three got jobs when they came up.