How often you speak with your kids after they have gone to university.

[Theyaregoingtomakeit]

DD has declared she only wants to speak with us once a month or maybe just on the holiday once she goes to uni. She also said she doesn’t want to do more holidays with us.

She took a gap year and is so ready to go and live alone. Not a huge amount of friends so I think she is ready for more fun too. She is very independent.

I told her as long as she is happy, healthy, safe and sourrounded it by nice people, that is all I care.

We have a good relationship, family life and done lots of holidays together; perhaps too many for her.

My DD also had a gap year and is just finishing her first year at uni. We Whatsapp silly messages or send each other funny reels pretty much every day and FaceTime about once a week. There's no pressure though, it's just our natural communication style, and if I don't hear from her for a day or two, I know she's either head down working on an assignment or nursing a hangover.

DC1 calls more often than I thought she might - usually a long call at the weekend. I think life is quite busy in the week, but at weekends people are often off doing sport, and there are loads who live within an hour's train ride who head home at weekends to socialise with friends from home. So she gets a bit bored!

She doesn't visit home during term time but is happy for me to pop down once a term. Suits me that way as she's in a lovely bit of the country that I don't know well, so it's a pleasure to visit.

Interesting why she felt the need to say this. We have a group what’s app and all kids comment on there. We wouldn’t go a week without being in contact although might only speak every 7-10 days as we are all busy/ working etc

I also think it’s quite an odd thing to announce. Not speaking to you all term 1 seems very odd and unrealistic. Eg she might need you to be guarantor for yr2 accommodation. Is she proposing just to turn up randomly at Christmas, it would be polite to let you know when - mine only knew her coming home date once exam timetable was out. Obviously if she’s fully coming on public transport she could just arrive but my dd will ask for a lift from station.
Lots of uni students go home sometimes or have parents visit it doesn’t mean you are less independent.

I get messages throughout every day and usually a few calls a day most day, but can occasionally go a few days without calls. I've had 5 calls and 6 messages today so far, that's a low amount of messages compared to normal but think the increased calls is the reason why.

Depends what was happening but at least once a week!
We’d WhatsApp inbetween. It’s so easy to keep in contact now.
I can’t imagine once a month! Even I managed to call home once a week when we had to use a pay phone!!

I think you go with whatever they want. It’s awful for them if you’re clingy and needy. In fact the less you hassle them the more you’ll hear in all likelihood.

I've had two boys go to uni in other cities and we'd go weeks, sometimes a couple of months without hearing from them. It was usually us who'd initiate contact such as a video call.

I also seem to remember getting questions (more so in the first few months) about how to remove a particular stain from clothing or how long past a 'BBE' date it was safe to eat something they had in the fridge

DC now finishing their second year. At the start of the first term I only hear from them every few days, usually a text. But that increases as the academic year progresses and by this stage we might FaceTime every couple of days. I think it’s because in September they’re still enjoying their independence, whereas by now the novelty has worn off a bit.

I have a dd that never returned back to the area after uni . I send her texts regularly asking after her and her partner plus news about the rest of us .
I realised she doesn't reciprocate much so have left it for awhile and it was early May since I last texted .
Nothing as yet .

My daughter just asked today while DH was chatting on the phone to his mum: 'when I leave home are you expecting me to ring you?!'

We agreed what's apps would be sufficient but that I would like to hear her voice every now and then!

My eldest isn't much of a communicator. WhatsApp chat when ever one of us spots something interesting and then radio silence for weeks.

Same here !

Mine varied.
#1 regularly an hour zoom call at same time each week
#2 sporadic. Mostly texts but could be multiple times in a day then nothing for a month. Generally hearing nothing was good news 😂
#3 strictly functional texts as brief as possible. Questions answered with one word normally.

When my two go to uni, I think we’ll all keep in touch via the family group chat tbh, and I’ll probably call them once a week just to check-in. I have no doubt they’ll call only if they need anything otherwise I’ll be assuming no news is good news and all is going well.

As for holidays, I think my two will always want to come (we’re amazing fun 😂) as long as we’re paying!

DH speaks to DD daily. I have less capacity we speak maybe once a week but regularly WhatsApp. Both DD and DS1 (at uni!) coming on holidays - both to centre parks for weekend and 2 weeks abroad.

DD calls every day, DS when he remembers we exist.

Text 1-3 times a week. Occasional phone call.

My two are both 3rd years. My ds maybe every couple of weeks with occasional texts in between (he FaceTimes dd possibly every other day and msg her pretty much daily). Dd it depends - during her dissertation she FaceTimed every day! Now maybe every few days and messages most days.

we have a family chat for the all important pictures of the cat (and to a lesser extent the dog).