How often you speak with your kids after they have gone to university.

[Theyaregoingtomakeit]

DD has declared she only wants to speak with us once a month or maybe just on the holiday once she goes to uni. She also said she doesn’t want to do more holidays with us.

She took a gap year and is so ready to go and live alone. Not a huge amount of friends so I think she is ready for more fun too. She is very independent.

I told her as long as she is happy, healthy, safe and sourrounded it by nice people, that is all I care.

We have a good relationship, family life and done lots of holidays together; perhaps too many for her.

A lot of our messaging is about food!
If i open this on x day will it still be OK to eat on y day. Can I cook sausages from frozen, how long will it take this to defrost etc etc. Im expecting more of the same when DS goes!
And sends pics of meals she's proud of or fancy meals when she's been to a formal dinner.

Depends. Some times almost every day as she’s walking home late from the library. Sometimes if she’s got a looming deadline just a quick text if that. Other times we will spend the evening watching a program together (like tonight). But several times a week. She’s very independent- went abroad for a month at 18 for work experience and is off to Columbia for six weeks this summer, but we are very close.
While some kids leave home without a backward glance many more feel the need to check back in rather more than they expected.

Whatsapp family group most days even if it just a hello . Call or face time once a week. Older two didn’t visit home during term time , preferred to go visit friends in other unis . Youngest says she’ll do the same.

I had the food messages too 😂

DS now 22. He would WhatsApp everyday with photos of things or daft memes etc. spoke briefly every couple of days and FaceTime on a Sunday (and when he was doing laundry). It's only been us two so are really close. He's back home now for a year with the bank of mum supporting his Masters!

When I was at uni (2017) I used to ring my mum a couple of times a week, normally one for a chat and one asking some kind of adulting related question. Called my dad whenever I went on my post night out morning walks and the whenever I had a DIY/plumbing/appliance based question. My dad was retired though and he loves a chat. I enjoy talking to my parents though they’re both really funny and I did have a question about bills and how to change a lightbulb 😭.

My DD declared independence, lasted a few weeks then visits, asking us to drop stuff off, outraged we’re going on holiday without her. It’s all cyclical. I just go with the flow

I have two at university currently, a boy and a girl. I hear from the boy daily and I hear from the girl once in a blue moon.

I hear from DD almost every day. Not a phone call but a WhatsApp message or photo of food!

DS about once a semester. DD, depends on various things; sometimes about once per week, other times about once per month.

They both FaceTime once a week , and we text / WhatsApp if there’s anything interesting happening
Both been through uni , now living and working away from us

We don't have a regular schedule for speaking to dd. We have let her know that we are always delighted to speak to her but don't want it to feel like a duty so we leave her to initiate it as and when. Sometimes it can be a few weeks between calls and sometimes much less. It mostly depends on how busy she is and whether there is specific stuff that she wants to tell us etc.

In the interim, we communicate a lot by WhatsApp. The frequency of that varies as well, depending on what's going on, but multiple times in a week and often multiple times in a day.

It feels easy, natural and not dutiful for anyone. Plus there are always the holidays to catch up properly.

DD1 didn't want much first year and she was very ready to be gone though only just 18 - couple of visits never wanted to talk on phone. That summer she was home and declined family hoiday though pet sat for us.

Next year was much better contact wise and that summer she came on hoilday - though she stayed in uni accomodation in summer. This year she phoned a fair bit and been on for long time and been in much more contact generally. This year she again joining us on the family holiday.

DS been more willing to talk when rung but not once rang home himself - though he's on whatapp and replies there and starts conversations there.

I did cat pics and food parcels to stay in touch when they didn't seem keen on contact. So even if in first year she a bit distant doesn't mean it will stay that way.

We ring DS most weeks. I expected the same for DD but she’s had a lot of issues and she rings us every day. A friend described her as an “external processor”! They both still holiday with us (and some trips with friends) but DS has a “proper” job next year and I’m not expecting him to have the time. Things might be different if either of them had a serious relationship.

Depends what you mean by speak. We had two go through uni and I’d hear from them on WhatsApp most days about something or another but we didn’t actually speak on the phone that often ( both used to come home for a weekend every 4-6 weeks though).

What she says and what will happen are two different things, just go with the flow.

We FaceTime every week for about 20mins, plus WhatsApp now and again. DS now coming to the end of his second year and happy to comply. I phone my Mum and Dad once a week as they live at the other end of the country as I have done for the past 30 years. Before he went off to uni, I told DS I would like to do this with him and he’s happy to chat. Neither of us would want more than that! But occasionally he’ll ask for an extra call if he’s got something on his mind (e.g. an unexpectedly bad exam result)
DD goes to uni (hopefully!) this Sept and I would like to establish the same routine with her

Each of mine have been really different.

The one still currently at University, it very much depends.
I can go all term without speaking to her, if you mean a phone call or video call, but she is in all the different family WhatsApp chats, and pops up with comments / responses to things quite often if you mean "do I know she is still alive" type communication.
But then, at other times, she can want to 'talk' a lot more. I just leave it up to her.
Send little memes or pictures of baby elephants occasionally to let her know I'm thinking about her.

If you are including her commenting on things in WhatsApp, then we probably 'see her' or 'hear from her' 3 or 4 times a week, but they won't usually be direct conversations just with me.

We talk and WhatsApp constantly. We are a very chatty family and like to keep synched.

Speak to DD (1st year) about once a week; have some sort of contact over WhatsApp most days. She's coming on the family holiday this year, and generally keen on holidays with us (as well as holidays with friends etc).
I'm expecting to hear less frequently from at least one, and perhaps both, of my younger kids when they go - both are much less chatty, though may need more support. We'll see. I'll do my best to be led by them.
My kids and their cousins are all close in age, so we have quite a few at university. One calls her parents without fail every day and they speak for up to an hour. The other two are probably less communicative with their parents than my DD, but pretty active on the wider family group chat, so we all know they're alive and doing well.
All four of them are broadly happy and settled at their various universities - just have different communication styles.

She’s not there yet so probably has an image in her head. Personally I think it may change when actually there.
I communicate with my dd most days we message on snap chat and have a family WhatsApp used daily. She also sends me things off tik tok. I speak to her several times a week eg I’ll ring her when I’m walking doo so she can see him.
She doesn’t come home a lot during semesters, maybe once and I go up once or twice. Holidays she does a mix of there and here. Summer she works abroad/travels (I won’t see her for 3 months)
Shes more appreciating of home comforts and home cooking. She also still enjoys coming on holidays with us as we pay. She travels separately too.

There is some evidence that first year students who have regular contact with their parents settle into university life better, and have improved mental health and overall wellbeing.

You might find that she calls you more regularly than she thinks she will. It possible that she’s setting a boundary for you not to call her too often.

DS phoned me pretty often (several times a week at first mainly for practical reasons and then maybe once a week with a few texts in between).Came home or I visited him once a month or. Even though he's living back home again now we call/message each other regularly because we rarely seem to be in the house at the same time.

DD calls or we call her several times a week, chat, info needed or planning visits home, lifts etc. She has been home once a month or so too, her friends are still here mainly. She also likes daily cat photos and facetimes them.

Both regularly phone while out walking between room and library or shops or just go out and walk/talk in the evenings.

Usually talk twice a week, message maybe every other day.
she messages her sister more so I always know what’s going on.
I used to speak to DD1 every couple of weeks if I was lucky but DD2 is more communicative.
swings and roundabouts

Me: Actually speak - very rarely. We will message most days - sometimes it's literally just a message, other days we might "chat" for ages.

DH and DD both do daily Wordle and send each other their scores. Most days that's literally all they do, but they both like it as a low effort way to stay connected.

That’s probably because of the relationship that already existed though. I speak to my dd2 probably once every week and a half whereas the older dd I spoke to probably every two or three days.