Choosing a university for wellbeing over prestige

[Agamede]

DD is academically able but has been through the wringer in terms of her mental health over the last few years. No one would ever know from meeting her for the first time, but she’s needed a lot of support in college around anxiety, hr autism, sensory challenges etc. She is thriving there, has made great friends and loves it. Feels ‘at home’ and included for the first time (after struggling to fit in at a selective independent school.)

She has offers for economics from Warwick, Exeter, Durham, Bristol and UEA. She’s ambitious and is hoping to go onto health economics or maybe insurance and will probably do a post grad degree. She knows that the first four are great options in terms of prestige but having visited all of them (twice!) she feels that UEA might be a better fit in terms of supporting her wellbeing. She loved how ‘normal’ and inclusive it felt, the campus and its proximity to home for easy weekend visits. We also have close family in Norwich. I loved it too, and think she is probably right (with a tiny niggling, what if…?). She’s has bit of pushback from her college tutors and comments from a couple of friends (not unkind) that’s making her second guess herself.

It would be helpful to hear from anyone whose DC has made that choice (or who has made it themselves) and how it worked out for them. Any thoughts welcome.

@dizzydizzydizzy This is really helpful. We will make a list of questions. Quiet spaces and the possibilities of three years in halls are important to her.

Good! I’d be really logical about this and write a list of criteria and score each university.

I’d be open to the possibility of living out from
Y2 onwards though, although definitely a good thing to have hall as an option for longer. Living in a normal house or flat is much more homely. Both my DCs (one ND, one NT) vastly preferred living out.

@dizzydizzydizzy She absolutely wants to live out but is scared she’ll not meet ‘her people’ and will be left on her own while everyone has friends to live with (being socially excluded by ‘friends’ at secondary school really did a number on her 😔) So she just needs to know living in will be an option.

Luckily, she is friendly and has great interests (choir, martial arts, chess, Christian union) which I think will really help.

We are making exactly this same decision next year. Dd has anxiety and ASD and last year suffered an extremely traumatic incident. While we originally were laser focused on the most prestigious schools possible, her father and I are now lightly encouraging her to strongly consider staying closer to home. We are suggesting that she could go for prestige for graduate school once she has had a bit more time to adjust. It’s hard because we don’t want to discourage her, but we also want her to be able to come home frequently if she needs that.

Don't know any recent UEA graduates, but I would also say it seems to be sincere about its aims for inclusivity. The most recent graduate I do know who went there seemed happy in the on-campus accommodation, a good balance between sociable but with privacy and support considered.

People seem to love Warwick - had lots of slightly younger family members who went there, but their experiences in accommodation both living in and living out were hair-raising to me, even as an independent adult I have never had to deal with (or expected to deal with) anything like some of the situations that came up. Possibly they were unlucky, other people elsewhere didn't share such stories, or I had a very uneventful time as a student.

It drives me nuts on Mumsnet when people just talk about "employers want this or that" when they're really just talking about very niche areas.

They never seem to include local government, NHS management, running a Superdrug store, setting up a small business etc as possible future jobs

My daughter is just about to graduate from UEA and has loved her time there.
It is a very friendly and supportive uni. I think it attracts quirky students - there is something for everyone.
Social life isn't just about clubbing and drinking (although the club on site makes that easy). There are loads of different clubs and societies - great sports facilities on campus, and lots of hobbies/interests clubs as well as subject specific.
https://www.ueasu.org/communities/ clubs (sports) and societies here
Welcome week (which actually lasts well into term after the initial first two are over) lays on lots of daytime activities where students can get to know each other over craft activities, or a dog walk, or watching films etc, as well as club nights etc.
The support services are very helpful - my daughter had all her adjustments in place before she had even started at the uni.
Look into DSA when you apply for student finance too - they can provide mentors etc
The medical practice on campus has been great with her too - referrals to the hospital (nextdoor to the campus), physio etc.
If she wants to live in halls, but would like something a bit quieter and less frantic, I thoroughly recommend The Village - located off campus, but literally over the road. It just seems calmer there.
I don't think the financial situation is any worse than it is at many other unis. There is still a lot of investment happening in terms of refurbing existing buildings, and building new facilities. My daughter has experienced less strike action than many of her friends at other unis.

@HPFA I completely agree with this. DH and I are both Oxbridge graduates and the reality is only a small minority of our cohorts work in investment banks, magic circle law firms, big 4 consultancy or big pharma. Most work as things like oboe teachers, education officers in a local museum, English teachers in Belgium, entrepreneurs, jobbing writers, accountants, microbrewery proprietors or doctors in unglamorous Midlands towns. They are perhaps poorer but no less happy and I’m not sure the Oxbridge element is a deciding factor in their career trajectory.

@Ponderingwindow I could have written your post!

My daughter made the same choice. Different locations, but the same dilemma. She chose a less prestigious university because it was much smaller, in a much smaller, less busy place and she was considerably closer to home (cut distance by about 2/3). She still had wobbles and difficulties adjusting to the new environment but it was much more manageable for her (and us) than it ever would've been in a bigger, busier, more competitive university, further away. She wouldn't have finished the first year. Her choice to attend the 'pastoral' university meant that she could actually complete her degree, and complete it to a good standard.

In some cases, institution does matter, such as if you are competing for prime training contracts (magic circle firms etc), or academic/research positions. Those are fairly niche cases though, as PP points out and largely, it doesn't really matter in the end. Especially if it's a choice between being able to enjoy the experience (happily and healthily), or suffering through it / having to discontinue due to it wrecking your health.

I'm also Oxbridge and of my contemparies that went on to be wildly successful I'd say for most of them you could have guessed it in the first week.

And my boss is a polytechnic graduate.

I would go with where she felt a good connection. My DD mostly considered Uni’s relatively close with the odd outlier, as it happened the one she felt most connected and comfortable with was our nearest Uni. The fact that it was only a 30 min car journey and a semi-familiar town may well have played a part in that feeling but she has lived away for the full 3 years and has loved it. She’s no social butterfly but she has definitely grown in confidence and the fact she could pop home relatively easily generally meant she actually was happier staying at Uni. No home sickness and wasn’t home every weekend even though she could have been.

Dd went to Warwick and it felt like it took away her joy in learning.

I tell my students to look at the support offer and think about where gives them best chance of success rather than ranking.

I don't want to indulge in anecdata but , harvesting MN recent threads and WIWIKAU there are increasing reports of poor wellbeing services at Warwick. My DS had a friend there who is very (for want of a better word) much a boffin . He was fine but didn't need any wellbeing services. My DS did at Birmingham and they were great. I get the impression that Warwick is great - until it isn't.

Bristol has for about 10 - 15 years now had a very poor reputation of welfare.

Durham is collegiate which can be protective.

I vote for UEA and the safety net of being close enough to home.

Did has predictions of AAB and has offers from Bristol, Exeter, Cardiff, Royal Holloway and Reading. The lowest grade offer is Reading and they’ve written a lovely letter stating why they dropped the grades for her because of her personal statement (picking out specific things she said and linking those interests to what they can offer). While I appreciate it’s a marketing ploy, it’s fabulously done and given dd a real boost (unlike Bristol where the biology lecturer said it’s all about grades and they don’t bother reading personal statements 😳).

Anyway, based on course content and wellbeing, dd is choosing Reading and I’m very happy with that choice. Visiting last weekend and speaking to students I do feel it’s a supportive community for dd to thrive in. I come from an Oxbridge family (although I went to Royal Holloway and Exeter for post grad).

DS2 is a 2024 graduate of UEA. He has stayed in Norwich, and works for a 'biggish' established local company. In a not at all Grad Scheme type rôle, but he seems to be rather good at it and is being given additional responsibilities. After nearly 18 months there, though, he is starting to apply for other things more related to his degree (History of Art).

@Agamede certainly when DS2 was nearing the end of second year, one of his housemates was going back into halls for her final year, and at one point, DS2 and a another friend from their first year flat were considering moving back as well, although in the end, they didn't as they found rooms in another private house share.

UEA also has the famous Sylvester - a local tail-less ginger and white cat, who lives quite near the Village, I think, and spends a lot of his time visiting there and the actual campus, quite often popping in to office and teaching spaces. He has a Facebook page, which is maintained by his human, Emily.

@TeenLifeMum My friend’s DS who (by his own admission) is not quite as mature as some peers is having a brilliant tine at Reading. It’s been the making of him!

Everyone I’ve spoken to only has positive feedback about Reading, including colleagues with phds who have been at Reading at some point and have comparisons, they all claim Reading’s their favourite.

Yes daughter has chosen a “lesser” university over Russell Group. Just felt straight away that she would be happier there and feel supported.

We actually visited UEA and it it hadn’t been so far away we would probably have chosen it for similar reasons.

Both my older two went to a rg uni and thrived , however youngest despite being predicted AAB has opted for LJMU after visiting several unis both rg and non rg. She wanted a creative degree and loved their media production course, the support available and the lecturers. She felt like she could see herself there.
I was a bit hesitant at first but it was the only place she visited where she seemed excited despite having an offer from uni of York. They need to follow their own paths . At the end of the day it’s them who will have to
spend three years there.

I’d strongly suggest that she takes a good look at how much/little face to face contact time she would have at UEA. My DS has a friend studying CS at UEA (second year) & he seems to spend most of his time in his room. Fortunately he has a car & is able to drive home frequently. Maybe this is his personal preference &/or a CS thing but his mum has commented to me that she is surprised at the lack of actual teaching time he receives.

Warwick is in COWI and great for economics. It has loads of neurodivergent students and a very supportive disability team. There are several options for living out second and third year and Leamington is a great town. Norwich is very dull and UEA in financial difficulty.

Norwich was just named the best place to live in the UK in the Sunday Times. It is a lovely city with plenty going on. On what grounds are you slagging it off?? It is certainly more cosmopolitan then Leamington and prettier than Coventry. I have no beef with Warwick Uni : I know plenty of YPs who have loved their time there - but your comments on Norwich are nonsensical.

As soon as I saw your list, I thought UEA is by far the best fit for your DD.

DS has toured many unis over the past 12 months. The UEA stood out as one of the best in terms of wellbeing and support. All unis will give you the spiel about the importance they place on student wellbeing. The student leading our tour of the UEA spoke openly about the difficulties she had had and the support the university had put in for her. It’s a lovely campus with lots of green space. The brutalist architecture might not to be everyone’s taste but I rather like it.

Having family nearby in Norwich could be very beneficial as it may give your dd a sort of anchor to feel more secure in her new place.

Ignore what the school are saying. They just want the prestige of your dd going to Durham, Bristol etc. Do not sacrifice your DD’s happiness for the school’s ego and their website.

Agree with this. We live local to Leam (not what it used to be, and riding on past reputation), and visit Norwich when collecting/dropping DS.