Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Students living at home - maybe an expected but saddening trend

249 replies

mids2019 · 11/01/2026 06:50

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g09p93m29o

Anecdotally this is really becoming a thing and due to costs students are eschewing the whole student experience of living away from home. As well as cost savings I think there is a perhaps savvy realisation that being thrown into a house or hall with strangers is maybe a step too far from an exploratory point of view. No one wants to be quiet one in a party flat or corridor for instance. In addition I think parents of girls fully realise some of the dangers of being away from home for an extended period perhaps for the first time combined with plenty of access to drugs and alcohol is not perhaps the safest.

However could the prospect of university just being an extension of school from a living point of view limit social mobility with students preferring a home town university to one some distance away with a better reputation?.Does work need to be done (and ideally in some fantasy world funded)_to ensure working class kids are not being put off well regarded unis because of distance?

A selfie image of Amelka from the shoulders up, she is wearing a navy rain coat with the hood up and a white scarf. She is on a gloomy walking path, it seems to have been raining and it's cold.

My three-hour university commute is worth the £7,000 saving on halls

Over two-thirds of students choose not to live at university, latest figures suggest - but is it worth it?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g09p93m29o

OP posts:
bookmarket · 11/01/2026 13:46

I think it's good if they can spend at least one year living out of the home and gaining independent living skills, whether that is first year or final year or living out for a gap year.

We don't live close to any universities that would have met DC1's needs (high achieving STEM). The closest best, in the next county, which is a tier down from Russell group + would still have been a 2 hour commute and cost appx. £150 per week commute - not much of a saving on halls.

DC2 is at a more local university but living on campus. Their experience is very different from DC1. Half their course are commuting students, and live in students often go home at weekends. There is not an abundance of societies available except for sports and overseas students. Maybe they'll end up commuting in their final year. It's a hard time to be this age. Everything that was taken for granted in 2019 is so different for my DC aged late teens/early 20s. Cost of living has had a massive impact on how they live and enjoy life, and the fear of not getting a job after graduating induces stress and anxiety.

Denim4ever · 11/01/2026 15:03

Commuting is not easy unless you are really close to a uni you want to go to. We are 50 mins out of London on the fast train, but that's not very compatible with a 9 am lecture. Some people do it or cobble together a compromise based on staying over some nights but it's not the easiest approach

WombatChocolate · 11/01/2026 15:09

The traditional uni experience prior to 1992 when the Polys became unis involved students moving away and living in catered halls. Unis were founded as academic communities where living and eating together was a big part of the community thing.

I’d argue that the rise of self-catered accommodation in flats, and often the lack of communal (or well-used) communal spaces, such as bars, dining rooms or JCRs has made a big difference to the uni experience for many. Instead of mixing with hundreds at meal times and having a community of hundreds which get together in a hall or college bar, students are often more isolated now. They meet their self catering flat which might be just 5 or 6 or up to 14 - and not surprisingly, often don’t find ‘their people’ within that small number. There often isn’t a hall bar or much overall communal spaces, just maybe a couple bars or handful of cafes for the whole uni population, so the sense of being part of a community that’s big enough to find your tribe but small enough to be known and belong, is far less possible.

I think it’s a key reason many are disappointed with uni. But self catering accom is popular as students can be fussy eaters, want flexibility about when to eat and often prefer to eat in their room alone, as it seems huge numbers struggle socially even with sharing and eating in a kitchen that belongs to the flat. There’s an awkwardness that isn’t there in a dining room for hundreds somehow.

My view is the uni market is changing. Often the older unis are the more elite ones. Those who can afford it will travel to those and those going there will have more of a traditional experience. The majority will increasingly go to local unis - some having access to elite ones locally, but many not. Unis will become more polarised in social and economic terms. There will be some where many come from a distance and live there - a bit like the small no of boarding schools, which might also have local day students. But many unis of the middling type will revert to what they were before - local colleges of higher ed with a local student body. Yes, students will still have to find tuition fees and have other costs but save tens of thousands on accommodation.

As others have said, teaching is often just 22 weeks. Lectures can be all available online and exams too. Many subjects don’t have lectures everyday. Paying rent for 52 weeks (necessary in most privately owned accom) or for close to that in uni halls seems a wasted expense to many, esp if they aren’t enjoying the communal living. And as more live at home in some unis, experience for those who’ve moved away from home becomes different and less appealing leading to more not living away at that uni. Who wants to live in a uni town where 80% aren’t in the town at weekends as they don’t travel in at weekends, or where even on weekdays most have gone home for their dinner by 6pm.

People who can pay and will pay and who want to be away will have the choice. And those elite unis will still attract people who live too far away to commute. But it will become a smaller number than now.

Captcha4903 · 11/01/2026 15:20

It is a sad development, but the cost of university accommodation has risen far beyond inflation and has clearly become a money-maker. If I was eighteen now I would likely be a commuter student studying somewhere like KCL.University years would effectively become an extension of sixth-form.

I fear young people will miss out on some of the social aspects of university. One of my friends from that time had his first serious relationship at university. It was the making of him. He was unrecognisable from the guy I remember awkward around girls at sixth-form parties.His undergraduate social sciences degree from a redbrick pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things, as they now work in an unrelated discipline.

BunnyLake · 11/01/2026 15:28

KarenWheeler · 11/01/2026 13:35

My dd has stayed at home whilst going to uni. She's in her first year. All of her friends have done the same with the exception of one, who has stayed local but moved into halls. Although this friend was living in an abusive situation, so halls are an escape.

We're lucky that we live in a city with 3 great universities that are all only a short bus ride away. DD was considering going somewhere further out but in the end she said it makes sense to stay at home, where she already has a job, doesn't pay any rent or bills and can come and go as she pleases.

A big advantage for me having my son away is I don’t worry about his comings and goings. I know it’s my issue but I worry so much if he’s not home till late. My sanity wouldn’t be able to take his uni socialising on a regular basis if he lived at home. He’s not wayward or anything but I know if he said he was going out I couldn’t relax till he’s back (it is irrational but my brain can’t rationalise it 😭).

trappedCatAsleepOnMe · 11/01/2026 15:36

Living at home seems to be encouraged by schools, college and careers service here.

Older two live away from home at uni - think it's a nice gradual introduction to doing so as both ND. However only possible as more generous funding than most of UK plus family saving in childhood.

Niece BF is doing a much longer communte 2.5 hours eash way twice a week - as can't afford to live in London to study.

Luckyingame · 11/01/2026 15:37

YourFairCyanReader · 11/01/2026 10:47

Do you mean that there should have been more support for gen X, and the current support for general Z to stay at home at 18 is a good thing?

I don't mean anything, since I'm past caring now.
I have got money and that's enough.
There hasn't been any support for Gen X, rather than military grade abuse.
As for the 18 yos now, presuming in Britain (?), why not stay at home, if it suits them better and their parents aren't "toxic".

sittingonabeach · 11/01/2026 15:38

I know parents may have to help with cost of accommodation but I don’t like seeing posters on here saying they don’t want their DC going to uni away from home. I can understand being realistic about costs of halls especially in places like London but parents really shouldn’t be advising/telling their DC to go to local uni and Iive at home. Surely that is a parent issue and not wanting their DC to leave home

WombatChocolate · 11/01/2026 15:42

Living away will become a luxury for a minority (like boarding schools) with most living at home.

The generation of current parents struggle with this as they were the generation where more went to uni and must will have lived away. Living away is so tied up culturally with UK perceptions of getting a degree. But that is increasingly something of the past.

Parents who went to uni often have fond memories of living away. It is inextricably linked with their degree and growing up, in their minds.

But of course, one can get a degree without living away for uni. One can learn independence and most will eventually live independently away from parents without difficulty, even if they don’t go to uni or don’t live away for uni. But they probably won’t do it as teens.

The finances of it mean that people will have to separate the 2 ideas of living away and studying, in the same way most families send their children to local rather than boarding schools.

Before the 80s, few went to uni and went away to uni. Increasingly we will revert to that previous pattern of fewer (usually the most affluent) going away.

It’s a reality. And yes it probably means less social mobility. Yes, lots can get degrees close to home. But fewer will be travelling and living at elite unis. So access is reduced and narrowed. But it’s a sign of what our society can afford and the polarising of access. Whilst access expanded after WW2, including elite access, that is now reducing.

peacefulpeach · 11/01/2026 15:46

WombatChocolate · 11/01/2026 15:42

Living away will become a luxury for a minority (like boarding schools) with most living at home.

The generation of current parents struggle with this as they were the generation where more went to uni and must will have lived away. Living away is so tied up culturally with UK perceptions of getting a degree. But that is increasingly something of the past.

Parents who went to uni often have fond memories of living away. It is inextricably linked with their degree and growing up, in their minds.

But of course, one can get a degree without living away for uni. One can learn independence and most will eventually live independently away from parents without difficulty, even if they don’t go to uni or don’t live away for uni. But they probably won’t do it as teens.

The finances of it mean that people will have to separate the 2 ideas of living away and studying, in the same way most families send their children to local rather than boarding schools.

Before the 80s, few went to uni and went away to uni. Increasingly we will revert to that previous pattern of fewer (usually the most affluent) going away.

It’s a reality. And yes it probably means less social mobility. Yes, lots can get degrees close to home. But fewer will be travelling and living at elite unis. So access is reduced and narrowed. But it’s a sign of what our society can afford and the polarising of access. Whilst access expanded after WW2, including elite access, that is now reducing.

Both of my parents, and both my parents in law, and aunts uncles went away to uni. That was in the 60’s All of them went to grammar schools, and were from wc backgrounds.

user1476613140 · 11/01/2026 15:55

BunnyLake · 11/01/2026 11:46

For me part of it is definitely selfish. I don’t have to think about food shopping or cooking or laundry or worrying about them still being out at 2am. I can do what I want when I want, eat a takeaway for one if I want, lie in bed really late at the weekend if I want. Stuff I can't really do if I’m in mum mode even with young adults. Young adults living at home is not a house share set up, I would still have to be mum and I simply don’t want to do that full time any more.

I hear you! DS is at his grandparents during the week and it's utterly blissful just coping with my other DC day to day. He does text me occasionally but it's nice not having the practicalities of another person to feed for part of the week.

WombatChocolate · 11/01/2026 15:56

peacefulpeach · 11/01/2026 15:46

Both of my parents, and both my parents in law, and aunts uncles went away to uni. That was in the 60’s All of them went to grammar schools, and were from wc backgrounds.

Yes - social mobility.
Increasingly the working class and more of the middle class will go to uni closer to home, as that’s what they can afford. And this trend will lead to many unis being mostly attended by local and commuting students and far fewer having a majority living at uni away from home. Less social mobility:

HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 11/01/2026 15:58

I don’t think it has anything to do with women’s safety… it’s more likely the teens discover that they cannot afford to live in dorms etc with limited maintenance loans and parents unable to help.

I am back at university as a mature student and my commute is 1hr20. So 80 minutes or just under 3 hours round trip. It’s similar to my commute when I was working and is absolutely fine. I leave home at 7.30am and get home at 6pm. You have to remember that it’s not every day for most students - 2 to 3 times a week maybe. Way easier than work commuting.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/01/2026 16:04

University can be the only means of escape for some teenagers (which was exactly why I wasn't allowed to go).

Making it the expected thing to stay at home and not putting lots of effort into supporting those who have managed to get as far as applying and being accepted (which is in at least partly due to schools assisting everybody, not just the odd one or two) into accommodation excludes a considerable number who would be trapped otherwise.

Wisperley · 11/01/2026 16:37

WombatChocolate · 11/01/2026 15:56

Yes - social mobility.
Increasingly the working class and more of the middle class will go to uni closer to home, as that’s what they can afford. And this trend will lead to many unis being mostly attended by local and commuting students and far fewer having a majority living at uni away from home. Less social mobility:

Exactly. A classic example of this is Melvyn Bragg, the author and broadcaster - working class grammar school boy, went to Oxford. My uncle is another - grammar school, did PPE at Oxford in the 60s. I know universities are trying to get back k to this kind of social mobility by widening participation, but it's all going to fall by the wayside if the students can't afford to study anywhere other than their local uni. It will take many years before all unis are considered equal in the UK, if ever.

tumbletoast · 11/01/2026 16:52

This thread is surreal in how insular, close minded and judgemental many of the posts are. Ironically the worst of them are from those telling us that university opened up their understanding of the wider world.

A few generations ago only a minority even attended university. It was completely normal to live at home whilst completing an apprenticeship or working and only to move out upon marriage.

Generations of people successfully made the transition to adulthood despite living at home until they married (yes, some married young but if you look at the statistics many more were living at home well into their 20s).

This notion that university is some sort of rite of passage or key developmental milestone - rather than an educational institution providing a route to a useful qualification - has only arisen in the last 30 years or so. So much of what some people are spouting on this thread is just marketing spin that they have accepted uncritically.

If, as a university graduate, you think that the only way someone could possibly learn to live independently or blossom in confidence is through attending university then I have to question whether your university education really opened you up to the wider world or just made you very close minded.

I work with school leaver apprentices in a professional field (ie they are training in a profession) and they have those same experiences - and grow in confidence - just in a different setting.

Arguably school leaver apprentices learn even greater independence and responsibility because even if living with parents they are not living in the artificial bubble of university. They are accountable to their employers to deliver a certain level of performance whilst also studying and passing exams, and to follow all the rules of their workplace, to attend regularly and consistently, and to build professional relationships with people who may be very different to them (not just in the workplace but potentially external clients). By the time their university-attending peers graduate they could already have serious professional responsibilities that graduates won't be trusted with for years.

Anyone who thinks the only way to build a successful adult life is to go to university at 18 is living in a very tiny bubble and would benefit from experiencing the world outside that bubble.

sittingonabeach · 11/01/2026 16:59

@tumbletoast most of those young people who didn’t go to university didn’t probably move far from their home town

Owlbookend · 11/01/2026 17:00

There are pros and cons to moving to university, but the idea that young women should be encouraged not to move away and stay at home for 'safety' reasons is incredibly regressive. Young women do not need to stay under the protection of their families. They are independent autonomous adults and should make the choices that are best for them.

Bimmering · 11/01/2026 17:01

Anyone who thinks the only way to build a successful adult life is to go to university at 18 is living in a very tiny bubble and would benefit from experiencing the world outside that bubble.

Absolutely no one has said this

Just that it's one of the ways to build a successful adult life, it's more than drinking and clubbing and it's a shame if parents are discouraging of it out of protectiveness

Owlbookend · 11/01/2026 17:05

The idea that we address mysogny and risks of sexual violence by encouraging young women to stay at home is beyond depressing.

Ohcrap082024 · 11/01/2026 17:08

I stayed at home for uni because it as the only way I could financially afford to go. There was no discussion. Many London based students stay at home and have done for years.

My dc will go away for uni as we do not have one in our town. The most commutable ones are not the best options for them. But I have worked hard to make sure that financially this is an option for them as this was not an option for me.

eurotravel · 11/01/2026 17:24

@foxbasesecular43 Salford has a few niche courses so you may find he totally finds his course tribe. As a city Manchester is a good alternative to london too as everything on doorstep!

Delphigirl · 11/01/2026 17:44

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 11/01/2026 09:54

Is it? Where did you go?

I was in Manchester in mid 80’s. It was crazy. Clubs, pubs, student unions packed all the time. Parties every night. Madchester.

I mean l wasn’t partying on my own. Everyone did.

I was at Manchester 87-90. In the hacienda at least 3 nights a week. Cornerhouse for a movie beforehand. Cost buttons - everything did. I had 5 hrs a week contact time. Had great time, not a care in the world. Didn’t cross any of our minds that we might not get a job on graduation, the only issue was deciding what to apply for. Life was very very different then. Not least because unless you read a book or had someone to have sex with, there was no entertainment to be had in your room. You had to leave it and socialise. Not the case now.

103dalmations · 11/01/2026 18:24

tumbletoast · 11/01/2026 16:52

This thread is surreal in how insular, close minded and judgemental many of the posts are. Ironically the worst of them are from those telling us that university opened up their understanding of the wider world.

A few generations ago only a minority even attended university. It was completely normal to live at home whilst completing an apprenticeship or working and only to move out upon marriage.

Generations of people successfully made the transition to adulthood despite living at home until they married (yes, some married young but if you look at the statistics many more were living at home well into their 20s).

This notion that university is some sort of rite of passage or key developmental milestone - rather than an educational institution providing a route to a useful qualification - has only arisen in the last 30 years or so. So much of what some people are spouting on this thread is just marketing spin that they have accepted uncritically.

If, as a university graduate, you think that the only way someone could possibly learn to live independently or blossom in confidence is through attending university then I have to question whether your university education really opened you up to the wider world or just made you very close minded.

I work with school leaver apprentices in a professional field (ie they are training in a profession) and they have those same experiences - and grow in confidence - just in a different setting.

Arguably school leaver apprentices learn even greater independence and responsibility because even if living with parents they are not living in the artificial bubble of university. They are accountable to their employers to deliver a certain level of performance whilst also studying and passing exams, and to follow all the rules of their workplace, to attend regularly and consistently, and to build professional relationships with people who may be very different to them (not just in the workplace but potentially external clients). By the time their university-attending peers graduate they could already have serious professional responsibilities that graduates won't be trusted with for years.

Anyone who thinks the only way to build a successful adult life is to go to university at 18 is living in a very tiny bubble and would benefit from experiencing the world outside that bubble.

I agree 30 years ago most didn’t even go to uni, I’m only 24 but haven’t been to uni I still think I have way more life experience than most uni students/ex uni students my age 🤔 because you know kids of my own and all.
Going off to uni getting in debt and drinking every night isn’t the only way to live your life. Surely the point of uni is just to study anyway, what about the thousands of people who still to this day don’t go to uni but have jobs and go out socialising on the weekends. I’m so confused are they unsociable losers failing to start to?

eurotravel · 11/01/2026 18:25

Uni in 80s. Catered halls. Out almost every night. No one had phones iPads or even TV tho apart from the odd one. We watched TV in common room. Shared bathrooms etc I was dropped off 5 hours from home & left to it.. call home once a week.
Im very 50/50 on this as I know DC that have gone and ended up in en-suite halls in flats where no one interacts and all sit in on phones watching net flix. I have friends who live in cities and DC commute and have a great compromise. If mine go I’d suggest catered halls / collegiate options which I hope are sociable. It they stay and commute to one of three unis near us I won’t charge them rent. DC1 currently wants to leave home but hasn’t done the maths. Looking at courses where there are loads of location options.