Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Going to the same uni as your sixth form girlfriend is objectively a bad idea, right?

54 replies

Roundaboot · 11/12/2025 19:45

Or am I overreacting as DS would have me believe?
DS is in year 13 as is his girlfriend. They've been together since the start of sixth form and she's a lovely girl - clever, interesting and polite. She and DS have a good relationship very supportive and respectful and they have similar interests. However they do spend a LOT of time together which has caused me some concern.
And now they have revealed that they've applied for the same uni to do the same course. This was DS's second choice but has been gaining favour as it was becoming less likely that he'd get the grades for his first choice so it's likely he'll go there.
We had a row this morning as I pointed out it might not be the best idea. My concern is they'll spend 24/7 together, leaving no time for new friends and experiences. And I'm worried they'll just get too dependent on each other.
Am I right to be worried? I will back off DS now that I've made my feelings clear as I don't want to add more stress when he's already feeling it, but curious to know others' thoughts and experiences

OP posts:
DeQuin · 11/12/2025 19:47

Let it be. You cannot control this situation nor should you try to.

PullTheBricksDown · 11/12/2025 19:49

They'll quite likely split up even if they do go to the same place. University is your chance to develop as a person. Lots of people find their existing relationship doesn't work anymore.

HeddaGarbled · 11/12/2025 19:52

You make valid points but I also know young people who didn’t make the most of their uni experience because they spent every weekend travelling to their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s unis, so I think it’s swings and roundabouts.

inkyfingers · 11/12/2025 19:52

YANBU Would he choose the same uni and course anyway? If so it could probably work out if they broke up later. If it’s a big uni and large cohort they can go their separate ways more easily. Does the school believe it’s a good choice for him?

WallaceinAnderland · 11/12/2025 20:00

They will be allocated separate rooms. My DS went to the same uni as his GF and they were in completely different blocks. He made new friends with his flat mates and those on his course. They broke up during the first year. He went on to meet someone else at uni and they are now married. He's still friends with his ex. It did them no harm.

Original poster
Roundaboot · 11/12/2025 20:01

@inkyfingers yes, it was his choice originally. His GF was always going to do the same course but at a different uni. She smashed her mocks so set her sights a bit higher. I think they'd both be happy at that uni - it's a great course and the location suits them both....it's just the coupled up nature of it that bothers me.
@HeddaGarbled that is a very good point! Before this I was worried that they would both be constantly back and forth!
@DeQuin I know which is why I said I won't raise it again with DS. I'm already kicking myself over this morning tbh as, although I think I had a point, I raised it at the wrong time and then handled it badly. Won't be doing that again!

OP posts:
Greenteaandbiscuits · 11/12/2025 20:01

My parents could have written this almost exact post about me 15 years ago. We did split up the first year of uni. It was a bit crap but I'd made so many new friends in halls that I didnt regret my uni choices. I ended up changing courses after first year but staying at the same uni, stayed friends with ex through uni as well. It was a rough first year but I sure learnt alot from it. Not sure my parents could've said anything that would've changed my mind tbf. My only advice would be to get separate accommodation in halls so they're not stuck living together if it doesn’t work out!

exhaustedbeinghappy · 11/12/2025 20:03

DD & her first bf spent 6th form together & spent a lot of time deciding whether they would want to go to uni together - they wanted to, but ended up getting offers at different unis so went separately and planned to stay together.
It limped along until Christmas then they broke up, they were both really upset, but they just couldn’t cope being apart. They were both at fault I guess, both too busy with their new lives for each other. Other friends in the same situation coped fine and are still together 4 years later.

I have no idea what would have happened if they’d ended up at the same uni, but they grow and change a lot in those formative years, there’s no way of knowing really.

Wbeezer · 11/12/2025 20:03

I married mine, we went to the same art school one year apart, not to follow each other but because it was the best one! We were a bit more domesticated than some of the other students but it was all a bit of a novelty and fun at the time, we went out to pubs and clubs too and did not have trouble finding friends and flatmates. It was also nice to have someone to lean on a bit when you had a wobble about something.
DS3 went to a different city to his first serious girlfriend, it was a bit of a disaster as she wanted him to visit her every weekend and didn’t like him going out without her, it really spoiled first year for him, tbh I think he had a lucky escape, your DS’s girlfriend sounds much nicer!
Can you guarantee they would split up if they went to different places? They might spend all their time pining . On the phone, or travelling.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/12/2025 20:06

DeQuin · 11/12/2025 19:47

Let it be. You cannot control this situation nor should you try to.

This.

ArtesianWater · 11/12/2025 20:06

HeddaGarbled · 11/12/2025 19:52

You make valid points but I also know young people who didn’t make the most of their uni experience because they spent every weekend travelling to their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s unis, so I think it’s swings and roundabouts.

I agree with this. Most school relationships split up during the uni years anyway, but I think it's worse when they stay together and it stops them from embracing their new lives. If they stay together in the same place at least they can embrace uni life together instead of being there part time due to a long-distance relationship.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 11/12/2025 20:09

I wouldn't worry about it, chances are they'll split up and carry on with their lives - and even if they last for a bit, there's no reason they won't make other friends.

BlueberryOats · 11/12/2025 20:17

Is the lowering of grades due to the relationship? Was it his second choice anyway?

I went to the same uni town as my BF, he wasn't at uni. Year 1 and 2 it's good to have independence. We broke up for a bit and got back together in year 3.

I actually broke up with him anyway at the end as I wanted to travel and he didn't. Irony being he later moved abroad. He was a good egg though.

clary · 11/12/2025 20:23

Yes I agree with PPs that this is not something you can control.

I also think they will probably split up soon after starting tbh. That has been the case for most YP I know in a similar situation or those I knew at uni 5,467 years ago (not that many of either tbf so not a very large sample).

My main concern would be, if that happens and he is on his own, will he be in a place he is not keen on doing a course he does not like? Or is it in fact one that was on his list and he might have ended up there anyway? The fact that they are doing the same course might give me pause. Do they take the same A levels? Can you share the general area of the course? If it's something fairly mainstream and obvious for both, with a big intake (like eng lit as they both love the A level, or law as they both always intended that) then I guess less of an issue. But if it is something very recherche at a small uni, I would wonder if he is only taking it to be with her? and how it would be if they split? Still not a lot you can do tho. (I see you have answered this in your update).

I mean in a sense it's only like those people who get together very early at uni. I had the "day four people" in my department (tho they did split up in their final year, much to our general consternation). DS2 has a friend who has been with his gf since about the second day at uni four years ago and says if they ever split up he will stop believing in true love.

Original poster
Roundaboot · 11/12/2025 20:28

@BlueberryOats the lowering of grades is partly due to the relationship I think. DS started sixth form all guns blazing, working super hard and got high predicted grades. Then met his GF, but also had a few mental health challenges so he's not been working as much as he was in those early months. He's still got the potential to get the the grades he needs though
They both have yet to get offers and both will then need to work for the grades so I could well be stressing over something that never actually happens!

OP posts:
Suitbox · 11/12/2025 20:30

You're right but the more you tell him that the more determined he'll be to do it, and you could end up with a broken relationship with the mother of your GC!

ThatDearBrickFish · 11/12/2025 20:40

I wen to uni with my school bf (he started a yr before me). We never lived together there which meant we had lots of fun, friends and experiences separately.

We are still together, happily married, 25 years later!

BlueberryOats · 11/12/2025 20:41

It's drastic but he could retake a year at sixth form, sounds like he doesn't need to though.

I know someone who did that, they are a partner in firm now.

justasmalltownmum · 11/12/2025 20:42

I did this with my then BF/ now DH.

Pinkissmart · 11/12/2025 20:44

My daughter met her boyfriend at college. They went to the same university, and I had similar worries.
They lived independently of each other in their first two years. Their third year they shared a house with friends- each had their own bedroom for space.
They both saw the importance of doing their own thing and making their own friends.
They were fine- more than fine. They are long graduated and are still together.

jemma1995 · 11/12/2025 20:46

I did this with my boyfriend. We split up after a year then met the love of my life 😂 you live and you learn

MostlyGhostly · 11/12/2025 20:50

DD’s bf ended up going to the same uni as her through clearing. They made it through first year, moved in together in second year then split up half way through. It was not to either of their detriment socially, emotionally or academically as far as I can see and they had independent friends and social lives when they were together. At first, I thought the same as you op and I thought it would spoil DD’s experience, but it did work out fine.

superbakedpotato · 11/12/2025 21:08

It's his choice, if he's happy leave him be. I wish I'd gone to the same uni as my sixth form boyfriend, we'd have saved a fortune and a lot of time catching trains back and forth to see each other every weekend. We're married now.

Original poster
Roundaboot · 11/12/2025 21:10

All these stories, whatever the outcome, are very reassuring. Thank you all.

OP posts:
DinoLil · 11/12/2025 21:14

My DS met his GF when they were 15 and 16. Moved in together at 18 (not uni) but they're both late 20s now and still together.