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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Going to the same uni as your sixth form girlfriend is objectively a bad idea, right?

54 replies

Roundaboot · 11/12/2025 19:45

Or am I overreacting as DS would have me believe?
DS is in year 13 as is his girlfriend. They've been together since the start of sixth form and she's a lovely girl - clever, interesting and polite. She and DS have a good relationship very supportive and respectful and they have similar interests. However they do spend a LOT of time together which has caused me some concern.
And now they have revealed that they've applied for the same uni to do the same course. This was DS's second choice but has been gaining favour as it was becoming less likely that he'd get the grades for his first choice so it's likely he'll go there.
We had a row this morning as I pointed out it might not be the best idea. My concern is they'll spend 24/7 together, leaving no time for new friends and experiences. And I'm worried they'll just get too dependent on each other.
Am I right to be worried? I will back off DS now that I've made my feelings clear as I don't want to add more stress when he's already feeling it, but curious to know others' thoughts and experiences

OP posts:
Andregroup · 11/12/2025 21:15

Even if they don't go to the same uni as their boyfriend/girlfriend, those that don't have boyfriends/girlfriends before uni will surely meet one there, and therefore end up at the same uni as a boyfriend/girlfriend? It doesn't make sense to try to dissuade them.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 11/12/2025 21:18

I agree it is a bad idea but what can you do? I know of two separate couples that did this- both split up before the end of their course (although they were doing different courses).

All sounds very intense.

Soony · 11/12/2025 21:22

I actually think it's probably better than a long distance relationship.
DS1 continued a long distance relationship with his GF for three years. Meeting up the odd weekend probably stopped them growing apart. It meant he never went out with other girls and never made the most of uni social life. She dumped him in the middle of his finals.

RaininSummer · 11/12/2025 21:28

A bad idea as if they split up it will be so hard for at least one of them.

BlackKnightinYellowWellies · 11/12/2025 21:36

Dd and her boyfriend from 6th form went to the same uni. I mentioned it wasn't a great idea, but left it at that.
They managed a year. She went through a stage of going out of her way to avoid him, but not for long.
In the scheme of things not a big deal, but she is strong and confident. If she was less so who knows? (He spiralled and dropped out.)

Isthismykarma · 11/12/2025 21:37

I met a guy on my course first day of uni and spent far too much time with him and missed out on uni experiences in first year when we broke up at the end. Just wanted to give you the view that even if he was single, a clingy and limiting relationship with a coursemate could still happen.

MrsAvocet · 11/12/2025 21:53

It depends.
If they both genuinely want to do the same course and the University in question is a good fit for them both it's a very different situation to if one doesn't really have a passion for that course/place but is going just to be with their partner, or if one is very clingy or controlling, if one really has no idea what they want to do and is just doing the same as the other because it's an easy option or if one is limiting their horizons to stay with the other.
My parents met at 16 and were together until my Mum died aged 84 so it's possible for your teenage girl/boyfriend to be "the one". It's not very common though is it, and it's more likely that they'll split up, possibly even before they go. 9 months is a long time when you're that age and so much in life is changing. It's unlikely that your son will listen to you and he probably won't want to consider the likelihood that one or both of them will meet someone else at University but I'd probably at least try to encourage them to choose different accomodation. Even if they do stay together having their own space and the potential to make a wider circle of friends would be good, and if they split it will make life a lot easier if they are not living in the same place. A friend of my DS's was in the same flat as his girlfriend and it was pretty terrible for them both and the rest of the flatmates when they split!

FuzzyWolf · 11/12/2025 22:03

I don’t think it will do you any favours to try to intervene but I also don’t think being at the same university is the worst idea.

Many single students start up a relationship in the early months of being at university and spend lots of time together. So really they wouldn’t be very different to your DS and there is a good chance that the relationship won’t last the entire time they are studying anyway.

sydi · 11/12/2025 22:23

I don't see what difference it makes - an awful lot of people don't go to uni, so they effectively end up living in the same town as their school BF/GF, and often they split up later, and will then have to see the ex around town etc.

I went to a different uni to my 6th form BF - we split at the end of the first term - the whole situation was awful and I ended up dropping out.

DD went to the same uni as her 6th form BF - by accident rather than design - her BF changed his mind about the course he wanted to do after he'd applied, then got a place at the uni she'd decided to go, to at the last minute. He dumped her about 6 weeks after they started there. It was awful for her, but she stayed at uni, and she now has another boyfriend, someone from her course.

Maybeitllneverhappen · 11/12/2025 22:28

You're not wrong to be concerned. Nobody's relationship that I know of survived more than a term if they did this. Also taught for many years and saw a few ex students head off together and they all broke up by Christmas too!

SpiritAdder · 11/12/2025 22:39

You’re wrong to interfere or to express judgemental comments like << it’s a bad idea >>

Whether the relationship lasts or not, they both deserve the opportunity to see where it will go. He’s not deciding to take 3 gap years to follow her to her Uni, they’ve found a way to go together. Taking the same course may be a good thing too as they can motivate each other. Spending lots of time with someone who helps you be the best version of yourself is never a bad thing.

Mrsnothingthanks · 11/12/2025 22:41

So....I met my first serious boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 18. I was his first serious girlfriend too. We were inseparable. Together throughout A-Levels but he chose not to go to uni and stay in our home town. I went off to uni at 18 but literally was bereft without him and returned home after 6 weeks. All I did was cry! Everybody said it wouldn't last.
A year later boyfriend found a job near to where I was returning to uni and we got a flat together. We were only 19 and 20 but honestly - those 4 years were some of the best of of our lives and we have no regrets.
Did we stay together? No.
After almost 7 years together we realised we wanted different things and separated (very amicably). We are now both married (to different people, obvs!) and have shared the highs and lows of our lives together. For example, his grandma passed away last week at the age of 97, and he still sent me a message letting me know and I sent a sympathy card to his parents.
We remain brilliant mates at 45 and 47 and next year will mark our 29th year of friendship. And I know, with absolute certainty, that we will be friends until one of us passes (then we'll bloody haunt each other!)
No regrets.

Franpie · 11/12/2025 23:03

I think it’s almost better that they go to the same uni. If it were different uni’s they would spend a lot of time on weekends going to visit each other and that’s when they miss out on making new friends etc.

lanthanum · 12/12/2025 17:10

DD's friends use a term "flatcest" - the prevailing wisdom seems to be that you should not opt to be in the same second year house as your boyfriend/girlfriend, as if the relationship doesn't last, you don't necessarily want to be stuck living with them. I think that probably applies even more so for the first year, because so much changes when you are first away from home. Whilst at some unis you don't get much say in exactly who you're with in student accommodation, at some unis it is possible to sign up to be in a flat with someone you already know, so that is probably something to discourage.

KilliMonjaro · 12/12/2025 17:34

You have to let him do what he’s going to do op.

Losingtheplot2016 · 12/12/2025 17:40

Personally I think people over react to this situation, as long as they are chosing a course they actually want to do. I went to the same uni as my boyfriend. We split up in the first year - really glad I followed him to that place though as he made a brilliant choice !

cgpcbtm · 12/12/2025 17:47

I don't think you should interfere or worry about this too much.
Anything can happen between now and then. They've applied to the same course at the same uni but there's no guarantee that they will both get offers or that they will get the grades. One or both of them might change their minds before the summer and choose somewhere else.
I was really set on one particular university but when I went to the interview day at another one I was blown away and loved it and ended up choosing that one. The subsequent interview day at my original first choice was nowhere near as good and I didn't want to go there.
Even if they do end up going to the same uni I don't think it's worse than them going to different universities. In fact if there was a lot of travelling between the two universities and seeing each other every weekend they would likely end up missing out on more opportunities at their respective universities.
A friend of mine did that, travelling every weekend, and she said later she missed out on clubs, sports and generally hanging around with friends. She married her then boyfriend and they are very happy but she does regret missing out on lots of things.
Don't mention it again. You've said your piece. See how things progress.
The only thing I would advise against is them both moving into the same student house in the second year because if it does go pear-shaped at that point it's extremely awkward for everyone involved.

Chinsupmeloves · 12/12/2025 17:48

I would say it's generally not the best idea and all couples I've known who went to the same university together split up. They won't get to experience the full independent lifestyle or have the same freedom. It's up to them of course but it's exciting being in different places and visiting, which doesn't always last either!

IdaGlossop · 12/12/2025 17:48

DD and boyfriend from y10 onwards went to uni together - different course. I had minor reservations about him and about them going together. I kept quiet - difficult but the right thing to do. It lasted for the first year then, by mutual agreement, they broke up. BF behaved absolutely appallingly, DD was distraught. She has come out the other side with a clear grip on what she values in life and a new boyfriend who is a fine human being. Painful but necessary life lessons for our DC!

Iloveeverycat · 12/12/2025 17:51

I met my husband at 16 been together 60 years what will be will be. They will stay together or they won't. I never felt I missed out. You might push them away and you might fall out do you want that.

OhDear111 · 12/12/2025 17:53

My DD did this but by default. She missed a grade for her firmed choice and took insurance. So she had been willing to be separated.

Different courses though and they did split up by y2. It was a very good uni and DD thrived even though it wasn’t Oxford. They didn’t ever live together though and did make new friends. Depends on personality I think and both did very well after university in terms of pursuing careers. The dc in question might branch out if they don’t get the same hall.

Daisy12Maisie · 12/12/2025 18:00

In my halls out of 10 young women all boyfriends from home were dumped in term 1 or before starting uni.

Out of the friendship group there was 1 couple (girl from the group of 10 and one of the boys who lived in the flats below us in halls). Then one other girl met her partner in freshers week. Both couples have been together ever since. So those couples have been together since we were 19. (We all took gap years so were 19 when starting uni). It can happen. I met my husband at 23 and he was vile and abusive to me and our children so I don’t think I benefited from waiting a few years. I did have a good time at uni though.

I think it’s fair enough you have given your son your opinion but there is nothing else you can do. They may stay together and they may not.

My brother met his now wife at uni aged 18 and they are married now (late 40’s). I do feel he missed out on the amazing time I had at uni but then he is the one who is happily married not me.

So just let it be. Maybe say to your son “I’m sorry I upset you saying what I did about uni. I was just worried about you but it’s none of my business. You do what is best for you. Anyway do you want spag Bol or a chilli for tea?” Then move on.

GardenersDelight · 12/12/2025 18:02

Slightly differently my daughter met her now husband 6 months before starting uni
He then applied to a different one in same city for following year
They're together over 15 years later and married for 3. They lived together for their last year and then apart when she got her first job in London and it took him 2 years to find one( niche career) and join her

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 12/12/2025 18:19

I knew people in this situation at uni. Some got married and stayed together forever, others split up.

Knittedanimal · 13/12/2025 13:58

I went out with a lot of knobheads at uni, eventually came home and married a man from 5 miles away.
My DD, now in y12 is going out with a lovely boy from her sixth form and I'm encouraging them to go to the same uni. If they split in the meantime, they'll alwsys have someone they know; if they stay together, they'll avoid a lot of knobheads.