Page 17 | Phone tracking while at university

Fenimore · 2025-10-09T04:04:32+00:00

Astonished that so many parents I know are tracking their kids by phone. These are 18/19 year olds. I guess the young people don’t mind or they’d turn off the tracking. I just don’t think it’s healthy. One parent I know is checking every day to see if their son is at lectures as well as what time he’s home from a night out. i don’t track DD. One, she really wouldn’t like it and two, I think it would be stressful as well as being an invasion of privacy. Does anyone do this?

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 13:13

Doteycat · 09/10/2025 13:05

I find your attitude shocking tbh. Why do you think you are right?
I totally get on with my own life as do my dds, they arent in the slightest infantalised either. What a bizarre narrow minded view of other peoples relationships. And its not collusion in the slightest, its adults saying hey mum i dont have you on google maps do u want to add me? end of converstation.
Tis all very non eventful in my family really.

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Why does your adult child want you to know his location 24/7? What's the objective?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/10/2025 13:17

Our whole family have find my iPhone on, so we all have the potential to track each other. Tbf DD tracks me more than I do her (she is at uni). If she can’t get hold of me, she has a look where I am-I don’t mind and no one else in the family mind. We’ve had that conversation. 🤷‍♀️

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 13:18

DiscouragingDiagnosis · 09/10/2025 12:14

Because growing a generation of anxious children (or instilling in them that it is normal to be a hyper-anxious adult) damages everyone. I'm an HCP that sees many many young adults in clinic with their parents, unable to advocate for themselves, to speak out, let alone face an independent future. Hovering parents who truly believe they are doing the right thing, with their care, love and protection, but ultimately undermining maturation.

It is also normalising what I (and clearly many others) feels is unpleasant societal creep towards surveillance at all levels. So yes, I think it is everyone's problem. I rarely argue with strangers on the internet as it is futile, but I feel passionately that we are sleepwalking into a wrong.

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Could not agree with you more. Very well said.

Some of the responses on this thread are completely nutty - why not just have a chip installed in your child at birth and be done with it?!

TeenLifeMum · 09/10/2025 13:23

Dd sends me her location on WhatsApp if she’s going somewhere unusual/on her own or feels a bit vulnerable (like walking on her own somewhere). But I don’t track my dc as a general rule. We tried an app everyone was raving about - life 369. I felt like a stalker. Hated it. Removes trust being built up by teens.

pinkyredrose · 09/10/2025 13:26

omgno222 · 09/10/2025 05:40

Do you know how many innocent 18/19 year old have been attacked, stabbed, r*ped? Do you know how many have not made it home? We don’t live in 1990 anymore. We live in 2025 and it’s a very scary world. Remember the 2 uni students that got stabbed on way home??

my point is.. I track my daughter. She also doesn’t mind & totally gets that I’m protecting her. If anything was off.. or god forbid happened I know right where to go, to save her. We’re so close. Very very close.

for you to be “astonished” at anyone of uni age tracking their kids I think your pretty astonishing. Strange person.

Don't you think you're being rather OTT? People can be attacked no matter who they are or where they are.

TeenLifeMum · 09/10/2025 13:26

Just dawned on me that I can track dc on Snapchat but never use that app. We did it so we could meet up when we went to Reading Festival and wanted to see different bands.

BunnyLake · 09/10/2025 13:35

Doteycat · 09/10/2025 13:05

I find your attitude shocking tbh. Why do you think you are right?
I totally get on with my own life as do my dds, they arent in the slightest infantalised either. What a bizarre narrow minded view of other peoples relationships. And its not collusion in the slightest, its adults saying hey mum i dont have you on google maps do u want to add me? end of converstation.
Tis all very non eventful in my family really.

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I agree but I think it does depend on how you have been with your kids generally. My 20yr old son knows I have it but I don’t look at it unless there’s a very good reason to. He’s away at uni and not at all infantilised. I don’t have it for my other son as he lives with his gf.

Cnnb · 09/10/2025 13:52

MsPavlichenko · 09/10/2025 13:01

They’ll be your baby when they’re in their fifties or sixties. Will you still want to track them then? It’s perfectly normal to worry about your DC, no matter their age. Having to know where they are, what their plans are, when they get home isn’t.

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My DD21 lives at home and commutes to her master's program. Am I not supposed ask her where she'll be going and how she'll be getting back after dark? Especially if she wants come rolling back after midnight?

NecklaceRed · 09/10/2025 14:00

We still use life360 as a family. Oldest if 21 now and has moved out. They've never questioned being on it, which we found surprising. It gave them more freedom if anything when younger, and we never commented on their location/what they were doing. Very rarely use it to see where they are now but it is occasionally useful. Mainly use it to gauge pick up times at the train station. It was massively useful when DH was commuting in and out of London.

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 14:10

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 11:26

Why do you need to check before you call? Just call, if it's not convenient, she won't answer. She might be at home, but busy anyway.

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I don't "need" to check - it's a matter of preference.

bittertwisted · 09/10/2025 14:19

This thread is just an extension of the ongoing ‘I’m a better parent because…..
I breastfed longer
i never left my child overnight until they were 13 and even then I cried all nigbt
I had my child rear facing until high school’

the insinuation that by not tracking your adult child somehow that makes you less loving, less close, a much worse parent

I wouldn’t dream of tracking my children. I don’t think it’s remotely weird if someone else wants to, their choice. But stop suggesting parents that believe in bringing up a child to be resilient and separate from us are somehow worse parents. It’s insulting.

Karatema · 09/10/2025 14:21

All this tracking; partners, DC and parents! Very weird. It never occurs to me to track anyone. My DS and family and I were at an event and he suggested we track each other so we could meet up later - I laughed but realised he was serious so it’s the one and only time I’ve been tracked.

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 14:37

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 14:10

I don't "need" to check - it's a matter of preference.

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So why do you "prefer" to check? Why is knowing where she is any better than just trying again later or leaving a message? Knowing where she is isn't a reliable indicator of being available for a phone call, so it's not a logical justification for tracking her.

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 14:43

Cnnb · 09/10/2025 13:52

My DD21 lives at home and commutes to her master's program. Am I not supposed ask her where she'll be going and how she'll be getting back after dark? Especially if she wants come rolling back after midnight?

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She is 21 - she has a key, she can work out which transport to use to get to/from her course or to/from leisure activities - no different than if she was living away. As long as she is treating your home with respect then you treat her as an adult, with autonomy. Does she have specific needs whereby she needs you to know all of this information on a daily basis?

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 14:47

Cnnb · 09/10/2025 13:52

My DD21 lives at home and commutes to her master's program. Am I not supposed ask her where she'll be going and how she'll be getting back after dark? Especially if she wants come rolling back after midnight?

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Why can't you just ask her to be quiet if she comes home late? Can't she manage to arrange her own transport and schedule at that age?

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 09/10/2025 14:54

If they are under my roof I do like to have a rough idea when anyone DH or teens are likely to be back - I think that's more consideration for others.

I tend to talk, text or use app to ask or wait for them to turn up they're all capable of navigating round the city/country.

So I don't feel the need to routinely track other people to get this information. It's why I think it gets slowly normalised - starts with the scary letting young teens have independence but doesn't stop when they get to adulthood as by then normal in the family. Then it gets justified why would I bother them with a conversation or text when I can just track their movements - and to anyone not used to it that just sound nuts.

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 15:00

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 14:37

So why do you "prefer" to check? Why is knowing where she is any better than just trying again later or leaving a message? Knowing where she is isn't a reliable indicator of being available for a phone call, so it's not a logical justification for tracking her.

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Preference - a greater liking for one alternative over another or others. I like to do it that way. You have a different opinion - that's absolutely fine. You do what works for you with your family, and I'll do what works for me with my family.

But if it makes you feel any better - knowing she is at home in the afternoon IS a reliable indicator that she is free for a call, as she doesn't sleep during the day and is always happy to have her studies interrupted. HTH.

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 15:05

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 15:00

Preference - a greater liking for one alternative over another or others. I like to do it that way. You have a different opinion - that's absolutely fine. You do what works for you with your family, and I'll do what works for me with my family.

But if it makes you feel any better - knowing she is at home in the afternoon IS a reliable indicator that she is free for a call, as she doesn't sleep during the day and is always happy to have her studies interrupted. HTH.

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You haven't actually explained why you prefer it that way. So I shall assume it's not really about the phone calls.

Pickingmyselfup · 09/10/2025 15:12

It's pointless to track your adult child, you have no idea if they are planning to be where they are on the app and for how long they plan to be there.

My mum lives 3 hours away and has my location on for the journeys when we travel to see her. Tonight I might decide to go to a friend's house or to the cinema, if I'm walking there I might get attacked but all it tells her is that I've stopped somewhere.

It won't stop me being attacked, she won't be able to help me in any way.

My 10 year old has a phone and I track him since he's starting to walk to school or to a friend's. It gives me a piece of mind that he's got there but realistically I can't stop anything from happening to him but I can't lock him up forever. I have to give him age appropriate freedom, make sure he has road safety skills and knows not to go with a stranger. Once he's an adult and not even living with me I don't think I do want to know where he is because I would actually worry more!

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 15:13

@Digdongdoo Yikes! Your intense interest in my personal preferences is a bit unnerving! I prefer calling when I know she can speak. I can just randomly call, of course. There's absolutely no reason why I couldn't do that. But I prefer to call when I know she's available and it's a good time for her to take the call. Preferences by their very nature are hard to explain. Why do some people prefer white wine to red? Why do some people prefer bagels to bread?

You're welcome to assume what you want, of course. I have no preference over any of your assumptions.

User060427 · 09/10/2025 15:33

I put both my children on find my iPhone when the youngest went to a party at 16, got drunk, passed out and didn't come home. I had a huge panic in the morning and couldn't see where he was. He wasn't answering his phone so I had to phone his friends/parents to find him.
They are now 25 and 20 and still on there. Their choice. They like to know where I am more than the other way round to see if I'm around to give them a lift or put the dinner on for them.....we don't stalk each other for the sake of it - just for practical purposes.

AppropriateAdult · 09/10/2025 15:44

Screamingabdabz · 09/10/2025 07:57

My kids all joke that I can track them but I never turn my tracking on for them to track me! It’s not a control thing in our house - it’s more of a ‘are they home safe? Good I can relax now’ and I think they like it as it means they know we are not worrying or texting so much.

But this is a control thing. If your children know that the only way for mum not to worry is by being able to track them at all times, then that’s putting an unfair burden on them to relieve your anxiety by giving up some of their privacy.

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 15:46

User060427 · 09/10/2025 15:33

I put both my children on find my iPhone when the youngest went to a party at 16, got drunk, passed out and didn't come home. I had a huge panic in the morning and couldn't see where he was. He wasn't answering his phone so I had to phone his friends/parents to find him.
They are now 25 and 20 and still on there. Their choice. They like to know where I am more than the other way round to see if I'm around to give them a lift or put the dinner on for them.....we don't stalk each other for the sake of it - just for practical purposes.

Seeing if you're home to make them is absolutely tracking "for the sake of it"

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 15:48

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 15:13

@Digdongdoo Yikes! Your intense interest in my personal preferences is a bit unnerving! I prefer calling when I know she can speak. I can just randomly call, of course. There's absolutely no reason why I couldn't do that. But I prefer to call when I know she's available and it's a good time for her to take the call. Preferences by their very nature are hard to explain. Why do some people prefer white wine to red? Why do some people prefer bagels to bread?

You're welcome to assume what you want, of course. I have no preference over any of your assumptions.

Edited

There you go. There's no reason for it. You just like to track her. That is what is "yikes"

Zimunya · 09/10/2025 16:03

Digdongdoo · 09/10/2025 15:48

There you go. There's no reason for it. You just like to track her. That is what is "yikes"

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We, as a family, discussed the pros and cons of Life 360 before joining, and we all agreed (DD included) that it was a good idea for us. Any of us is free to leave at any time. When DD went to uni, I asked if she was still content to be included, and her response was affirmative.. It works for us as a family. I appreciate that won't be the case for everyone. Everyone is free to make the choices that work for their own families, as I said in my first post to you. This is our choice as a family. You're free to make different choices for your family..