Phone tracking while at university

[Fenimore]

Astonished that so many parents I know are tracking their kids by phone. These are 18/19 year olds. I guess the young people don’t mind or they’d turn off the tracking. I just don’t think it’s healthy.

One parent I know is checking every day to see if their son is at lectures as well as what time he’s home from a night out.

i don’t track DD. One, she really wouldn’t like it and two, I think it would be stressful as well as being an invasion of privacy.

Does anyone do this?

Do people walk in wooded areas in the middle of the night?

I would imagine the first port of call would be to call the person, see if they can get hold of them.

I’m not sure - although I share location with people that’s not a situation I’ve been in.

Its the normalisation of surveillance culture. Something else to thank our mighty tech overlords for. Grim.

I travel the world solo most times. I have 4 adult kids ( 1 teenager)and I have NEVER and would never track any of them. I have raised them to be sensible and independent! Job done !

Do you at least tell your kids to text you when they reach?

How exactly was it "useful" when she was travelling the world on her gap year?!

Genuine question.

Agree. Tracking of any description is bloody weird and creepy. My children Male and Female at Uni always nominated one person on nights out to look out for anyone getting a bit too pissed etc . A lot safer than Mummy checking/ spying from her sofa in Kent on child at Uni in Lancaster!

What the fuck? I had no idea this was a thing. Obviously I know tracking exists. I'm quite an anxious person, but when my DC are away, I actually find it reassuring that I'm not supposed to know where they are or what they're up to. I assume if things go irretrievably wrong then I'll hear about it eventually, but they're adults, and on the whole they can sort out their own shit without parental supervision. My (over) reaction is no help to them at all.
They need their privacy, and it wouldn't help me to know they'd been in the wrong place for a specific amount of time. It'd be too late to do anything about it if something awful had happened anyway.

You are the polar opposite of streetwise. There is nothing streetwise about any of the things you’re saying; in fact, your naivety really shows.

Also, why would someone who was living away at university tell their parents where they were going every night? Do you expect your adult kids, living away from home, to tell you each time they leave their accommodation and what time they expect to return?

When would you stop doing that? When they graduate? When they get married? When they have kids of their own?

I’m 49. Should I still be telling my mum whenever I’m going on a night out so she can check on me if I stay out later than expected and make sure I got home? I’m at exactly the same risk of attack as a student is - I’m just as likely to get raped or murdered or mugged - so why would you track some adults and not others?

My DD’s flat mate’s mum tracks her daughter all the time. This resulted in the bizarre situation where she saw her daughter on a train coming back to her uni city late at night and then messaged my DD to tell her she needed to get in a taxi and go and meet her DD to take her home. My DD refused and the mother went nuts as in her opinion it wasn’t safe for her DD to get a taxi on her own. She couldn’t see the irony that my DD would have to get a taxi on her own to fetch this woman’s DD. Not to mention the cost and the fact my DD didn’t want to go out late on a Sunday. She had my DDs phone number because she’d insisted her DD gave it to her in case of emergencies. DD has now blocked her.

on the taxi issue we have Uber family set up so if any of the DCs get stuck somewhere with no money they can get home ( that sends a message to me and and map when they use it which is the extent of any tracking I do). This is far more useful from a safety perspective than looking where they are.

Reach where?

Are you suggesting that an adult at university should be texting their parents to let them know every time they’re going out, and then again when they reach their destination?

Because growing a generation of anxious children (or instilling in them that it is normal to be a hyper-anxious adult) damages everyone. I'm an HCP that sees many many young adults in clinic with their parents, unable to advocate for themselves, to speak out, let alone face an independent future. Hovering parents who truly believe they are doing the right thing, with their care, love and protection, but ultimately undermining maturation.

It is also normalising what I (and clearly many others) feels is unpleasant societal creep towards surveillance at all levels. So yes, I think it is everyone's problem. I rarely argue with strangers on the internet as it is futile, but I feel passionately that we are sleepwalking into a wrong.

I would have been able to tell police where DD was. I can’t really say any more than that.

We all have trackers in our family - FindMyPhone on all devices, and AirTag in main bags.

It's very useful. Each to their own as to whether they want to use the technology or not.

I definitely check if DD has made it to things or not.

I 100% agree. It could also explain the large increase in 'mh' or 'anxious' issues our young people are now complaining about (and claiming benefits for!).

There is one parent on here who seems to be obsessed at tracking their child and rushing to the rescue. Really? You do realise that could well end up with GROWN up child being anxious and ringing Mummy for every little issue - maybe that is what the parent wants. To control them and their movements.

Good thing my parents couldn't "track me " in my uni days, considering what I got up to ! They would find my location in another continent ! Seriously!

💯

Does the tracker show their health/emotional state too? No? You'd find out about those things pretty quick anyway if they happened.

Same.

Do you have evidence to back this up? I am interested to see it. Like others I am unsure what phone tracking does in terms of preventing bad things happening ?

They might be an adult. But they'll always be my baby. Most of my DC have spent time at home and commuted to uni anyway.

I don’t track but I am lucky my ds WhatsApps me most days. I think it’s a mistake to track, say you saw hospital or police station and worried- but there could be a simple reason! I do expect the courtesy of him staying in touch (as I’m contributing and paying for phone) but I agree he’s an adult and shouldn’t be tracked..

My kids are away at Uni and would hate being tracked - I think I would actually hate it more!

"Mum, are you in the pub again?"
"Mum, getting a takeaway...?"
"Ooooh, you're in the gym for the 4th time this week!"

Just weird all round and not necessary at all.

Your poor daughter. Are you ever planning on cutting the apron strings?

The OP is quite right to find this very odd.

As for any notion that things are more dangerous now than in the past, female students were being murdered by the Yorkshire Ripper in the 1980s. Plus how would phone tracking have helped the students stabbed by the mentally ill person?

Neither of my daughters would have entertained the idea of me tracking their movements while they were at uni, but then again I would never in a million years have suggested it.

There's nothing wrong with tracking as long as people fully consent to it. I've got a tracking app for my family. My DH and eldest son chose not to use it which is their choice. Me and DD keep it on, I'd like someone to be able to locate me if anything happened to me. I'm not checking where DD is at all times but it's there if needed.

This is us without the AirTags. All 4 of us share locations. I don’t use it to track if DD is going to lectures, she tells me anyway if she’s ill or not going. But if I message and she doesn’t reply, I look to see where she is. But the kids do it to us but none of us use it to judge other people.