Phone tracking while at university

[Fenimore]

Astonished that so many parents I know are tracking their kids by phone. These are 18/19 year olds. I guess the young people don’t mind or they’d turn off the tracking. I just don’t think it’s healthy.

One parent I know is checking every day to see if their son is at lectures as well as what time he’s home from a night out.

i don’t track DD. One, she really wouldn’t like it and two, I think it would be stressful as well as being an invasion of privacy.

Does anyone do this?

Couldn't agree more.

I couldn't even call home once a week from the payphone - my parents didn't get a landline installed until I was 21! I wrote a fortnightly letter...

I held off posting our reasons, but maybe it will bring awareness.

It’s not a terrible idea to know where your teens are. In DD’s halls a student died of meningitis, no one found her for three days. Had someone been checking - they would have noticed she hadn’t left her room for days, and potentially she could have been saved. The poor thing thought she had Covid, and that was her last message.

DD and I started tracking after that, particular as dd fell ill immediately afterwards. I admit I felt so anxious that winter. We don’t track now but it served a purpose at the time.

Please ensure your dc have up to date men vaccines before going to uni, and do run through men checks on face time if they are ill. It is getting increasingly mixed up with covid/freshers flu.

Mid shag

I can see my children's locations on the find my app. I have used it to see when they are home to check if it is a good time to call (I won't ring if they are at uni etc), or in the morning to see if they got home ok (no need to worry).I don't see what is wrong with this.

Mine were at uni 7 years ago.
I don't know how you would ever sleep at night if you're tracking them.
It's sometimes best not to know.

There was one occasion when I would have been grateful to be able to track DS. He rang me to say he was ill and was going to A&E. It was another 7 long hours before I heard any more! He wasn't answering or replying to messages.

But if she was poorly, and people knew that, her phone being in her room for 3 days wouldn't have been a red flag would it?
I'd be more concerned that nobody in halls thought to check on her...

@omgno222

I don't know the difference in statistics between the 1990s and 2025, could you share them please?

Or her daughter meets a lad on a night out, decides to go back to his for a bit of fun and her mum turns up at the front door a few hours later.

Yes. The dc not replying to contact for three days would have been the red flag, not the phone being in her room when she was ill.

More likely, the only result would have been they found a body quicker. I know two people who died of meningitis at university, they both died overnight within 8 hours of last seeing someone.

"Just ringing darling as it looks like you are somewhere other than your own room! Are you ok? Do you need me to come over? Yes, yes I know you're a 20 year old adult living independently but Mummy worries about you when I can see you are out and about without running it past me first!"

Totally agree with this, My own sis in law does it with her kids, sitting there the other night with her and her daughter she was like oh check has Son arrived at college. Daughter checks snap chat oh he is there, he goes to college in another bloody country. He is 20 years old! i was like WTF that's borderline stalker. Also this Sis in law rings us in a panic as she has messaged mother in law on whats app has got no response and she wasnt on her whats app for a while - lord she might be busy she might be doing something and hasnt checked her [hone in a while. She is a grown women and can lead her own life. Its like micro management aint it so now me and my husband have very single thing switched off - no one can check our location and no one bloody needs too - Its controlling. w

But I assume you are older as you are posting on Mumsnet so not as influenced by the worldview of your parents. I am taking about 18/19/20 year olds

DSs (16 & 19) and DD (22) have their locations visible in Snapchat. It was a condition of them having phones/social media when they first got them.

They've chosen never to switch it off (well, DS1 did for a while at 16/17).

DD likes the fact we know where she is - it gives her some comfort. So it's entirely her choice. Plus it's useful for her friends too. We don't actively check.

DS1 spent his first month at uni missing lectures and pissing about. We had a massive intervention, given how much it's costing us to support him with his choice to go to uni. He now likes us to know that he's going to lectures, and sharing his location is the easiest way to do that. So again, largely his choice (though i think we'd probably ask him to share if he switched it off, at least until we are more reassured he's taking uni seriously).

DS2 has never thought to question it. He is mostly at home, or with us anyway, but occasionally he goes out on long bike rides with his mates. He says he prefers us knowing where he is too, in case he falls, or has an issue with his bike (we helped his friend fix his bike when they were out on one of their first rides). So again, mainly his own choice.

On the flip side, they have always had a lot of freedom to do what they want - provided they were happy to share where/who/when etc. We have always been a very open family, and as a result, it's what we're all comfortable with.

If any had a problem or concern with it, we could absolutely have a proper conversation about it, and then decide together how to move forwards.

No body knows each other though. In the past parents, who knew their Dd was ill would have phoned a flat phone and someone would have knocked on her door.

@Fenimore I agree that it is odd and would definitely add to my anxiety.

DS1 is in his second year at uni and although we chat every day I don't and have never tracked him.

It would make me more anxious without a doubt, plus he needs to live his own life without me as some sort of big brother character.

My friend tracked her son at uni and then her second son refused to allow tracking on his phone as he knew she would be checking his whereabouts all the time.

If the adult child wants it, fine. But they have every right to turn it off and parents should respect that. I don't really get it myself, knowing where they are isn't going to prevent harm. You have to make sure they know how to do what they can to keep themselves safe, which means giving them independence from an early age.

And what is you looking at her location going to do about any of these things? Had my mum looked at my location when I was being sexually assaulted at uni, she'd have seen me in my room or at a nightclub.

It's safety theatre that provokes anxiety in parents and gives a false sense of security - you're far better teaching your children to be street smart and sensible and that they can talk to you if they need than assuming that being able to see where are at all times willl do anything other than create adults who are still being hovered over by their parents.

This is how I feel.

None of my 3 children let me track them at uni. Then my daughter turned on find my friends because she lost her phone for the 3rd time and no one could tell her where it was, She was abroad and it was in the rubbish bin in her hotel room, as she discovered after buying a new phone which told her the location of the old one.

I don't track her regularly, but occasionally I look and it is comforting.

My husband won't let me track him and that is upsetting because he goes for long solitary bike rides in areas with no traffic and no phone signal (USA, in the wilder areas of a national park). If he had an accident, I would have no idea where he was and would need to wait and worry for hours. Sometimes when he is out for an unusually long time, I really do worry because he is almost 70, and bikes far and fast-

I hate phones in general but this is a feature of them that I think can actually be a good thing, under the right circumstances.

I never tracked mine anyway. All adults now and no problems.

We occasionally share location with each other, especially if out and about in places we aren't familiar with and needing to meet up. Also, when DH and I were on holiday in Greece recently he wanted to hire a bike (I hate bikes and don't get on with them, so just him) and go out for the day a few times. Fine by me but we both share location so that if he got into any difficulties then I would have a better chance of getting help to him. All is done by consent and choice.

I'd never have even considered trying to track my children around uni. How rude and intrusive!! Embarrassing too. Mine wouldn't have put up with it and nor would I have suggested it. They'd have turned location off.

Right, but I'm just saying that tracking her phone to room wouldn't necessarily have been helpful in this case because ill people tend to stay at home. The red flag would have been not being seen or heard from.

I've never tracked my sons 25 and 20 i do text once if there on a night out or out in there xars and i hear sirens but thats it

We can all see each other on Find My - but this was set up in case anyone lost their phone. We were once able to get AirPods back which someone had taken from one of my teens. We can see where each other are - but rarely look. Has been helpful when meeting up etc as others have said. Only one DC still at home now but I like to know they’ve made it home after a night out and checking Find My saves me getting out of bed to look to see if their shoes are in the hallway! I wouldn’t say we use it to track. I find it reassuring to have the option to check. It’s a choice - no right answer on this one!

Why wouldn't you say you use it to track? That is exactly what you use it for.