DS wanting to switch Uni

[Overwhelmed124]

So my son has been at Uni less than one week and is seriously regretting his choice.
Firstly his timetable has him starting every day at 9am which means , because he chose to live at home, he has to get up at 6.30 every day. Commute not too long but 20 mins walk to station, 20 min train ride, 20 min walk to Uni.
Secondly, the plan was that his long time girlfriend would get into same Uni. She would be living in halls and he could stop over occassionally. Unfortunately she didnt get the A level results needed, so is at another Uni in a different city. They see each other on weekends, but again its a train journey and cost to do this.

Hes so sad. We`ve talked it out and he sees that hes just upset things havent turned out as he had envisioned. But hes adament he wants to follow her to this other Uni.

I am happy for him to do this as I feel hes missing out on a proper Uni experience by living at home. But Im not sure he should be throwing everything out that he has now.

The other Uni is comparable "status" wise and Im not worried about the distance and him living away from home. But should he move and if so should he try now or after 1st year?
Is it even possible?? Has anyone elses child managed to do this?

If he wants to stop, he should pull out now before further costs are incurred and do something meaningful with his year - work full time for a few months and then go travelling. It's not a disaster to do this. Reapply elsewhere (not just where girlfriend is) and see where September 2026 takes him.
However timetables change - he is unlikely to have an early start every day for the next three years - or they might be similar at another university. He might split with the girl in the coming year. He might not get offered a place at the uni in her city.
While living away is very expensive,I do think that it's half the point of uni these days and that life experience is just as valuable as the degree.

I might try to persuade him to give it a go until end of this academic year and apply to transfer to 2nd year at other uni next year if he is still not happy. My DSs had a similar commute time but no way were they up 2h30 before for 9am. Probably 30 minutes max (including shower). One of mine 9am subjects became 10am and then 11am in subsequent years.

Do NOT assume he could transfer into year 2 elsewhere next year. That’s highly unlikely to be possible. Assuming there are no spaces at the girlfriend’s uni he’ll have to have a gap year. What would he do for a year? What if they broke up during the year (likely as she’ll be spreading her wings)?

I`ve said about them breaking up but he knows quite a few people going to the other Uni and no one at the one hes actually enrolled with.
We are less than a week in and all he can see is the lifestyle his girlfriend has, going out with flatmates and enjoying her experience, and hes stuck at home doing nothing , with a , what he considers, long commute.
I dont want him to over react, but I know him and its not the first time hes changed his mind when he seemed so set on something.
I am sure he will try to move .
What I want to know is, has anyone elses child managed to do this??

Does the gf's uni have spaces on his course? Can he call admissions and find out if it's possible to move?

But whatever he decides he’ll be stuck at home for a year.

He's already made one bad decision which revolved around his girlfriend, I would dissuade him from making another.

He should choose his university based on the place he likes, the course, the costs, reflect a bit on what he'd want if she wasn't in the picture. He can learn from her that things don't work out exactly as you plan and you embrace that. It sounds like he now knows he wants to live away from home, so that's a start.

Definitely a year out though, with a chance to grow up, work for some money and life experience and make a better decision, with enough flexibility that he'll be happy even if one piece doesn't perfectly align.

All he can see is the lifestyle his girlfriend has, going out with flatmates and enjoying her experience, and he's stuck at home doing nothing , with a , what he considers, long commute.

He should move into halls where he is. He'll lose the commute, start to build real friendships and enjoy being immersed in his own uni life.

He'll bring more to the table in terms of the relationship if he has an independent uni life from his gf. They can still see each other at weekends (until the inevitable split happens, which will make being in different places easier all round!)

I agree with @LadyQuackBeth. He’s making a big decision based on a relationship rather than the best thing for him. There’s a difference between not wanting to live at home and moving university to one where his girlfriend is.

Sounds like he is more concerned gf will move on without him. Not a healthy reason to change. If it is a stem subject 9am starts and full days are quite common. Can he get into a hall at uni 1 if it is the commute that is the issue?

Absolute ridiculous decision to choose a uni pathway depending on someone else (whether that's your mates, a girl/boyfriend or anyone else). Relationships don't last, or if they are meant to they will be there at the end, new friendships can be made.
And as for the getting up early - that is what work will be like one day!

I did the same thing and regretted it, all my new uni friends lived in halls in the city, so as soon as the first year finished I moved in with them to shared housing.

He needs to stop being pathetic and stick to his decision. Getting up at 6:30 isn’t bad at all, mine is up at 6 to start for 9.

Did he expect to have lie ins and roll on for midday lectures!?

Can he move into halls at his uni - then at least he won't have the commute and more fun

Add on the expense of him moving away. Who would be left funding that? It will be way more than trains to see her at the weekends, plus she can take it in turns to come to him.

Ds's timetable changed every semester/term so that could happen to your Ds too. Is there any chance of him living closer to the uni he is at now? That is after all his first choice.

I would be very upset if my child chose a uni based on where his girlfriend is. Anything could happen with that relationship and then he sees her all the time with someone else.

There may not be spaces on the course of the uni he wants to transfer too. I would look at housing him near the uni.

I’d advice him to stick it out for first year and try to transfer next year - and quietly hope that things evolve/change during the year - as inevitably he and his gf would break up. He is 18 - his ‘long term’ gf is at best a couple years and unlikely be the person he’ll end up with.
He is clinging to this ‘relationship’ because change is hard and scary.

In the meanwhile - I’ll try to see if he could still get Uni accommodation where he is, so he doesn’t have to commute and does not miss out on uni life.

9am classes are not a reason to switch universities - it’s ridiculous. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Support him to stick it out - starting unis is a big step and many kids struggle and have a wibble.

Agree with those saying to see if he can get some accommodation nearer the Uni. Not advisable to make plans based on a relationship at this age.
What does he think of the course? Presumably he chose it? But reality can be different from what he may have expected.
I would be very surprised if he could move now and so the choice is either to stick with it or drop out and take a gap year. If he drops out, he will be out of synch with girlfriend in terms of timing etc but maybe that will be a good test.

Wow some harsh replies. But no he's not lazy or pathetic just confused and little upset.
Thanks to those who gave reasonable advice. I agree the best thing would be accommodation at his current uni.
But if he decides he want to change I can't stop him.
Again has anyone any experience of their child actually moving, so I can prepare mysrlf?

Get him to make some calls so you have all the facts available to make an informed decision

I’ve got experience of students transferring to other courses in the same uni. They call the new department and have a discussion.

Many students do move university, and the sooner the better if he is going to do this. I'd advise him to try and speak to someone in the relevant department at the uni he wants to transfer to (or to admissions?) and see if there are any spaces.

As PP have said, another option would be to try to move into halls at the uni he's at now.

A move into year 2 at another uni will depend on any compulsory modules having been covered, compatibility and capacity otherwise he might need to retake year 1. This can also be very subject dependant. If gf had to take it as an insurance choice are you sure uni2 is as academic. By the end of the year she and his school friends may well have developed new social circles and he feel left out even if he moved.

No personal experience of moving sorry, but I do have experience ofone of my DC being very unhappy initially at University. I would echo the advice of trying to persuade him to stick it out for a bit longer and think carefully about his options.
Obviously relationships can last at this age (my parents met at 16) but the reality is that most don't so it's really not the best idea to plan your life around someone else at this stage.
There's no guarantee that there will be a place for him on the relevant course at her University or that there'll be accomodation available even if he is accepted so he might not end up any better off really. Did he apply there initially and does he know what the course would be like? I would think that if they would consider a transfer at this point the admissions tutor would probably want to hear more reasoned argument about why he thinks their course would suit him better. In all honesty "Because my girlfriend/school friends are here" isn't likely to win them over them is it?
He needs to figure out where would suit him in terms of the course, the accomodation* *etc. Is he happy with the course where he is? If it's just the social side of things/travel (and I do agree there are downsides to living at home ) can he find solutions to that? It would definitely be worth at least looking into halls as there may be people looking for someone to take over their place as they're unhappy too.
If he doesn't like the course either he us probably better taking a gap year and reapplying for next year, though he'd need to get his skates on and visit some other places ASAP. But that would probably be better than jumping into another University without careful consideration right now.
I'd encourage him to stick it out at his current place whilst he looks at alternatives though. That's what we did with my DC and by Christmas everything was actually ok. It's a big change. Some young people take to it immediately and make friends right away, others feel like a fish out of water initially and the fact that everyone expects them to be loving it adds on extra pressure. He won't be alone in feeling like this and it's very early days so whilst obviously you can't force him to stay I'd encourage him not to make a knee jerk decision so soon.
Good luck - I know it's tough when your child is unhappy, especially when everyone else is apparently having a ball.

The first question the uni he wants to go to is going to ask him is “Why?” Following his girlfriend isn’t going to swing it. He needs to think about this.