Change of mind or last minute nerves.

[SilverGlitterBaubles]

DD is starting university next week but is now saying she does not want to go. She is now not sure about the university or the course also does not want to defer. This is possibly last minute nerves but also what are the options of she wants to change her mind?

Others will know but what’s at the bottom of it? Boyfriend? Never been away before? Worried about loan? Have a deeper talk if you can.

She can withdraw and re-apply next year.

She needs to speak to the uni urgently though - about the fees and loans, and contracts.
I agree it'd be good to understand the reasoning.

It may simply be 100% normal last minute cold feet.

I have tried to get to them bottom of it, she does seem worried about moving away and is quite independent. She does have a tendency to question her choices
and second guess things mainly based on comparison to others and then worry she has chosen the wrong thing.

Any idea what the deadline is for this and what this would mean for the loan? Thinking of worst case scenario and need to give her some deadlines

The loan contract says you need to tell them if you don’t start. I’d contact the Student Loans Company. Or the uni if you have paid up front.

She doesn’t sound mature enough to go in my view. Worrying about her choice at this stage is worrying too much. She can review the situation in the next few months. Are her friends not gojng? What will she do at home? Jobs are not easy to get. How independent is she really if she’s unsure about choices?

I would urge you to read this whole thread, which went from a very extreme reaction from the son, (crying in dorm bed unable to get up) to being fully integrated into the social group of his flat

www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education/5403763-urgent-help-me-help-ds-today-please

@SilverGlitterBaubles a friend of DS2's started at uni and did not like the choice of uni so quit after a few weeks (like four maybe?) acc DS he got a refund on his accommodation and also his uni first year fees. Not sure how true this was and whether it varies by uni?

He reapplied to a bigger city (Brum) and went there the following year.

I don’t see how that thread is quite the same really.

It’s not that normal to get cold feet but obviously some do. They get caught up with what others are doing and don’t make thought through choices. Often because they aren’t really in touch with what their needs really are yet. A year out can crystalise what the future should look like.

That thread is not the same, its posted here for what's commonly known as "perspective"

Of course it is normal to get cold feet. You didn't go to university so how on earth would you know??

She has two weeks grace for fees - so leave within the first two weeks and there’s no fee liability. She’d obvs have to pay her maintenance loan back.

The problem will be the accommodation contract which she may well be liable for a full year or term for. Unless they have a waiting list and can fill her room easily if she leaves.

Last minute nerves are totally normal! I think pulling out is a little extreme.
In your opinion did she apply and choose her course and uni in a sensible way? Was she excited at that time?. Try to remind her of that?
Uni feels like a big step for many kids.

@SaturatedCorn ? Really?