Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

@Beesandhoney123 I am sorry to hear that, it’s still very early days. My eldest DC really struggled through uni. Joining societies with shared interests helped and they joined the church and found that helped enormously as they became part of a very supportive community and made friends there. I know that is not for everyone. We did look at moving them to a local uni several times but then Covid hit and they were home a lot anyway.
Has your DS socialised with their flatmates or anyone on his course?

My DD is actually the opposite and I am really shocked, have barely heard from her at all. I am not sure if it’s a coping mechanism because she is such a home bird and wouldn’t have gone to uni if she hadn’t got into the nearest one. We have been a little sad at the lack of contact, as it is so out of character, but we are seeing her in a few weeks so looking forward to that. She is already panicking about booking next year’s accommodation! Before she left for uni, she said that she’d come home for the second year so clearly everything has changed 😄.

One of ds' school friends decided to visit him yesterday. For some reason they thought walking was a good idea - google says it takes about 16 hours to walk. So they arrived late evening having walked all day.
They did take the train back though.

I've always said to mine that if they need a group and can't find anywhere else then the Christian Union normally welcomes anyone, and often does free food too.
Other place they can be really useful is if they offer to do backstage for theatre. There's normally plenty of people on stage and the big roles, but tech and backstage, although needed for less time, are often crying out for people and it's a good way to meet people.

@unsurewhattodoaboutit I think he needs to make more effort, he gets quite anxious he says. His flatmates seem OK. I don't think moving is the answer, tbh. No one is going to do it for him, wherever he goes. He is lonely, but he would be if he doesn't make any effort.

I've given him a pep talk, and sent some links to Ted talks, and he is on my private health so he can talk to a doctor or get well being help on his app. I'm supporting him, but not enabling him I think

@Beesandhoney123 sorry to hear your DS is struggling a bit socially. It does sound really positive though that the course is going smoothly. I wonder if he needs to rethink his expectations a little bit? I think for people who are naturally a bit more reserved, connecting with people is probably more likely to take some months rather than weeks, and all the images of people wildly socialising in freshers' weeks aren't the whole picture. When you think about the enormity of moving across the country where you know no one, starting a new course and having to fend for yourself all at once it's probably more normal than not to have a crisis of confidence.

I remember feeling a bit like a fish out of water for a good term, but ultimately settled well (and returned to the same university for two more goes!). I think you're doing all the right things - being there to listen and to give practical and emotional support while hoping the storm passes. Fingers crossed .

My DD has come home this weekend 4th week in so she felt able to come back after a good settling in period.
She's fast asleep in her bed she was so happy to back in her comfy big bed, her room is lovely at Lancaster but her bed is rock hard.
It's so lovely to have her back and we have a few nice things planned over the weekend. I remember being exhausted at this stage in the first term from all the social aspects and the course and generally having to keep yourself alive and fed !
She's enjoying campus and is settling ok. She struggles with OCD so I know that will have been tiring her out as well. Hope everyone's YP are coping OK.

does she have a soft mattress topper she can put on the hard bed? they may have given her an orthopedic mattress (my DD has one for her scoliosis)

@ilovebagpussthey usually buy mattress toppers. My dd took a Panda topper double

ilovebagpuss we're going up to visit DD in Lancaster this weekend. She actually said she'd find it easier us visiting her than her visiting us and having to leave home again. And this time we'll have space to take her a decent amount of non-perishable food. I think she's already looking forward to a nice pub lunch.

DD has been back every weekend for driving lessons. It’s her test on Monday so I’m going to have to get used to her being properly away soon.

Off.to see dd this weekend at lancaster . She has a thick mattress topper @ilovebagpuss. She is loving life and seems to be making friends , one seems to be more than a friend. Looking forward to lunch and a shop once we have delivered all the other things she needs from home.

Not sure where to ask this question but thought posters on this thread might have some insight. DS 1 has a budget of £100 per week for food, fun, whatever he needs. He’s in uncatered halls. I’ve come to see him for the weekend and took him and a friend out for dinner. His friend commented that DS is always skint. DS insists he’s managing fine. He’s at the Penrith campus of Exeter. Is £100 too little? DS simply poor at budgeting? How are your DC managing?

I think 100 quid per week should be fine, but I know my DD has had trouble keeping to budget at the start because she's been going out for meals instead of eating in halls. She has cut back and its balanced out. She said some friends had run out of money because they go out clubbing a lot.

Thank you @GirtyPlunder my instinct was that it should be enough to cover a weekly shop, a couple of nights in the pub and whatever small incidentals there might be. Obviously it’s very location dependent. I suspect there have been more nights out than he’s willing to admit to!

@Batteriesoptional perhaps he over spent in freshers it easily done and possibly if hes joined clubs hes had to pay for those too. Dd gets 65 a week at lancaster and is manging fine but got double for freshers and we paid society fees. She also has money from summer work for socalizing. Maybe have a chat with him and see whats going on. Just noticed its Exeter is is a very affflunet friend group, that might change things

My son is in catered halls. We give him £40 a week for extra food, laundry etc. He worked all summer to save money for his socialising! He is coming home this week so we will stock him up with toilet rolls, toiletries, dry foods etc to keep him going to Christmas

Thanks for the mattress topper suggestions she does have one but maybe it's not chunky enough! Well nothing beats your home bed anyway does it. It's not stopping her sleeping just a small niggle.
@Batteriesoptional DD has 60 a week and manages fine with that but she isn't a clubber and doesn't seem to be buying lots of food out, the odd take out from Sultans on campus. £100 seems a lot to me even with a couple of nights out a week?

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees and @jamimmi hope you are having nice visits this weekend.

DS2 is home for a week. He got the train back and managed well, though did buy more tickets as he couldn't get his to work in the barrier. I was impressed he'd got someone to move out of his pre-booked seat.

Still no socialising and utterly resistant to joining any groups. He seems to be happy enough and enjoying getting food as cheaply as possible by going daily and getting reduced items.

Our dog went absolutely crazy when DS2 walked through the dog 😭😂. The younger 2 are also pleased to have him back.

DS2 says he's fine for money. We paid his accommodation, so he's got whatever his maintenance loan is. I sent money for train tickets and for his locked out of room charge 🤦🏻‍♀️. But as he goes nowhere he's probably got more money than me atm 😅

@ilovebagpuss thanks yes just back from a lovely day. We are only an hour away and its a beautiful day. Dd very happy and settled, says she has been very luck with her house mates and they all get on amazingly well. I hope a thicker topper does the trick. Dd says beds are ok but she can sleep anywhere. Night out is apparently about £ 15 to 20 including £ 5 for sugar (the uni night club) bus in and out and a couple of drinks out, she does prees at home.@Batteriesoptional. Hope you are having a good weekend to @Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions. Turns out he cooks most evenings for his circle of friends. Suspect that this has been consuming a fair amount. I’m not sure if it will continue, but he seems to be enjoying the novelty at the moment. I did make the point to him that everyone should chip in even if he does the cooking.
@PennywisePoundFoolish - I struggled during my first term too. I couldn’t find my people and by Christmas I was ready to drop out. Something seemed to shift in the second term and by the end of the year, I’d made a really great circle of friends. I hope you have a lovely week with DS home.

We visited ds yesterday.
He was looking good - going to the gym regularly has really done him some good, and even let me give him a (small) hug.

Thank you jamimmi and ilovebagpuss, we had a lovely day, went for a walk in (very windy) Morecambe and lunch at the Midland.

I wonder if we'll ever pass each other without realising it😂

Batteriesoptional we've paid DD's accommodation (on the cheaper end) and she gets £500 a month for everything else. She's keeping a very close eye on her spending and food (and drink) is about £50-60 a week eating quite healthily. She and her flatmates tend to socialise in the flat rather than go into Lancaster. If anything I think she's worrying too much about her spending - she thought she was being too extravagant spending £25 on Netball subs.

Is anyone else's YP at Lincoln? We haven't had a bill for accommodation yet, don't know if they've forgotten us or if they've not gone out yet (or possibly DS has had it and not mentioned it and he's going to be out on the street next week 😂)

Not Lincoln, but DD's University has a deadline of 31 October to pay accommodation fees and it explicitly states that they will not email to remind you. There's a late fee to pay if they have to chase you. Have a look at the Lincoln website and see if it says anything similar.

Thanks for this - I've dispatched DS to go and see them and sort it - he says he can't log on to the accommodation site 🙄