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Higher education

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Original poster

DS changing his mind about university choice

30 replies

Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 16:28

My DS has been given his firm choice which is in a city 4 hours from home. He’d been adamant he wanted to go but now it’s come to committing to the accommodation he’s had a wobble and now thinks he’d rather live at home and go to a local university. I’ve no problem with this but unfortunately the one he’d like to go to has no places left in clearing. He could have met this year’s clearing grade requirements for the course. He is now thinking a gap year would be best and apply for 2026. This university’s standard grade requirement for 2026 is higher than his grades so I’m wondering if he applies with his actual grades for 2026 will it be a straight decline. Any advice please?

OP posts:
Dearover · 23/08/2025 16:31

Wobbles at this point are very common.

Are the 2 universities and courses of a similar standing? You could encourage him to start this year, but change after giving it a chance. Also there's no guarantee that he will be accepted at the uni he's decided he would like to attend.

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 16:45

thank you @Dearover I didn’t know he could change. How does that work?
His firm is with a good Russel group uni. The local one’s he’d like to go to is Kings or UCL so more competitive I’d say.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 23/08/2025 16:49

I retrained and went to uni relatively recently, and there was a point a few weeks in to the first term when you could give up the degree and ?not get charged very much. I would suggest that he has a look at the uni website and see if that is an option (tbh I might not ask anyone at the uni about it!)

I say this because he’s not talking about a specific alternative plan. It is of course ok if he has changed his mind but it does sound like cold feet rather than a new direction.

Dearover · 23/08/2025 16:58

Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 16:45

thank you @Dearover I didn’t know he could change. How does that work?
His firm is with a good Russel group uni. The local one’s he’d like to go to is Kings or UCL so more competitive I’d say.

Therein is the problem. Both of the alternatives offer no guarantee that even a clean sweep of 4 A stars will grant an offer. Did he apply to.them last time and how resilient would he be if they said no and in the meantime he lost his place at his current uni?

He can reapply through UCAS until Jan 26, so a good compromise (but more expensive route) might be to suggest that he heads off to uni 1, see how he feels after a term and then prepares a new UCAS application with 5 new choices, including some safe alternatives, over Christmas if he really hasn't settled. You need to drop out before you can do UCAS again, it's not as simple as asking UCL or KCL if they will take you. He would be a freshers again in Sept 26.

StrongandNorthern · 23/08/2025 16:58

Being at uni and staying at home is a TOTALLY different experience.
The leaving home/living out etc is, imo, as much a part of the whole experience (and 'end result') as the academic/vocational side.
He's (understandably) nervous and unsure but could you not persuade him to give it a go?? For his sake.
Good Luck.

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 17:00

Thanks will do. I assume he’d be committed to the uni accommodation for the year though?

OP posts:
Dearover · 23/08/2025 17:06

There will always be people on a waiting list ready to move into halls. Some hate the people they live with, others are starting a PhD or are on an exchange programme etc.

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 17:18

Thank you all. I would like to strongly encourage him but don’t want him to throw it back at me that I’d forced him to go if it doesn’t work out. If I’m honest I am frustrated with him changing his mind.
He has always struggled with change. Looking back the start of a school year has always been a difficult and anxious time for him.
He also has a part time job which he doesn’t want to lose and says he doesn’t feel ready.

OP posts:
clary · 23/08/2025 17:57

I agree he should give the firm uni a go. Is it Leeds? If so it’s a great city with an amazing cultural offer. Ditto Manchester tbh.

As others say, no certainty at all that King’s and UCL will accept him. Can you say what course? Clearing was unusual this year, some surprising unis; no knowing if it will be the same next year.

DS2 had a mate at Lboro with him who hated it (small town) and left after about four weeks, reapplied and went to Brum the next year. He only had to pay the first few weeks of his accommodation and got all his fees money back. There is a process. Check it out tho as it may vary by uni.

MrCottersJauntyCap · 23/08/2025 18:06

It is completely normal to wobble. Living at home is a different experience, cheaper but you can potentially miss out on lots of impromptu stuff. Ds often had messages from mates saying I fancy walking into town just to grab some food, anyone want to join me type stuff. There were also gatherings in kitchens that happened randomly too. We said if DC ever chose a home uni we would recommend they live in halls for their first year to make friends, have the experience and make a decision for years 2 and 3 about home or halls.

Is he on any group chats with fellow undergrads? There are usually course ones and accommodation ones. It means you aren't all complete strangers. Has he watched any move in with me accommodation videos on youtube? It helps visualise it all.

There is no guarantee even with grades in hand that he will get into any uni. It happens on here every year that students are waiting a long time to hear back even when they exceed the entry grades.

I would have a sit down with him and talk through all scenarios, he goes it is great. He goes, it isn't great, he can come home after x amount of time. He stays home applies and gets in. He stays home applies and doesn't get in. He sacks off uni or he goes through clearing. He leaves it another year and goes at 20. These are all valid options for him.

Clary is right there were some surprises in clearing this year. Do you want to say what grades he got and what the course's close to home require?

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 18:42

It’s Geography and he has ABB

OP posts:
MrsBucketHat · 23/08/2025 19:19

I had a major wobble: even caught the train home on my second day. Thankfully family and friends talked me into giving university a second go and I’m so unbelievably glad they did. I would have missed out on so much by saying at home.

Skule · 23/08/2025 19:28

Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 18:42

It’s Geography and he has ABB

I'd say King's would likely admit him with ABB and a strong personal statement - especially if he can plan to do things on his gap year that demonstrate his interest and commitment

UCL didn't go into clearing for geography this year so might be a tougher ask.

LIZS · 23/08/2025 19:52

Could he defer his current offer to 2026? Some are more open to this than others. Then he has a year to plan and get used to it. It would be a risk to reapply with grades that do not meet the standard offer and possibly not even get the one he has in hand again.

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 20:38

Thank you for your advice. I’m going to go through all the scenarios with him again @MrCottersJauntyCap @LIZS He met the offer for his firm. I’m considering taking him up next week to remind him what he liked about it.

OP posts:
Dearover · 23/08/2025 20:39

I did this when DD had a wobble. Great strategy

MrCottersJauntyCap · 23/08/2025 21:15

I think taking him back to the uni town/city is a good idea, put it all back in his mind as to why he chose it in the first place but also that he doesn't have to go this year. As I said if you can get him on some of the whatsapp groups it might help.

Are any of his mates really close to him? Do you know their parents and can ask how their child is feeling?

What he needs to remember is that sometimes entry grades go up so just because he met them this time for his firm choice, they might change. Ds is at a uni who for this year's September cohort required an entry exam. Same grades as before but now an extra step.

LIZS · 23/08/2025 21:17

Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 20:38

Thank you for your advice. I’m going to go through all the scenarios with him again @MrCottersJauntyCap @LIZS He met the offer for his firm. I’m considering taking him up next week to remind him what he liked about it.

That sounds like a good idea. Bear in mind they don’t have to offer if he were to reapply, even if he does already meet their standard offer.

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 23/08/2025 21:20

@MrCottersJauntyCap he's not in any WhatsApp chats. Where would he find them? He had a deadline of yesterday to accept his accommodation offer but hasn’t replied.

OP posts:
MrCottersJauntyCap · 23/08/2025 21:31

@Smallpeabigpea Student room and reddit usually. There should be a uni page on Reddit for all unis. Also student room will always have a post for his uni course.

TizerorFizz · 24/08/2025 00:16

@Smallpeabigpea Has he lost his accommodation then? I guess thst makes going much more difficult. He might not have much choice but to withdraw.

phyllidafosset · 24/08/2025 12:08

What about deferring, spending a year working with some travelling, and seeing how he feels? Going away for Uni is so bloody great. Living at home is just not the same. But taking a year out gives him space to decide, and to build his confidence.

mugglewump · 24/08/2025 13:03

So can I infer that you are in London and he has chosen to go to Manchester? It is a big old schlepp up there and I can understand why the is having a wobble. My DD (ADHD) went to Manchester and we had to go up a couple of times in her first year to 'unravel' her and do a reset. I always wished she had gone somewhere closer, but on the whole she did love it up there and learnt how to live independently. DS went to UCL but was in halls in his first year and had a flat with friends in Camden in his second year. His experience was similar to hers except he could come home on the 68 bus whenever he felt like it. If your son is unsure about his uni choice, he should defer his place and reapply. There are other good unis in the South East, like Sussex and Southampton, which he could have to fall back on which are so much closer. As for Kings and UCL grades, DS said he knew nobody at UCL who got a B at Alevel, all As and A*s and from what I can tell from the outside, the academic rigour was tougher at UCL. Whatever he decides to do, I would recommend that he goes into halls and has the full uni experience in his first year. My DS knew several people who like him were Londoners but chose UCL and halls, so it won't be weird being in halls just a bus or tube ride away from home.

Original poster
Smallpeabigpea · 24/08/2025 14:56

After a chat last night he’s going to call his firm on Tuesday and see if they can still offer him the accommodation(The offer for accommodation expired on Friday night). We’ll just have to take it from there. After going through all the options I think I might be able to gently encourage him to go. I think the speed of having to make the commitment has thrown him plus the influence of a friend who isn’t going to uni 😔

OP posts:
Dearover · 24/08/2025 15:50

If his accommodation has already been reallocated, prepare a list of private halls and go online to book one.