Advice please on failed degree options

[anotherglass]

This is a follow on from my post earlier this week about son not passing his engineering degree. I had some very supportive comments about the situation, given the shock and despair we had at finding out he had not passed.

He is doing resits in August but even if he passes his degree will be capped at a Pass, with no honours.

I am looking for advice on options from here, which include:

• resitting the year but the exam marks will be capped at 40%
• applying for extenuating circumstances and resitting the modules with the possibility of an Honours degree. Not sure what happens if he does not pass the resit, but all being well this will be good
• The backstop is a Diploma of Higher Education if the worst happens and no degree awarded.

He is being assessed for ADHD. I have always suspected there were issues with his focus and concentration but never went down the assessment route earlier but he has struggled at times with organisation. His exam results were a mixed bag of very good to poor. He is capable but has challenges.

Any advice on routes out of this would be much appreciated. I am trying to keep positive for him and hide my heartbreak. Thank you

Yes you have made this about him taking responsibility, and defended the University's approach. Someone upthread has posted on how poor universities are in supporting students, have no statutory duty of care. He is a young adult and the many sad cases of suicide at university are testament to the fact that not every adult is able to reach out. I would encourage you to take a more sympathetic approach

Show where I have defended the university’s approach … see you can’t find anything to support your accusations. I hadn’t realised your post was about suicide at university - I had understood that your son failed and that you were saying it was a mental health issue. Young adult equals adult if he’s 18 years or older and he is responsible for himself. I would encourage you to have a think about adults and when a parent has to understand that their child is no longer a child in society but an adult. As I have posted twice now - an adult who refuses to get medical care needs an assessment of being able to take decisions for themselves. You seem to think that despite him being 18years or older that you can still know his medical records and in force that he goes to a doctor. I think, from how you respond, that you might have to face the fact that he just didn’t pass - no mental health issues at all.

""He’s an adult so it’s up to him to sort out his medical care. I don’t see what the university should have done about him not passing exams.""

This is your defense of the university. I have not time for a barney with you about the definition of an adult or child. Take it somewhere else. I am here for practical support on how to navigate the way out of a tough situation. There are very delicate issues around mental health and I am very conscious of being as supportive as I can with a young person facing such a huge setback in life.

Seriously I don’t care if you can’t think of your child as being an adult. Tough fact - some students don’t pass because they can’t do the academic study. Defence of the university - do you think that all students should pass just because? Good luck contacting them as your adult son’s mother to complain about his grades. Adding in the advice to get an assessment of your son’s ability to take health decisions himself - you deny this fact but it’s the only way to get a person to healthcare if they refuse.

Are there extenuating circumstances? I’m not sure a retrospective diagnosis would carry a lot of weight?

I feel for you, op.
My oldest dd has just competed a postgrad that she's has hated. Its really taken a toll on her mh and the "support" from the university has been dismal.
However, there is no doubt she could have been more proactive and raised a grievance. But -she's an adult and that was her decision.
It's very hard as a loving parent seeing your child (it doesn't matter how old they are...they are still your child. My 80 year old mum still worries about me!) struggle/fail.
I do agree with pp that in the future and with the benefit of hindsight this will just be a "blip".
My dd did pass, but it was such a horrendous experience she may not go into that career now.
I would suggest your ds contact student support and the course convenor to discuss options.
Best of luck x

@anotherglass Of course some dc make mistakes over choice of course and university. If a student says nothing it’s difficult for them to be promoted to get help. However he won’t be that employable either unless he finds a way of moving forward because he’s going to have to say what he’s being doing for the last 3 years on his cv! It’s not going to be helpful to say he didn’t get help and he just kept on failing. He cannot run away from this so take a few steps down the ladder and see what’s available. You must aim for employment in things he’s good at.

There is a bitter tone to your posts which are not contributing to a positive discussion. I am not engaging with you any further. If you continue to be provoke an argument I will report you. My own mental health is fairly frail at the moment considering what we are contending with.

This is really heartbreaking. He's actually been at Uni for four years, and the job market is so very tough at the moment. I really and worried about his future.

Just want to send you some moral support. My son is the same age as yours, more or less. He should have been graduating around now but has been in academic suspension all year after a failed exam. He has used the year to get formally assessed for ADHD and is now medicated. The good news is that he passed the exam he failed twice last year and is now scheduled to start his final year in September.

It has been very hard. He was always “the clever one” and crashing and burning has seriously dented the little confidence he had. Uni were worse than useless. Emails to tutor went unread. Student Union were however excellent and I would recommend he makes an appointment with them asap to talk through options as there may be funding and other factors to take into account,

Remember also this is the group of young people who had their latter school years and early uni years screwed by covid. We are in Scotland and DS’s first year at uni was entirely online. I don’t care what anyone says - that was shit and hard and lots of them are still dealing with the fallout.

Thank you for the support. It is much appreciated. My son spent six months of his A-Levels learning online from his room during Covid. This really hit is mental health and it's been a struggle since. I am really pleased your son is doing much better now.

To give you some hope - my ND DS did engineering, he was very poorly in yr 2 and nt much better in yr 3 but after resits, ended with a third. He thought it finished his dreams. He is now in a senior engineering management role. He has worked hard, since university, to prove he is better than his third.
Your DS needs to do what is best for him. My DS had a goal, it just took him longer to get there than he imagined it would.
Good luck to your DS.

As a parent of two neurodivergent young adults, you have my sympathy and support. One of mine had serious MH issues but graduated with a distinction in her masters from a highly regarded university. The other is about to go in to her final year and we can glean very little from her. It's exhausting.

However! DB was in a similar situation to your DS 30 years ago. Left with an ordinary but got lucky and got a good job in his area (chemistry). After a couple of years in the job his employer funded an MBA which he scraped through. There will be opportunities for your DS later I am sure but in the meantime perhaps sorting out a diagnosis might help enormously (I'm sure you'll have that in hand, sorry if I missed that).

Good luck. It's not the end of the world. Even if it just means he's now aware of the challenges he faces.

@Karatema The issue will be finding an employer who doesn’t care. Your DS isn’t doing actual design engineering I assume. He’s had to change tack. Management is not engineering and I assume he’s not aiming at engineering qualifications. Job opportunities are not growing on trees in 2025. So being pragmatic is best and finding any opportunity is going to be hard, but not impossible if he looks for the right jobs.

He will get there, @anotherglass. My sons university has a disability and wellbeing service but all they did was get him a microphone thing to record lectures and arranged for him to complete exams on the computer not writing.

He doesn’t even know if he has a personal tutor and if he does, they have certainly not been in touch. The course leader did not respond to emails. The lecturer on the class he failed did not even READ emails. He emailed everyone he could think of and nobody gave one single shit. Apart from the welfare officer at the student union who was brilliant.

we all get that universities in Scotland especially are very stretched financially. But fuck me, not even replying to emails? Totally unacceptable.

What does he want to do?

UPDATE: I have used all my savings to expedite a medical assessment for son with reputable psychiatric service. He has ADHD and other conditions. He will now apply for extenuating circumstances and seeking mitigations for resits. I feel awful for not getting on top of this much sooner but he was trying so hard to manage on his own at university and not worry us but telling us how he was struggling sometimes. Hard times for a mum but the main thing is I am aware now of his challenges and it feels life changing for him.

Well done @anotherglass . Reputable adhd assessments do not come cheap, will your gp do shared care for meds? Wishing you both well.

One step at a time from here but the aim will be for shared care. I just want to get him over the line now with the resits. He feels better that he has an explanation for his behaviours and why he struggled in the way he did. Most importantly there is hope that the challenges will be eased with treatment and therapy.

There’s a few difficult choices there.
Will re-sitting the exams be really stressful for him.
what are his career options with a degree without honours or a HND
could you look at high level apprenticeships in the engineering field and see if that will get his career on track. They can be really successful.
can you fast track a possible diagnosis of adhd for extenuating circumstances.
my DD was eventually diagnosed with autism which did explain the issues she had with her degree.
to give further info, she was doing a science degree. Left with an HND, completed an apprenticeship with the nhs and now manufactures chemo drugs. This is her dream job. So the apprenticeship really only slowed down her career by 15 months.
there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you and your son

I’m glad things are in the way to being sorted, and I understand the anxiety as a parent. But seriously, you didn’t know he was having MH difficulties, you didn’t know he was ND, but you expected the university to somehow realise this was the reason for the failed modules and not non-stop partying?

I will also make the recommendation that you monitor his uni emails. I’d bet hard cash he’ll have ignored many…

Thank you and I am sorry for the challenges you had with your daughter but great that she had an outcome. She must have a lot of resilience. Son will resit the exams but we know what we are dealing with now so he will have therapy and other support to work on the areas which are affecting him.

Eh? I'm not dumping on the University. I object to your stereotype of partying student. I am not an idiot and know that he went out but if you are confident that was the whole reason for poor performance I would love your magic powers.

Getting over the line seems more important than work? Not sure that’s the right emphasis but - up to you. Your money of course.

He has £40k of debt from university. Not too much to 'get over the line' to have something to show for it.