How often is your son in contact as a new uni starter?

[RareitySparkles]

Me and ds are quite close when he was at home. He has history of bad MH and started uni two weeks ago. I tried to agree a contact time with him. I said I'd like to know he is still alive and OK once a week which he thought was too much.

Anyway I send him a few sentences on WhatsApp once a week which he reply with one sentence about 3 days later.

He could be very chatty at home but when he is holiday he is like this too.

My friends dd are chatting every day. I worry about how he is coping but he seems OK on the minimal contact I get. Is this within the realms of normal contact level?

I'm thinking I might reduce my contact but try to phone him, maybe every two weeks.

Honestly, after having one that went to uni and had an awful time which resulted in him texting me all day long, I wouldn't worry. I used to feel sick in the pit of my stomach every time his name popped up, because I knew it wouldn't be happy news.

Thankfully, he made the decision to leave after a few months, had a very good gap year and went back the following September. Different kettle of fish altogether. Was very happy, did very well, and text me a lot less!

No

If mine go to long without contact I send a message “proof of life please” and get back a selfie or a picture of their feet or lecture hall or an emoji or something. Keeps it light and they know you aren’t hassling them just checking in.

Ds texts every day but it's usually because he needs advice about something. He still comes home regularly for his part time job though which I'm grateful for in some ways and worry he's not immersing himself in others.

So they went to Uni in September and you didn't hear from them again until February?

I mean, that's very very unusual. If they'd god forbid went missing and police had asked when you'd last heard from them and you said 'oh when we dropped them off' I think it'd be considered very very strange (and sad actually)

Every other day or so.

I recommend setting up a family WhatsApp for sharing news, photos etc, as well as having individual chats. you can message away in there without feeling you are pressuring him and he may be more likely to message as well.

Lecturer point of view. It varies hugely. Some of ours message and or call home multiple times a day, some never to the point where we have occasionally had contact from the parents asking if we know if they're OK. Legally we can't give details sadly but if that happens we do have a quiet word if/when we see them to ask them to just send a message home and put their family's mind at rest. But there's no standard pattern. Taking them out for food often works so if you can get there, I'd do that.

No news is good news ! If child is happy , content,enjoying life why call your Mum ? I speak from experience,alarm bells were ringing when one child was calling me daily in third year…child was very unwell!

We found this when he reached third year was more stressed so phoned us regularly. First year he had a new girlfriend so was quite engaged in his first relationship.

But I can't force him to get in touch!

DD started a month ago. She calls most days, or we WhatsApp.

With my older girls I like to have a sign of life every day or two. A like on the family group or a Breal counts. TBH we all chat pretty often so it's not a problem.